Having Friends Over For Dinner....

[wolfie]

We are having some friends over for dinner on Friday and they asked what they can bring. I told them not to bring anything but themselves and their kids. Then she said (via email) that she was going to bring veggies & cheese (fine) and dessert, cookies & brownies. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I also don't want to hurt her feelings when both DS & I can't eat the dessert. Oh and DH doesn't really eat dessert, so that leaves 4 yr. old DD! LOL! So, how do I nicely communicate via email that DS & I aren't able to eat those? I don't want to seem like I am wanting her to bring something we can eat, I just don't want to upset her. KWIM?

Any thoughts?

[jmengert]

I've been in similar situations, so I can understand.

Personally, it makes me uncomfortable to have any gluten containing dessert in the house because they are very "crumby" and CC is more likely. Do you allow non-gluten-free desserts in the house, or is your house strictly gluten-free? I would just say that since two of you cannot eat the dessert, it would make you uncomfortable, and thank her very much for bringing veggies and cheese, and emphasize how great the veggies and cheese sound.

I honestly feel like honesty is the best policy, and if anything makes me uncomfortable in my home with regards to gluten, I'm going to say so as politely as possible.

Good luck!

[GFBetsy]

I think the best thing to do would be to call (or email her) and say "Thanks so much for offering to bring veggies and cheese. That would be great. As far as desserts go, though, I don't know if you know this, but we've got celiac disease, which means we can't eat flour. If it's okay with you, I'd rather provide a desert. Would you like to bring juice (or something) instead?" That way she'll know that you appreciate her desire to contribute and will understand why you have to refuse the desert offer. That's the approach I would use, anyway.

[gfp]

I've been in similar situations, so I can understand.

Personally, it makes me uncomfortable to have any gluten containing dessert in the house because they are very "crumby" and CC is more likely. Do you allow non-gluten-free desserts in the house, or is your house strictly gluten-free? I would just say that since two of you cannot eat the dessert, it would make you uncomfortable, and thank her very much for bringing veggies and cheese, and emphasize how great the veggies and cheese sound.

I honestly feel like honesty is the best policy, and if anything makes me uncomfortable in my home with regards to gluten, I'm going to say so as politely as possible.

Good luck!

i have to agree......

I just tell people its a house rule and when I break it I get sick.

Do you drink? Why not suggest a bottle of wine or if not flowers ???

[mamatide]

Do you allow non-gluten-free desserts in the house, or is your house strictly gluten-free?Good luck!

That was my first thought as well, since we don't allow crumby gluten (and hardly any gluten at all) into the house.

I might say that her first suggestion was spot on... in a nice way.

Good luck. It's tough sometimes.

mamatide

[Turtle]

i have to agree......

I just tell people its a house rule and when I break it I get sick.

Do you drink? Why not suggest a bottle of wine or if not flowers ???

I agree with gfp...just be honest and suggest that she bring something like a drink, flowers, etc. Something you know 100% for sure will not allow for any CC! I have been up front and honest w/ my friends in this capacity b/c I fear CC since I've had it happen so much and so often before making "house rules" for the sake of my health. My friends have been very receptive and understanding. They will offer to bring wine or chips and salsa, gluten-free ice cream, etc.

Good luck!

[Fiddle-Faddle]

People who have never heard of celiac disease seem to react more appropriately if you tell them that you are allergic to gluten, which is in wheat, rye, barley, and malt (I always say them separately because most people don't know that malt comes from barley).

If they ask about it, then it's easier to explain that it' snot a typical allergy but an autoimmune disorder, etc.

Anyway, I would say that DH and I were allergic to gluten, but you would be thrilled if they could bring fresh fruit and/or cheese, etc.

[Nancym]

If you don't have any sort of dessert planned, how about explaining about the celiac and asking her to bring fruit instead?

[CarlaB]

If you don't tell her, she's going to say, "Why didn't you say something?" She's trying to be helpful, so I would say, "You know, I have food sensitivities and can't eat brownies or cookies and neither can my son, how about just bringing some ice cream for dessert?"

[wolfie]

Thanks so much for all the wonderful ideas! We do drink, so wine is a nice idea. We do allow gluten in the house b/c DH is not gluten-free and neither is DD at this point (hopefully she stays that way).

DH may see them tonight, so he will either talk to them then or I'll email her back tomorrow.

Thanks again!

[Fiddle-Faddle]

If you don't tell her, she's going to say, "Why didn't you say something?" She's trying to be helpful, so I would say, "You know, I have food sensitivities and can't eat brownies or cookies and neither can my son, how about just bringing some ice cream for dessert?"

Ya gotta be careful there, too--lots of the "light" ice creams are thickened with wheat starch, and some contain barley malt...

[CarlaB]

Ya gotta be careful there, too--lots of the "light" ice creams are thickened with wheat starch, and some contain barley malt...

Oh, yea, you'd have to be specific .... you wouldn't want her to end up bringing chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream either!

[NicoleAJ]

I agree that something must be said, and I'd go with a type of gracious let down that doesn't include graphic details about malabsorption and the other unpleasant things that come along with celiac (i.e. "we just have so many food sensitivities that it's hard for us to keep them straight, nevermind our guests. The veggies sound great, but I've been wanting to try out a new gluten free dessert recipe anyway. We haven't gotten the wine yet, though, if you'd like to bring that along."

[arc]

I've gotten paranoid enough that I don't know if I would eat the veggies and cheese either, unless it comes directly from the store. You have no idea how it was prepared (cut on a crumby cutting board, etc).

[gabby]

I have found that telling people to bring nothing makes them feel uncomfortable because they feel like they are coming empty-handed. often, just to be kind, they will bring 'something' which usually ends up being something sweet llike cake, cookies, etc.

Here's what I have found works like a charm: ask them to bring something very very specific. For example: a fresh watermelon, a specific brand of sparkling grape juice (make sure it is gluten-free), a pineapple, two quarts of fresh strawberries and some fresh whipping cream.

It is always best to give them the option to bring one of two things in case they can't find one. So ask them to bring strawberries or blueberries. A watermelon or two large canteloupes.

And then make sure to chop up whatever they bring and serve it up for dessert.

While munching on their 'gift' be sure to say something like: I'm so glad you were able to get this, I hope it wasn't too much trouble.

[Queen Serenity]

Hi all!

I agree with Gabby. Have your guest bring fresh fruit. A nice fruit salad is always good, and it's healthy too! Also, honesty is the best policy. Be up front. Explain to your friend that your allergy is severe, and that exposure to certain food can make you sick.

Vicki

gluten-free 11 years and still counting!