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Funny Things That Happened To Me Along The Way

Finally-45

By Finally-45
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

Finally-45 Contributor
Finally-45
Posted

I just reached my 1 year anniversary. I thought I'd share a few funny things that happened. I have teens who were with me on many of these events, so you can imagine the number of times I've reheard the stories with rolls of laughter.

1. Me: Do you have a gluten-free menu?

Waitress: No, we don't charge for you to see the menu.

2. Me: Would you happen to have an ingredient or allergen list for your products?

Waiter: Such as...

Me: You know, like when a person is allergic to peanuts or wheat...

Waiter: Oh you want to know if we have oats in our food?

(I never figured this one out, we assumed he must have had someone before me who asked about oats and wheat in the same question.)

3. Co-worker: Please have some brownies.

Me: No thanks.

Co-worker: Oh I insist, everyone says they're good.

Me: No, I eat gluten-free, I'll have to pass.

Co-worker: Oh no, no, they're low calorie brownies.

4. Family member: What is celiac?

[i answered the question]

Family member: Does that mean you can't eat meat?

5. Family member: So what DO you eat?

[i answered the question with emphasis on unprocessed meat, vegetables, fruit, yogurt, rice, potatoes, and so on.]

Family member: What store do you go to..cause I don't eat any of those things....

6. Another family member chimes in: Oh I see gluten-free products at the store all of the time.

Me: Yes, times have gotten better for Celiacs.

Family member: You mean this has been going on for years?

7. Family member: Did you get the kids tested too?

Me: Yes... they don't have it.

Family member: Thank God, they can be normal.

8. Me: [in MoMs Organic Market asking for gluten-free lip gloss]

Clerk: I'm glad I could help. Someone else came in here looking for gluten-free products... if you don't mind... what happens if you eat gluten?

Me: [i gave some symptoms, but emphasized everyone can have different experiences.]

Clerk: Does that mean you could kiss someone and give it to them?

9: Me: [in Bare Minerals, mentioning that it's nice to know their entire product line is gluten-free.]

Clerk: Oh you have cancer?! We get a lot of cancer patients.

10: And the mother of them all-

Me: I'll take the burger with no bun from the gluten-free menu. [and I pointed at it]

Waiter: Ok, that'll be a burger.

Me: From the gluten-free menu right?

Waiter: Oh yeah sure.

[The burger comes out on a bun.]

Me: I don't think this is gluten-free.

Waiter: It is...

[He ends up getting the manager.]

Manager: Is there a problem with your gluten-free burger?

Me: Yes, it's on bread.

Manager: [Whips it away, has the cook start over.]

Waiter: Sorry about that, I thought gluten was lettuce or something.

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GottaSki Mentor
GottaSki
Posted

Congratulations on your one year anniversary!

and thanks for the giggles

I've had a very similar experience to all of these and I'd guess we are not alone ;)

gatita Enthusiast
gatita
Posted

These are hilarious, thanks!

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

These are great!

My fav: "Thank God, they can be normal."

(? nothing quite like a back-handed compliment?) :lol:

I hope you answered with a big smile and a "Oh gosh, yes, I am so grateful! One of us abnormals in the house is plenty."

Fantastic recollections of your first year--thanks so much for sharing. Laughing my butt off here.

and I'm loving your sig line:

"Just enough Irish genes to put up a fight and beat all of the above."

I hear ya, sister. ;)

1974girl Enthusiast
1974girl
Posted

Man I am sad. We have been doing this 9 months and I have not had any of those hilarious things! I needed that! I do have people ask what gluten is and stuff but nothing that funny! Thanks!

Persei V. Enthusiast
Persei V.
Posted

"Can you eat pasta?"

"No."

"So do you want a slice of cake, some cookies, I don't know, something?"

True story,

GFreeinFL Newbie
GFreeinFL
Posted

Congrats on your anniversary! I loved reading your list, as it reminded me of conversations I've had as well. The most common reaction I get once I explain what I cannot eat is, "what about bread? pasta? bagels?" "I don't know how you could live without bread!" Guess it's hard to imagine being from NY and not enjoying pizza or bagels!

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1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted

ha ha HA!

Diana

Finally-45 Contributor
Finally-45
Posted
  • Author

Yes, I think it's a sign that nutrition should always be a required part of high school health! It's amazing how many people don't really understand food groups, not to mention food sensitivities. A lot of these folks were youngsters. No wonder the country isn't eating right.

I also eat at a lot of ethnic food (especially those with curried sauces, which are normally coconut cream based.) where some of the employees have limited English. I have had some funny times with them also, but I excuse them since they often know terms such as 'breading' or 'crust', but may not understand the words 'wheat' or 'gluten'. It's easier to buy the products and read the label of couse. However, I have been pleasantly surprised at some Asian places that now carry the gluten-free soy sauce. As soon as you say "gluten-free" they'll immediately ramble off a few menu items made with corn starch and no soy sauce, even if the rest of their English is very broken. If you ask them to clean the grill or otherwise avoid cross contamination, they'll roll their eyes and say, "Yes!" Works for me. Comical, but we get through it.

kittty Contributor
kittty
Posted

Those were hilarious!

I ordered a sandwich without the bread once, and the server asked why. I told her I couldn't eat gluten, and she said "it's okay because we only use whole wheat bread here." :rolleyes:

Finally-45 Contributor
Finally-45
Posted
  • Author

I ordered a sandwich without the bread once, and the server asked why. I told her I couldn't eat gluten, and she said "it's okay because we only use whole wheat bread here." :rolleyes:

Oh man, that made me laugh so hard!

ndw3363 Contributor
ndw3363
Posted

Early last year when I first started my gluten-free journey, I went to eat at a restaurant - asked the hostess for their gluten-free menu. They had the typical "Allergen" menu, but that works just fine. Our server comes to the table (a very perky 19 year old looking young woman named Amber) to take our order. As I ordered, I must have pointed to what I wanted - she looks at the menu "oh no sweetie that's our allergen menu". Me: yes, I know I asked for this menu. Her: "Oh you poor thing! I just had an older lady that had that too!" Somehow, ordering a steak with no seasoning and extra vegetables qualifies as a hardship.

It's funny how your tastes change too - I will sometimes "indulge" and eat the gluten-free bread they offer at Cooper's Hawk - always served piping hot with real butter (sooo good!!!) - my friend tried it and couldn't stop talking about how awful it was and how her normal pretzel bread was SOO much better and poor me for having to eat this other crap. Personally, I love the stuff! I hardly eat any starches anymore, so having any of that occasionally is a treat.

Thanks for the laugh! Needed that today!

Lizanne Newbie
Lizanne
Posted

So funny! ?thanks for sharing. It's almost 2 months for me since being diagnosed with Celiac disease and I am so surprised as to how little people understand what I have and what gluten is.

heather806 Rookie
heather806
Posted

At a restaurant last month:

Me: Do you have a gluten-free menu by any chance?

Waitress: Uh, no I don't think so, lemme ask my manager. <comes back> Sorry, he said we don't. But I can assure you that we don't use horse hooves in anything we make."

Me: uhh...horse hooves?

Waitress: I know gluten is made of horse's hooves...you know like in Jello. My friend is a vegetarian and she won't eat Jello.

Me: Ohhhhh! <Laughing way too hard for a second or two> You mean gelatin...

We then had a brief discussion of what gluten is and isn't in. lol She couldn't have been older than 18 or 19.

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

<snort> horse hooves.... :lol:

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted

After a friend had been playing with the rolls, slicing them for sandwiches, he stuck his hands in the bacon that was being laid out on a pan. I noticed and informed him that that bacon was now out of bounds for me, and another friend says, 'Well, won't it just, like, cook off in the oven?' If that were the case, then I could eat BREAD. Getting hot doesn't magically make gluten disappear!

missmellie Newbie
missmellie
Posted

These are some great stories!! I've had quite a laugh. Thank you so much for sharing.

:lol:

  • 3 weeks later...
heather806 Rookie
heather806
Posted

These are some great stories!! I've had quite a laugh. Thank you so much for sharing.

:lol:

I yelped in the grocery aisle the other day. I was looking at a multivitamin's ingredients and the word "wheat" jumped out at me. I yelped and put that bottle back so fast you would have thought it was a hot potato. The woman a few feet away looked at me like I was insane. :lol:

But seriously, wheat in a freakin' multi-vitamin? Why!? lol

Finally-45 Contributor
Finally-45
Posted
  • Author

Gelatin! Funny!

No matter how hard you annunciate, someone will still think you're saying "glucose."

Me: I tried a gluten-free diet for a few weeks and then ate a cookie.... threw up and had horrible diarrhea....sick for days. I think I need a celiac test.

Nurse: What?

Me: You know, when people have to be on a gluten-free diet...

Nurse: Oh you want your blood sugar tested?!

Me: [Trying REALLY hard not be frustrated because at that point I was positive I had it, but needed an understanding ear from the doctor's office; I was absolutely miserable.] No, no, I'm saying, "gluten" not "glucose." If you tell the doctor I need a Celiac test, she'll know what I'm talking about.

Nurse: How do you spell that?

Me: C-E-L-I-A-C

Nurse: Spell that again.

Me: C-E-L-I-A-C

Nurse: Ok, I'll tell the doctor.

In the end, I did get a test and was officially diagnosed,and referred to a gastroenterologist, but that first interaction with the nurse always stayed with me.

Glad I can laugh about it NOW.

LauraB0927 Apprentice
LauraB0927
Posted

At a restaurant last month:

Me: Do you have a gluten-free menu by any chance?

Waitress: Uh, no I don't think so, lemme ask my manager. <comes back> Sorry, he said we don't. But I can assure you that we don't use horse hooves in anything we make."

Me: uhh...horse hooves?

Waitress: I know gluten is made of horse's hooves...you know like in Jello. My friend is a vegetarian and she won't eat Jello.

Me: Ohhhhh! <Laughing way too hard for a second or two> You mean gelatin...

We then had a brief discussion of what gluten is and isn't in. lol She couldn't have been older than 18 or 19.

Oh wow I think I just almost peed my pants!!!! I'm picturing a hoof on a menu with an X though it and seeing someone make a sigh of relief after reading it!!!

A couple weeks ago I went to Cluck-U chicken with my fiance because he had a craving for chicken wings. I was hungry but didnt plan on eating anything obviously because that place is over run by gluten. My fiance, feeling bad that I couldn't eat, asked the very young, naive girl at the counter if there was anything grilled and not breaded on the menu. He even asked about separate cooking areas. (I didn't care what they said, I wouldn't have eaten anything anyway) Of course she asked why and he explained that I can't have gluten and then did an abbreviated version of what gluten was.

Girl: (with a look of horror) "Oh my god honey, you poor thing! What DO you eat then???"

Fiance: (Jumping in because he KNEW where this was gonna go) "Oh she eats grilled chicken, steak, vegetables, nuts, and a lot of other things...."

Girl: "I feel so bad!! Here sweetie, let me go grab you an bowl of macaroni and cheese, on the house..."

I was yanked out of there so fast.... :)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

I went to Cluck-U chicken with my fiance

wait a second....there's an actual place called CLUCK U chicken??

:lol: :lol:

brilliant

And your fiance sounds like a "keeper"! best wishes.

Finally-45 Contributor
Finally-45
Posted
  • Author
(I didn't care what they said, I wouldn't have eaten anything anyway)

Correct, Cluck U Chicken, just like pizza joints and bakeries, aren't worth the effort. You're sure to get a joke to share within 30 seconds of trying to order.

On the other hand, I went to a nice hot wing bar once that doesn't bread their wings and doesn't use corn products in their sauce. I must have seemed so happy and giddy that I bet the employees joked about ME. They could have put me in an ad and quadrupled their business.

heather806 Rookie
heather806
Posted

wait a second....there's an actual place called CLUCK U chicken??

:lol: :lol:

brilliant

And your fiance sounds like a "keeper"! best wishes.

Ditto on that! Cluck U? hahaha

Now I want mac and cheese though! :)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

Ditto on that! Cluck U? hahaha

Now I want mac and cheese though! :)

:unsure: hmm, strangly, so do I.....

LauraB0927 Apprentice
LauraB0927
Posted

wait a second....there's an actual place called CLUCK U chicken??

:lol: :lol:

brilliant

And your fiance sounds like a "keeper"! best wishes.

Hahaha yes its called Cluck-U...since they're pretty standard around here I never realized how funny the name sounded until I saw all your reactions!!! And yes, he's a keeper - very protective over me with the gluten stuff and always tries to educate other people about Celiac...most of the time I dont even have to say a word! These people he talks to probably think that having Celiac also means being mute!!!

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