Jump to content
This site uses cookies. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. More Info... ×

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

A Joke For Today

IrishHeart

Recommended Posts

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

Ditto that IH.

:lol:

why does this not surprise moi?

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


  • Replies 75
  • Created
  • Last Reply
squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Truth to tell, I probably wouldn't have left well enough alone.laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

IDIOT SIGHTINGS 1-10

I just love these......they make me feel like a Mensa candidate.

IDIOT SIGHTING 1

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

I said "May I have large bills, please?"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor, I explained it to her.

IDIOT SIGHTING 2

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING 3

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING 4

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at Mickey D's.

IDIOT SIGHTING 5

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING 6

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING 7

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

:blink:

IDIOT SIGHTING 8

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

and she was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING 9

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

:blink:

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING 10

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

and she is a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office.

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

pricklypear1971 Community Regular
pricklypear1971
Posted

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

Have you seen the movie Idiocracy?

Yep. That's where it's headed.

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

:lol:

well, that's just too funny-- because those 2 sentences were at the bottom of the email these idiot sightings were in.

Are you reading my email again? :ph34r:

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

:lol:

well, that's just too funny-- because those 2 sentences were at the bottom of the email these idiot sightings were in.

Are you reading my email again? :ph34r:

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

To both you Karen & to Irish laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

The weird thing Karen is that Irish probably does have a friend named Mary & her trash p/u has been moved. Synchronicity happens!

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

To both you Karen & to Irish laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

The weird thing Karen is that Irish probably does have a friend named Mary & her trash p/u has been moved. Synchronicity happens!

I know. I just say that stuff to freak her out! ;)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

Aha! I KNEW IT!! :ph34r:

okay, this is the truth.

Actually, I DO have a friend named Mary (since the first grade)

and our trash pickup, which is normally on Tuesday mornings WILL probably be on Wednesday this week.

:ph34r:

If Mary has a granddaughter, however, that is news to me and now, I am supremely miffed because she did not tell me about it. Well, screw her, then-- I am Never speaking to her again. There goes that 48- year friendship.........

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I know. I just say that stuff to freak her out! ;)

you know it. :ph34r:

remember the time I asked if you were peeking in my windows and you said maybe, and you told me my house was white??

that was creepy :unsure:

:lol:

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

you know it. :ph34r:

remember the time I asked if you were peeking in my windows and you said maybe, and you told me my house was white??

that was creepy :unsure:

:lol:

I think, in your part of the country, the odds are in my favor that your house is white.

Or.... B)

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

You guys are making me laugh. Thanks!

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

You guys are making me laugh. Thanks!

phew! that's what we were going for. :lol:

Good thing, too becuz this thread is called "a joke for today", not "here's your buzz -kill for today."

(we get enough of that elsewhere.)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I think, in your part of the country, the odds are in my favor that your house is white.

Or.... B)

um, what color are they in your part of the country??

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

um, what color are they in your part of the country??

Right now the popular colors are shades of brown and tan.

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Here in Nevada, everything is "desert" something or other :lol:

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I want to live somewhere where my house can be mango or salmon or

goldfinch colored. B)

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

I want to live somewhere where my house can be mango or salmon or

goldfinch colored. B)

And who is stopping you from painting it any color you want?

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

And who is stopping you from painting it any color you want?

:lol: it's siding.

....and I really meant....I want to live in those color houses because that is usually where it is warm....like where YOU live B)

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Okay, I get you. Well, we could house trade for 1/2 the year. But you have to come here in the summer cause it's TOO hot for me.

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

Okay, I get you. Well, we could house trade for 1/2 the year. But you have to come here in the summer cause it's TOO hot for me.

I can't get hubs to go for those hot summers (yet) or I'd live there tomorrow.

There is no such thing as too hot for me. Too cold is not "my thang".

For a true New Englander, that does not make sense, I know.

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

And shroomie, what's up with that anyway? All the browns & tans for homes there in the desert. We watch house hunters & that's all you see. You would think people would want some blues & greens --- cool colors. Is it a law there that you have to match the desert or what?

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

And shroomie, what's up with that anyway? All the browns & tans for homes there in the desert. We watch house hunters & that's all you see. You would think people would want some blues & greens --- cool colors. Is it a law there that you have to match the desert or what?

Where I live it is, but then we are a PUD :D I think the idea is to blend in with the landscape, not be an eyesore :unsure: But I guess everything would blend in with snow, which is what it is doing this morning afternoon. Well, not a lot here but it sure is up on the passes. Glad we came back from SF yesterday :)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I think the idea is to blend in with the landscape

and maybe that is why the houses in the NE are almost all white....blend in with the snow? or maybe it was that "puritanical thing" :lol:

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):



    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):



  • Recent Activity

    1. trents
      - trents replied to barb simkin's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      8

      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      So, you had both and endoscopy with biopsy and a colonoscopy. That helps me understand what you were trying to communicate. No, no! It never occurred to me that you were trying to mislead me. It's just that we get a lot of posters on the forum who are misinformed about what celiac disease is and how it is diagnosed so I need some clarification from you which...
    2. barb simkin
      - barb simkin replied to barb simkin's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      8

      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      I had both the genetic genes for celiac. My gastroenologist advised he also took a biopsy during one of my colonoscopies and endoscopy and advised I had celiac disease, along with stomach ulcers from my esophagus stomach down to my small bowel. I was shown the ulcers on the catscan and endoscopy report. I also had polyps in 3 places throughout my large...
    3. trents
      - trents replied to barb simkin's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      8

      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      So, I'm a little confused here. I understand you to say that you have not been officially diagnosed with celiac disease. Is this correct? You have had genetic testing done to check for the potential for developing celiac disease and that was positive. Is this correct? I think you meant to type "gluten sensitivity" but you typed "gluten insensitivity...
    4. pweidema
      - pweidema commented on Scott Adams's article in Autumn 2025 Issue
      1

      The Unexpected Gluten Traps in International Snacks: What Not to Bring Back From Vacation

      Very informative. Thank you!
    5. barb simkin
      - barb simkin replied to barb simkin's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      8

      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      I did nor read the chocolate pkg as it was of fered to me and I ate 2 pcs. I do know that only very dark chocolate and and a very few others are gluten free. Most alcohols contain gluten. I have several yrs of not knowing my celiac condition as docs would not do the test. After looking on the internet about my sufferings I insisted on the gene trsting...
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,335
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    DME
    Newest Member
    DME
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • trents
      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      By trents · Posted

      So, you had both and endoscopy with biopsy and a colonoscopy. That helps me understand what you were trying to communicate. No, no! It never occurred to me that you were trying to mislead me. It's just that we get a lot of posters on the forum who are misinformed about what celiac disease is and how it is diagnosed so I need some clarification from you which you were so gracious to give.
    • barb simkin
      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      By barb simkin · Posted

      I had both the genetic genes for celiac.  My gastroenologist advised he also took a biopsy during one of my colonoscopies and endoscopy and advised I had celiac disease, along with stomach ulcers from my esophagus stomach down to my small bowel. I was shown the ulcers on the catscan and endoscopy report.  I also had polyps in 3 places throughout my large bowel. I was on a strict diet for months following.  I am sorry if I didnt define how I was diagnosed with celiac disease.  I am sorry if you think I was misleading you. I also had to pay $150.00 for the genetic testing.
    • trents
      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      By trents · Posted

      So, I'm a little confused here. I understand you to say that you have not been officially diagnosed with celiac disease. Is this correct?  You have had genetic testing done to check for the potential for developing celiac disease and that was positive. Is this correct? I think you meant to type "gluten sensitivity" but you typed "gluten insensitivity". Just so we are clear about the terminology, there is celiac disease and there is NCGS (Non Celiac Gluten Sensitivity). They are not the same but they have overlapping symptoms. Celiac disease causes damage to the small bowel lining but NCGS does not. NCGS is often referred to in short form as gluten sensitivity. However, people often use the terms celiac disease and gluten sensitivity interchangeably so it can be unclear which disease they are referring to. Genetic testing cannot be used to diagnose celiac disease but it can be used to establish the potential to develop active celiac disease. About 40% of the general population has one or both of  the genes that have been most strongly connected with the potential to develop active celiac disease but only about 1% of the population actually develops active celiac disease. This makes the genetic test useful for ruling out celiac disease but not for diagnosing it. A colonoscopy cannot be used to diagnose celiac disease because it doesn't permit the scope to go up into the small bowel where celiac disease does the damage. They use an endoscopy ("upper GI) for checking the small bowel lining for celiac damage.
    • barb simkin
      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      By barb simkin · Posted

      I did nor read the chocolate pkg as it was of fered to me and I ate 2 pcs. I do know that only very dark chocolate and and a very few others are gluten free. Most alcohols contain gluten. I have several yrs of not knowing my celiac condition as docs would not do the test. After looking on the internet about my sufferings I insisted on the gene trsting which showed positive for gluten insensitivity and a biopsy on my next colonoscopy that also showed positive which could not help the damage done to my small bowel. So I very rarely have a glass of wine
    • trents
      celiac, chocolate and alcohol

      By trents · Posted

      @barb simkin, are you sure the chocolate products are gluten-free and not "manufactured on equipment that also handles wheat products and tree nuts", i.e., cross-contamination? And what kind of alcoholic beverages are we talking about? Most beers are made from gluten-containing grains. Just checking.
×
×
  • Create New...