Please Help With Grandparents

[Guest Zmom]

I gave my son's Grandparents a Doctor's letter, three books with pages noted to read, Enterolab brochure, and and still Grandpa thinks using purell takes gluten of the hands. He picked up my sons gluten-free bread at Christmas dinner after eating bread. Stuck his fork in my son's food for a taste ater taking a bite of gluten/cheese filled Lazagna. In the summer he put his hamburger bun down on the paper towel my son had his plate on.

Grandma refuses to was her hands. When My son aked her last year to wah her hands she grabbed his hand and held it after eating a sandwich and still will say she is too tired (in her 50's) to wash her hands. They do not believe a crumb or traces of gluten can hurt him please help.

[Smunkeemom]

I would ask them if they had gotten toxic waste on their hands would they wash them or use alchohol gel?

of course they would say that they would wash them, then you can begin the conversation about how gluten is literally toxic to someone with celiac disease.

some people don't realize how serious it actually is, they think that it's an allergy but it's not, gluten will actually damage the body of someone who has celiac disease, it's just like poison to them.

[traveljunkie]

I think it's hard fo some people to wrap their brains around the fact bread crumbs can be toxic. I had a hard time with that in the beginning as well. So imagine people their age and probably never heard of celiac. It is very frustrating, but just keep explaining celiac to them...eventually it may sink in.

Good luck to you and be persistant.

Charlene

[jerseyangel]

I agree with Smukee--sometimes you have to put things in terms of how it would relate to THEM. Thats what will get their attention. The thoughts like "a little bit can't hurt" and my personal favorite "you're being too picky/careful/obsessive" are an easy way for people to not let another's issues affect them. For your son's sake, I hope they come around soon. Maybe, ask them how they would feel if he got sick through CC, and they could have prevented it?

[Guest nini]

this is YOUR child, you have every right to stand up to them and tell them in no uncertain terms that any amount of gluten, even a tiny molecule, IS POISON TO HIM... I did this to my mom when she kept refusing to wash her hands after eating bread or fixing a sandwich for my nephew... I just looked at her and said, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE TOUCHING MY DAUGHTER OR HER FOOD. I have the added advantage that my daughter will also immediately break out in hives if it touches her skin, so my mom can see an immediate response. I don't care how tired or (lazy) someone is, handwashing is absolutely crucial in food preparation and Purell is NOT enough. Just tell them point blank that if they continue this irresponsible behavior that you will not allow them to poison your child so they won't get to see him. Harsh but sometimes a neccessary wake up call.

Good luck with it and keep me posted. You do not have to be mean about it, you can do this in a kind way, but they have to understand that even a molecule can hurt him and setback any progress or recovery that has been made.

[mommida]

I liked how Kaiti handled her friends telling her to pick the cheese off a pizza and eat it. She grabbed some cleaner and poured it on the pizza and told them to take it off and eat the pizza.

L.

[Merika]

How infuriating

My own favorite analogy (though i like Katie's thing too!) is arsenic. It's just a little arsenic, right? Just go ahead and eat it................

Merika

[Smunkeemom]

How infuriating

My own favorite analogy (though i like Katie's thing too!) is arsenic. It's just a little arsenic, right? Just go ahead and eat it................

Merika

my husband has used that analogy before.

"a peice of a cookie won't hurt them right?"

" sure, why don't you put some arsenic on it, it will make it taste better"

"no, I don't want to hurt them"

"then keep cookies at least 40 feet from them and detox your hands before you come near my kids"

LOL

I think they got the point.

[ryebaby0]

I don't mean to be a downer here, but people who don't understand a clear request to wash their hands are not going to be much better with clever analogies. Sometimes those analogies just convince non-believers that we are, in fact, over-reacting. (And of course, you are not) They see them as dramatic. You can't MAKE them believe it's important, you can just SHOW them.

So, the damage control can switch from education to prevention. When my in-laws are here (and they are good people, who think they get it, but are wheat-bulls in our gluten-free china shop) we only have gluten-free foods for everyone to eat. So there is no cross-contamination. When we are at their house, we bring ALL the food for our celiacs, keep it in a separate room and we eat at a separate table that I police. And we are there rarely.

The grandparents will have to make a choice, and you'll have to make them. If they want to see your child, they play by your rules, or they see him only at your place. If they offered him rat poison, or let him play in the street, you wouldn't think twice about altering your visitation -- so if you don't, they see that you don't really want to make a big deal about it. You can be nice, but firm I guarantee that they are not willing to not see their grandchild over washing their hands -- but you'll have to make them realize that!

good luck. Families are all crazy people!

joanna

[Jnkmnky]

How you handle this will be absorbed by your child. That means, do what ever it takes to keep your son safe. He's receiving a message throughout this confrontation. Do you want him to learn to give in to other's stupidity, or to let the hard headed win? Probably not. He is learning how to take control of his health through watching you handle this situation. His celiac disease is all or nothing. His health requires this kind of vigilance. You have no choice but to stand up to these *otherwise loving people, and deny them visits until they agree to comply 100% to his dietary needs just as you are teaching him he must comply with his dietary issues 100% in order to lead a healthy life.

As celiacs already have a lot to deal with, they shouldn't learn how to be at the mercy of anyone not willing to go the full 100% route right along with them. Your son is learing to stand up for himself even if it means causing others some discomfort. They'll live, and your son will live happier, healthier, longer!

[Carriefaith]

If I were in your situation, I would find letting my child eat at their house very hard. I don't think that I would let my child eat there. Especially since you already gave them a lot of info on the subject. If he does have to eat there sometimes, I would suggest telling them that gluten is like poison to your son and that they must be "clean" or else he could get very sick. If they continue to say "I'm not washing my hands", just ask them if they think that a little bit of poison is ok to eat.

[tarnalberry]

They don't have to understand, they only have to do. Until they do comply, they don't get the chance to mess him up with gluten.

[Ursa Major]

I am in my fifties, too, with four grandchildren (soon six). I just found out I have celiac disease, plus other severe intolerances. I am doing the research, reading the books, learning all I can.

Before I knew about my celiac, I knew that my grandchildren have food intolerances (which aren't as severe as Celiac disease, so you don't have to be quite as vigilant, even though I suspect that at least one of them has celiac, too). I would check with their mother about everything I gave them to eat, to make sure it was okay.

Being in their fifties is no excuse, people my age aren't old (even if my fourteen-year old daughter thinks so )!

I agree with the others, if his grandparents are too lazy and uncaring to read the books you gave them and to listen to you (and him), they don't deserve to see him until they decide to abide by your rules, for your son's safeties sake. I realize that it will be hard to put down your foot and tell them that, but you need to for your son's sake.

[Nancym]

I agree that he shouldn't be eating there if they're not going to comply. You might also explain to them that alcohol based skin cleansers kill bacteria, they don't do anything to proteins, like gluten.

[elfkin]

OMG! I can't believe they are behaving that way! My family did not understand at first and they are still learning, but that is just CRAZY! I don't know if it would help, but my G-ma, in particular, just didn't get it and was contaminating my son like crazy at first. I typed up a one page information sheet on celiac and his general care. Then I gave each family member a little talk (gluten-free seminar ). The sheet gave a few items that were okay for him to eat and simple procedures to follow to give it to him. I always take his food anyway, but this way they could follow the general idea. I read somewhere (sorry, don't remember where), that severe intestinal damage can be caused by even 1/48th of a piece of bread. I cut a piece of bread into 48 pieces to demonstrate. I then told them that even a crumb was too much, and that they would have to be very careful. Then I modeled how to safely eat near him. We also box him in at meals, with my husband and myself on each side. That was a year ago. Now 3 of the 4 at my house are gluten-free and the family has pretty well learned to deal with it. There are times! Tomorrow is a family baby shower and it was planned at Macaroni Grill! I ended up volunteering to keep the little children at my house for the actual dinner, then everyone is coming here for gluten-free dessert! (Rest assured they will all have to wash their hands carefull when they come in! ) You really will have to take a firm stance on this one. It is so hard. Family can be a real trial to run up against. But, you are the only one who can do this for your child and they are dependent on you to keep them safe. I whole-heartedly agree with the earlier entries. You are teaching them to stand up for themselves and that they, and their health, are important. Good luck and best wishes as you tackle this issue!

[Guest Zmom]

Thanks for all your suggestions and support. Talking has not helped so I am going to get tough and boycott visits untill they are ready to follow the rules. Its sad because its my son who gets emotionally hurt (from missing his Grandparents )or physically hurt if exposed to gluten.

[Smunkeemom]

Thanks for all your suggestions and support. Talking has not helped so I am going to get tough and boycott visits untill they are ready to follow the rules. Its sad because its my son who gets emotionally hurt (from missing his Grandparents )or physically hurt if exposed to gluten.

you are being a good parent, you would do the same thing if their house had exposed wires or loaded guns on the coffee table, you are protecting your kids, maybe you can have them come over to see you, that way he doesn't miss out but you can pull the "my house, my rules" thing, and explain that he won't be going to their house until they will comply.

[Carriefaith]

maybe you can have them come over to see you, that way he doesn't miss out but you can pull the "my house, my rules" thing, and explain that he won't be going to their house until they will comply.

That's a great idea! You could invite them over to your house for dinner and you can do the cooking. This way your son will still get to see his grandparents and he will be safe.

[Guest Zmom]

Yay! Grandma and Grandpa are going to do their best to gluten free their house. That was the good news. Bad news :My son's gluten testing numbers went up! Think we have isolated the problem. Paper plates and paper towels. going to do a seperate thread on that.