Dating - Again?

[StrongerToday]

Ok - reader's digest version: I'm 38, divorced for 3 years, have mostly full time custody of our daughter. Which means very little time to myself, let alone meeting people. So, after thinking about it I've decided it's time to put myself back out there. This whole wheat/dairy free thing is pretty new for me. How on earth do I go about bringing it up, or -gasp- what if someone wants to take me out to dinner???

[CarlaB]

First, remember you're not sick unless you eat wheat/dairy just like other people aren't sick unless they take cianide. If you're operating from the perspective of health rather than disease it changes the way others see you.

Second, everyone has their faults ... yours will just be out in the open sooner.

Third, either suggest a restaurant that has a gluten free menu, or buy Triumph dining cards, they sure make it easy. I use the card, make a joke about it, then order something I think will be gluten-free anyway. The more you make it not a big deal, the less of a big deal he will think it is.

Fourth, carry a new toothbrush and some toothpaste in your purse to give to him if you want to kiss him!!! That should break the ice and make it funny! Humor helps!

As far as bringing it up in advance, I only would in the event he was taking you someplace you cannot safely eat.

[Smunkeemom]

When my husband and I were dating I was vegan, I told him that I wasn't a very fun dinner date (since I had to ask about a million questions and then really couldn't ever eat much on the menu anyway) and suggested that we do other things. When we did go out to eat he let me list a few places that had acceptable choices for me and he chose which we would go to, half the time the other half it was my choice.

I am sure a similar thing could work for celiac.

Although now that me and the girls are gluten free, I have to ask a million more questions. LOL

[StrongerToday]

When my husband and I were dating I was vegan, I told him that I wasn't a very fun dinner date (since I had to ask about a million questions and then really couldn't ever eat much on the menu anyway) and suggested that we do other things. When we did go out to eat he let me list a few places that had acceptable choices for me and he chose which we would go to, half the time the other half it was my choice.

I am sure a similar thing could work for celiac.

Although now that me and the girls are gluten free, I have to ask a million more questions. LOL

Yeah, nothing like being high maintenance date - on top of being a single mother who hasn't had a good date in a few years re-entering the dating scene. Yikes!

[Lisa]

Well, let your date know at dinner that you have a dietary issue and order accordingly....it's a good way to weed out the slackers, and leave your devotion to those who are caring and interested.

Lisa

[CarlaB]

Tell them you're looking for someone high maintenance! They won't worry about you being high-maintenance if they're going to be treated that way, too. I'm very high maintenance, even before celiac, but my husband is even worse (Thank goodness he has no disease or he'd be intolerable )

[Green12]

Ok - reader's digest version: I'm 38, divorced for 3 years, have mostly full time custody of our daughter. Which means very little time to myself, let alone meeting people. So, after thinking about it I've decided it's time to put myself back out there. This whole wheat/dairy free thing is pretty new for me. How on earth do I go about bringing it up, or -gasp- what if someone wants to take me out to dinner???

This might not be very helpful, and it doesn't speak necessarily to dating specifically, but any relationship, and I think it could apply to your situation. I have been very reluctant to open up about my health challenges and 'special' diet in the past and I usually didn't feel comfortable letting anyone in, I'm VERY guarded about it. But more recently I have started to own it and embrace it because afterall 'this is me' and as I slowly become more comfortable with sharing that part of my life the people on the other end seem perfectly fine about it. I sometimes think we build it up in our minds as something bigger, thinking it will be really off putting, but the truth is there are a lot of compassionate understanding people out there.

Good luck with this new phase in your life!!

[Dwight Senne]

In my own case, after initially being diagnosed with Celiac, I found it to be a huge turnoff for women I met. In fact, it got so bad that I actually gave up trying to find anyone for over a year! Slowly, over time, I came to realize that anyone who would be unwilling to date me because of this condition would also be exactly the type of person I do not want to be with! Works out great, no?

Yeah, this approach limits my dating, but first, I'm far from desperate or "needy" for a relationship, and second, like many things in life, the hardest things to endure are those with the greatest long term rewards!

You may find the website in my profile of benefit to you!

[powderprincess]

I came to realize that anyone who would be unwilling to date me because of this condition would also be exactly the type of person I do not want to be with! Works out great, no?

SO TRUE!

[Smunkeemom]

Slowly, over time, I came to realize that anyone who would be unwilling to date me because of this condition would also be exactly the type of person I do not want to be with! Works out great, no?

that's important to remember. I try to stress that with my girls about their friends and stuff now. If they don't care about you enough to accept you, they aren't worth your time.

[brendygirl]

HI

I tell every one I date and it's worked out fine. My boyfriend I met really took the initiative and researched it so he could help me, since I'm still not used to it.

There are 3 reasons I tell my dates: 1. I am offended when people assume I'm on the no-carb diet. 2. I want people to gain awareness about the disease since it's so obscure and 3. I don't want them to think I choose to be picky, it's not a choice, it's a necessity.

I've NEVER had anyone be anything but kind about it. I choose sushi places a lot, or lunches at places with good salads or fish.

Good luck!

[pixiegirl]

I am a single mom too... I currently have a wonderful boyfriend but prior to him I dated all the time... I was on Match.com and really got out there.

I have NEVER had anyone not date me because I have Celiac, not once. Certainly there have been a few knuckleheads that didn't get it, but they were happy to date me!! So I wouldn't worry about that, it seems nowadays so many people have food allergies, or eat a certain way by choice that when I told my dates I need to be really careful about where I eat none really had a problem with it. I had some say, I wish we could just have pizza and beer together and I'd just answer, "me too". But again it was never really an issue.

Its hard to find decent guys out there, so look at even bad dates as an experience and move on... enjoy the process! I feel very lucky in that I don't need a man... I might want one around but my self esteem is fully intact, I'm self supporting, I have tons of friends, I don't have any need to be "completed" I already am complete, so I think when you have that attitude it makes the whole process of meeting new people more fun. I feel because I do like myself and my life that made me very attractive to men (well to everyone!)... I'm no great beauty and I'm older (over 45!) and I still had no problem finding dates... if your happy its shows and is attractive to be around (thats my feeling at any rate).

Susan

[kabowman]

Heck, I was a single mom in her 30's of 2 boys when I was dating and I gave my dates the 3rd degree about their past. Did you stalk, were you arrested, what happened in your divorce, etc.

After one or two episodes of being stalked, criminal past, etc, I decided to get it out in the open right from the start. I didn't have anyone stop wanting to date me and I was always surprised when someone would answer yes to the stalking - amazing. Guess what, they didn't get a second date.

And, I was already a problem date then too - since I was totally dairy free. This would be just one more step. Most men want to date and are willing to make these consessions.