Irritated In-laws

[cgilsing]

Hi everybody,

I know that celiac disease is not commonly understood by the average person and I really am not bothered too much when people ask me stupid questions like "So can you eat corn?" However, all I ask is to be left alone to picking what foods I do or don't want to eat...

Most of the people around me are really understanding, my mom and dad don't even have wheat flour in their house anymore and my sweet husband is a label reading pro, but my inlaws act like it is such an inconvienence to them that I can't eat whatever I want..

I was at their house this weekend and my mother-in-law started in with the maybe you'll grow out of it comments...then we went to an outdoor festival thing and there was the eye rolling over my inability to drink the beer. The next morning when we got up my father-in-law had made breakfast (bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns...at least not biscuits and gravy right!). I have had problems with bacon in the past and have found that some brands bother me. My husband quickly asked what brand the bacon was. It was sams club and maple flavored. I've had a bad week anyway and really didn't want to eat it. That's fine!! I really don't care about the bacon!! I dove into the eggs and tried to keep moving, but the whole family got caught up in this bacon conversation and my father in law was insisting on my eating the bacon. Later on I walked in the kitchen to hear them still talking (and still irritated) about my not eating bacon!! WHO CARES!!!

I'm not celiac disease to inconvienence them.

My father in law has Diabetes and although he should be on a strict diet...isn't. He just eats what he wants and then gives himself a shot. While I'm probably not going to keel over dead if I eat gluten, I can't just give myself a shot and make it go away. I don't know how to make them understand that I'm not just high maintanance or whiney or something....I'm just protecting my health which in turn makes the people around me happier too.

I guess following a diet is just so foreign to them...for Christ's sake their dog is supposed to be on a diet and they can't even stick to that!

Thanks for hearing me vent.....I really do have GREAT inlaws...it's just this one little thing that is getting one my nerves...

[Jnkmnky]

My inlaws are like that and I don't know why either. Four years later and they still can't accept this disease.

[skbird]

Everytime I see my MIL I have to re-explain. She lives 20 mins away and I see her reasonably often. When I get done explaining, she looks at me really concerned and says, each time, "Stephanie, didn't you ever notice before in your life you had these problems?" like this is sort of out of the blue so it must not be true or something. Not exactly putting me down but never just saying, "OK, I understand" or "OK, we can work with that" or something similar. I don't feel comfortable eating any of her food anymore which is too bad for her because she loves to cook for everyone, but she keeps forgetting. So I usually bring my own meal or we bring over an entire dinner when we're visiting. And she always looks sad when I do this...

Sigh. I know what you mean...

Stephanie

[ianm]

If your father in law has diabetes and is stupid enough not to take care of it properly then there is no way you will ever get him to understand celiac disease. Whenever I have to deal with idiots like that I just stand my ground. If they get offended then that is there problem not mine.

[KaitiUSA]

Well I do not have inlaws but I have the extended family and they fill that job quite well. Some try to get it but others do not even try and I feel like I waste my breath sometimes. I'm always asked "would you like a roll" or whatever else they have there that I obviously can't have. One person in my family came up to me and said " I wish you could eat anything because then I would invite you along on the family vacation"(which I went on some of those vacations before I was sick)

I take the same approach as Ian... if you stand your ground and they get offended then tough luck ...thats their problem

[jenvan]

Wow, sometimes I can't get over how some people just lack basic social skills and will be rude to someone's face! Boggles my mind... But as has been said here...if you have explained it, it doesn't seem like re-explaining will help these folks. Sounds like you just need to keep your boundaries with them, and don't let them get a reaction from you on their comments and attitude...hopefully with time it will fade... I hope your husband is able to stand up for you when appropriate to do so... And hopefully you don't have to eat with them often !

[nikki-uk]

Jenvan,I think you've hit the nail on the head.It's a lack of 'social skills' that makes family behave like that.

It's almost 'anyone who doesn't do as I do is wrong'

I can't remember how many times my hubbie has been asked by his brother'do you want a beer?'-sigh

His brother says 'oh I couldn't give up beer/bread ever'

My husband says'if you were as ill as me I think you might'.

We've discussed often what happens if a person with'that' mindset gets celiac disease?

I reckon that they'd probably cut years off their life due to complications,that's if the cancer didn't get them first.

My hubbie has resigned himself to the fact that his brother is never gonna'get it'(as in understand)

[terri]

I'm so glad you didn't eat that bacon! The Kirkland (Costco) maple flavored bacon has gluten (I called them) so it's my bet that the Sam's Club maple flavored bacon does too!

I think sometimes when in-laws or even close friends hear about our diagnosis and lifestyle adjustment that they get irritated because they feel bad for us. That, and they have to make lots of concessions themselves. Also, they probably wonder how it affects their "child". What is it going to do to HIS quality of life? I know that everytime I would mention to my MIL going somewhere she would always be quick with "but can YOU do that? Is it okay for YOU?" Or if my husband would mention something she'd be like "well Terri can't do THAT". Making me feel quite guilty. I guess it's just a parent thing. So, I quickly learned to be a little assertive. When she'd come for dinner and bring her ritz crackers, I'd just say, "sorry, I don't allow gluten crackers in my house. I have lots of yummy rice crackers to serve." When she'd mention going out to dinner, I'd say fine and choose a celiac friendly restaurant. Eventually she adjusted, and hopefully, in time your in-laws will too. I also started giving her literature about it to read. It's not going away, so you need to get them to understand now, even if it involves a sit-down quiet and informative discussion. Please, don't let their attitude drag you down. You have enough on your plate right now!

[jenvan]

Ah ha! nikki made me think of something else--'misery loves company', as a friend of mine says... and when you are trying to make healthy choices for yourself, it probably makes your FIL feel guilty for his own poor choices somewhere inside himself--even if he seems to not care about his diabetes and revels in his bacon. if everyone else around him gives in, then no guilt, everyone is 'going down together'... kind-of like a friend of mine who stopped drinking, and suddenly all of his good friends no longer wanted to be around him--if he wasn't going to participate in getting drunk as well, they didn't want him around. when you make good choices in your FIL's presence, you call attention to his own poor actions in some form. very interesting...

[ianm]

Jen I think you hit the nail on the head. A lot of people I know would like to be as healthy as I have become but they are either too lazy or too stupid to do what it takes. Because of that they lash out at me and try to drag me down to their level. It makes them even more frustrated when they realize that I will not budge at all and bend to their way. These kind of morons are being pushed out of my life and being replaced by a higher quality of people. What goes around eventually comes around.

[nikki-uk]

What goes around comes around.

That's got to be my favourite saying!But seriously,if family can't be bothered to even understand celiac disease-to me that shows a lack of respect for their own health(especially my beer drinking brother in law who already has some symptoms of celiac disease!)

[kabowman]

My MIL keeps trying to "cure" me with her medications - her thyroid meds worked wonders for her, why, they should work wonders for me. Never mind the fact that my thyroid has been checked, twice, in the last year and is FINE.

Of course, she is also blaming sister-in-law's new cat for their child's (S&BIL) epilipsy seizures.

Not to sound like a snob, but it is lack of education, understanding, and social skills. Very nice but no real clue...I just keep explaining that, NO, I don't have a thyroid problem so your drugs won't cure me and NO, the CAT CANNOT possibly be causing the seizures.

[mytummyhurts]

My blood pressure is rising reading this! I don't understand why some people feel the need to tell you what is and isn't good for you when they don't understand this disease. It's really irritating. Good for you standing your ground and not eating the bacon. I'm proud of you for putting up with this! So far I've not encountered people who treat me that way because of this, I'm afraid to go stay with my husband family though. Some of them may not be so understanding as mine has been.