I Just Want The Holidays To Be Over

[catsmeow]

Sounds great! IDK if we'd be able to make it or not, but I'd love to find a support group. I feel very alone out here in BFE stumbling in the dark!

Aw, that's to bad. You actually do have a support group in San Angelo, but they don't have a website. Let me see if I can find it again. BME....ha ha..I have not heard that term in a long time. Funny!!!

Celiac Sprue Association

CSA Resource Unit #3023

Becky Zarnowski, San Angelo

325-944-0130, bazarnow@suddenlink.net

[jswog]

Aw, that's to bad. You actually do have a support group in San Angelo, but they don't have a website. Let me see if I can find it again. BME....ha ha..I have not heard that term in a long time. Funny!!!

Celiac Sprue Association

CSA Resource Unit #3023

Becky Zarnowski, San Angelo

325-944-0130, bazarnow@suddenlink.net

Thank you, Trish! I'm going to call her!

[MenHen]

Hello! I am new to the board and only about 4 weeks gluten free, so I understand the stress of the holidays. What has helped me is pre-planning. Are your daughters gluten free for health reasons or out of convenience? If they cannot eat gluten, I would highly suggest you cooking your own meal for everyone either before Thanksgiving, as the others have mentioned, or staying home on Thanksgiving day and cooking then. That way you and your daughters get to have a full spread. Then either bring leftovers to your family or spend the next day or weekend with them. Whichever you feel you can do best.

Even though my dad and step-mom are supportive, there is no way I would trust her to cook gluten free on a holiday, which we have a larger family. Maybe after she continues to learn, but there are just too many people grabbing this or that. It would just be asking way too much of her as well. Fortunately for me, my two sisters and I have already cooked a full t-day dinner for my mom and grandma for the past several years. We have it before T-day or early T-day. They are both in a nursing home and unable to travel the distance to our homes. This year, I just told my step-mom to not be concerned about the gluten, that I would bring left overs from my mom's dinner. Also, I had told her before my first visit (before I even knew her attitude about it) that if I turn something down to eat, its not that I am being rude. Its because I dont want to get sick. Its not worth it. If your parents are not supportive at all then it will be tougher. This will be for the rest of your life, so try to think of how you want this to go now and in the future. Be polite, but firm. I know it would be awesome for them to cook gluten-free, but that is obviously not going to happen, at least anytime soon.

I think by being pro-active before people give you a chance to be unsupportive has helped me. When I go to family or friends, I tell them that, sadly, I won't be able to eat what they serve and give a brief reason as to why. I ask what they plan to serve, so I can bring similar food. I think that takes the burden off of others too. I know that a good friend that is a very patient and understanding person freaked out the first time I came over. He didnt want to make any mistakes or make me feel uncomfortable. It made me realize how stressful it can be on others as well as us.

Anyway, I made my first gluten free dressing this weekend and it turned out great. My mother's recipe is gluten free except the bread. I just subbed gluten-free bread for regular bread and it was great. There are lots of recipes out there. I plan to make green bean casserole this weekend. I googled a recipe and found one that had instructions for making your own french fried onions. Personally for me, dressing, turkey, green bean casserole and my pecan pie are all I care about. I plan to get fresh pecans this year for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Although frustrating, start planning now and it will make you feel a lot better!

[bartfull]

What is it with sisters? I had the same issue and I have decided not to be in the same room with her again. It means we will not see that part of the family on Thanksgiving, and my mom is so upset. But you know, that's okay. Peace is a good thing. We are actually going hiking instead on Thanksgiving and then over to some other relatives on the day after Thanksgiving for a gluten-free meal, since they are gluten-free too. You should read the book "Boundaries", and the section on famlies. Life is too short to put up with someone who hates you - even on Thanksgiving! (I know lots of people will not agree - but if you have someone attacking you in front of other relatives, then - it's best to avoid the whole situation). My mom and I are just getting together on days apart from holidays when my sister is there. Life is much more peaceful!!!

You are important rainer83!

I have a sister like that too! As a matter of fact, she "disowned" the whole family, and now she is my only living relative, but I haven't talked to her in almost eight years. She lives in another state. When I moved here (South Dakota) from Connecticut I thought I should call her to let her know, just in case she ever needed to talk to me. She said she doesn't even want to know me. Well, OK I guess.

I must admit though, after reading some of these posts, it's not too bad being "alone in the world". I can get together with friends on the holidays or I can just stay home. Lately, I and some other single friends who don't have family here have been going to the American Legion, which puts on a FABULOUS meal. I will be bringing my bowl of brown rice with caluiflower and chicken, and eating it at the Legion with my friends.

[rainer83]

What is it with sisters? I had the same issue and I have decided not to be in the same room with her again. It means we will not see that part of the family on Thanksgiving, and my mom is so upset. But you know, that's okay. Peace is a good thing. We are actually going hiking instead on Thanksgiving and then over to some other relatives on the day after Thanksgiving for a gluten-free meal, since they are gluten-free too. You should read the book "Boundaries", and the section on famlies. Life is too short to put up with someone who hates you - even on Thanksgiving! (I know lots of people will not agree - but if you have someone attacking you in front of other relatives, then - it's best to avoid the whole situation). My mom and I are just getting together on days apart from holidays when my sister is there. Life is much more peaceful!!!

You are important rainer83!

Thank you! I'm so relieved to know that I am not alone. People always judge my situation by saying "You can't hate your sister, she's family!" Well, family doesn't treat each other like our sisters do. I usually make a small desert for my parents and I when I come down, and we have that as a family. She's even got her kids against the gluten free life. Every time I make something for Christmas, she tells them not to eat it or they'll get really sick. You're right, life is too short to put up with people like them, which is why I don't. She ruined my life thus far and I'll be damned if I keep letting her ruin Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter!

[alex11602]

I talked to my mom yesterday and she said that she was going to make the stuffing gluten free and would make baked apples for dessert for my family. I was extremely shocked because she has always made the same foods from the same recipes and I am so grateful. I still say that the holidays are a bit trying though.

[Katrala]

I just sat down with my cousins this morning to plan our family Thanksgiving.

I'm fortunate, though, in that my family is very supportive and one of my cousins is a manager at a Whole Foods.

We are having some stuff that has gluten and some stuff that isn't. We always have several people bringing stuff and I'm bringing several gluten-free dishes and a gluten-free dessert.

The night before I always have a smaller Thanksgiving at my mom's (we all go to the bigger Thanksgiving the next day) and she is making sure the turkey she makes isn't CCd, so I'm just going to bring some of that with me the next day so I can have turkey as well.

While I know every family isn't like mine, I've found that when dealing with people who just don't get it the best thing is speak up and offer to bring whatever, etc.

Or, if your family is the type that really wants everything to be just-so and perfect, bring peanut butter sandwiches to eat for yourself and mess up the scene.

[Bobbie Jo]

Thank you! I'm so relieved to know that I am not alone. People always judge my situation by saying "You can't hate your sister, she's family!" Well, family doesn't treat each other like our sisters do. I usually make a small desert for my parents and I when I come down, and we have that as a family. She's even got her kids against the gluten free life. Every time I make something for Christmas, she tells them not to eat it or they'll get really sick. You're right, life is too short to put up with people like them, which is why I don't. She ruined my life thus far and I'll be damned if I keep letting her ruin Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter!

Amen sister.

[tarnalberry]

Either make the things you usually have gluten free at home and bring food for yourself, eat before hand, or invite people over and make it all gluten-free. Traditions have to change eventually, and all of it can be gluten free, likely without anyone knowing.

[katecopsey]

Not sure that this is going to help you but first of all take a good snack with you so that if you have to sit at the table, you can pick at the food only. Turkey without gravy should be ok, so should mashed potatoes unless they come from a packet (which I have idea if they are gluten-free). Some turkeys can be infused with 'stock/moisturizers' or something but not all of them. How does she make the bean salad? could you make that using gluten-free ingredients?

Of course your husband (and I love that he is supportive - that is so helpful) should tell the family that anything with ingredients that contain flour are not acceptable for you and make you very ill. Being able to be social and with family is important, and the meal is only part of the gathering, so try to be a little more positive and go for the people, and take a few dishes that you make to share.

Good luck!

[domesticactivist]

I think the way you are feeling is a normal part of adjusting to your new life. In a way it is a grieving process. Let yourself have those feelings.

On the practical side, we bring our entire meal for our family, and a dish to share. This way cross contamination and our other dietary details don't ruin the holiday. This year we are bringing a turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, veggies of some sort, and squash pie for our family. We are also bringing a green salad to share. It is kind of weird and really is a lot of work, but the family is getting used to us bringing our own food now and it is worth it to us to be able to be there.

[cap6]

I'm not looking forward to the holiday. T'giving will only be the 3 of us but this is the time when my 98% gluten free household decides that they need gluten bread for turkey sandwiches, gluten stuffing, gluten muffins, gluten pie . "It's not Thanksgiving without it". grrr

[mommida]

Thank you! I'm so relieved to know that I am not alone. People always judge my situation by saying "You can't hate your sister, she's family!" Well, family doesn't treat each other like our sisters do. I usually make a small desert for my parents and I when I come down, and we have that as a family. She's even got her kids against the gluten free life. Every time I make something for Christmas, she tells them not to eat it or they'll get really sick. You're right, life is too short to put up with people like them, which is why I don't. She ruined my life thus far and I'll be damned if I keep letting her ruin Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter!

So what would she do if she or her kids ended up having Celiac!!!?

In life you get to choose your friends.

I'm bringing gluten free safe food to the in-laws for dinner. I should have everything ready for a quick zap in the micro.

For Christmas we stay home and invite famnily over for a fully gluten free meal. My sister comes early to use gluten free flour for her recipes. We have extra time to visit and I know she's my friend too.

When we learn how to give up toxic gluten, we sometimes have a harder time giving up the toxic relationships.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my gluten free Peeps (sorry I'm late for you Canadians)! Celebrate any way you feel is best for you!