How To Approach Dating?

[Georgia-guy]

My name is georgia_guy. I'm young (25), I'm single, and I'm a newly Dx Celiac. *and the room chimes in "hi georgia_guy"*

My question is, what is the best way to approach dating with celiac? Chances of finding a woman who has celiac are rather slim, so how does on go about saying "let's go to dinner, but I can't eat 90% of the things on the menu cuz I have some crazy AI that most people have never heard of"? I know it will weed out the players, gold diggers, one-nighters, etc (which is a positive), but this whole thing and dating is really Greek to me...

(mods, I like to consider myself a "young adult"-even though I feel quite old most days, and didn't see anything about an age limit, but if 25 is over the "young adults" age limit, please let me know)

[powerofpositivethinking]

hi georgia_guy,

 

here's a thread I started awhile back that may be helpful: https://www.celiac.com/forums/topic/106154-dating-thoughts-and-profile-help/

 

There are girls and guy out there who will understand, and see you who for you really are.  Remember you have celiac disease, but celiac doesn't define you 

 

PS-Here's a comical part from the thread, "Went out with a guy the other night and it was going really well.  After dinner, second time at PF Changs!!, he tried to kiss me but I had to kill the moment and say sorry I can't kiss you because of what you ate, and oh btw I have celiac disease.  Awkward...

 

However he seems to have passed the celiac jerk-o-meter test because I heard from him today, and he told me he called a few restaurants around the area about their gluten-free menus but also said if I wanted to do something else that works for him too.  That made my day   :)"

 

That makes for a funny story now, but I remember thinking leaving...wow what a way to end    Good news is I'm still dating him after three months.  There are good people out there 

[KCG91]

There was a really good thread about this a few months ago that would be worth digging out: https://www.celiac.com/forums/topic/106154-dating-thoughts-and-profile-help/

 

For what it's worth, when I was 17 (I'm 22 now) I started seeing a guy in his early 20s who had coeliac, which was the first time I'd heard of it. The first couple of dates we just went for coffee or to the cinema or the pub. All of which potentially involve a little gluten (cake with coffee, beer at the pub) and provide a good opportunity to mention it. By the time we got to dinner it was all comfortable enough to just deal with. I'm vegetarian, which complicated things further, but also I suppose that made me quite tolerant of other people's restrictions. And to be honest by that stage he could've told me that he existed solely on cotton wool and I probably wouldn't have cared because I liked him enough for diet not to matter! (He turned out to be a jerk but at least I was just out of practice with the lifestyle, rather than a complete newbie, when I was diagnosed). 

 

Good luck. Think of it as an added anti-jerk mechanism  

[Georgia-guy]

So I got confused for a second there...I thought I kept clicking the same link, then realized y'all both linked to the same thread. But anywho, there's some helpful information there, but even with the no gluten risk first dates, I'm still scared of the feeling a connection, then we go out to eat and I ask for the allergen or gluten-free menu, and get "the look".

[kareng]

As a mom of a 21 yr old - that is close to your age - I can say that young people seem familiar with Celiac. They may not know the name but if you explain its the " no gluten thing", they will have heard of it. I think nice girls won't mind. Going to Pf. Chang's and ordering off the gluten-free menu and sharing is a great date. The food doesn't taste any different. Most items except for the obviously gluteny ones, can be made gluten-free. Or share a gluten-free pizza. Or cook at home ( a bit tricky on a first date). Maybe bring a picnic.

The most important part of this thread - nice girls won't mind! Both of my boys have dated gluten-free & food allergy girls & have celiac friends. My boys do not have Celiac. One did complain that her pizza cost $4 more than his.

[LauraTX]

Step 1: Become more comfortable with the whole celiac thing in general over a little bit of time

Step 2: Become an awesome home cook and develop a repetiore of stunning meals

Step 3: Ask a girl out and either prepare an awesome dinner at your place or bring a lovely picnic for the first few dates, doling out the romantic cheesy stuff like a blanket, wine glasses, and real silverware; she will be impressed.

Step 4: Once you know a girl is worth your time you can slowly ease her into the reality of your dining out options.  If she is a good catch, it won't be a big deal to her once she has gotten to know you.

Step 5:    #winning

[powerofpositivethinking]

With the connection part, if it's meant to happen, it will!  I focused on the things I knew we had in common first.  

 

I did not eat out for a very long time, but the longer I've been gluten free the stronger and more confident I've become.  Call the restaurant ahead.  I usually call and ask first if they have a gluten free menu, and if that's a yes, then I ask if they take steps to prevent cross contamination.  

 

I'm a huge fan of saying I have to follow a medically necessary gluten-free diet when I go out to eat, and I say it in a pleasant, upbeat way with a smile across my face because nobody likes a diva    The word medically gets the server's attention.  If you don't have it already, download the Find Me Gluten-Free app.  The guy I'm seeing put it on his phone himself, and sometimes he eats the same as me, but it doesn't matter to me if he doesn't.  He wasn't weirded out when I told him he'd have to brush his teeth before kissing me.  There are understanding people.

 

You can do this!!

 

 

So I got confused for a second there...I thought I kept clicking the same link, then realized y'all both linked to the same thread. But anywho, there's some helpful information there, but even with the no gluten risk first dates, I'm still scared of the feeling a connection, then we go out to eat and I ask for the allergen or gluten-free menu, and get "the look". <----like that

[beth01]

I don't date, I have a live in boyfriend but I can relate to the newness of your diagnosis.  But, I can tell you that if I would have been diagnosed when I was still married my ex-husband wouldn't have been nearly as supportive as my boyfriend is now ( maybe why he is an ex lol).  My point is, yes it's going to be hard trying to date when some people are so ignorant of Celiac disease ( I was one of them, I had never heard of Celiac until the day of my diagnosis) but there are going to be women out there that are going to be completely understanding and some that are not.  It's the ones that are that you cherish. My BF has gone completely gluten free at home so I don't have to worry about cc at home and he is talking about going completely gluten free totally across the board ( he did gluten me one night after not brushing his teeth).  One day I was in the dumps on our way to the hospital and expressed my concerns that he was going to see me as a burden like my ex did.  His response " well if I have to start changing your feeding tubes and diapers, I will get you a good nurse for when I am not around".  I just might have to keep him forever.

I met my boyfriend through a friend and was friends with him before we started dating.  Maybe you could enlist one of your friends into helping you, introducing you to their girlfriends' hot friends so you can get to know them first through mutual parties and such.  Then finding out later about your condition won't be such a big deal, they will probably already know.