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How To Handle This . . .

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Posted 27 November 2004 - 11:02 AM

We are invited to a wedding in June & I am already getting worried about it. If I could, I would not go. But these are very close neighbors of ours & are wonderful people.

I don't want to go & sit there while everyone is eating all sorts of goodies & I can't have anything. Usually weddings have everything from soup to nuts.

These people are the type that don't leave anything unturned. How do I handle this special occasion?

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Blood Work 11/16/04 - Still Waiting for Results
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Posted 27 November 2004 - 01:15 PM

It's such a personal situation, that there's hardly one answer that will be best for you other than the one you'd come up with yourself. I've gone to weddings since being gluten-free and not had much of anything (other than some grapes and strawberries off the fruit trays ;-) ). And I've brought my own food. And, for the most part, sat there enjoying the conversation while others ate. But you've noted that would bother you, so you have to figure out where on the spectrum of solutions YOUR comfortable spot is.
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Tiffany aka "Have I Mentioned Chocolate Lately?"
Inconclusive Blood Tests, Positive Dietary Results, No Endoscopy
G.F. - September 2003; C.F. - July 2004
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Bellevue, WA



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Posted 27 November 2004 - 02:04 PM

I understand your situation completely. Having been gluten-free for almost 4 years now I'd like to offer my take on this.

As i see it, you have four choices:

1. Go and be resentful because you can't eat. (been there done that had a rotten time and made my guests feel awkward!)
2. Go and pretend you are having a good time though inside you are resentful over the food. (been there, done that too with the same outcome.)
3. Don't go, feel left out while at the same time possibly hurting your neighbor's feelings. (sad to say, I done this one too.)
4. Eat first then Go. Have a great time realizing that the day is about a marriage and not about what everyone is eating, or not eating. (now do this and am enjoying life much more!)

I realize that might sound harsh, but you are going to be gluten-free for the rest of your life. Your neighbor's daughter will only be married once, as will other people, friends and family. If you get into the mind set of staying home because you have gluten-free and not enjoying life because of food, you will be missing out on so much joy. Also, if you don't go when you are invited your friends and extended family might start to get the idea that your disease has made you off limits and you may stop getting invitations.

That would be sad.
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anti-body negative, self diagnosed, Gluten free since March 2001. Two sons (8) also have celiac. Antibody and biopsy positive. I love to cook and after much much experimentation can now get by pretty well!



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Posted 28 November 2004 - 08:09 AM

I was in a wedding (a bridesmaid) last June and I got along just fine!
I brought my own food to the before-wedding dinner and I snacked on some veggies and fruit after the wedding. I just went with a positive attitude and I didn't regret not being able to eat any of the gluten foods.

I think that you should go and have a good time! If you don't feel comfortable bringing your own food eat before you go.

Something that may help.....
Eat something that you love before you go and while everyone else is eating dream of new gluten-free recipes that you can try and enjoy B)
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Carrie Faith

Diagnosed with Celiac Disease in March 2004
Postitive tTg Blood Test, December 2003
Positive Biopsy, March 3, 2004



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Posted 28 November 2004 - 07:55 PM


Weddings are such joyful occasions and very stressful for the wedding party and their families. When I had a friend who was getting married recently check to see if there was anything she could do for me food wise at the reception, I said no. I ate before the reception and brought a small gluten-free snack bar in my purse. I ate bare fruit and veggies enjoyed the wine and had fun talking to friends and wishing the bride and groom well.

Eat before, sip water or a drink during dinner, and be the life of the conversation at your table, because your mouth won't always be full like everyone elses.

I will say this though, I have a very close family member being married soon and they want me to bring some gluten-free cake, because so many of their friends have intolerances and allergies. I think that is very cool!

Enjoy yourself at the wedding and best wishes to the couple!
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Posted 29 November 2004 - 05:14 AM

I am at the age right now where all of my friends are getting married. I am shocked that noone suggested actually calling the place where the reception will be held and asking if they can accomodate you. These places deal with food allergies all of the time. I have done this for the past 3 weddings I have gone to with no problem at all. The staff was extremely accomodating and always brought out a special meal for me. I am actually getting married in September so they are obviously going to have to do a lot of accomodating then. It shouldn't be a problem for you at all. I would just call ahead and let them know exactly what you can and cannot eat! ;)
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Posted 29 November 2004 - 05:49 AM

JamieK, Thanks for your comment! I'm going to a fancy holiday DINNER party this Saturday and have been wondering how to go about eating and not making it a big, gluten-free deal (as my kids call it. :rolleyes: ) My husband is getting the catering company's name as I type and I'll be giving them a call shortly.

Veggf, about bringing cake for you and others...My daughter has a close group of eight friends where one has peanut allergies and my daughter is gluten-free. The last party we went to was the other girl's. I volunteered to bring the cake and everyone loved it. The next one is my daughter's so I'll be baking it again for all. Everyone, parents and kids, thought the gluten-free cake was far better than regular. We were joking that I should be the official cake baker, which works for me! (I have to bake something for my daughter anyway and it's always peanut free, often cf and can be egg free...Lol!)

LynnR, I know it's rough in the beginning to relax about outside food events, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept you have a minor limitation and get emotionally past it. Don't make events that include food be all about the food, even if it a food event. Go out, enjoy your family and friends, celebrate life and your good health! Good luck! :)
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Posted 29 November 2004 - 05:59 AM

I agree with calling the caterer. Ask your friends for the number so you can ask all the questions you need to and so you don't add anything else to the chores they need to do.

If you don't want to do this or can't find anything to eat, relax. They'll be so busy the last thing they'll be doing is keeping track of whether you're eating.

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Posted 29 November 2004 - 10:07 AM

In public situations I typically don't eat unless something is obviously safe. It's too easy to get poisoned by some well-intentioned caterer server. I try not to leave the house hungry or let my stomach do my thinking for me.
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Posted 31 March 2005 - 10:04 PM

Hi all my celiac friends in cyberspace!

Please I welcome your thoughts and ideas. My brother (is with a famous Rock'N'Roll Band) and is getting married in December on my Birthday in CanCun, Mexico and he is flying in all the guests. (but not a private chef) I have been deathly ill with celiac and thyroid problem I still don't have under control. I just started thyroid meducation that hasn't started taking effect yet.

I know I can't travel to a third world country and eat the food, no less speak the language to ask them to prepare, gluten, dairy free diet. I'm hypersensitive to other food alergies with the thyroid too. I don't trust it... I'll be in hospital montazoomas revenge (giggle) with in hour... They won't know how to understand or treat me, I know.

I live by the lifestyle, play it safe, eat at home, and go to the event, have a wonderful time and pick on things that are 'safe', it has always worked for me in the past and I enjoyed myself... But under the circumstances, it's imposible.

But this is creating a huge riff in my family. The bride is a b*tch we all have asked them to please reconsider and have the wedding here in the US someplace -- she out-and-out refuses. My brother says, "It's the brides day!" and my father and I are at a point we don't want to go...

Any ideas? I welcome any and all in put...

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Posted 31 March 2005 - 10:45 PM

The other thing I have not seen mentioned is to simply approach the couple and share the situation with them. Most people are willing to accomodate if given an opportunity and some good suggestions (would you consider having some cheeses and fruit at your reception? kinds of comments). My son is getting married in June and his bride is working with me to ensure that there is plenty there that we can eat safely. For the most part we have found that it just means verifying which brand of the items will be used. Obviously, we will steer clear of the sandwiches. She was quite comfortable making sure that the crackers were in a separate dish and placed after the cheeses on the table to minimize the concerns over cross contamination. It is often the little things...and how you approach them...that make a difference. I also spoke with the caterer and she was more than happy to do those little things that were necessary to make it safe for us.

For ms_sillyak_screwed: Have you checked to see if you can get a copy of the restaurant card in the other language? I know the book from csaceliacs.org has it translated into a slew of different languages. I take it with me even here when we eat at a restaurant where the owner/operator's primary language is something other than English. Also, if the wedding will be held at a larger hotel they probably deal with this more often than you would expect and their chefs may work with you. It can be a pain dealing with other people's excentricities, but this one may be worth it for your brother's sake...not to mention the long term relationships within the family. You can also take your own foods and keep them in your room. Plan ahead and eat before you go just in case.
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Posted 01 April 2005 - 02:45 AM

<_< well--i look at things differently that many people i guess, but then so does my sister ;) this has never been a problem for me---celiacs is celiacs and weddings are weddings--one has nothing to do with the other--i dont go places worrying about my celiacs--celiacs has stopped me from going because i was too sick to go before gluten-free but since gluten-free, i enjoy weddings, family get together, parties, everything--i dont go to these events to eat--food has never come first in my mind--before i was gluten-free lots of the foods at these weddings or whatever would make me sick before i could get home, so i just didnt eat anyways--i dont go for the food, i go for the togetherness-----if you let celiacs cripple you, it will--in my mind, i would much rather share this wonderful day with family and friends then worry about what i am going to eat--maybe you need to look at things in a different way--food is never as important as family and friends---just my opinion, but i do feel it is a very good opinion---deb
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Posted 01 April 2005 - 04:31 AM

I have my neice's wedding in two weeks. We HAVE to go, she is the only daughter of my brother and sister-in-law, and also the only niece/nephew at all on my side of the family.
Luckily, my bro & sis-in-law know I'm a celiac and have made note of it to the chef at the reception.
We're going to a Chinese restaurant the night before with by brother, his wife, sand other people we haven't met before. I'm more concerned about THIS than the wedding feast.
I've asked my brother if he wouldn't mind checking that the restaurant cooks without MSG. I've also told my brother that I'm happy to order my own meal (he was going to order for us all) rather than take the risk of eating something with gluten in it. :P

I think, sticking to the basics is the best bet. Things such as vegetables, fruit etc will be safe. It's better to be safe, and look a little different than to be ill the entire time.
I intend to remember Melissa's big day as a wonderful time, not as the day I felt like cr^p all day. ;)
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Posted 01 April 2005 - 05:51 AM

If they're really close friends as you said then they should be up to accomidating you however they can, because they want you to be safe and not sick. Hope it is a fun wedding :)!
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Posted 01 April 2005 - 05:55 AM

Traveling to another country for a wedding would be hard. Having a bridezilla on the loose would make things even worse!!

I would suggest trying to pack some things in your suitcase to take over with you. Try to pack some things like Thai kitchen noodles, peanutbutter, nuts, some crackers (love blue diamond nut thins), things that are non perishable and are small to fit into your suitcase and not take up much space.

I am sure you will be able to find fresh fruits, veggies and meats there without problems. Those would be safe for you of course. Maybe they will have some fruit and cheese trays at the reception!?!

You didn't say how long your stay would be or the country you are going to. Some countries are much better about gluten-free products than the US. Australia is a wonderful one. Maybe you will be lucky and find some great products where you are going.

I am sure they are spending plenty of money on the wedding, so I am sure spending a little more to make the sister of the groom happy shouldnt' be too much of an issue. ;) Voice your needs to your brother and maybe he can help make sure that you get what you need and it will help him understand your frustration and anxiety.

-Jessica :rolleyes:
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