Being Rewarded With Food

[Mango04]

I honestly think if you pre-arrange all this with the manager of the resto it will be a non-issue.

I have prepared a whole 'fact sheet' which isn't exactly appropriate but you can copy and paste. I think the whole thing is kinda hard to explain in one go because the chef needs time to let it sink in and then think something up.

Here is what I use when approaching resto's for my website

Open Original Shared Link

Feel free to copy and modify etc. and leave it with them for a night.

I find if you just go in and hit-em they tend to panic a bit wheras leaving them with something to read at their leisure gives them more time to think it through and see its not as hard as originally thought so long as they follow the guidlines. Heck, what do chef's learn if not to follow and adapt recipees?

You might consider leaving in the business motivation part ... let them see this as an opportunity as well as a obligation

Thanks for the link.

[CarlaB]

I think that just by bringing your own donut holes and other snacks to share so that you have something to eat will speak for itself. I mean, why should you be worried about bringing something for yourself to eat at your party? You won't have to say a word. Then nicely thank her for the party. Don't let it get to you or she gets what she wants. Truthfully, even though this is an incovenience for you, she's the one with the problem.

[eKatherine]

I think some people just have problems believing this.... they are not necassarily bad people, there just seem to be some people who can't get it.

You can compare it to music in someways, some people just will not even try and listen to a classical track and others refuse anytihng not.... my bet is she is restrictive about this in other things in her life too.

I think that it's more than her not "getting it", especially with a food like wheat, the most common food in our culture. On the one hand it displays a lack of science and critical thinking on her part, the idea that her personal experience can somehow be applied to your situation and prove you "wrong" or even "untruthful" - "I eat wheat, and I don't get sick, therefore there isn't such a thing as celiac, and it's all in your head."

But after she's decided this, she goes the next step and decides that you're doing it to annoy her and attack her culture and everything she holds dear - all intimately connected with wheat-based foods, like cookies, cakes, pies, and breads - which would be your own if you weren't so deluded. Therefore, she is doing you and everybody else a favor by putting on a party for you where no food you (claim you) can eat is served. Either (according to her plan) you eat it and do not get sick, thus proving her correct, or you don't eat it, which demonstrates you're ungrateful and lack proper manners.

I try to be absent when an occasion comes up where we are deluged with wheat products and expected to be grateful, but obviously such a party in my honor hasn't happened.

[CarlaB]

eKatherine, you bring up interesting points. I have sisters that do this. Fortunately, they live over 1000 miles away ... anyway, I just ignore it. I always am grateful for whatever they do for me, like when one of them sent me a Buca di Beppo gift card for Christmas with a picture of a plate of spaghetti on the front. I wrote her a genuine thank you note and gave the card to my husband's brother. She ends up being the one to look bad. All we can do is worry about our own behavior ... others' behavior, unfortunately, we can do nothing about, only our reaction to it. I find when I treat them this way, I feel better because I'm doing the right thing. Of course, they only get madder at me because they didn't get on my nerves! That's why I'd go to the party and bring my own food. Have a great time, a genuinely great time.

[tarnalberry]

eKatherine, you bring up interesting points. I have sisters that do this. Fortunately, they live over 1000 miles away ... anyway, I just ignore it. I always am grateful for whatever they do for me, like when one of them sent me a Buca di Beppo gift card for Christmas with a picture of a plate of spaghetti on the front. I wrote her a genuine thank you note and gave the card to my husband's brother. She ends up being the one to look bad. All we can do is worry about our own behavior ... others' behavior, unfortunately, we can do nothing about, only our reaction to it. I find when I treat them this way, I feel better because I'm doing the right thing. Of course, they only get madder at me because they didn't get on my nerves! That's why I'd go to the party and bring my own food. Have a great time, a genuinely great time.

Actually, Buca's a great place to get a number of gluten-free items. (They'll even cook gluten-free pasta in a clean pot for you if you bring it in.) I've been there a number of times since going gluten-free. They can't really change up the classic italian dish on the gift card just because of 1% of the population, though.

[CarlaB]

Yea, now I know it's okay to eat there ... but I was newly diagnosed at the time, and it seemed to be very much on purpose because it happened at the same time that she told everyone in the family that I had my mom cook for us all week then went out to eat and didn't even invite my mom and step-father (which was NOT true, I not only paid for the food, but we cooked together!!). The only reason my husband took me out to eat was because everyone else was eating pizza and there was nothing in the house for me to eat! And we paid for the pizza! Again, the pizza seemed to be a test, will she really not eat it??? So, it really seemed at the time that she went out of her way to find something offensive. I had only been gluten free for about a week when she gave me the card.

So, if it weren't for the timing of it all ... next time I might even try the restaurant ...

[Mango04]

Yea, now I know it's okay to eat there ... but I was newly diagnosed at the time, and it seemed to be very much on purpose because it happened at the same time that she told everyone in the family that I had my mom cook for us all week then went out to eat and didn't even invite my mom and step-father (which was NOT true, I not only paid for the food, but we cooked together!!). The only reason my husband took me out to eat was because everyone else was eating pizza and there was nothing in the house for me to eat! And we paid for the pizza! Again, the pizza seemed to be a test, will she really not eat it??? So, it really seemed at the time that she went out of her way to find something offensive. I had only been gluten free for about a week when she gave me the card.

So, if it weren't for the timing of it all ... next time I might even try the restaurant ...

Don't you love it when people test us? Like it would be some sort of victory for them if they caught us eating gluten. What's up with that?

[CarlaB]

Do you think that in some strange way they actually envy the attention we get? I mean, we don't actually want this kind of attention, but are they envious? This same sister, on the same trip thought she had caught me eating what I claimed I was sensitive to. I was sure about the wheat problem at the time, but wasn't sure about corn. I knew I could have popcorn once in a while though. She caught me eating a bag of kettle corn and said, "I thought you couldn't eat corn" in a crummy tone. It offended my daughter more than me because my daughter helped me so much and knew how ill I was. I knew my sister was just being my sister. She's a miserably unhappy person ... It sure does seem like people want to trip us up. I don't get it, but I'm glad I don't get it ... I wouldn't want to understand that behavior!

[gfp]

I think that it's more than her not "getting it", especially with a food like wheat, the most common food in our culture.

I honestly think that is why they can't get it. I would expect an oriental allergic to rice would have the same problems.

On the one hand it displays a lack of science and critical thinking on her part, the idea that her personal experience can somehow be applied to your situation and prove you "wrong" or even "untruthful" - "I eat wheat, and I don't get sick, therefore there isn't such a thing as celiac, and it's all in your head."

Better I don't go into this, I'll pm you.

But after she's decided this, she goes the next step and decides that you're doing it to annoy her and attack her culture and everything she holds dear - all intimately connected with wheat-based foods, like cookies, cakes, pies, and breads - which would be your own if you weren't so deluded. Therefore, she is doing you and everybody else a favor by putting on a party for you where no food you (claim you) can eat is served. Either (according to her plan) you eat it and do not get sick, thus proving her correct, or you don't eat it, which demonstrates you're ungrateful and lack proper manners.

I try to be absent when an occasion comes up where we are deluged with wheat products and expected to be grateful, but obviously such a party in my honor hasn't happened.

OK, I agree with this as well but for reasons I'd rather not post here...

[Guest mmc]

Well, it's Tuesday, 2 days til my splendid "going away party"! Can't wait. I get to look like an *ss in front of the girl who is replacing me and my boss.

Hopefully I can get through Thursday with some class. Wish me luck!

[eKatherine]

I'll certainly be waiting to hear how it worked out.

[CarlaB]

You have it wrong, you are not the one who will look like an *ss!!!!

[KaitiUSA]

Let us know how it turns out

[Mango04]

Well, it's Tuesday, 2 days til my splendid "going away party"! Can't wait. I get to look like an *ss in front of the girl who is replacing me and my boss.

Hopefully I can get through Thursday with some class. Wish me luck!

Good luck! My thing is on thursday too. It's looking to be a little less horrible. We're going here:

Open Original Shared Link

It's nice place with some organic food, so hopefully I won't get sick. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to eat off of the lunch menu, so if anyone has any suggestions in terms of what sounds the most safe I'd love to hear them!

[kabowman]

A place like this??? Definitly! Just call and ask to talk to the manager, say you have food issues/allergies which people tend to understand better and let him/her know you will be coming in with a big party tomorrow but don't want to make a fuss at the party.

They want happy customers, most decent places will work with anything you want.

I rarely have problems eating out with all my food issues as long as I pick decent places and chat with the chef/manager.

On the other topic - my grandmother, who was never sick except near the end with Lupus and Emphazima (sp?) didn't understand or believe when other people got sick or had problems. You should have seen her on our last visit with my dad - diabetic, and me, dairy free at the time - totally thought we were nuts, rolled her eyes, etc. but cooked and went where we could eat. She used to not call Mac & Cheese, Mac & Cheese because my cousin didn't like cheese and she assumed that if she didn't use the word cheese, he would eat it and be fine. He was about 10-12 at the time. He didn't eat it...

[Guest mmc]

Well, my boss told the woman planning the party that she MUST provide at least 2 items that are gluten-free for me. I was amazed. So, maybe it won't be so bad. But the woman was absolutely p*ssed about the idea of having to provide "special" items for me.

[CarlaB]

Good for your boss. I simply cannot understand why she would be mad about having something special for you ... I thought the whole party was special for you.

[gfp]

Well, my boss told the woman planning the party that she MUST provide at least 2 items that are gluten-free for me. I was amazed. So, maybe it won't be so bad. But the woman was absolutely p*ssed about the idea of having to provide "special" items for me.

Good on you...

She is probably more p£$ssed that you received the attention due to you which in your case is just to be able to eat but obviously in hers is a social disorder. Good luck in your new life ... but you will find people like her everywhere. Just remember they are the ones with the social problem not you.

[Guest mmc]

Well, my party at work turned out wonderful. She ended up buying me a fresh fruit and fresh veggie tray, as well as all of the gluten for everyone else. She did provide dips for the fruit and veggies, which I was not absolutely positive that they were gluten free, but I ate all the veggies and fruit.

I gave all my co-workers "Thank you" cards with a special personal message written inside, including this woman. I even made it a point to thank her for planning the party.

One of the customers of my work came in and had bought me some beautiful pink flowers and a wonderful card. I thought that was so sweet.

The woman who is replacing me started yesterday and I believe that everyone realized that they had it made when I was there. While training this woman, I kept having to tell her "get the phone" (she's a receptionist).

So, it all turned out well. My boss let me know that if I am ever to return to this state, there is always a position open at the company for me...and if there's not, he'll create one. It made me feel very good about myself.

So, in the end...I didn't look like an *ss. YIPPEE!

[tarnalberry]

congrats! I'm glad it went so well!

[JenAnderson]

Yea every Christmas my Boss gives us one of those gluten filled hony baked ham things... I just htank him for it and then give it away to some one at church LOL

Honey Baked Ham..........

[VydorScope]

Sounds like it all turned out great! Conngrats and good luck in you new life!

[ravenwoodglass]

My work is throwing me a "going away" party on Thursday. The woman who is in charge of organizing it has made it known what "goodies" she will be purchasing. (Mind you that she knows about my situation and what I can and can't have.)

The menu: German chocolate cake, Einstien bagels and cream cheese, cookies, and donuts.

(In my mind) The perfect going away feast: GLUTEN!

What is she thinking???

Even one of my best friends at work said..."Why would you serve everything that Melisa can't have at Melisa's going away party?"

Her reply: "I don't believe her. We'll just see how serious she is about her diet."

So, Wednesday night, I'm making some gluten-free donut holes for me. I'll make enough for everyone and then I look like I'm just being nice.

While I would never wish celiac on anyone.......If anyone should experience it that a-- should. I'd want slip exlax in her hot chocolate

[debmidge]

It's curious as to why people are such idiots like this woman whom you work for. For instance, no one urges Hindus to eat meat when they say they abstain from it, nor do I chide my kosher friends about why they won't eat non kosher food. I respect their wishes to maintain their special diets and actually help them find a restaurant (where we should go) where they can get foods to conform to their needs. Imagine saying to them "You're not really ________!" They would be insulted and rightly so. So why are celiacs so abused? I don't get it.

My husband has a family member who gets in his face like this and while this person understands the WBRO issues, they have a problem with his other food allergens like soy, eggs, spices, etc. This person doesn't understand that he celiac disease has caused other food issues and this person will add the offending non gluten items into the food this person is cooking and saying that my husband will never notice because it's all in his head. To this end, we have stopped being guests in this person's home because they can't be "celiac kosher" (meaning cross contaminating gluten-free food with a source of gluten inadvertently)

(i.e., during preparation of dinner this person had white gluten bread strewn around work area and is eating away at it while making the gluten-free dinner. It wasn't just Wonder Bread, it was crumbly Italian bread and butter. The same butter she put out on the table at dinner. We went there for dinner one afternooon I took one look at this going on and said to husband we can't eat here any more - - it's too dangerous for you. Your close relative just doesn't "get it."

[ajay]

It's curious as to why people are such idiots like this woman whom you work for. For instance, no one urges Hindus to eat meat when they say they abstain from it, nor do I chide my kosher friends about why they won't eat non kosher food. I respect their wishes to maintain their special diets and actually help them find a restaurant (where we should go) where they can get foods to conform to their needs. Imagine saying to them "You're not really ________!" They would be insulted and rightly so. So why are celiacs so abused? I don't get it.

Well, religious beliefs are different, people can respect that it's a choice. It's often (but not always) the same with vegetarians...

I dunno why people don't get it-- would you bake a sugar-laden cake for a diabetic?! Though I think your hubby's relatives sound totally clueless, not malevolent (like mmc's party planner).

I got a pretty dramatic case of hives & edema after my last accidental wheat exposure. My sweetie wanted to take pictures... I refused, but maybe I should have let him...

I'm very lucky. Everyone in my family understands the gluten/wheat free concept. My dad misses the corn issue, though, so I get lots of gluten-free cookies and such.. Which usually have corn starch or corn flour in them. But it's so sweet of him to try.