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Bread & Marriage

FoxersArtist

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FoxersArtist Contributor
FoxersArtist
Posted

"Bread & marriage, bread & marriage...go together like a horse and carriage..."

Ok, I have a funny story to share.

Every Sunday since I found out I had to go gluten free Hubby and I have made a tradition of making a big batch of gluten free bread (Garbanzo Bean) after the kids are in bed. Hubby was supportive of not having gluten in the house before, but now he has no choice because he has gotten horribly sick to his stomach whenever he has occasionally eaten wheat without me. We think he probably has allergies as his blood type and prior skin conditions lend to the idea.) Anyway, making bread has gotten progressively easier for us since we have done it 3 or 4 times now and tonight I pointed out that fact as we were pouring all of the ingredients into the giant mixing bowl.

For some reason, and no matter how prepared we try to be, once the mixer is turned on it turns into a sort of sporting event...something akin to attempting to mud wrestle with a buttered pig. As the dough thickens, it quickly creeps up the beaters to try to attack the motor (or possibly one of us?) The directions clearly state that we are supposed to beat the dough while spinning the bowl AND pushing the dough back down the sides of the bowl AND beating it down so that it does not completely take over the mixer. We fail miserably at doing all of these things at once, as we are mostly focused on keeping the mixer from being attacked by rabbid bread sludge but somehow the bread usually turns out ok anyway! Nice and fluffy...although we have had to make two loaves out of the mix instead of the one indicated in the directions because otherwise the sticky stuff furiously tries to escape the pan while in the oven. It's trying to get us, I am sure. The first time I made this particular bread, I carefully opened the oven door to discover that my loaf had such a huge afro that the top of the loaf was actually stuck to the roof of the oven. We divided the loaf 3/4 to 1/4 the next time and made 1 and a half loaves but the "whole" loaf still had a remarkable hairdo.

Now, I am getting sidetracked. Hubby and I stood, hopelessly wrestling with this dough and he remarked that making this stuff was like trying to rub your belly and pat your head at the same time. I told him that he better not ever ask me to make this bread by myself because it just can't be done. His words were:

"Now you can never divorce me. I'll be getting a call from you saying 'Honey, please come back. We've been three weeks without bread and we just can't handle anymore!'"

We both laughed so hard that the dough assasin almost carried out his mission.

-Anna

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Ursa Major Collaborator
Ursa Major
Posted

Anna, this is hilarious, I laughed so hard! I am glad you have something to make together that turns out to be good to eat as well.

RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! Are you sure that dough isn't a recipe for The Blob?

But one thing I don't understand is why anyone would use a mixer to mix bread dough. I always just mix by hand, with a spoon. It doesn't take very long either.

ShayFL Enthusiast
ShayFL
Posted

Ahhhh...a marriage made in heaven. I do believe that couples that laugh together stay together. :0)

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! Are you sure that dough isn't a recipe for The Blob?

But one thing I don't understand is why anyone would use a mixer to mix bread dough. I always just mix by hand, with a spoon. It doesn't take very long either.

Especially if you're not using yeast, the mixer can help beat in some air for fluff factor.

Worriedtodeath Enthusiast
Worriedtodeath
Posted

I had this problem with the mixer and dough hooks until I saw 16 YEARS of trying that I was putting the hooks in the wrong holes. That fixed the bread "blob" He now stays nicely in the bowl and rarely ever creeps up to encase the mixer and fling himself onto the walls! :D

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Such a sweet and funny story--thanks for sharing :D

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RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted
Especially if you're not using yeast, the mixer can help beat in some air for fluff factor.

Good point - hadn't thought of that. And I don't use yeast either. When I expect a higher rise, I just add extra baking powder, but I can see how the mixer might help, since the bubbles it would incorporate are likely to vary in size more than those from the leavening, giving the finished product a more traditional texture. Perhaps I should try a wire whisk or something.

sickchick Community Regular
sickchick
Posted

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG That issoo funny!!! :lol:

FoxersArtist Contributor
FoxersArtist
Posted
  • Author
I had this problem with the mixer and dough hooks until I saw 16 YEARS of trying that I was putting the hooks in the wrong holes. That fixed the bread "blob" He now stays nicely in the bowl and rarely ever creeps up to encase the mixer and fling himself onto the walls! :D

Hmmmm...maybe I should inspect my mixer more closely and see if maybe this is my problem too. But then....we wouldn't have any excuse to keep the hubby around! LOL! :rolleyes:

-Anna

Sweetfudge Community Regular
Sweetfudge
Posted

lol cute story :)

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