Advice Please

[Kwalsh328]

Hi everyone! I have been diagnosed for a little under a year now. To be honest I am really struggling to stay strictly gluten free even with some of my side effects worsening. I think a big issue is my boyfriend who I've lived with for awhile doesn't seem all that supportive and talks me into eating things I shouldn't, although I am partially at fault I was wondering if anyone had any advice on family support or how I can make a change to stick to it because I am so tired and tired of being sick.

[kareng]

Hi everyone! I have been diagnosed for a little under a year now. To be honest I am really struggling to stay strictly gluten free even with some of my side effects worsening. I think a big issue is my boyfriend who I've lived with for awhile doesn't seem all that supportive and talks me into eating things I shouldn't, although I am partially at fault I was wondering if anyone had any advice on family support or how I can make a change to stick to it because I am so tired and tired of being sick.

 

 

I am going to assume that this boyfriend is a good guy and wants the best for you.  

 

So.... assuming he is a good guy, does he not understand that Celaic disease is a very real and serious disease?  That the only way to treat it is with diet?  Maybe show him some info from doctors?  Like this:

 

Open Original Shared Link

 

Does he understand that untreated Celiac can lead to things like osteoporosis, infertility, malnutrition, etc?

 

Open Original Shared Link

 

Can he not see how bad you feel and how feeling sick doesn't make you much fun to live with or sleep with?  

 

If he knows all of this - and still wants you to be sick, you need to re-evaluate this relationship.  

[bartfull]

No, you are not partially at fault. You are completely at fault. Sorry to sound harsh, and believe me, I'm not saying your boyfriend is right. He should be ashamed of himself for trying to tempt you into ruining your health. I would dump anyone who didn't care about me enough to want me to be healthy.

 

BUT - unless he is holding you down and putting gluten foods in your mouth, you and only you can control what you eat. Take charge! Tell him to knock it off and that if he truly loves you he should HELP you, not try to harm you.

[Jays911]

I am lucky. My wife went gluten-free to support me (and ended up feeling much better). But it is your life. You need to be resolute. And you can find safe food and restaurants. This ain't rocket science. God bless.

[cristiana]

I got really sick before I was diagnosed with celiac disease two years ago.   I never want to feel like that again!   That has made me so very resolute - unlike a friend of mine, who takes quite a lot of risks, but she was never as ill as I was.  I worry about her as I feel that she is courting danger with her lax attitude.   I do wonder if I had never been as badly affected, whether I would be the same.  

 

It sounds like you really have come to that point where you are fed up with feeling so bad you are prepared to leave gluten behind forever.   That's great!  That will empower you to take a stand.  It is important that in the house you have a good stock of gluten-free food so that if your boyfriend tries to get you to eat something, you won't feel tempted.  Hopefully once he has read the material that kareng has suggested he will understand better.

 

You can do it!

[Pegleg84]

Bartful is right, you have to take charge of your own decisions and your own health. However, if you and your man are going to be able to coexist in the long term, he has to support your need to have a safe home.

 

so: take over the kitchen. Clean it from top to bottom (make your man help out too), make a separate area for gluteny foods where they won't get in your way. Buy a new toaster, get separate pans and things, or switch to stainless steel. Make sure to label jars of stuff that could be cross-contaminated. Try to get him to eat gluten-free stuff rather than the other way around. Make gluten the "special" food, and yours just normal food. Eat more whole foods (veg, meat, etc) that don't have any flour anyway. Find a gluten-free treat you both like. Oh, and don't forget teeth-brushing before kisses.

If he can't handle that, then it ain't going to work out. Your health is more important!

[fran641]

Good luck Kwalsh. It isn't easy living with a non supportive partner. Only you get sick when you eat gluten so he doesn't get it obviously. My DH is supportive and sometimes asks me if I want xy or z unsafe food. I have a history of being on again, off again since 2008 so he just asks. I am fortunate and I mean this that I have progressed to extreme pain for days when I have been accidentally glutened in the last year. Pain is a great motivator. Hope this works out so you can avoid some of the terrible side effects of gluten in your diet.

[Nikki2777]

Give him some material to read so he understands how seriously you have to take it.  If he can't come around after reading that (and I don't mean living gluten-free at home, but just not pushing things on you, and being generally careful), then you can assume that he doesn't make your health a priority.

[Zebra007]

Yup, your boyfriend is definitely uninformed regarding your illness, or it could be that he wants to pretend it's not that serious, it can also of course be an inconvenience for  some partners, that said, you have to take responsibility, you are allowing yourself to become even sicker, and I am not just talking about being glutened, I am referring to other autoimmune conditions that can all of a sudden pop up out of the blue!  

 

Sit him down and tell him!

 

Best of luck!