Holidays and being left out

[EmmaW]

Its been a tough year for our family. My husband took a job out of state and I am handling the kids myself until the school year ends. We see him twice a month on weekends only. His father's health has been failing so we plan to go visit his parents, sibling, etc. over Christmas.

They decide that they want to have a holiday meal out with their dad. Because they are Asian, they love authentic Chinese food. I did too before I got diagnosed 10+ years ago. (I'm not Asian BTW). They went ahead an planned a meal for like 15 people at this place. The chef cannot make anything for me. So now I am faced with dealing with this awkward situation. Do I stay home? Then I look like a pouty brat. Do I go and not eat? Then the whole family stares at me and realizes how awkward this is. Then cue me consoling them so they don't feel bad. I really don't want to be put on the spot but cannot find a simple way out. Of course I respect my FIL and want to honor him, but his memory is going and he won't get whats happening.

I read the sweetest thread on here from someone who attended a wedding and couldn't eat the food. They told the host they wouldn't eat so they wouldn't make or have to pay for them. Then her husband took her out for a sweet gluten free meal afterward. He skipped eating so she wouldn't feel left out. I really wish this thought would occur to my spouse. He is upset about the situation but probably won't solve it.  Sorry for ranting but I'm feeling down. I've been part of this family for 20+ years at this point but here we are.

[562celiac]

I don't know how the chef isn't able to make you anything gluten free... rice and boiled chicken???

I know it's not the *best* meal, but it is still food that they can serve you.

Anyways, I am newly-diagnosed and haven't dealt with this situation before. But, putting aside the fact that the family is being very inconsiderate of you, and that this is a one-time special occasion, I may consider bringing my own food to have at the meal.

I'm really sorry.

[Scott Adams]

My wife is Asian and I always manage to find something gluten-free at Chinese or other Asian restaurants, but just in case, I also take a couple of GliadinX capsules (full disclosure--they are a sponsor here which isn't why I'm posting this) before I eat out anywhere. AN-PEP enzymes like those in GliandinX have been shown in multiple studies to break down small amounts gluten in the stomach, before it reaches your intestines. 

For me fried rice without soy sauce, and cooked in a clean wok is a go to dish, but they also serve many steamed vegetable options, but be sure to request any sauce to be put on the side because they often pour oyster sauce on steamed veggies.

[RMJ]

I once just had white rice when going to lunch with coworkers at a Thai restaurant.

[Scott Adams]

Traditional Thai food is one of the most naturally gluten-free foods that there is, however, like all cuisines, there are definitely things you need to know and watch out for. 

[RMJ]

10 minutes ago, Scott Adams said:

Traditional Thai food is one of the most naturally gluten-free foods that there is, however, like all cuisines, there are definitely things you need to know and watch out for. 

It was a last minute luncheon with coworkers who had just been laid off that day so I didn’t have time to prepare!

[OmaDeb]

Family and holidays... can be difficult.  Can you go to the website and check out the menu?  Maybe it's more gluten free friendly than you think.  It's family, and life is short

[EmmaW]

14 hours ago, OmaDeb said:

Family and holidays... can be difficult.  Can you go to the website and check out the menu?  Maybe it's more gluten free friendly than you think.  It's family, and life is short

Soy sauce has gluten, oyster sauce, some rice vinegars, rice wines have gluten and woks are generally just rinsed not thoroughly cleaned. Their sauces uses fermentation with wheat. The only Chinese food I have been able to have has been at the big chains like PF Changs but they are a far cry from authentic Chinese.

[Scott Adams]

I've never seen a rice wine or rice vinegar that contains gluten. Also, I think the topic was Thai food, which has far less gluten possibilities when prepared traditionally. Fish sauce is widely used, and some fish sauces do contain gluten.

There are Asian fermented grain vinegars that may contain gluten, just like there are in Western cooking. Also, this kind of statement needs clarification: "Their sauces uses fermentation with wheat", as the statement is far too general to be of any help to anyone. I eat Chinese food all the time without issues, but if I do eat it at a restaurant, like any other foods, I am very careful with how and what I order, and I do take AN-PEP enzymes before I eat outside my home.

[EmmaW]

31 minutes ago, Scott Adams said:

I've never seen a rice wine or rice vinegar that contains gluten. Also, I think the topic was Thai food, which has far less gluten possibilities when prepared traditionally. Fish sauce is widely used, and some fish sauces do contain gluten.

 

It is my topic, and I never said it was Thai. They are going to a traditional Chinese restaurant. I shop at asian markets and I have to read labels regarding rice wine. I can also tell you that my favorite local Japanese restaurant for gluten free hasn't been able to get the same rice wine due to pandemic/ supply chain issues and isn't offering gluten free until they can again. that one ingredient took all the gluten-free sushi dishes off.

Soy sauce contains gluten as wheat is used to ferment traditional soy sauce. My husband is well versed in traditional Asian cooking and we are quite familiar with ingredients. I really didn't come here to argue with fellow Celiac folks.

[AlwaysLearning]

I don't eat out at all, so I understand your hesitancy to trust anything coming out of a contaminated kitchen. But you should definitely go to the dinner. Just make something that you can bring with you so that you can be eating at the same time as everyone else. Really, the only thing that is tougher about bringing your own food to a restaurant vs. someone's home is that you can't heat it up.

If you don't already own one, get yourself a little cooler that is barely larger than a purse. Slip it under the table when you arrive, then when everyone else is ordering, you just tell the waiter you have severe food allergies so you'll pass (and everyone seated near to you has already heard the explanation for why you aren't eating food from the restaurant ... no need to explain further). When everyone else's food comes out, you just pull whatever you brought out of your cooler and enjoy the meal along with everyone else.

Your meal doesn't have to be fancy. Any sort of salad would do. I like to do things that are just one dish because it is easier. I try to be as inconspicuous as possible and if anyone comments, you just say how great all of their food looks and how much you wish you could be eating what they are having. (This helps you look a little less crazy. I laugh as I type that, but you know what I'm talking about. Anything you can do or say to make you a part of the group helps take the attention off of you and your diet restrictions.

Whether or not you clear it with the restaurant first, about  bringing your own food, is up to you. I honestly don't know how uppity restaurants get about these things. It likely varies greatly. Like I would totally expect a French restaurant to give you a hard time. lol

Make this your go-to plan for every get together and gathering, bringing your own food. It is safer for you to keep control over what you eat and then you never feel as if you're being left out or overlooked. And the times that someone does make an effort to make sure you can be included will be that much more special.

I will say that when I first went gluten free, the guy I was seeing tried to be accommodating and found a restaurant that had gluten free items on the menu. I ordered carefully but I still spent half of the night awake in the living room listening to my stomach grumble after eating a meal that was most definitely NOT gluten free. So anytime family or friends choose to eat somewhere that does not have gluten free options for you, think of that as a good thing. I think it would be worse to feel forced to order from a kitchen that you know is not 100% gluten free. If you think of bringing your own as being the ideal for your health and safety, you won't ever feel left out!

[Scott Adams]

On 12/9/2021 at 10:05 AM, EmmaW said:

It is my topic, and I never said it was Thai. They are going to a traditional Chinese restaurant. I shop at asian markets and I have to read labels regarding rice wine. I can also tell you that my favorite local Japanese restaurant for gluten free hasn't been able to get the same rice wine due to pandemic/ supply chain issues and isn't offering gluten free until they can again. that one ingredient took all the gluten-free sushi dishes off.

Soy sauce contains gluten as wheat is used to ferment traditional soy sauce. My husband is well versed in traditional Asian cooking and we are quite familiar with ingredients. I really didn't come here to argue with fellow Celiac folks.

Soy sauce can definitely contain gluten, so consider brining your own gluten-free version if you want to eat out and not miss it (more and more places now have a GF version on hand).

If possible, please let us know the brand of rice wine your Japanese restaurant uses which contains gluten. I'm not trying to argue, but am only concerned about possibly spreading misinformation about rice wine, which has been generally accepted as gluten-free. In all the years I've been running this site I've not heard of any that contain gluten. You can read more about how rice wine and rice vinegar are made below, and multiple other sites I looked at say the same:

https://www.thekitchn.com/whats-the-difference-between-rice-wine-and-rice-vinegar-228343