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Ugh, Why?

DarkIvy

By DarkIvy
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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DarkIvy Explorer
DarkIvy
Posted

Long story short, I live with my boyfriend, who is for the most part understanding and careful in the kitchen. He does bring some gluten into the house, but it's pretty sparingly, and as long as he cleans up the mess I'm really not opposed.

However, his parents are now empty nesters and they come over for a visit approximately once a week. They're really awesome, and in fact, I trust his mom with gluten free cooking (more than my OWN mom, lol) and she brings over safe foods for me to eat quite frequently. THAT'S nice.

What kind of worries me is that she has a tendency to also bring a lot of food that is full of gluten, and I'm worried that it will contaminate my kitchen. I really got worried today when she brought over a loaf of bread, and she pointed out that I couldn't eat it... well yes, of course. But what do I DO with the bread? Should I start a "gluten" area of the kitchen and gluteny goods can only go there? Should I try and ask if the gluten stuff brought into the house can be kept to a minimum? I realize she's just trying to be nice and helpful, and I REALLY appreciate it, but I'm worried for my health, especially since smaller and smaller bits of gluten set me off these days. The thought of bread crumbs in my kitchen makes me want to throw something breakable. Should I offer to start making my own bread, that BOTH of us can have? I know he doesn't mind eating gluten-free food, and it would make me feel better if we could keep the gluten to a minimum, the issue is just trying to tell that to his mom... who subscribes to the belief system that she knows best, period.

Bah, I know it's my apartment and I should put my foot down, but I want to be reasonable and not make too many people mad in the process. I'm all for compromise, but I guess I'm just sick of always having to make food such a big deal. Y'all can relate, I'm sure.

Thanks for hearing me out.

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ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

If your boyfriend is willing to keep a gluten free house I would sit down together and simply tell her that. She seems to be understanding but may not realize that her son would not feel deprived without gluten goodies. I don't think it sounds like she will be offended at all and will simply increase the amount of gluten free goodies she stops by with.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
If your boyfriend is willing to keep a gluten free house I would sit down together and simply tell her that. She seems to be understanding but may not realize that her son would not feel deprived without gluten goodies. I don't think it sounds like she will be offended at all and will simply increase the amount of gluten free goodies she stops by with.

Or your boyfriend can ask her to slice it before she brings it, and then he can keep it in his car or something. Or a minifridge in the garage. Or failing all else, if you really don't want to offend her, just give it away.

DarkIvy Explorer
DarkIvy
Posted
  • Author

We don't even have a garage... lol we share a tiny one bedroom apartment. And one car, lol.

Unfortunately, she's one of those ladies that is *very* easily offended. She takes everything personally, and I mean everything. If it were anyone else I'd have no problem letting them know not to bring any gluten into the house. Believe me, I'm very outspoken about this stuff and generally don't care what others think. I just don't want to cause unnecessary drama, and I know for certain that if I bring it up and ask her nicely not to bring bread into the house, she'd get offended freak out about how she's just trying to help and no one is appreciative, etc, then proceed to hold the entire thing over my head. Don't get me wrong, she's great and she does just want to help, but I don't think she'd get why I need to have the entire kitchen gluten-free, and reasoning with her is impossible. We all know it's just easier to let her get her way and move on with life.

I've thought about it a little bit more and I really think the best thing to do is to keep the offending objects in the one small cabinet we have and whenever my bf uses them, he cleans up all the crumbs. I've already talked to him about this and he agrees that it's the best thing to do. I don't think I'll be able to prevent much of anything also because his family is Taiwanese and they believe strongly in good, homecooked Taiwanese food. Whenever they visit, she brings him all kinds of meals in tupperwear (she usually brings me some stuff that is safe, too, which I really do appreciate!) but lets face it, a lot of the foods he grew up eating aren't things I can have. He likes eating it and his mom likes making it for him. It's mostly sauce and stuff anyway, so it's easy to clean up. The bread/crackers that scare me, since the crumbs get just about everywhere and are soooo difficult to really clean up after. I'm not sure there's much I could do about it though, either. She's only ever brought it over once, and I bet if we tried to ask her politely not to bring any, she'd say she wants him to have "real" bread and get upset and then pretend to forget the whole thing and bring bread over anyway.

It's not even that big of a deal in the long run. As long as it gets cleaned up, I don't really care. I just needed a whine session. People just don't get it!

I suppose you're right that we could give it away, though. I might try that!

kbtoyssni Contributor
kbtoyssni
Posted

At least your boyfriend is fully supportive of the diet - at least that makes things a million times easier and these occasional issues easier to deal with. Sounds like you've figured out a good compromise.

Mother of Jibril Enthusiast
Mother of Jibril
Posted

The cross-cultural thing is tricky too...

My husband is from the Ivory Coast. We've been married almost 12 years, but I've never met his parents. I really, REALLY do want to meet them, I just wonder what they're going to think about our eating habits. I'm not too worried about the dairy or corn... it's the gluten. The Ivory Coast used to be a French colony. A lot of the food is based around rice, plantains, fish, peanuts, fresh vegetables, and fruit (yum!)... but then there are the baguettes and croissants. There's no way I'll be able to eat that stuff, even to be the "good" daughter-in-law. Will they think I'm completely nuts?!

I think your compromise is a good one :) It could really backfire to issue an ultimatum.

DarkIvy Explorer
DarkIvy
Posted
  • Author
At least your boyfriend is fully supportive of the diet - at least that makes things a million times easier and these occasional issues easier to deal with. Sounds like you've figured out a good compromise.

So true. I know that not everyone is supportive and I think I'm extremely lucky that my family, friends, boyfriend, and even HIS family are so supportive. I don't have much to complain about at all.

The cross-cultural thing is tricky too...

My husband is from the Ivory Coast. We've been married almost 12 years, but I've never met his parents. I really, REALLY do want to meet them, I just wonder what they're going to think about our eating habits. I'm not too worried about the dairy or corn... it's the gluten. The Ivory Coast used to be a French colony. A lot of the food is based around rice, plantains, fish, peanuts, fresh vegetables, and fruit (yum!)... but then there are the baguettes and croissants. There's no way I'll be able to eat that stuff, even to be the "good" daughter-in-law. Will they think I'm completely nuts?!

I think your compromise is a good one :) It could really backfire to issue an ultimatum.

Ugh, I know all about trying to be a "good" daughter in law. Things are very different in my family and in his. I grew up with lenient parents that let me make my own decisions and mostly stayed out of my business. His parents are much more involved, and his mom did *everything* for him up until recently. In their culture, the daughter in law (ugh, we're not even married and I basically am the in law, lol!) is obedient and respectful and does chores and eats everything put in front of them. And they had better like it, too! Haha. I'm surprised that they even like me half the time, because I'm kind of a loudmouth. I'm not one to blindly follow rules, either, or just change my life to make someone else happy. At least in terms of food, their other son has a very severe peanut allergy so it wasn't completely offensive to them. Though again, I just don't think she'd get why I don't want bread in the house. If I'm not eating it, what's the big deal? I dunno.

When they went to California recently, they brought my bf back tons of gluteny snacks, and they brought me a Hello Kitty stuffed animal because they felt bad that they couldn't find me any safe treats. It was actually really cute, and I LOVE Hello Kitty, so I suppose it works out, haha.

You never know how accepting or not someone will be until you try. I've been surprised both ways before, so maybe when you do finally get to meet them, maybe it won't be so bad!

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