Depressed!

[hannahsue01]

I guess this is more for me than a question itself. I have been having a terrible past few days. Besides the normal stressors my husband has become a big source of my stress once again. I.......as I am sure many of you can relate...am feeling horrible both physically and mentally right now. I have not gone gluten free yet as my family and my husband want me to get an official diagnoses. I guess I want one to so I can say hey I wasn't crazy....I am in the process of getting insurance so it shouldn't be long. I have a long list of things that are wrong with me......but for the past month or more I have been feeling even more tired and extreamly achy (kinda like I have a bad case of the flu that won't go away). I am 24 and look like I am 80 when getting out of bed or sitting for any amount of time and then getting up....my bones, joints, and muscles ache. I have been still doing the house work and taking care of the kids because my husband does go to work. I have self diagnosed myself as manic depressive and am having a hard time coping with those symptoms. The doctor I HAD (I've found a new one....just havn't been there yet) says that my almost two page list of symptoms is all caused from depression and referred me to a phycologist.....but there are just some things that don't come from depression like getting sick from one ice cream like blue bunny wich contains wheat flour but not the store brand wich doesn't.....one of the things that makes me the sickest...to my stomach any ways is cereal. When my family first informed me that this disease was in the family I looked into it further and was like oh my god so much would make sense if this is what is wrong with me but my husband thought it was all in my head and I was making it out to be more than it was. He even didn't take it seriously that I belive that is why our oldest daughter is having so many issues.....she has been diagnosed with failure to thirve and has constapation and tummy aches as well as a rash that comes and goes that starts out like red pimples and then look like little blisters.....I was diagnosed as at her age as being malnurished and short. He had seemed to come to terms with this and we took our daughter to a GI and seemd interested in learning about it. Now he doesn't want to hear nothing about it and keeps saying I'm lazy and don't do anything.....funny thing is he has dinner to eat, dishes to eat them off of, clean clothes to wear that are even folded and put in his drawer, the animals and the children arn't starving, the trash isn't over flowing, the house is clean, the children are bathed and given there meds, the bills are paid, amung many other things and he didn't do any of it. The only things I don't do are mow and take the trash to the curb....mmmmm. I'm getting really sick of the critasim and can't take being yelled at and talked down to on a daily basis. I can't wait to be able to even feel have way better. I'm sorry ranting. Has anyone else had hubby problems like this or did I just find a real gem? Does anyone have any ideas what I can do to get him to GET all of this. For one at the least I need to be able to get him to deal with our daughters issues. If god forbid we wouldn't stay together after all of this I don't want my daughter glutened every time he has visitation. No one around me whether they be friend or family just don't seem to get any this and especially don't get how bad I feel.....

[par18]

I guess this is more for me than a question itself. I have been having a terrible past few days. Besides the normal stressors my husband has become a big source of my stress once again. I.......as I am sure many of you can relate...am feeling horrible both physically and mentally right now. I have not gone gluten free yet as my family and my husband want me to get an official diagnoses. I guess I want one to so I can say hey I wasn't crazy....I am in the process of getting insurance so it shouldn't be long. I have a long list of things that are wrong with me......but for the past month or more I have been feeling even more tired and extreamly achy (kinda like I have a bad case of the flu that won't go away). I am 24 and look like I am 80 when getting out of bed or sitting for any amount of time and then getting up....my bones, joints, and muscles ache. I have been still doing the house work and taking care of the kids because my husband does go to work. I have self diagnosed myself as manic depressive and am having a hard time coping with those symptoms. The doctor I HAD (I've found a new one....just havn't been there yet) says that my almost two page list of symptoms is all caused from depression and referred me to a phycologist.....but there are just some things that don't come from depression like getting sick from one ice cream like blue bunny wich contains wheat flour but not the store brand wich doesn't.....one of the things that makes me the sickest...to my stomach any ways is cereal. When my family first informed me that this disease was in the family I looked into it further and was like oh my god so much would make sense if this is what is wrong with me but my husband thought it was all in my head and I was making it out to be more than it was. He even didn't take it seriously that I belive that is why our oldest daughter is having so many issues.....she has been diagnosed with failure to thirve and has constapation and tummy aches as well as a rash that comes and goes that starts out like red pimples and then look like little blisters.....I was diagnosed as at her age as being malnurished and short. He had seemed to come to terms with this and we took our daughter to a GI and seemd interested in learning about it. Now he doesn't want to hear nothing about it and keeps saying I'm lazy and don't do anything.....funny thing is he has dinner to eat, dishes to eat them off of, clean clothes to wear that are even folded and put in his drawer, the animals and the children arn't starving, the trash isn't over flowing, the house is clean, the children are bathed and given there meds, the bills are paid, amung many other things and he didn't do any of it. The only things I don't do are mow and take the trash to the curb....mmmmm. I'm getting really sick of the critasim and can't take being yelled at and talked down to on a daily basis. I can't wait to be able to even feel have way better. I'm sorry ranting. Has anyone else had hubby problems like this or did I just find a real gem? Does anyone have any ideas what I can do to get him to GET all of this. For one at the least I need to be able to get him to deal with our daughters issues. If god forbid we wouldn't stay together after all of this I don't want my daughter glutened every time he has visitation. No one around me whether they be friend or family just don't seem to get any this and especially don't get how bad I feel.....

Hi,

Have you actually gone gluten free at all and if so did you have apositive response?

Tom

[hannahsue01]

Hi,

Have you actually gone gluten free at all and if so did you have apositive response?

Tom

Only for about 36 hours (I only ate frozen pees, grilled chicken and rice).....my tummy felt better and my bowels improved....when I ate gluten again (pizza) I felt like throwing up and had diareah within 20 mins or so. I was told not to stay on the diet in order to get accurate results for testing.....my grandmother keeps reminding me of this....she's one of the few that understands some of what I am going through as she is a celiac herself.....allot of members on my dads side of the family have been diagnosed but I don't live around them or talk to them much.

[Nantzie]

Holy Mackeral! I totally could have written your post a year ago. That was one of the reasons I wanted an official diagnosis too - because I didn't want him glutening my kids every time they went over to his crappy divorced father apartment for visitation.

Last October, my husband yelled at me for an hour and a half telling me that I was a hypochondriac who just wanted people to feel sorry for me and that it was all in my head. He wouldn't even listen to anything I had to say. I swear to God, if it hadn't been for us having kids, that would have been the last conversation we ever had. I decided this if he didn't get his act together within six months the kids and I were out of there.

Fast forward to Valentine's Day this year. He couldn't remember which chocolates were gluten-free, so he stopped at the health food section of the store and got a whole bag of gluten-free mixes for things like bread, cake, and cookies.

Now, my husband is sitting on the couch eating his steak, carrots and mashed potatoes with gluten-free gravy. He just had a gluten-free beer while he was grilling the steak. I've been gluten-free since January, my daughter got positive Enterolab tests a month ago, and my son got positive Enterolabs a week ago. Our house has been totally gluten-free for a few weeks now.

I don't know if your husband will turn himself around, but mine did. I don't know what it is with celiac disease, but for some reason the people around us completely go INSANE. I've seen this type of post dozens of times. It's either the husband, the best friend, the kids, the coworkers, the parents... It's truly bizarre.

After that freak-out he had last October, I kept it to myself. I just stood my ground, did what I needed to do and didn't talk to him about it.

So just stand your ground, get your insurance so you and your kids can get the tests, or get Enterolab. The stool test for gluten intolerance is $99 plus $20 shipping (the stool sample has to be overnight expressed, so that's the reason shipping is so high).

Well, I hope things get better.

Nancy

[hannahsue01]

Holy Mackeral! I totally could have written your post a year ago. That was one of the reasons I wanted an official diagnosis too - because I didn't want him glutening my kids every time they went over to his crappy divorced father apartment for visitation.

Last October, my husband yelled at me for an hour and a half telling me that I was a hypochondriac who just wanted people to feel sorry for me and that it was all in my head. He wouldn't even listen to anything I had to say. I swear to God, if it hadn't been for us having kids, that would have been the last conversation we ever had. I decided this if he didn't get his act together within six months the kids and I were out of there.

Fast forward to Valentine's Day this year. He couldn't remember which chocolates were gluten-free, so he stopped at the health food section of the store and got a whole bag of gluten-free mixes for things like bread, cake, and cookies.

Now, my husband is sitting on the couch eating his steak, carrots and mashed potatoes with gluten-free gravy. He just had a gluten-free beer while he was grilling the steak. I've been gluten-free since January, my daughter got positive Enterolab tests a month ago, and my son got positive Enterolabs a week ago. Our house has been totally gluten-free for a few weeks now.

I don't know if your husband will turn himself around, but mine did. I don't know what it is with celiac disease, but for some reason the people around us completely go INSANE. I've seen this type of post dozens of times. It's either the husband, the best friend, the kids, the coworkers, the parents... It's truly bizarre.

After that freak-out he had last October, I kept it to myself. I just stood my ground, did what I needed to do and didn't talk to him about it.

So just stand your ground, get your insurance so you and your kids can get the tests, or get Enterolab. The stool test for gluten intolerance is $99 plus $20 shipping (the stool sample has to be overnight expressed, so that's the reason shipping is so high).

Well, I hope things get better.

Nancy

Thanks...your post helps after a very depressing week. I am glad to hear that your family was able to work through all of this. I hope my husband quits thinking I'm looking for attention and that I am over exaterating my symptoms. I'm glad to find that maybe there is hope for him yet. We've been together for almost 6 years and have two great daughters as a result....I would hate for our family to be broken up because he is bull headed.

[Nantzie]

Also keep in mind that men are built to want to fix everything themselves. And if men can't fix something they yell at it and pitch a fit.

Nancy

[gfp]

Also keep in mind that men are built to want to fix everything themselves. And if men can't fix something they yell at it and pitch a fit.

Nancy

There is a lot of truth in this and the thing is it can be made to work for you as well.

Really, if you are cooking non gluten-free food you are going to be contaminated and the ideal is as Nantzie's husband as done.

Everyone has different triggers, some people only listen when a MD tells them and others only when they read for themselves. Some people believe at face value and others need absolute proof.

You know your husband best. What he needs is a way to help you and feel useful and he needs to hear about this in a way that works for him.

At the moment he is feeling impotent because he can't help and so he transfers this to you.

[Guest Robbin]

There is a lot of truth in this and the thing is it can be made to work for you as well.

Really, if you are cooking non gluten-free food you are going to be contaminated and the ideal is as Nantzie's husband as done.

Everyone has different triggers, some people only listen when a MD tells them and others only when they read for themselves. Some people believe at face value and others need absolute proof.

You know your husband best. What he needs is a way to help you and feel useful and he needs to hear about this in a way that works for him.

At the moment he is feeling impotent because he can't help and so he transfers this to you.

I am sorry, but I think the whole situation boils down to immaturity and selfishness. If I had a sick puppy, would it make sense to yell at it to fetch because I feel frustrated because it can't?

I think a lot of men see their wives as either an extension of themselves or as an extension of their mothers. When their security (home cooked meals, clean clothes, cozy home life) is threatened, they throw a tantrum. They might (gasp) have to grow up and see their wives as vulnerable, living, breathing, separate human beings.

BIG KUDOS TO YOU NANTZIE-you have made things work out. I say YOU because you stayed long enough to see your husband wake up and now trying to make up for the hurt. You are a strong lady to forgive and go on. It is so hard to forgive someone who kicked you when you were at your sickest, weakest, most vulnerable time. That is maturity, something a lot of men (and women too) lack. Take care Hannah. I hope this man sees what he has before it is too late.

[gfp]

I am sorry, but I think the whole situation boils down to immaturity and selfishness. If I had a sick puppy, would it make sense to yell at it to fetch because I feel frustrated because it can't?

I think a lot of men see their wives as either an extension of themselves or as an extension of their mothers. When their security (home cooked meals, clean clothes, cozy home life) is threatened, they throw a tantrum. They might (gasp) have to grow up and see their wives as vulnerable, living, breathing, separate human beings.

???

I am sorry, but I think the whole situation boils down to immaturity and selfishness.

I think a lot of women see their wives as either an extension of themselves or as an extension of their fathers. When their security (home, income level) is threatened, they throw a tantrum. They might (gasp) have to grow up and see their husbands as vulnerable, living, breathing, separate human beings.

[hannahsue01]

Well in my case my husband is very immature.....I'll give him a little credit since he has grown up a little since we first got together. It is possible he see's me as an extention of his mommy dearest. His mother all the way untill he left home did everything for him from meal prep to cleaning his room. I on the other hand was raised quit the opisite having to learn to care for myself. I think we all have our faults and have to come to terms with them and do our best to fix them. My husband himself doesn't think he is doing anything wrong at this point. I just hope he comes around before I totaly crack and tell him to go take a flying leep. I know at the moment I probably don't help the situation by being sick and manic depressive all the time but I am getting help and what about the "for better or for WORSE". Shouldn't he be her to help me through this......? At the moment he is only making the depression worse wich I am sure doesn't help any of the physical symptoms either.

[marciab]

I completely empathize with your situation. I got divorced over my CFIDS/FM. He is a control freak and this pushed him over the edge. I was crushed though. Husbands are supposed to be our best friends.

Have you considered going gluten-free for a couple of days just to show him that it makes a difference ?

You know you feel better after 36 hours and you would have to be gluten free longer than that to mess up your tests.

Unfortunately, we have to show people the effects of Gluten vs gluten free. They can't just take our word on it. My family is very impressed with the changes in me since going on this diet. Me, too.

Marcia

[Guest ~jules~]

I have been with my husband since we were 21, and he was very immature for alot of the years we've been together. It was really hard to deal with it back then, but he never talked down to me. He wasn't cold, mean, or belittling at all. The immaturity passed with life experience, and we both still have our moments. I can only imagine how alone you must feel, and I would advise if things don't get better to seek counseling. A spouse who isn't there for you if you fall ill isn't going to be be supportive of much else. I hope your feeling a little better, hang in there....