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I Hate Food..

RideAllWays

By RideAllWays
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

RideAllWays Enthusiast
RideAllWays
Posted

It's gotten to the point where I hate food, and eating. I'm always scared of getting sick..my anxiety has gotten to the point where I rarely go out. Because in the past my stomach has always had problems (D, vomiting, etc) I refuse to put myself in a situation where there isn't a bathroom nearby. I always have to sit on an aisle and theatres or in class, I hate taking the bus, a taxi and HATED the subway when I was in Toronto. I don't really go out anymore because of this irrational fear.

SO to try and make this better I haven't been eating. I figure if there is nothing in me, nothing can come out of me, right? I constantly think about food; what I'm going to eat that day, will it make me sick, read the labels, worry about CC..some of it I HAVE to do, because of the gluten of course, but it really takes over my mind. I no longer eat meat or animal products because I think they'll make me sick.

When I do eat food I feel nauseous right away, even on things I KNOW shouldn't make me sick, like spinach and rice. I love cooking for other people, and love making up recipes, I just don't like eating it myself really. Except sometimes I'll make something delicious, like brownies, and eat the whole pan without being able to control myself. Then I won't eat the next day really, and feel horrible about myself for my lack of control.

Does anybody have any experience with these types of feelings? I don't know what to do about it. I'm losing weight and I probably shouldn't be, but I like it and it feels good. I know I need to eat thought because I've been getting dizzy and have horrible headaches. I don't know if I'm looking for advice, support or what..but feel free to give me tough love, I can handle it.

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shopgirl Contributor
shopgirl
Posted

Have you considered speaking to a counselor or a therapist? This sounds like something you really need to get a handle on before it spins even further out of control.

RideAllWays Enthusiast
RideAllWays
Posted
  • Author

Yeah, I'm trying to talk to one through the university, because I can't afford to go private. The counselors there kind of want to just see somebody 2-3 times and send them on their merry way. There was a group at the hospital I went to this summer, but we weren't actually allowed to talk..it was classroom setting, teaching us definitions of different disorders, but not really any coping strategies or anything. Not really sure which direction to take this.

bonnie blue Explorer
bonnie blue
Posted

Hello friend,

There will be no tough love from me, because I know exactly how you feel. Eating also frightens me, recently I went to the doctor who said I am doing well on the gluten-free diet but now I have to go to another specialist because I still have the big D, low blood pressure, fatigue, dizziness, and a 70lb weight loss. I did go to the doctor and he did prescribe a med for my anxiety, because like you I am just afraid to eat. I am basically eating a little meat, fruits, and veggies, but nothing stays in.

So you are not alone in this, I know exactly how you feel, and everyone around you as much as they try do not fully understand what you are going through. That is why I love the people here, they understand and truly care.

So sending you a big hug, and just know you are not alone.

Deanna Marie Newbie
Deanna Marie
Posted

Hiya,

I have similar problems, I am trying to work out how to overcome the problem of not wanting to eat anything at all and I think I'm going to try and make a really cool cooked breakfast meal, made from things that I can eat, but aren't traditional breakfast foods, maybe fried potatoes, tomatoes, beans, egg...stuff thats yummy and will help me feel good and I am going to eat the same thing every day for breakfast!

Every Day you ask? The same cooked breakfast? Isn't that a bit boring? Not really, I say, I was eating Cornflakes, milk and sugar for breakfast for 35 years...now that really was boring!

The idea is that I will know I have eaten at least one good meal, right from the very start of the day, every day and then I can move forward and improve my daily lunch and evening meal routine aswell...it's just a start, as I know I can't do it all in one go, but I think it's what I need to do to start me off on the right road :)

Keep Smiling!

cahill Collaborator
cahill
Posted

It's gotten to the point where I hate food, and eating. I'm always scared of getting sick..my anxiety has gotten to the point where I rarely go out. Because in the past my stomach has always had problems (D, vomiting, etc) I refuse to put myself in a situation where there isn't a bathroom nearby. I always have to sit on an aisle and theatres or in class, I hate taking the bus, a taxi and HATED the subway when I was in Toronto. I don't really go out anymore because of this irrational fear.

SO to try and make this better I haven't been eating. I figure if there is nothing in me, nothing can come out of me, right? I constantly think about food; what I'm going to eat that day, will it make me sick, read the labels, worry about CC..some of it I HAVE to do, because of the gluten of course, but it really takes over my mind. I no longer eat meat or animal products because I think they'll make me sick.

When I do eat food I feel nauseous right away, even on things I KNOW shouldn't make me sick, like spinach and rice. I love cooking for other people, and love making up recipes, I just don't like eating it myself really. Except sometimes I'll make something delicious, like brownies, and eat the whole pan without being able to control myself. Then I won't eat the next day really, and feel horrible about myself for my lack of control.

Does anybody have any experience with these types of feelings? I don't know what to do about it. I'm losing weight and I probably shouldn't be, but I like it and it feels good. I know I need to eat thought because I've been getting dizzy and have horrible headaches. I don't know if I'm looking for advice, support or what..but feel free to give me tough love, I can handle it.

How about some tough love and some gentle hugs and some major concern.

I would think that for most of us there is some obsession with our food and fear about CC or getting ill from eating something, ,it is understandable.

But,,,, What you are describing is very close to crossing a line

When I was in my twenty's I went through quite a few years were I was anorexic. I hated food. I needed to control food instead of it controlling me. My concern is that you are headed down a very slippery slope .I understand your fear and obsession with your food. Can you talk to your doctor or dietitian, anyone??? What you are describing can quickly become an eating disorder.

Know that you are not alone, that there are others that understand.

Many hugs and much health to you ,, ((HUGS)) :wub:

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

If anyone can identify with what you are going through I can. I got to the point where I was literally afraid to leave the house. Years of an upset stomach causes its own fear issues and then once diagnosed the fear for me escalated to the point where it was very crippling because I was so afraid of getting glutened. I did finally get to a therapist and a good psychiatrist who prescribed and antianxiety med that has helped a lot. My 'official' diagnosis is PTSD. It took some time and baby steps but I can now eat and leave the house without worries. I started off with just a bite or two of a banana or another kind of fruit but now can eat a full meal and still be comfortable leaving the house.

I would encourage you to try and find a good doctor and therapist who can understand what you are going through. If nothing is available on campus find out what mental health services are available in the area you live in. I recently lost my health insurance and my counseling office hooked me up with the hospital that runs them and I was able to get on a sliding fee scale so I pay very, very little. This sort of thing is available in a lot of places. I don't have to go very often now but when I started I saw someone 2 or 3 times a month. You don't want this to get any worse.

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Skylark Collaborator
Skylark
Posted

You do have my support, and I am very concerned as well. It sounds like you are in a really bad place. :(

What you are describing is serious anxiety that is leading you into anorexia. It sounds like you need to take what counseling you can get, and also possibly talk to a doctor as well. There may be prescription medicines for the anxiety that you could use for a time to halt what is sounding like a very vicious anxiety cycle.

You mention being a student. Most student insurance policies have some coverage for private mental health care to make it more affordable if the campus counseling service is only designed for crisis management. It is generally through a referral from your primary care doctor. I strongly suggest you look into this, because anorexia is really tough to beat alone and you can do a tremendous amount of permanent damage to your body by refusing to eat.

Free-CountryGirl Apprentice
Free-CountryGirl
Posted

I hate to say this, but it sounds very much as though you are on the fast track to anorexia. Celiac disease actually inadvertantly caused me to become anorexic and then bulimic for about 2 years, before I discovered I even had celiacs. The fear to eat, even though it's not because you are afraid of gaining weight, enjoying unhealthy weightloss, extreme fear and anxiety, angry about your "lack of control" describes an eating disorder to the T. Please, you must get help right away, but I will tell you from experience now, in the end it's only you who can save yourself before things go too far, and it is only you who you need to fight. Stop this track now before it gets too out of control, because while things may not seem too bad at the moment, I can promise you life with an eating disorder is sheer hell.

I don't know how you feel about God, but I strongly suggest looking towards religion for guidance and strength. Coming from someone, me, who has "been there done that" it was in the end God who brought me out of my deep depression and prevented me from eventually committing suicide.

Message me if you ever need advice or help or someone to talk to :)

Please reach out for help asap. I know it may seem like I'm over-reacting, but I know how eating disorders and other paranoias creep up so quickly, stealing away someones life.

Meatballman Rookie
Meatballman
Posted

Four months since my celiac diagnosis.I feel them same way.Just had this conversation with my wife.Food and my stomach are making me some sort of prisoner.I am always afraid of getting sick food used to be enjoyable and something that comforted me.Now I fear it.This fear is starting to tamper with my social and professional life.I guess there is comfort in numbers.I hope we can get over this and someday laugh about it.

Mama Melissa Enthusiast
Mama Melissa
Posted

How long have you been on the diet??I went threw all the same feelings in the beginning and the good news is it is only been 4 months for me.Make sure you are taking your gluten-free multivitamin also before dinner i take a pill with acciphidophilus,b longum &FOS gives your belly the good bacterias that its lacking.I was very depressed for yrs and it seemed to get worse after the first 2 months so i am now on 10 ml of elavil i take 1 pill at night it helped tremendously with my stomach and depression.I honestly am getting abck to the point where ic an go back to the gym and get threw the day without feeling like poop.There is hope give it time and try different things along the way,we all need a push once in awhile>Feel free to pm me if you would like.Goodluck sweetie we have all been through such rough times but im soo greatful for this board xoxoxo~Melissa~

blockisland Rookie
blockisland
Posted

I am a new gluten intolerant. I am having a difficult time with the gluten free diet. I am always starving!!!!! I eat plenty of healthy non-gluten foods and I am still hungry.I have even had a few episodes of hypoglycemia in spite of eating. Does this taper off? Does my body just need to adjust? Food seems to take over your life with condition. Any suggestions ? I'm starving!!!!!!!P.S. The only thing that curbs my appetite is a piece of normal bread. I feel like a bread addict!

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

I am a new gluten intolerant. I am having a difficult time with the gluten free diet. I am always starving!!!!! I eat plenty of healthy non-gluten foods and I am still hungry.I have even had a few episodes of hypoglycemia in spite of eating. Does this taper off? Does my body just need to adjust? Food seems to take over your life with condition. Any suggestions ? I'm starving!!!!!!!P.S. The only thing that curbs my appetite is a piece of normal bread. I feel like a bread addict!

What are you eating?

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

I am a new gluten intolerant. I am having a difficult time with the gluten free diet. I am always starving!!!!! I eat plenty of healthy non-gluten foods and I am still hungry.I have even had a few episodes of hypoglycemia in spite of eating. Does this taper off? Does my body just need to adjust? Food seems to take over your life with condition. Any suggestions ? I'm starving!!!!!!!P.S. The only thing that curbs my appetite is a piece of normal bread. I feel like a bread addict!

Gluten is addictive, literally. You may be going through withdrawl and by giving in to it and eating wheat bread you are prolonging the withdrawl. It is normal for you to feel constantly hungrey at first. Eat whole unprocessed foods for the most part and make sure you are getting enough protein. The hunger will level off in a pretty short time as long as you keep away from the gluten.

RideAllWays Enthusiast
RideAllWays
Posted
  • Author

Thank you all so much for the support. Having a place where I can open up (helps being able to hide behind a computer screen) is priceless. I went to the doctor this week and I am back on Prozac, hopefully this will kick in soon. I'll look into seeing a counselor. Mama Melissa, it's been two years since I started the diet, and I don't miss gluten at all. I was feeling good, felt like I had everything in the right place, and it all fell apart this summer.

gf-soph Apprentice
gf-soph
Posted

I totally agree with the others that what you are describing is leading somewhere very unhealthy indeed. I'm really glad that you are looking after yourself by seeking help, it can be very hard to do.

I just wanted to lend my support and to say that I totally know how you feel. The only thing that stopped me from not eating completely about a year ago was that I had blood sugar issues at the time, so if I didn't eat I could barely walk. I used to say all the time that if I could choose to eat and feel ill, or never eat again, I would choose not to eat.

The happy thing is that it did change, slowly, for me. I have got to the point where I can eat pain free, and get adequate nutrition, and I can tell that my body is healing. It is possible to go through something like this and come out the other side ok. For me it was working out other food intolerances, which allowed my digestion and appetite to slowly come back to normal.

I hope that you are able to find the right combination of things to help you regain your health. Big hug!!

K8ling Enthusiast
K8ling
Posted

I was the same way when I first got diagnosed. Once I got the stomach thing under control I still was terrified to go anywhere. My doctor diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and put me on Lexapro which has helped SO much

Mama Melissa Enthusiast
Mama Melissa
Posted

it happens to the best of us,sometimes we need to reach out for help!I can tell you one thing your on the right track :)

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