Need To Vent Because Mom Is Not Helping
Posted 26 December 2011 - 07:40 PM
My mom seems to only understand what gluten free means if I walk her through every single step. She wanted to make a meatloaf the other week, which she did fine with - no CC issues at all!
She's sometimes really good, sometimes really not good. Over the last 4 weeks, she wanted to send cake home with me after Thanksgiving dinner, asked me if I wanted a piece of pie, and offered me a cheese sandwich today, none of it gluten-free. Today I made a mistake and just went off. I felt bad and apologized to her. Mind you, I gave her Living Gluten Free for Dummies to read 5 MONTHS AGO! She still hasn't read it. That was part of why I got so upset today. On top of this being my first gluten-free Christmas, it's been a few mentally and emotionally tough days.
Please tell me she is going to catch on that when she keeps offering me food I can't eat, it's like poking me over and over in the shoulder. And that I'm going to learn how to deal with it better. Gaaaah!
Posted 27 December 2011 - 12:24 AM
Yes, she will catch on, at least slightly eventually! Just keep declining. Eventually, as some ailments of yours improve from the efforts you are making, she will see that this is real. My two sisters used to think that my paranoia about gluten was an eating disorder, but after seeing my mom (who's also gluten intolerant) go off into a world of mania after eating gluten every holiday, they now say "I think she's glutened..." It's shocking to hear this from them because finally after years they believe it. So as long as you improve and you feel better they will trust that it must be doing something and that it must be important. Even my grandmother, who 30 years ago refused to make my mom a gluten free birthday meal and kicked her out of the house for it, offers now to make or buy me gluten free items It just takes more time for some people.
If after awhile your mom does not understand, she may, even unconsciously, be in her own denial over the fact that this is very real and could mean that she has to do something about her diet too... Good Luck and Much Love !
Posted 27 December 2011 - 12:46 AM
"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted." - Albert Einstein
"Life is not weathering the storm; it is learning to dance in the rain"
"Whatever the question, the answer is always chocolate." Nigella Lawson
Caffeine free 1973
Lactose free 1990
(Mis)diagnosed IBS, fibromyalgia '80's and '90's
Diagnosed psoriatic arthritis 2004
Self-diagnosed gluten intolerant, gluten-free Nov. 2007
Soy free March 2008
Nightshade free Feb 2009
Citric acid free June 2009
Potato starch free July 2009
(Totally) corn free Nov. 2009
Legume free March 2010
Now tolerant of lactose
Celiac.com - Celiac Disease Board Moderator
Posted 27 December 2011 - 01:31 AM
Posted 28 December 2011 - 11:26 AM
Blood tested 8-11 positive, Biopsy 9-11 negative (long story, most gastro drs. are morons)
gluten-free 7-11, Dairy Free (mostly) 8-13 - Everything but butter. Can't live life without butter....
DS - negative blood test, just diagnosed with ADD and other learning disorders, DNA test positive - high risk
Issues related to gluten: depression, low iron, hair loss, positive ana test for lupus, low vitamin D, headache, sinusitis, environmental allergies, brain fog, GI problems, weight gain....the list goes on....
Posted 28 December 2011 - 12:55 PM
Posted 29 December 2011 - 10:09 PM
Posted 30 December 2011 - 08:09 PM
Posted 31 December 2011 - 09:55 AM
Be patient, honey--just gently remind her every time--"No, Mom--it's gluten, I can't eat that"
And I am just curious--but does she have a gluten issue herself?
Could be why she is not "getting it" entirely...sometimes our brains on gluten do not work sharply at all---just suggesting??
Maybe a cheat sheet of "no-no" food items would help...a quickie reference list for her??--until she tackles the gluten-free for Dummies book?
Best wishes, kiddo.
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir
"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy
"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington
“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport
"Do or do not. There is no try. "- Yoda.
"LTES" Gem 2014
Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac 11/01/10. Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
Posted 04 January 2012 - 06:19 PM
You would be surprised how many people really don't have the faintest clue what's in the food their eating. Many people don't know what gluten is, and that's understandable. But I've had experiences with people who thought that I could eat white bread. "Oh right, you can't have wheat bread. But white bread is fine, right?" (Uh, no. It's still wheat. What did you think it was made of?). People will continue to surprise you.
I live with my partner's family, and I have since before I was diagnosed, which was over a year ago. His father, bless his heart, STILL doesn't understand what I can and can't eat. He doesn't prepare any food I would eat anyway and he's good about keeping things clean and separate so I don't worry about him glutening me, but just this morning he came home with a big bag of soft pretzels and offered me one. I just gave him "the look" (a playful one) and he said "Oh wait! You can't eat this, can you? I'm sorry, I always forget what has gluten in it." He not only forgets what has gluten in it, he also forgets what has flour in it, what flour is made of, etc. If your mom is anything like him, you may just have to learn to laugh and live with it. YOU know what you can eat, so you'll just have to be vigilant in making sure she doesn't accidentally gluten you, and keep gently reminding her what you can't eat.
I know this doesn't make it any easier...but at least she cares and tries. My own mother says things like "A little bit won't hurt you, right? Just eat the cupcake and move on with your life." When I refuse, she rolls her eyes and says "God, what a boring existence..." I don't know what it is about gluten intolerance that people can't seem to take it seriously.
I know you gave her a book, but honestly, if it wasn't my own problem, I don't know that I'd be interested in reading a whole book about gluten intolerance and everything that goes along with it. If it was my young child, I would, but it sounds like you're old enough that she knows you can be responsible for your own food. That's probably why she hasn't bothered to read it. I know it's hard when you're fairly new to gluten-free and someone keeps offering you food that you REALLY want to eat but know you can't. Believe me...I know it. But she loves you and she's trying, it's just complicated for some people. If it helps at all to know, it does eventually get easier to be around foods you used to eat. The other day, when I made a new pizza crust recipe and my partner asked me if it tasted "like a real pizza crust," I realized that I don't even remember what regular pizza crust tastes like. Mine tasted really good! You'll develop new tastes for the foods that you can eat. It gets easier, I promise.
October 2010: Gluten free.
November 2010: No HFCS or artificial sweeteners.
March 2011: Gradually fading out soy.
Posted 05 January 2012 - 05:27 PM
There are other good sources for materials that reinforce the "rules" in a snapshot, i.e. the University of Chicago. It's normal that you got upset with her.
No matter the audience (children, adults, anybody), learning improves with both speech and written materials.
So if you get the refrigerator magnet mentioned in the link, I'd do something like, "Wow, look what I got in the mail from the National Institute of Health, Mom, it says.." .and read it to her while you show it to her. Her retention should increase by a huge threshold. Then ask if she'd like to put it somewhere on her refrigerator, or just give it to her.
Hope the link helps. Keep us posted.
As of 2/12, tolerating dairy, corn, legumes and some soy, but I limit soy to tamari sauce or modest soy additives. Won't ever try quinoa again!
Discoid Lupus from skin biopsy 2011, discovered 2/12 when picking up medical records. Systemic Lupus Dx 6/12. Shingles 10/12.
Posted 05 January 2012 - 06:58 PM
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