The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[Mtndog]

Now, settled with complacency, driving an Outback and HE drives the Discovery. He drives mine to pick up fire wood. Gonna take a stick of fire wood upside his head if he does not clean my car.

You silly goose- I know, I was just teasing Richard but your quote above made me LMAO! :lol:

[gfp]

:P :P :P

Well NikkiUk keeps her Christmas Tree and elven helpers in the cupboard. We like to let them out, but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should Tom be let out of that closet!

I even had Nicole around begging him to "come out" but I think he has no intention .... of ever coming out.

me sits patiently waiting for a letter from his lawyers.

Rachel: If you read this take it as me following your advice!

[Jestgar]

Rachel: If you read this take it as me following your advice!

Could this advice have been: Avoid getting a life. Find excuses to be on the computer as much as possible!!

?

[gfp]

Could this advice have been: Avoid getting a life. Find excuses to be on the computer as much as possible!!

?

nah ... quite the opposite really...

[Jestgar]

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of poor this man.

Robby is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio

station 103.2 FM, in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst

job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last

week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down

lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore

you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit

to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what

we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It

heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver

through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the

hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit

with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to

itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the

damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into

my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't

stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I

scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five

other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the

dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops

totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass

helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got into the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much

worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to

yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

[DingoGirl]

Could this advice have been: Avoid getting a life. Find excuses to be on the computer as much as possible!!

?

am lost and confused as to all of this but am still smiling here and wasting time on computer, as always.

[DingoGirl]

like a trainwreck, had to keep reading the jellyfish in the crack story - - it can't be true - - - must snopes it - - - (i.e., more time wasted)

[blueeyedmanda]

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of poor this man.

Robby is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

I was skimming this and I swore it said underwear repairs....It took me a few minutes to let it sink in I was wrong. Underwear repairs can you imagine??/

[Jestgar]

I was skimming this and I swore it said underwear repairs....It took me a few minutes to let it sink in I was wrong. Underwear repairs can you imagine??/

:lol: :lol:

[gfp]

Well that hose certainly sucked and I can't beat it but came close....

About 10 yrs ago I was in Malaysia and took a break off in Penang .. while I was there I thought water skiing looked fun...

No need for wetsuits the tropical water was lovely and warm...

So first off I didn't quite get the deal, I had heard of similar ones where you get three falls and that's it... figuring the stuff was free with the hotel I thought this seemed probable here too.

First off noone told me if it doesn't work straight off let go,.... still this cleaned out my sinus's...

So after working it out I thought I was getting quite good so of course I fall.....

As Im waiting, sat in the water with the ski's holding my legs out front this JELLYFISH starts to float down between my legs....

Now Ive no idea how poisionous these jellyfish are but I always figure anything tropical tends to be bad....

I start trying to back pedal with my hands... this doesn't really help much... Jellyfish I know can't swim, they float in the currents so how this thing managed to float faster than I could trash was of keen interest to me.

Evenutally I just gave up and turned over and thrashed hard away but in doing so it grazed my leg with its stingers...

Not so bad I thought ... YET.... Its amazing what goes through your mind... hmm is that good or bad...

So I eventually get picked up by the speedboat guys and they ask what's up.... Jellyfish I say.....

"Ah, you'll be alright do you wanna go back... ?"

I figured I'd carry on... but after I was back in the hotel bar... my leg started to swell.... and swell .... and swell.....

It wasn't that painful, just a hitamine reaction but I did wonder afterwards that if it had reached its presumed intended goal of the family Jewels I might well have needed a wheelbarrow for the next few hours.

[jerseyangel]

but I did wonder afterwards that if it had reached its presumed intended goal of the family Jewels I might well have needed a wheelbarrow for the next few hours.

Talk about a close call!

wheelbarrow

[DingoGirl]

not the stinging of the crown jewels!! 'twould be a terrible fate, indeed.

my dear beloved late grandfather, whilst his girls were young, was in some back woods somewhere, and the girls were being quite naughty.....he ventured out to pee, and grabbed a switch, just to scare them. Er, he grabbed the switch first, I guess, and then peed........had a case of poison oak EVERYWHERE - - - - including the jewels - - which landed him in the hospital.

I, too, have been to hospital for case of savage, systemic poison oak.......the staff members, doctors and nurses, parted like the red sea as I walked through the ER, holding my seeping, raging red arm, permanently bent at right angle at that time, and swollen to about five times its normal size.......but, my privates remained unscathed, happily.

[Mtndog]

I was skimming this and I swore it said underwear repairs....It took me a few minutes to let it sink in I was wrong. Underwear repairs can you imagine??/

I love that story but you can you imagine UNDERWATER underwear repairs! :lol:

Jestgar- Your new avatar is crazy funny and cool!

Oh my.....the crown jewels of both genders must be protected at all costs! My BIL had a vein(?) clot in one of his and no lie it swelled to the size of a grapefruit. I will NEVER forget it (even though I didn't see).

A little VD humor:

Worst thing to say on a first date

I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem ... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.

I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?

Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.

Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.

I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice."

Do you want to play doctor? That'll be five hundred dollars.

Wait till my wife hears about this!

I had a good time tonight. I'd love to see you again in six to eight months with good behavior.

[CarlaB]

am lost and confused as to all of this but am still smiling here and wasting time on computer, as always.

Maybe the advice was "lighten up, get a life!" (No, I wasn't "there" I'm just basing that on the "quite the opposite" comment) Good to see your funny side, gfp!!!

[CarlaB]

wheelbarrow

Funny how men call them jewels ...

[Lisa]

Funny how men call them jewels ...

I think it's wishful. Ya know, 14 K's

[Mtndog]

I think it's wishful. Ya know, 14 K's

Personally I prefer emeralds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooh that could be interpreted weird!

[Lisa]

Personally I prefer emeralds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooh that could be interpreted weird!

[/quote

......Lagossi?

[Mtndog]

Personally I prefer emeralds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooh that could be interpreted weird!

......Lagossi?

Please to explain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lisa]

Please to explain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You prefer emeralds...my poor reference to Emeril Lagossi, the BAM cheif, on my part. Odd attempt at humor....oh, I guess, I'll stick to READING the funnies, which I enjoy so much.

[Mtndog]

You prefer emeralds...my poor reference to Emeril Lagossi, the BAM cheif, on my part. Odd attempt at humor....oh, I guess, I'll stick to READING the funnies, which I enjoy so much.

Tee hee! No, you are funny...I just didn't get it (remember gluten= brain frog, I mean fog ) and I am STILL glutened- yes. It was a triple whammy! Motherflubber!

Open Original Shared Link

[CarlaB]

I think it's wishful. Ya know, 14 K's

Na, they think the "jewels" are much more valuable than 14 K! It's just a really strange thing they call them, and obviously men across the world call them the same thing (since gfp is in France)!!

[Mtndog]

And definitely watch Open Original Shared Link by Stephen Colbert. watch it to the end with the singing deer.

Trust me!

[blueeyedmanda]

Aww the family jewels....always makes me laugh!

[Mtndog]

Aww the family jewels....always makes me laugh!

I guess that makes us the family Faberge eggs