Attending Outings/gatherings

[dbuhl79]

So my fiance's co-worker invited us over for dinner. No description of what dinner was, just to bring beer. (of course a significant indication that it wasn't wheat free)

In this scenario where my fiance may not be entirely comfortable expressing to anyone or everyone who invites us to dinner that I have a wheat intolerance. What do you do with this situation when you arrive and they're having hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill outside and beer? Politely decline all food? Eat before?

How does your significant other inquire or even convey this information to those that may invite us out again the future?

Thanks for any input... greatly appreciated. I don't want him to be put in an awkward situation, but I'd rather not suffer the anxiety prior to each outing with friends.

[tarnalberry]

I see a couple options, and the better way to go may vary by situation:

1. Don't go - it is an option.

2. Eat first, then go and let them know you can't eat.

3. Tell the hosts yourself; you could argue that it's your responsibility.

4. Remind your boyfriend that it's the guest responsibility to speak up in a situation like this, and if you're not given the opportunity (you don't meet the hosts until you arrive, for instance), he needs to.

This sort of environment happens with coworkers, and I told them in the past that I have dietary restrictions (they know most of the details these days), and I've been told I'm welcome to bring any food I'd like to grill (and which part of the grill is permanently clean).

[aljf]

Oh yes, we've all been here!

If possible, I would have my fiance explain the situation or, if he felt comfortable, I would call the people myself and explain it.

In addition, if you get a chance, offer to bring something, like an appetizer--> then you can make sure there will be *something* that you can eat!

And, of course, don't just bring beer-- bring wine! =)

These kinds of social situations are really hard for me too, but I find the embarrassment/discomfort of talking to the hosts/caterers/whatever in advance is FAR less then the stress I experience not knowing whether I will be drinking my dinner! Good luck!

[KaitiUSA]

I usually eat before I go and being something to snack on in my pocketbook. Everytime before we go I always make sure they know about the celiac because of preparation of food and so forth. Sometimes my dad doesn't feel comfortable telling people...sometimes I think he is embarrassed by the inconvenience or something but they have to know about it in my opinion. I'll usually just say I'll bring a side dish or something that I can have.

Another option is just say thanks for the invite but we can't make it.

[luvs2eat]

I just ask for a burger without the roll... folks always ask if I'm on Atkins. I'd also bring wine and ask if I might bring something (salad, appetizer, dessert) that I'm sure I can eat.

I always tell folks not to worry if they're serving food I can't eat. I NEVER starve eating a bunless burger and salad.

[Carriefaith]

I would go and have fun!

In these situations, I usually eat before and/or after, or I bring something for myself. If it's a bbq, just bring your own gluten-free buns, bbq sauce, ketchup... I've done this before and nobody seemed to care, they were just interested. I don't know if I am just lucky or what, but I always seem to have good experiences when I eat out at other people's houses. From my experiences, people are usually supportive and interested and don't mind helping

[westiepaws]

I would take am allergy-free side dish for the group and if necessary some additional things just for myself (or maybe just my own salad dressing, if they were making an allergy-free salad) to be sure I had enough to eat. My nutritionist's advice to me, as I'll soon be in a supper group that meets monthly as of next month, is to bring my own food when we are at others' homes -- and when it's time for them to meet at my home, show them the wonders and deliciousness of a whole meal's worth of allergy-free food!

My nutritionist says it is important to bring your own because contrary to the experiences of others, as a newbie, I *have* starved in several situations -- and when that happens I start feeling lightheaded, headachy and cranky. And I may overeat later, as a result!

I just think the more we can avoid going without food when we need to eat, the less depressed we will be about following the diet. And I think this is really important for those of us who are just getting started. Success at handling things breeds confidence!!!!

P.S. When people are grilling burgers, please note that there's no guarantee you can have the meat unless you've vetted the labels of any seasonings they add. Lots of powdered spices, such as garlic powder, include gluten-containing ingredients to keep the spice from clumping -- and as of right now, those ingredients do not have to be listed on the label, although that is supposed to change in 2006, right?

[skbird]

I'm always leary of grills as I always have to request the grill be cleaned before I have food made. I have a couple of well-trained friends who cook my food on one part, make special marinades (very nice of them!!!) and make sure they use utinsels that have not touched the other food. Those are very rare and good friends.

I'd be concerned eating a burger that was just flopped down on a grill along with all the others, perhaps coming into contact with other stuff you can't control. Just a though.

Oh, and I'd definitely go, but pack a peanut butter sandwich in addition to bringing a safe side dish, and make it a hearty one at that in case it's all you get to eat.

Stephanie

[ianm]

I would speak to the host before and let them know what the restrictions are. Sometimes there are problems but usually not. If there is a problem then I question if these are people I want to be around. If the fiance won't say anything then put his/her feet to the fire and demand to know why not. I am very assertive about my dietary restrictions and don't like to be around people who just don't get it.

[Carriefaith]

I'm always leary of grills

I always cook my food on tinfoil when it's on someone elses bbq. I just request that my food is cooked on tinfoil and I offer to help with the cooking to make things less annoying.

[skbird]

I always forget about this but it's a great idea! I should just keep a roll of foil in my car... LOL!

Stephanie

[macman]

My solution to this is I always put myself in charge of the entree and specifically tell others what they should bring if I'm hosting. If not-then I'll eat before I go (like I did for a wedding this past weekend) or I'll bring a little something and then offer to grill all the food so I can control how mine is cooked. The host usally appreciates the help.

btw-I always love it when someone asks-"well, a little won't hurt will it???"

[tammy]

I see a few different options:

1.) don't go

2.) Offer to bring a dish that you can eat and of course, share with everyone.

3. ) Call them up ahead of time and ask what they are serving and see if it can be made easily as a gluten-free order.

4.) Tell them the truth.

5.) Ask your fiance' to tell them that you are allergic to certain foods, see if they will cook something allergy friendly.

6.) Eat ahead of time but do not eat their non-gluten food, but be aware of the fact that this can insult a person since they planned and prepared a meal for you.

I do not get social invitations anymore, gee I wonder why???!!!!!!

This is one of the reasons I cook Thanksgiving meal for everyone, at my house.

[debmidge]

Biggest fear of eating off of someone else's barbeque grill: (not just marinades that aren't gluten-free) a lot of people toast their hot dog/hamburger buns directly on the grill. That's direct wheat residue who knows where on the grill rack....

[Guest nini]

I went to a cookout at my bosses house recently, and I carried my own gluten-free buns and requested that my daughter's and my burgers were just plain hamburger meat (no seasoning) and cooked on tin foil. They were more than accommodating. But my boss is also very aware of my dietary needs and was more than willing to discuss menu options with me before hand. I also brought my own salad dressing and some snacks.

when we were in Fl. last week for vacation we had a cookout at my dad's house, and again, I offered to bring a dish (or two) and my dad thoroughly cleaned the grill before use and also let me verify which seasonings were ok to use. (my dad is starting to get used to going gluten-free on recommendation of his dr.s but he's not used to the details of it yet). side note, my stepmom made the most awesome gluten-free key lime pie for me!

in a fiance's coworker situation I would def. talk to the fiance and ask them to try to find out what the menu is and see if you can bring a dish as well... no point going hungry, but also don't cheat either. Take responsibility for your diet and approach the host if you can, or get the fiance to do it, and explain your requirements honestly, but not in a demanding way, reassure the host that you don't expect them to make special acc ommodations for you, you just want to be informed so that you know if you need to bring your own food (or a dish you can share)