Can I Vent For A Second?

[dkelm]

I love my child, I really do. I love all my kids. But my baby is the most clingy baby ever. I know it's because he doesn't feel good, so I always hold him. But man, sometimes I just want to crawl into a dark hole and stay there for an hour just so I can have someone not touch me for one hour! I'm also tired of being the only one who cleans up the vomit and diarrhea. Yesterday, Matt vomited all over me. The day before, all over the street (cul de sac) outside while we were playing. I'm the one who had to drag in the baby, clean him up and then deal with him clinging to me while I went outside and washed up the puke! All my husband did was get the hose for me. I know he probably is overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do. But I don't want to boss him around either. I just want him to take the initiative and get up and help! Take the baby, even if he is crying for me. I feel like I constantly walk around with a vacuum and a mop in each hand, to clean up after kids. Even when it's not the kids fault, because it never is their fault when they are sick. My house is a mess, I am tired and I have no help!

I'm so tired. I'm way overwhelmed and my two older kids need to go back to school because their fighting is driving me nuts! lol

[StephanieL]

That would upset me too. No Mama should have to do it all.

I hane two suggestions for you:

1) Tell your husband exactly what you need. It would be nice but most of them don't read minds. There are so many things I *wish* my husband just knew, but he doesn't.

2) Wear your baby, it'll leave your hands free.

Hugs to you!

[dkelm]

That would upset me too. No Mama should have to do it all.

I hane two suggestions for you:

1) Tell your husband exactly what you need. It would be nice but most of them don't read minds. There are so many things I *wish* my husband just knew, but he doesn't.

2) Wear your baby, it'll leave your hands free.

Hugs to you!

I used to wear him ALL the time. I even made my own sling, which I LOVE. I haven't really thought about bringing it back out since he can't be in the cradle/tummy type hold in it anymore. Hmmm, I wonder if I can figure out how to hip hold him in it.

Thanks for the idea!

[weluvgators]

Big Hugs, Mama! I understand some of your frustrations. I have a 2 1/2, 5, and 6 1/2 year old. And they aren't the *only* messy ones in the house either!

I second the suggestion for trying to babywear some more. It can be tricky with a pukey, spitty baby, but there are strategies for that too. We use prefolds for mopping up those messes, but I like to keep a pile handy for trying to catch it before landing if possible. We have a few different types of waterproof/water resistant pads that we use to protect stuff. When you are outside, I would aim for grass if at all possible, as that should be a bit less cleanup. These ideas should work for diarrhea too. How old is your baby? We used little potties for our kids from the beginning, and we have been thrilled with their use so many times. The two part seats with removable bowls work great for vomiting spells. We have also had to use two little potties at the same time when one of our children was super sick with it coming out both ends. She would sit on one while puking in the other. Have you tried offering the potty to him? I would be happy to elaborate if that interests you. I think getting some stuff in a potty helps a lot with the cleanup side of things.

For babywearing, you may want to look at two shoulder carriers for comfort, like an ergo or mei tai. I can give more specifics on that too if you want.

Good luck!

[ravenwoodglass]

You poor thing. I agree with the previous poster that you need to engage Dad in some chores that need to be done and also perhaps an occasional walk around outside or just have him go into the yard with the kids so you can destress or take a nap. Do you have a high school close by? Sometimes you can connect with older teens who could come and help out a bit after school for a nominal amount.

Clingy kids are tough and the idea to wear him for a bit longer is a good one. I wore my son for the first 2.5 years of his life. Hopefully your little guy will be less clingy when he is feeling better.

[dilettantesteph]

At least he isn't nagging you about how messy the house is and how you should clean it up more. That was our house.

[tarnalberry]

I used to wear him ALL the time. I even made my own sling, which I LOVE. I haven't really thought about bringing it back out since he can't be in the cradle/tummy type hold in it anymore. Hmmm, I wonder if I can figure out how to hip hold him in it.

Thanks for the idea!

You might try getting a different kind of carrier. I have a Pikkolo (expensive, but very easy to use), which is a soft sided carrier (like a Baby Bjorn, but with a hip belt so it's not so hard on the back) and a Baby K'tan (still not cheap, but also easy to use), which is like a Moby, but so much easier to use. My daughter rides in both of these forward facing all the time (and has since she was 2 months, since she's got great head control and doesn't like cradle or facing inwards - which is why I didn't go with an Ergo).

BTW, if your husband doesn't know what to do, how is it bossing him around to make a suggestion or a request? "Can you empty the dishwasher?" or "Can you run that load of clothes?" isn't bossy, and sometimes, other people aren't going to see the messes that annoying you - including your husband. You guys should probably sit down and talk about the division of labor. Even if you're not assigning chores to different people, you can better communicate about how you both want the work to get done.

[mmcdaniels]

I would ask my husband if he wanted to hold the baby or clean up the puke. I frequently point out that there are two things that need done immediately by giving him his choice of jobs. My husband is usually helpful when I ask but frequently too clueless to offer without being asked.

[kareng]

This is what my Hub says about these type of situations. Guys like to fix a problem not talk about it. Guys are sometimes afraid to do something that has been your "job". If he gets told he's not doing it right too many times he won't try anymore. Most guys don't mind helping but need to know that you need help. So ask!

[brendab]

(((HUGS))) Mama, I understand the feeling of somebody touching me 24/7 and needing just some time by myself! I don't have any advice for you but just wanted to say I feel for you!

[tarnalberry]

I would ask my husband if he wanted to hold the baby or clean up the puke. I frequently point out that there are two things that need done immediately by giving him his choice of jobs. My husband is usually helpful when I ask but frequently too clueless to offer without being asked.

I do this one all the time. "Do you want the baby, or to clean up the dishes?" "Do you want to watch the baby, or make dinner?" Etc. It's not even a ploy to get him to do something - I ask that for most times when he's at home and there are two things that need to be done. Maybe he'd rather watch the baby, maybe he'd rather do the work - if I'm good for doing either, why not ask him? (If I'm not, I will totally say "please watch the baby while I...")

[mommida]

cyber ((HUGS)) for you!

Get those older kids to help! It will probably make them happy to go back to school! Make them do simple things.

Vacuum

dust (odd socks on the hands)

take the laundry to the proper room (put away their own laundry)

sweep maybe mop depending

load or unload the dishwasher

wipe down the kitchen counters

You can keep the time down to a 10 minute tidy. Pre-school's teach the kids to clean-up some of their own mess. You should not being doing all of the cleaning by yourself. You will have to be able to accept a learning curve for the kid's standard of clean compared to your standard. Cleaning the house is a life skill that the kids need to learn.

Mommy needs a time out too. Tell your husband you need a date! Like the other's have said offer the husband a choice of the urgent chores.