Feeling Defeated & Useless

[Sarenha]

I got reglutened day before yesterday. My fault, it was a dumb mistake, I didn't check some candy I was eating. So I have pretty much no excuse.

I'm foggy, and feel hopelessly depressed. I'm supposed to go back to school come January. Right now I am so dizzy and muddle headed, depressed and pathetic, I can hardly get out of my chair. All day. I can't write, can't cook or clean, am stupid and useless. Dunno how I will swing school.

I know my family is upset and frustrated with me; I can't think well enough to form a decent explanation. So far this message has taken me around 15 minutes, and they have better things to do than listen to me try to string words together. Not least because they are taking up my own chores with theirs.

I feel like I'm... seriously slow. I'm really a smart person, or I used to be. I hurt and I'm so dumb, and I don't know what to say or do to make it better. Help?

[ciavyn]

Okay, I can't relate to those reactions because mine is a GI issue, but I can say this: you are allowed to have your issues. Everyone is. My issues involve a history of mental illness, chronic depression, anxiety, panic attacks, skin problems, now food issues...the list just goes on. And guess what? It's okay. People don't need to understand. When you are feeling better, explain what happens, help them to see it a bit more clearly. But not everyone will get it, and you need to be okay with that. There is nothing wrong with having issues! You are normal - trust me. Everyone has their albatross - this one is yours.

I understand depression is a symptom (sometimes?) of gluten-ing, so remember that tomorrow (or the next day, or maybe the next one after that) will be brighter and something better will happen. This is just for now, and you WILL get through it. You have to do what you need to to be healthy, and if others don't get it, then don't worry about it. Someone will - you will find your person who's your go-to person - you might find several - and that person will get it, and you'll be okay, and life will be okay. Just give yourself some time to find your person (if you haven't yet - I'm assuming you haven't, based on your post.)

I guess my point is this: you are normal. You have your thing that you had to deal with - I have mine. I might not understand all of yours, and you don't understand all of mine, but it doesn't make you weird or abnormal. It just makes you, you. Hang in there - life does get easier as you start to understand yourself and how to make the most out of who you are - it took me almost 30 years to figure it out, so you've got plenty of time.

[Lynayah]

  ciavyn said:

Okay, I can't relate to those reactions because mine is a GI issue, but I can say this: you are allowed to have your issues. Everyone is. My issues involve a history of mental illness, chronic depression, anxiety, panic attacks, skin problems, now food issues...the list just goes on. And guess what? It's okay. People don't need to understand. When you are feeling better, explain what happens, help them to see it a bit more clearly. But not everyone will get it, and you need to be okay with that. There is nothing wrong with having issues! You are normal - trust me. Everyone has their albatross - this one is yours.

I understand depression is a symptom (sometimes?) of gluten-ing, so remember that tomorrow (or the next day, or maybe the next one after that) will be brighter and something better will happen. This is just for now, and you WILL get through it. You have to do what you need to to be healthy, and if others don't get it, then don't worry about it. Someone will - you will find your person who's your go-to person - you might find several - and that person will get it, and you'll be okay, and life will be okay. Just give yourself some time to find your person (if you haven't yet - I'm assuming you haven't, based on your post.)

I guess my point is this: you are normal. You have your thing that you had to deal with - I have mine. I might not understand all of yours, and you don't understand all of mine, but it doesn't make you weird or abnormal. It just makes you, you. Hang in there - life does get easier as you start to understand yourself and how to make the most out of who you are - it took me almost 30 years to figure it out, so you've got plenty of time.

Ditto to the post above.

You are going to be fine! Hang in there. It has become a horrible cliche, but one I believe in with all my heart: Everything happens for a reason.

The lessons you learn from all this will eventually go on to help others.

Bottom line: It's okay . . . and so are you.

Hugs,

Lyn

[Glamour]

It is difficult for a healthy person to understand. I was itching nonstop and have a weeping itchy painful, burning rash all over my scalp and body. Can't sit on my butt for longer than 10 minutes at a time.

Embarrassed by scratching and the way rash looks. Embarrassed to get a haircut. Can't stand to wear clothes, can't wear bra or stockings.

I am not working and need to look for job, but am so miserable I don't leave my house for longer than to grocery shop. The other day I actually went 4 hours without serious itching. I got glutened 3 days ago and have been itching since.

Family thinks I am lazy and need to pull myself up from bootstraps. They have not seen the rash on my hidden areas and don't live in same state. Sometimes I wish they would get the rash for just 1 week so they could understand. But I would not wish this on anyone.

Find a person to share with or even this forum to vent. Focus on getting better. We can't do anything about what other people think.

[chasbari]

  Sarenha said:

I got reglutened day before yesterday. My fault, it was a dumb mistake, I didn't check some candy I was eating. So I have pretty much no excuse.

I'm foggy, and feel hopelessly depressed. I'm supposed to go back to school come January. Right now I am so dizzy and muddle headed, depressed and pathetic, I can hardly get out of my chair. All day. I can't write, can't cook or clean, am stupid and useless. Dunno how I will swing school.

I know my family is upset and frustrated with me; I can't think well enough to form a decent explanation. So far this message has taken me around 15 minutes, and they have better things to do than listen to me try to string words together. Not least because they are taking up my own chores with theirs.

I feel like I'm... seriously slow. I'm really a smart person, or I used to be. I hurt and I'm so dumb, and I don't know what to say or do to make it better. Help?

You certainly aren't dumb. The fact that you have the tenacity to write this out in spite of how you are feeling tells me you are incredibly determined. I understand how frustrating it is trying to explain this to family, especially when you have been temporarily set back by an accidental glutening. It happens to all of us, even with the best of vigilance. It is hard to realize that it truly is a disease state when we are glutened. I hope that things get batter for you quickly and that somehow you are able to begin to convey to your family just what you are going through. I know I am still waiting for mine to actually come visit this site to read up a bit because I get nothing but frustrated trying to explain it all. I come from a family of human doings instead of human beings and it was brutal when I could do nothing but sit and stare at the ceiling for days at a time when I wanted to be doing things. Try as I may, I had no choice in the matter but I couldn't deal with the reality until I finally was properly diagnosed. Even then, as people around me began to understand some I was unwilling to cut myself any slack. It takes time. I know you can do it. I hope you begin to feel better. Strength for the journey!

CS

[Sarenha]

Thank you all so much- I am feeling better, by far. I always tell myself that the depression and hopelessness and brain-dead-ed-ness that I experience will go away pronto, but it is hard to remember that in the moment.

I guess I haven't found my go-to person just yet, but apparently I have found my go to website. Thanks so much.

Glamour- first of all, that sounds really awful. The fog & fatigue sufferers may have trouble but at least we can sleep. There is this creme that we put on kids at the preschool that might help just a little- it seems to ease them no matter what the cause of the itch, I'll see if I can find it online somewhere. I know that is pretty much a paper tiger idea, but I can't help but offer it.

Again, thank you all so much. I think just sitting down and typing that message off drained so much of my frustration that I could get through the day, despite my tongue freeze. But knowing everyone is here helps even more.

[tom]

Hi Sarenha/Savannah

I get that way . .. .it gets old, quick.

One thing you might want to try is double-dose of daily probiotics for a while. I've seen both anecdotal & scientific evidence of it helping, tho it's not a sure thing, imho. (Only one scientific study that I know of & probably not a lot of ppl in it)

Anyway, might be worth a try.

Good luck

[Lynayah]

Prior to my diagnosis, I thought I was going crazy from how feeble-minded I had become. I couldn't figure anything out on my own . . . and if someone asked me where something was in the house, I couldn't find the words to answer them. The only way I could help them was to get up and show them where to look.

Typos increased, as did using the wrong words -- much like a stroke victim. I would struggle to find the word I wanted to say -- I KNEW the word and it drove me nuts how I couldn't call it up in my mind. OR, I'd mean to say "fork," but I'd say "cup," yet I would swear I had spoken the right word.

The thing that drove me the craziest was when my computer literacy started to go away. I had to ask my husband the simplest things like, "How do I cancel a print job on my printer?"

Now, if I had never known how to do it that would be one thing, but I've cancelled gazillions of print jobs without a problem."

There were days that I felt as though I was asking him for help every five minutes. "I can't get my iPod to play" . . . "I can't remember how I used to cook steak rare without over broiling it" . . . I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS LOSING IT.

It's better now! I can think again!

You'll be okay.

A quick question: Have you had a loss of coordination, too? That happened to me as well. I also lost use of my feet and could barely walk. Looking back, I think that gluten was affecting my brain and body neurologically (Google gluten-ataxia for more info about the brain thing).

I have never been tested for ataxia. Since I'm eating gluten-free no matter what, I am not sure it matters at this point.

I'm happy to say that I've gotten MUCH better. Every day, I feel more and more like my old self.

[Squidge]

In some cases of Celiac's and gluten intolerance, gluten can cause neurological issues as well. This can cause things such as depression and moodiness. The digestive symptoms certainly don't help either. I get depression from it too. Between the depression and the digestive problems my parents thought I had an eating disorder and was purging. Now they know better. Just tell your parents that depression, melancholy, and moodiness can also be symptoms of Celiac's. If they really support you, they'll try to help, and you at least have an explanation to give them. It is highly suspicious that you didn't have these problems until you ate gluten. Look at it this way, gluten makes you sick. People get kinda foggy and slow when they're sick. Your body will heal if you don't get any more gluten and then you'll swing school.