What Would You Do?

[ravenwoodglass]

My son went off the diet a few months ago, maybe closer to a year. He is in college and I haven't been able to see a lot of him the last year or so. I saw him yesterday and was frankly shocked. He looks 6 months pregnant. He doesn't appear to have gained any weight in any area other than his gut and it is obviously severe bloating. Here is my problem. When he first went off the diet I didn't hear anything from him for about 3 months because he thought I would nag him about it. I don't want to risk making him angry with me for bringing it up, I just joked yesterday that he now has quite a 'beer belly' and asked how much he was drinking. He just said he wasn't really drinking very much. I am afraid if I bring going back on the diet it will anger him but don't really feel I should do nothing. I feel helpless to do anything. How would you handle this? Should I just ignore it, should I suggest he see a doctor for another celiac panel, he was a weak positive on the last one. Should I risk alienating him for the sake of trying to help or should I just hope he wakes up on his own? I should mention his symptoms previously involved heavy neuro issues with a lot of depression. I don't want to lose my son either through making him angry by bringing this up but I really don't want him to continue in denial until he gets more seriously ill. I guess in many ways this is a vent as I don't know if there is really any answer I am just so worried about him.

[YoloGx]

This is a very delicate issue. I personally partially failed trying to push diet onto my siblings and mother. the biggest way I failed them was alienating them by being what they considered "too push" although I just thought of it as helping them and giving them info. Of course they didn't want to know and I had to move out because it wasn't safe for me to live at my mother's house anymore. She practices semi gluten free practices not realizing the auto immune part of the equation. My siblings and mother all think I am crazy as a result of how strict I am...

Apparently your son already knows whats wrong with him given you already having gotten him off gluten in the past. He must want to fit in more than he wants to feel well. And/or maybe he's in deep denial. Hopefully he will see how well you are doing and how poorly he is and put two and two together eventually.

You are his mother. You just have to love him anyway, warts and all... and pray that he eventually sees what is going on. It may well be he is going through a period of rebellion after all... If he gets no response from you except caring (without smothering!), maybe it will stop the rebellion?

The old adage of horse and water I think applies...

Bea

[kenlove]

Its really tough and I wish you much luck with this. I always had to go through my one of my sons friends to reach him when he was on a self destructive kick. Sometimes mom could talk to him but he and I were always close so there were some years that were very hard and Rob's friends came though and got through to him. We were lucky and now he's one of the top chefs here. -- It just took a number of years for him

to get it together the way he wanted that we were comfortable with.

good luck

My son went off the diet a few months ago, maybe closer to a year. He is in college and I haven't been able to see a lot of him the last year or so. I saw him yesterday and was frankly shocked. He looks 6 months pregnant. He doesn't appear to have gained any weight in any area other than his gut and it is obviously severe bloating. Here is my problem. When he first went off the diet I didn't hear anything from him for about 3 months because he thought I would nag him about it. I don't want to risk making him angry with me for bringing it up, I just joked yesterday that he now has quite a 'beer belly' and asked how much he was drinking. He just said he wasn't really drinking very much. I am afraid if I bring going back on the diet it will anger him but don't really feel I should do nothing. I feel helpless to do anything. How would you handle this? Should I just ignore it, should I suggest he see a doctor for another celiac panel, he was a weak positive on the last one. Should I risk alienating him for the sake of trying to help or should I just hope he wakes up on his own? I should mention his symptoms previously involved heavy neuro issues with a lot of depression. I don't want to lose my son either through making him angry by bringing this up but I really don't want him to continue in denial until he gets more seriously ill. I guess in many ways this is a vent as I don't know if there is really any answer I am just so worried about him.

[PattyBoots]

Bottom line is, you just can't make people do what you want them to do.

Put the shoe on the other foot - if someone were to bug you about your habits, would you listen? Would you say, "Sure, you're right, I bow down before your infinite wisdom"?

All you can do is tell them that when they're tired of feeling crappy, they can come to you for some advice that they thought was crappy but might help them get over feeling crappy.

[ravenwoodglass]

This is a very delicate issue. I personally partially failed trying to push diet onto my siblings and mother. the biggest way I failed them was alienating them by being what they considered "too push" although I just thought of it as helping them and giving them info.

Bea

I did that also the first couple of years and it took me a while to realize that gluten was all I talked about for way too long. If I could turn back the clock I wouldn't have pushed quite so hard. It's now coming back to bite me in butt as they say since they turn off their ears the minute the subject comes up. He is a smart young man though and I hope he will realize what is going on soon.

[ravenwoodglass]

Its really tough and I wish you much luck with this. I always had to go through my one of my sons friends to reach him when he was on a self destructive kick. Sometimes mom could talk to him but he and I were always close so there were some years that were very hard and Rob's friends came though and got through to him. We were lucky and now he's one of the top chefs here. -- It just took a number of years for him

to get it together the way he wanted that we were comfortable with.

good luck

Talking to his closest freind may be something to think about doing. When he first went gluten free his friends spoke about how different he was and how good the changes were. Maybe if they bring up the negative changes instead of me he might be more willing to do what he needs to do. Thanks for mentioning as I hadn't even thought about that.

[ravenwoodglass]

Bottom line is, you just can't make people do what you want them to do.

Put the shoe on the other foot - if someone were to bug you about your habits, would you listen? Would you say, "Sure, you're right, I bow down before your infinite wisdom"?

All you can do is tell them that when they're tired of feeling crappy, they can come to you for some advice that they thought was crappy but might help them get over feeling crappy.

This is also an excellent point. He has been nagging me about my smoking now for years and it sure hasn't gotten me to stop.

I need to keep my motherly intentions in check and he does know I will be here for him whenever he needs me to be.

I think for now all I can do is keep my mouth shut. It is his body, he is very smart and once the symptoms get to the point where they interfer with his life hopefully he will get back on the gluten free diet. It is so hard to be a Mom and watch when your children are suffering and not be able to do anything.

[sylviaann]

This is also an excellent point. He has been nagging me about my smoking now for years and it sure hasn't gotten me to stop.

I need to keep my motherly intentions in check and he does know I will be here for him whenever he needs me to be.

I think for now all I can do is keep my mouth shut. It is his body, he is very smart and once the symptoms get to the point where they interfer with his life hopefully he will get back on the gluten free diet. It is so hard to be a Mom and watch when your children are suffering and not be able to do anything.

You are truly in a delicate situation. I am not a mother but was thinking..has your son ever joined a forum or local support group near his college for young Celiacs (in the past) or met any young Celiacs who he can share his feelings with? He might even meet a new girlfriend through a forum or support group who could have a positive influence on him! I realize it is probably difficult to suggest any ideas to a college age adult who is trying to lead a normal life and doesn't want to be seen as "different". Although...I thought being different was perceived as being "cool" but maybe since you have made all the suggestions, he is rebelling. If a young rock star had Celiac, he probably would be more inclined to embrace his condition. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

Sylviaann

Florida

[Jestgar]

This is also an excellent point. He has been nagging me about my smoking now for years and it sure hasn't gotten me to stop.

Maybe you can make a deal with him. You quit smoking and he quit gluten. You can go through it together

[GFinDC]

Maybe you can make a deal with him. You quit smoking and he quit gluten. You can go through it together

Hey, that's just what I was thinking!

Open Original Shared Link

# Does Nicorette contain gluten, animal derivatives, latex or

dairy products?

No, Nicorette does not contain any of these.

Open Original Shared Link

[ravenwoodglass]

Hey, that's just what I was thinking!

Open Original Shared Link

# Does Nicorette contain gluten, animal derivatives, latex or

dairy products?

No, Nicorette does not contain any of these.

Open Original Shared Link

Thanks for posting this. I checked 7 years ago about the gum and was told they didn't know if it was gluten-free at that time and reccommended I not use it for that reason. Thanks also for the coupon link. I'll open it up, print it out and take it the store with me this afternoon. I have been able to cut down by using the roll your own variety of tobacco products but would really like to quit.

I wish my son would go for the I quit and you quit bargin but I don't think it will fly with him at this time. Funny how our young adults resist any advice from Mom for so long but I know it is part of the growing up process. Thanks again to everyone for your support. I really appretiate it.

[kenlove]

Check our stop smoking thread too. Been about 4 months since I stopped!

Thanks for posting this. I checked 7 years ago about the gum and was told they didn't know if it was gluten-free at that time and reccommended I not use it for that reason. Thanks also for the coupon link. I'll open it up, print it out and take it the store with me this afternoon. I have been able to cut down by using the roll your own variety of tobacco products but would really like to quit.

I wish my son would go for the I quit and you quit bargin but I don't think it will fly with him at this time. Funny how our young adults resist any advice from Mom for so long but I know it is part of the growing up process. Thanks again to everyone for your support. I really appretiate it.

[ravenwoodglass]

Check our stop smoking thread too. Been about 4 months since I stopped!

That I will do.

I decided today is my last smoking day. I was done with it at about 3pm. I went and got some gum, took out all my ashtrays, It has been 4 hours with one piece of gum and so far so good.

My birthday is later this month so hopefully I will be over withdrawl by then.

[psawyer]

That I will do.

I decided today is my last smoking day. I was done with it at about 3pm. I went and got some gum, took out all my ashtrays, It has been 4 hours with one piece of gum and so far so good.

My birthday is later this month so hopefully I will be over withdrawl by then.

Yay! Whoopee! I know that you will do this. As mentioned, come over to the smoking thread for our support group. For me, it is 19 years, two months, and a few days. I will never go back.

[Googles]

It is unclear from your post if you son is living in dorms on campus or on his own while he is in college. He might be finding it so hard to find gluten free food on campus that he figures it is not worth the effort (especially if the dining halls are very impersonal.) I wasn't diagnosed until recently and am going back to graduate school this fall. It has made me think of when I was in undergrad and how hard eating gluten free would have been even though we had small personal dining halls where I knew the staff. He may feel uncomfortable asking for what he needs as it would require them to cook food differently specifically for him. My college didn't even do vegetarian and vegan food well, so I would suspect that gluten free would be a challenge. You might ask him if he would like some help talking to food services (or whoever it is at his college) about his dietary needs. Even though college students don't want their parents involved, sometimes they are the most influential when it comes to dealing with college administration. I don't know if this will help his eating, but it is one aspect to think about. Good luck.

[GFinDC]

Absolutely excellent Ravenwood! Congratulations! What a relief that must be, looking forward to a healthier life after smoking. I'd say it's time to start negotiating with the stubborn son about him quitting gluten then. Two bold health resolvers in one family, that's the way to go!

I think this is the thread that was suggested above. I see you already found it though.

Stop Smoking Thread

Congrats again! I have to head over to the stop smoking thread to share a story myself.

[ravenwoodglass]

It is unclear from your post if you son is living in dorms on campus or on his own while he is in college. He might be finding it so hard to find gluten free food on campus that he figures it is not worth the effort (especially if the dining halls are very impersonal.) I wasn't diagnosed until recently and am going back to graduate school this fall. It has made me think of when I was in undergrad and how hard eating gluten free would have been even though we had small personal dining halls where I knew the staff. He may feel uncomfortable asking for what he needs as it would require them to cook food differently specifically for him. My college didn't even do vegetarian and vegan food well, so I would suspect that gluten free would be a challenge. You might ask him if he would like some help talking to food services (or whoever it is at his college) about his dietary needs. Even though college students don't want their parents involved, sometimes they are the most influential when it comes to dealing with college administration. I don't know if this will help his eating, but it is one aspect to think about. Good luck.

Googles thanks for the input. He is in his mid twenties, did some time in the Army (for an undiagnosed celiac that was really hell on earth) and unfortunately for the social aspect of his life he lives off campus. You are correct though if he did live on campus he would never be able to ask for any special dietary needs from the college. He had a hard time even asking in a restaurant. He is very shy at times. Oddly enough his sister had no issues with asking for what she needed before she went to college and they even put her in senior housing her first year to accomodate her needs. Some collleges can be very accomodating and I think they will become more so as more of us are diagnosed.

[Googles]

Since your son is living on his own, has he done a lot of his own shopping before? Does he know what to lookout for and what is available? If you did a lot of his grocery shopping when he was growing up he might not know what to look for. Before I was diagnosed I had been doing my own shopping for a couple of years and am finding it challenging to find what I can/want to eat. Does he have one of the books that lists gluten free foods? I found that a life saver when I got one as I was better able to shop for the specific types of foods I wanted (for example chips and soda). While I would have been able to find them eventually checking each one to find what I could have eaten would have been torture. With the busyness of school I would have felt overwhelmed. I found that besides the food that was gluten free being more expensive, the first ones I tried tasted like cardboard. Are there any specific foods he liked when he was growing up that you could create a grocery list with for him to start with so that he could get back on the diet easier? The other thing that I found was hard was that i was used to cooking things like pasta and sauce that were really fast, but now when I look in the gluten free recipes seem complicated. Could you provide him with the recipes you (assuming you did the cooking) made when he was a kid that are gluten free? Take these with a grain of salt as they may or may not work for you and him. Good luck!