Help! My Kids Are Going To Kill Each Other!

[celiac-mommy]

So it's been the 2nd full day of summer vacation and my kids are at each other's throats contantly. I've got an almost 3y/o boy who is the stereotypical little brother and who is also used to being with me all day-alone. Enter the almost 7 year old sister fresh from the 1st grade who needs me too. If I could keep them outside all day long, we'd be fine, but I need to get stuff done inside too They are VERY limited with TV time, and the 1st opportunity they had today, they were fighting over who got to watch what. I tried to stay out of it until I heard a big slap and the 6 yo screamed, then another slap and the 2 yo was crying. We are a no hitting home, not sure what's going on or what in the world I'm going to do for the next 2.5 months. Any ideas, tips, ANYTHING to help us have an enjoyable summer?? I'd like them not to be locked up in their rooms the whole time (that's where they are currently...)

Thanks so much in advance!

[WendyG]

Hi,

Well there is no magic solution but I find it helpful to get them outside early in the day....swimming lessons, tennis, Vacation Bible School, library, lunch at the park, community ed programs, girl scout camp. Just going somewhere each day helps. Then when we come home I can get a few things done. lets face it, its summer and things may slide a bit. I try and use the crock pot and just enjoy the weather.

we are very lucky to live in MN with lots of lakes, beaches and parks.

Happy summer. Tire them out then get the older one to read to the younger ones, mine love that. I have three 10, 8, and 5 1/2.... Oh and when mine fight they clean... If they have time to fight or be bored I give out tasks.

Good luck!

Wendy

[dandelionmom]

I have 3 (7, 4, and almost 2) and find that the best thing to do is to wear them out in the morning (park, beach, zoo, pool, mall, etc) and have quiet time in the afternoon (nap for the baby and crafts for the bigger ones). My 7 year old is learning to sew and that is keeping her very occupied and my 4 year old likes gluesticks a lot. Hope it lasts!!

[celiac-mommy]

I have been getting them out in the morning, I bring snacks and try to keep them outside running around until at least lunch. My ds goes down for a nap after lunch and my dd has reading time for at least and hour so I can get a few things done. After that, we try to go outside one more time. The only TV time they get is while I'm making dinner. Although they want to watch together, they can't be in a room by themselves without going at it. My son likes to pick at her until she explodes and he know exactly what to do to push all of her buttons. I'm trying to show her ways to ignore him/deal with him because the more she reacts the more he picks. The chore thing is a great idea, I will definitely try that. I already take the TV away and that doesn't seem to phase either one... Thank you for your suggestions!!!

[missy'smom]

Summer, with its slower schedule and plenty of time is the perfect time to teach them how to do chores and for them to practice. Plus it keeps them busy and gives them pride in being able to do things. You can break up tasks and teach one step at a time. Dishwasher for us started with unloading and stacking on the counter in groups of like objects. I put them away at first because of the height issue but Ds is just tall and old enough that he can do it now. Next I will teach him how to load effeciently and for the safety of the dishes.

My mom signed us up for any VBS that she could find!, denomination didn't matter, nor did it matter if we had ever gone to that church before. Really we didn't mind either and they were always welcoming.

One thing I always do in the summer and Xmas vacation is read to my son(now 10). I pick a series and we make our way through it. At bedtime he sits next to me in my bed and I read a chapter a night. Up until this summer we always sign up at the library and sometimes bookstore for summer reading program. The bookstore(Barnes and Nobles) gives the kids a free book after they complete the form and read 10 books I think. Both places make accommodations, I think, for kids that are read to if they are not old enough to read.

[ravenwoodglass]

You have gotten a lot of great advice already and I would like to add one more idea relating to the fighting over the TV. Give them a schedule for who gets to choose. This can be added to a chore list on the fridge. Let them pick their shows on alternate days, if the one who's day it isn't doesn't like the others choice they can find a book or pick a chore. You can even add reading to little brother on that list and helping big sis with something else. If you use stars to mark when things are completed they will be able to see that they have been productive. It also helps if you reward good behavior immediately, if they watch TV together peacefully they get a star and when they have enough stars you can give a treat of some kind. When kids compete for Moms attention it can be helpful to make more of good days and less of bad. In other words when you catch them behaving the way you like even if for only a short time let them know you appretiate their efforts. Also if there is a way to make one day a week for each child have some special time with just you that can help. Even if it is just a walk and a talk about nothing it will help each child feel special. Also bear in mind that those little spats are needed, they help the kids learn how to resolve issues. While they are hard for parents to deal with they really are a neccessary part of their development. If they get to violent you of course have to seperate them but after the emotions die down if you can get them to sit and talk about the disagreement it may help them become more understanding of each other and themselves.

[dbmamaz]

A long time ago i didnt have a tv in my house . . . now my kids spend most of their day watching tv, playing video games and on the computer. I gave in. However, I do try to emphasize the taking turns too - but for me, its more like, you pick one show and then you pick one. If you dont like this show, you can play in your room until its your turn.

I also love the idea about cleaning if they fight. I'm really not good at getting my kids to clean enough - esp when I feel bad, like i do today . .. not sure if I got glutened by the iced tea at the pizza place at the mall, last night from the family spaghetti night (where 3 people still eat gluten pasta), or I'm developing an intolerance to sunflower seeds . . . or what. Its just so much harder to do ANYTHING when i feel bad - esp since i definitely get depression and anxiety with the gluten, and just the stomach pain makes me feel so upset . . .

[celiac-mommy]

I will for sure be implementing the chores for the fights that I have to break up. I do try to let them work it out, but when they start beating on each other, I intervene. The 2yo doesn't get it (the chore thing)-unless he's totally playing me, which is a definite possibility My dd had to clean her walk-n closet yesterday and my son had to clean up all the toys he dumped on the floor in his room, they each took their sweet time (like at least an hour!!) which was fine because it kept them out of each other's hair. After the big brawl, I sent them to their rooms-no playing, just sitting-and then I had them apologize to each other, hug, and then they were laughing and playing with each other fine after that. I need to calm the heck down and relax. I've been very anxious and moody lately which doesn't help at all, I need to figure out what's causing MY funk and get out of it!!!

As far as the TV (& all media time) goes, they get maybe a 1/2 hour in the morning before breakfast and then another 1/2 hour while I make dinner. If they fight over the TV, it gets turned off. My ds tries to sneak into the playroom and turn on the TV during the day, so I'm thinking I need to remove it from there all together. Yesterday I caught him standing on a chair attempting to "fly like a terydactyle" from The Land Before Time video, I'm glad he yelled, "MOMMY, COME WATCH ME!!" He's ALL boy!!!

[Ridgewalker]

I'm going through these same issues, too.

Right now, as I type, my 5 year old is pitching a screaming, flailing temper tantrum on the floor because he wants to watch TV, and I won't let him turn it on. He and my 7 year old son have been at each other's throats since school ended.

We've signed up for the summer reading program at the library, and I've instituted chore charts. I also have folders of age-appropriate summer work for them to do. I'm grading it myself, of course, and saving the finished work in another folder.

Some days are better than others...

Yesterday was so bad, by evening I was completely frazzled and sweaty, hoarse, and at my wit's end, near tears. I had to just turn them over to my husband when he got home. (Matters weren't helped any by the fact that an entire set of book shelves randomly collapsed off the wall, a mere 90 seconds after I had finished cleaning the living room. Oh yes. Yesterday was a real winner.)

Gotta go, they're at each other again.

Good luck.

[celiac-mommy]

I'm going through these same issues, too.

Right now, as I type, my 5 year old is pitching a screaming, flailing temper tantrum on the floor because he wants to watch TV, and I won't let him turn it on. He and my 7 year old son have been at each other's throats since school ended.

We've signed up for the summer reading program at the library, and I've instituted chore charts. I also have folders of age-appropriate summer work for them to do. I'm grading it myself, of course, and saving the finished work in another folder.

Some days are better than others...

Yesterday was so bad, by evening I was completely frazzled and sweaty, hoarse, and at my wit's end, near tears. I had to just turn them over to my husband when he got home. (Matters weren't helped any by the fact that an entire set of book shelves randomly collapsed off the wall, a mere 90 seconds after I had finished cleaning the living room. Oh yes. Yesterday was a real winner.)

Gotta go, they're at each other again.

Good luck.

Sarah,

I feel your pain, sounds just like my house I put my ds to bed at 545 last night because he was so out of control and I couldn't handle it any more. I take a martial arts class twice a week (Krav Maga) so thank God I had that last night, because I can go kick the crap out of someone else (and get mine kicked too) and burn a million calories. But it totally gets my endorphins running and I'm in such a better mood when I'm done. I wish I could do it every day, I think I need to take more advantage of my punching bag during the kids' rest time instead of doing laundry, maybe that will help.....

[Ridgewalker]

Sarah,

I feel your pain, sounds just like my house I put my ds to bed at 545 last night because he was so out of control and I couldn't handle it any more. I take a martial arts class twice a week (Krav Maga) so thank God I had that last night, because I can go kick the crap out of someone else (and get mine kicked too) and burn a million calories. But it totally gets my endorphins running and I'm in such a better mood when I'm done. I wish I could do it every day, I think I need to take more advantage of my punching bag during the kids' rest time instead of doing laundry, maybe that will help.....

Oooh, good idea! I wonder if there's a class like that around here..... I'll have to think on that one. I need something like that.

Btw, Rachelle... when I was reading this thread earlier, my 5-y-old son caught sight of your picture, and actually stopped screaming for a good 60-90 seconds. He said, "She's pretty!"

[celiac-mommy]

Oooh, good idea! I wonder if there's a class like that around here..... I'll have to think on that one. I need something like that.

Btw, Rachelle... when I was reading this thread earlier, my 5-y-old son caught sight of your picture, and actually stopped screaming for a good 60-90 seconds. He said, "She's pretty!"

Glad I could stop the screaming in your house, even if only for a second

To check out the classes to see if it's offered in your area, go to kravmaga.com and there's a map of authorized/qualified classes. It's the most amazing thing I've ever done-the best workout BY FAR. It's fun too!

[Jestgar]

I'm going through these same issues, too.

Right now, as I type, my 5 year old is pitching a screaming, flailing temper tantrum on the floor because he wants to watch TV, and I won't let him turn it on. He and my 7 year old son have been at each other's throats since school ended.

Gotta go, they're at each other again.

Good luck.

Sarah,

I feel your pain, sounds just like my house I put my ds to bed at 545 last night because he was so out of control and I couldn't handle it any more. I take a martial arts class twice a week (Krav Maga) so thank God I had that last night, because I can go kick the crap out of someone else (and get mine kicked too) and burn a million calories. But it totally gets my endorphins running and I'm in such a better mood when I'm done. I wish I could do it every day, I think I need to take more advantage of my punching bag during the kids' rest time instead of doing laundry, maybe that will help.....

Sarah, the answer is clear. Send your kids to her house....

Rachelle, um, I think you're outta luck

[celiac-mommy]

Sarah, the answer is clear. Send your kids to her house....

Rachelle, um, I think you're outta luck

LOL!

[Ridgewalker]

Sarah, the answer is clear. Send your kids to her house....

Rachelle, um, I think you're outta luck

:lol:

[home-based-mom]

It may be too late as your kids have already been exposed to TV, but in 18 years of working with kids at church, by far the best behaved kids are the ones who do not watch TV. They get to watch approved videos, but TV programs ( and commercials) for the most part just model rude and otherwise unacceptable behavior.

I still remember when my daughter (who is almost 21) was in kindergarten and some fool kid named Chris told her about the Cartoon Network!

Here are some ideas from Open Original Shared Link, some of which have already been brought up.

[celiac-mommy]

It may be too late as your kids have already been exposed to TV, but in 18 years of working with kids at church, by far the best behaved kids are the ones who do not watch TV. They get to watch approved videos, but TV programs ( and commercials) for the most part just model rude and otherwise unacceptable behavior.

Mine get no more than 1 hour a day, and they are only allowed to watch PBS kids, some discovery channel and limited Noggin, plus approved videos. I am aware of what they're watching, I can hear what they're watching and they're never alone to watch TV by themselves. No cartoon network or even disney (most) in my house--too much attitude!

I've been told we must be doing something right with them because when they're with other people outside of home, they are the sweetest most well behaved kids. They just test it all out on me because I'm the primary caregiver, I think they like that it makes me CRAZY...

[purple]

It may be too late as your kids have already been exposed to TV, but in 18 years of working with kids at church, by far the best behaved kids are the ones who do not watch TV. They get to watch approved videos, but TV programs ( and commercials) for the most part just model rude and otherwise unacceptable behavior.

I still remember when my daughter (who is almost 21) was in kindergarten and some fool kid named Chris told her about the Cartoon Network!

Here are some ideas from Open Original Shared Link, some of which have already been brought up.

I talked to a friend from church last week that doesn't have a tv. She has 4 kids 7-13 yrs old. She has their friends coming and going all day long. She said sometimes there are 15 kids at her house (boys and girls at the same time) and she never hears a peep out of any of them. They all attend church and most if not all have been home schooled. They have been taught to respect others and to think of others before themself. Which cures the selfishness/fighting we are born with. They have good manners, helpful, work is not always b/c you have to but b/c you want to help.

[celiac-mommy]

I talked to a friend from church last week that doesn't have a tv. She has 4 kids 7-13 yrs old. She has their friends coming and going all day long. She said sometimes there are 15 kids at her house (boys and girls at the same time) and she never hears a peep out of any of them. They all attend church and most if not all have been home schooled. They have been taught to respect others and to think of others before themself. Which cures the selfishness/fighting we are born with. They have good manners, helpful, work is not always b/c you have to but b/c you want to help.

We go to church, I feel as though we are a religious family with good values and morals. My kids are 2 and 6--the 6y/o is very caring, sensitive and respectful of others. My 2 y/o is a busy little boy. We work with him a lot, and he does seem to be sensitive to other's feelings. If someone is upset, he's very quick to go crawl in their lap and sit quietly, or he will come and wipe their tears away. He just likes the reaction he gets when he's bugging his sister. He doesn't do it to anyone else (well, except me..). We are very careful who we let the kids have play-dates with, and have had nothing but positive experiences as far as that goes. My kids are very active at home and in their community-that's important to me. I hope I'm not seen as a bad parent because they are allowed to have a total of 1 hour of media time a day....

Yesterday, btw, was MUCH better and there was no fighting!

[Ridgewalker]

I hope I'm not seen as a bad parent because they are allowed to have a total of 1 hour of media time a day....

Are you kidding me? Don't even THINK it!!! You are an excellent mom!!!

TV is not evil. Sure, kids who watch whatever they want, all day long, are going to have issues. Behavioral and physical.

But a little TV is not going to cause behavioral problems in kids who wouldn't have had them otherwise. Sorry. It's just not.

My kids watch plenty more TV than an hour a day, average. There's also days where they don't watch any. We are a media-loving family. We all love to read, watch movies, and use the computer.

My 5-yr-old also know how to use the computer, and is learning to read (he hasn't even started kindergarten yet.) My 7-yr-old flies through chapter books, and was the best reader in his class last year. When we go to the library, we come out with an armload of books AND videos.

Other than the Summertime Crazies that they've had lately, they're also fairly well-behaved children.

Again- don't get me wrong. Too much TV is going to cause problems. But it's not necessary to go overboard.

Frankly, sometimes a nice, quiet movie is exactly what my children NEED to have a calm, relaxing break. Not just a break for me, but for them.

[Jestgar]

I hope I'm not seen as a bad parent because they are allowed to have a total of 1 hour of media time a day....

Of course not!

Television is a tool. Teaching your kids to use it to their advantage, and not be sucked into mindless watching, will serve them throughout their lives.

[celiac-mommy]

Thanks. I try to keep it educational and entertaining at the same time. Some of the shows they're allowed to watch--like Berenstain Bears and Franklin are good for the 2 y/o to learn a little lesson in a sweet way. It's hard as a parent sometimes. You want to make the right decision every time. I know I do the best I can in the moment. It's just a lot of pressure to know that every decision I make now helps shape them into the adult they become. It's the hardest (and bestest ) job I'll ever have. I love those kids more than anything. They are the best things that have ever happened to me, it's just a learning process for me too-every day and every question. Yesterday my son saw the trees waving in the wind, he said, "Look mommy, the trees are dancing!" It made me want to cry-the innocence of a 2 y/o. They grow up to fast--enter my 6 y/o.....

[Ridgewalker]

You're doing great, Rachelle-- the fact that this week was the first time one of your kids has whacked the other one is proof of that! All of us moms do the best we can for our families. What's right for one family may not be for another family.

I know what you mean about growing up fast...

I mentioned something earlier today that they are only allowed to do with my supervision, and my 5-yr-old, Ezra, misunderstood... He now thinks I have Super Vision, like a superhero. I didn't correct him.

[celiac-mommy]

I mentioned something earlier today that they are only allowed to do with my supervision, and my 5-yr-old, Ezra, misunderstood... He now thinks I have Super Vision, like a superhero. I didn't correct him.

I took my kids with me to my Krav Maga class the other night because my dh was "stuck" on the 14th hole at the golf course They saw me keeping up with the big guys in the class--I asked my daughter what she thought later that night, she told me I was "amazing" The look on her face was all I needed. I think it was good for them so see me in that element. Like now I'm more than just 'mom' to them...