How Often Do You Cheat?

[sandiz]

Can never cheat, it is too painful. It is poison to me.

[cap6]

I would never ever cheat. It would just negate all of the work I've done to be gluten free. If the two of you have children they are at risk for being celiac and I am if she would have trouble coping with a celiac child.

[domesticactivist]

It's nice to recommend a book to him, but it's a pretty big leap in logic to suggest HE is the one who needs therapy because he got involved with someone who has problems. He seems like a pretty together guy with a great head on his shoulders. He sees the problem, came here for answers and is taking all of our advice to heart. I think he sounds like a great catch who caught a rotten fish.

I agree that the OP sounds like a great guy, and I really do hope that he just got unlucky with her and will be able to easily move on now that he's seen this side of her. However, most people I have observed have a more difficult time than that, no matter how good they are as people. If it is more difficult than just throwing this fish back for the OP, it might be beneficial to consider what trying to help her does for him.

I wasn't suggesting that "he is the one who needs therapy." Rather, I was trying to get the point across that relationships are often about more than who is the good guy and who is the bad guy, and it might be helpful to consider that we are often attracted to others who fit us like puzzle pieces. Building awareness of that through therapy, reading, talking on a forum, or other means can help a person grow in ways that lead them toward healthier relationships.

That has been my experience, and I hope it is read and understood as a shared idea/perspective rather than an attack.

[sandsurfgirl]

I agree that the OP sounds like a great guy, and I really do hope that he just got unlucky with her and will be able to easily move on now that he's seen this side of her. However, most people I have observed have a more difficult time than that, no matter how good they are as people. If it is more difficult than just throwing this fish back for the OP, it might be beneficial to consider what trying to help her does for him.

I wasn't suggesting that "he is the one who needs therapy." Rather, I was trying to get the point across that relationships are often about more than who is the good guy and who is the bad guy, and it might be helpful to consider that we are often attracted to others who fit us like puzzle pieces. Building awareness of that through therapy, reading, talking on a forum, or other means can help a person grow in ways that lead them toward healthier relationships.

That has been my experience, and I hope it is read and understood as a shared idea/perspective rather than an attack.

Thanks for clarifying. I get what you're saying. Maybe I will read that book.

[msmini14]

I went gluten-free in february 2008, I ate gluten on purpose march of 08 because I couldn't resist and I didn't understand how important it was for me to eat gluten-free. Well after march of 08 I have never eaten gluten on purpose, it is not worth getting sick or any other affects that it takes on me.

It sucks because there are people out there who tell everyone they have celiac and then eat wheat. This causes some people not to take us seriously when we explain our situation.

[eatmeat4good]

You can lead a celiac to gluten free food but you cannot make her eat that way.

I'm sick as a dog and mentally ill with cross contamination. I would never cheat.

Gluten seriously disturbed my cognitive and mental ability. I had impaired perceptions and couldn't do basic problem solving like drawing connections between cause and effect. Maybe gluten is interfering with her cognitive processes. Anger and irritability are classic glutening symptoms, and you would have to live with that if she didn't stop eating gluten. Wow.

[steve-010]

Well, this weekend was full of BBQ's and whatnot for Memorial Day. It was a beautiful weekend up here and we sat pool side, etc.

We went to a party one of the nights and everything was going fine. Although, she did eat a hot dog. She didn't ask if they were gluten free (and honestly, I have no idea if they are). All she said is that they were good hot dogs, not the cheap ones, so they were fine. Whatever.

Anyway, I'm not her babysitter so I let her do her thing. She went inside the house and about 10 minutes later I went in to refill my drink (I wasn't drinking beer so that I wouldn't feel bad kissing her). I saw her throw something into the trash and then put her arms up like she was stretching. I didn't think much of it. It's 3 days later now and she confessed to eating a slice of pizza. The only reason she told me is because I would have seen the giant rash on her stomach. I went without eating any gluten around her and she has to sneak away from me to eat pizza!

The day before she ate some Carvel Ice Cream cake (Wheat something is 3rd ingredient). I asked her about this and she said she won't let me take that away from her. The next day she ate more Angel Food cake like she did the weekend before. Then on Monday she called me out for eating a cheese burger with a bun and said that she thought I was going gluten free.

Sorry for the rant. I just can't trust her anymore. I'm 95% gluten free while I'm around her but she's only 75% gluten-free around me (and probably only 50% gluten-free when I'm not around).

Big talk coming tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

[kareng]

Good luck, Steve! I think there are alot of women on here that would love to date you!

Someone should start a gluten-free/food allergy dating service.

[domesticactivist]

Good luck!

[tarnalberry]

Good luck!

It strikes me, reading what you wrote about her sneaking off to have a piece of pizza and "confessing her crimes" later is just such a huge red flag. What else might she sneak? I mean, if you guys want to have kids, she'd already be doing harm by eating gluten during a pregnancy (the celiac antibodies attack the placenta, increasing risk of miscarriage and prematurity), but what if she really wanted a drink, often? Would she say "oh, I just can't say no" and end up giving the kid fetal alcohol syndrome? What if she took to smoking? Or gambling? Or any other addictive behavior. Yes, yes - I realize that some people find gluten to be physiologically addictive, but if she won't even acknowledge her behavior and that she needs to work on it and/or get help...

Good luck! I hope the talk goes well.

[notme]

never EVER cheat. maybe she has never been 100% gluten free long enough to see what a huge difference it makes. it took awhile to 'detox' (ohhh, cranky, cranky) and to even out my digestion - although every day you feel a little better... also had to cut out alot of other things when i went gluten-free like dairy, soy, certain veges and fruits, etc. i lived for years (25 years!!!) without knowing i could feel this good and no way did i want to change my diet when i was dx'd! yet i managed to raise 4 children to decent human adulthood. did have one miscarriage, though. if my husband gave up on me i don't know how i would have survived till now. i was very, very reckless when we started dating....... i hope everything works out....... but her brain may not be working - i know mine didn't. he was my voice of reason.