The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[psawyer]

Good Lord!!

Just when does the snow peter out in Toronto???

Soon, I bloody well hope. We got another ten inches at the store, and at least eight at home.

We have run out of places to put it at the store. It is piled higher than the windows by at least a foot. Today we had to put the new fallen stuff into the "staff" parking spot. So, we now have two customer spaces available instead of the usual three. At the moment, we are the only staff members who drive to work, so staff parking is less of a concern.

And to complete the day's activity list, I must change all the clocks before I can go to bed. There are about thirty, and those are just the ones that have to be manually adjusted. There are plenty more that automatically adjust for DST. I have done them all except the clocks in the vehicles. I am not going out into the snow just for that. I took my boots off when we came home and they are staying off until tomorrow.

[jerseyangel]

Have I mentioned enough yet my size13s?

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah . . .

. . . big shoes

. . . good traction

. . . hairy toes?

Of course--what did you THINK I meant?????

The wind is shaking my house soo bad. Come on Spring!

It's really windy here, too. We had the goofiest day of weather--pouring rain, some clearing, more rain, some hail, another drenching rain and now it's gone from 55 to 34

We have been painting all day--we painted the bathroom last Sunday, but I decided I didn't like the color once it was on the wall It was a beautiful shade of taupe-green--but on the wall it looked white. Gawd.....So my husband is ready to send me off on a slow boat to somewhere Actually, he's a good sport about the whole thing.

This time I chose a sand color that looks very Tuscany....

[jerseyangel]

I took my boots off when we came home and they are staying off until tomorrow.

I should think so! Get some rest tonight, my friend

[Ridgewalker]

Yep, too many Ralph Lauren ads for you. . .

Here's how the Fourth of July goes around here . . . (of course, we don't consider ourselves yuppies) . . . illegal fireworks, filthy kids running around without shoes, nobody sings, all the pyros dads tellin' the kids to stand back while they light the fireworks with an empty paper towel tube that's on fire, and jello with a can of fruit cocktail poured in it.

That sounds about right! At our place, years ago, you add in my grandma- who would refuse to come outside while there were fireworks... shouting from the kitchen window the story about her uncle, the piano player, who blew all his fingers off of one hand with fireworks, and you're all gonna blow your hands off ya damn fools! *sigh* I miss my gram. Man, could she swear! Then I would always come in and sit with her, and listen to her talk about how her uncle still played piano afterward, with his stump.

I have made those flag cakes, though, for the past several years. My favorite version is lemon cake with cream cheese frosting, blueberries, and raspberries. I'll have to try doing a gluten-free version this year.

[nikki-uk]

Hey Nikki--didja get those blinds cleaned yet? Mine need attention badly

It's a work in progress Patti - there are many blinds - and it's sooo tedious it makes me want to SCREAM!!!

I call ~11am and Susie's phirst woUrds are "I'm still drunk".

Shouldn't that be ''I'm sCHtill drunk......hic!...''

More than once, he'd reach down, brush his fingers across the treasured substitute, and murmur "mmmmmmm" or "oh yeahhhhhhh".

Tom, your brother

He was clearly never one to underestimate the texture and adequate wiping qualities of his surrounding plantlife

Nikki, whilst I was pondering the loo planter, it dawned on me that your parents now have an obsolete potty house. Have they disposed of it? Could you move it to your house? . . . for decorative purposes only, of course.

As a museum piece???

...actually the 'outside' loo was indoors but only accesible from the outside (t'was on the back of the kitchen)....it wasn't quite a wooden shack at the bottom of the garden

...but nonetheless....it scarred my childhood .........I'd avoid inviting friends back to my house in case they discovered my outside loo secret!!!!!!!!!!!

Have I mentioned enough yet my size13s?

Only got your word for that Tom haven't we??

Here's how the Fourth of July goes around here . . . (of course, we don't consider ourselves yuppies) . . . illegal fireworks, filthy kids running around without shoes, nobody sings, all the pyros dads tellin' the kids to stand back while they light the fireworks with an empty paper towel tube that's on fire, and jello with a can of fruit cocktail poured in it.

...then do you set the mattress and tYres on fYre ??

We have been painting all day--we painted the bathroom last Sunday, but I decided I didn't like the color once it was on the wall It was a beautiful shade of taupe-green--but on the wall it looked white. Gawd.....So my husband is ready to send me off on a slow boat to somewhere Actually, he's a good sport about the whole thing.

This time I chose a sand color that looks very Tuscany....

Slow boat

I did the same thing in my bathroom Patti! -- Terry painted in 'Duck egg blue' but it didn't look right in my tiny bathroom - so ended up with white and a milk chocolate coloUr.

SARAH!!!!!!! Good to 'see' you

Love your Grandma's 'stump' story

BEVVY!!!! Love your new av 'how to care for baby'

[tom]

Bleh another slow-brain day - smiles replaced by sighs.

Thought I'd snapped out of it yesterday but only felt alright for a couple hrs.

I really got so spoiled w/ that 1st 3-4mos.

Every day was a thrill from the moment eyelids unshuttered.

We have been painting all day--we painted the bathroom last Sunday, but I decided I didn't like the color once it was on the wall It was a beautiful shade of taupe-green--but on the wall it looked white. Gawd.....So my husband is ready to send me off on a slow boat to somewhere Actually, he's a good sport about the whole thing.

While occasionally (and entirely excuseably) muttering <women .. .> under his breath?

Re: big feet

Only got your word for that Tom haven't we??

That's not enTIREly true. Maybe one of the 8 or 9 forum members I've met tripped over these boats.

<grrrrr to the slow brain .. ...I KNOW there's a funny, at least to me, line possible here>

[blueeyedmanda]

Hi All Sillies,

Sure is quiet around here today. Well we survived our babysitting experience. it was a lot of fun. John offered to do the 4am feeding, he says it would give him good practice. He actually ended up doing half of it. I have caught the wonderful stomach bug which has been passed around so I needed to haul butt to the loo.....not fun Sillies!

When his mom picked him up this morning he was smiling and laughing, she says he is never like that at the other sitters, and the other sitter said he is bad....he was perfect for us...I think it is the sitters way of maybe trying to get out of babysitting without coming right out and saying it.

How is everyone elses Sunday?

[jerseyangel]

I did the same thing in my bathroom Patti! -- Terry painted in 'Duck egg blue' but it didn't look right in my tiny bathroom - so ended up with white and a milk chocolate coloUr.

Ooh--that sounds really pretty!

I really got so spoiled w/ that 1st 3-4mos.

Every day was a thrill from the moment eyelids unshuttered.

Yeah--those first weeks of feeling really good are heady for sure. You'll get back to feeling great again--at least for me there is always a feeling just below the surface that a snag means I'm gonna somehow be propelled back to square one--and that is truly scary. Just remember all the progress you've made

Hi All Sillies,

Sure is quiet around here today. Well we survived our babysitting experience. it was a lot of fun. John offered to do the 4am feeding, he says it would give him good practice. He actually ended up doing half of it. I have caught the wonderful stomach bug which has been passed around so I needed to haul butt to the loo.....not fun Sillies!

When his mom picked him up this morning he was smiling and laughing, she says he is never like that at the other sitters, and the other sitter said he is bad....he was perfect for us...I think it is the sitters way of maybe trying to get out of babysitting without coming right out and saying it.

How is everyone elses Sunday?

Sounds like you'll be asked to babysit again

We are finally done...taking a tea break and then back to putting everything back together. I love the color this time--it was so worth the extra work!

I put a chicken (Bell & Evans) in the crock pot this morning so dinner's covered--how that for thinking ahead

[dlp252]

That's not enTIREly true. Maybe one of the 8 or 9 forum members I've met tripped over these boats.

<grrrrr to the slow brain .. ...I KNOW there's a funny, at least to me, line possible here>

No tripping here.

[blueeyedmanda]

I put a chicken (Bell & Evans) in the crock pot this morning so dinner's covered--how that for thinking ahead

That sounds like a good dinner Patti, do you have room for 2 more??

[psawyer]

A late sign-in for the day, as I have been busy doing not-so-silly things today. Like, shoveling the additional foot of snow that we got here yesterday and overnight. Arrrgh!

Yeah, it sure is quite around here with Emily off skiing, and Susan off doing--well, I think we all know pretty well what she and David are probably up to.

It is seven o'clock as I pen keyboard this, and I am sitting at my desk upstairs, and I don't have the lights on. The window faces NW and I'm getting plenty of illumination from Sol himself. It will only last a few more minutes, though.

Just a quick visit for now. Must go downstairs to the kitchen to begin preparation of this evening's repast. A post-prandial version of me will return later.

[jerseyangel]

That sounds like a good dinner Patti, do you have room for 2 more??

It was really good! Wish you could have joined us

[Darn210]

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according

to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do

more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,

wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with

real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them

in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo'

sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat.

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub

the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the

'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind

this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, 'woo woo'!!!

[psawyer]

Well, here I am again. Tomorrow is Monday, and I don't usually go into the store on Mondays. I catch up on administrative stuff and bookkeeping. But I did that today, while not shoveling, and will be in the store tomorrow. We've got some technical stuff to work out with our Visa provider that will likely require my presence on site.

The morning commute should not be too bad. It is March Break here, so all the schools are closed. Major streets and the highways have all been cleared.

You may still hear from me. After years of deliberately not having internet access at our place of business, things have changed.

[nikki-uk]

Janet

England is being assaulted this Monday morn with storms, gales, and torrential rain.....HEINOUS wevah!!

Youngest pulled a sickie on his paper round it's so foul

Apparently the weather front has blown across from Canada (so my weatherman says) so......thankyou Canada

A post-prandial version of me will return later.

Post- prandial ......GAD!!! ..post prandial mint anyone????

After years of deliberately not having internet access at our place of business, things have changed.

..don't be scared of change oh oracle of sillies....you must embrace it!!!!

Patti's pot roast!! (good thinking!)

[blueeyedmanda]

Morning Sillies! Another week has begun.

Is Susie still MIA with kissey?

Emily how was your skiing....I'm still jealous! I bet your ski conditions are way better than ours!

Patti-I wished I was there too!

Sillies I am still under the weather though, at work, but not feeling too great. The stomach is still acting up but last night I had the headache from hell.....literally. It had me on the floor in tears.

Peter have fun working.

To all my other sillies....Have good days too!

[jerseyangel]

How To Shower Like a Woman:

How To Shower Like a Man:

OMG--so funny and true

You may still hear from me. After years of deliberately not having internet access at our place of business, things have changed.

We've creeped into PeOter's business

England is being assaulted this Monday morn with storms, gales, and torrential rain.....HEINOUS wevah!!

Wow, Nikki--keep warm and dry

Sillies I am still under the weather though, at work, but not feeling too great. The stomach is still acting up but last night I had the headache from hell.....literally. It had me on the floor in tears.

Feel better, Amanda

Are Susie and Emily scheduled to be back today?

[Jestgar]

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...

It goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ...

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-!-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND,

@-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BS and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

[nikki-uk]

Amanda - hope you feel better soon

Are Susie and Emily scheduled to be back today?

Is Emily away for the week??

Susie & Kissey are home - in love ( ) and exhausted

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BS and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Ain't that the truth!!

[tom]

Mornin' all!!

I think I woke up w/ at least 1/2 a brain & ramping up, so there's good potential for some silliness today!

(Oh . ...and actual RL productivity)

Where're the trip reports from the Poohbahs????????

[jerseyangel]

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...

That was great--I sent it to my husband

Mornin' all!!

I think I woke up w/ at least 1/2 a brain & ramping up, so there's good potential for some silliness today!

Good to hear!

[jerseyangel]

Susie & Kissey are home - in love ( ) and exhausted

[psawyer]

Apparently the weather front has blown across from Canada (so my weatherman says) so......thankyou Canada

At least you didn't get the foot of snow. Enjoy the gift from "the colonies."

We've creeped into PeOter's business

Work will never be the same again.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...

Is Emily away for the week??

I think it was a week's expedition on Em's part.

So here I am at the store, and it is pretty dead. It's March Break, and many of the people in this neighboUrhood go away for the week. Brilliant sunshine, but chilly at -4^oC

[Lisa]

Random Post....Quick visit to say hello. "Hello"

This was fun to watch

Open Original Shared Link

[blueeyedmanda]

Man, I guess I will have a whole brain this week without Em needing it where she is!