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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted

Not much for me to say tonight. We have had two days of quiet this weekend, and now expect to be working every day from now until Christmas.

Sarah, we're keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. :wub:

Emily, no snow expected here, but it is bloody cold--expected to hit -15 overnight. Brrrr. That is enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey, as they say. :ph34r:

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Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

My guess is:

Baked some gluten-free projectiles.

and. from me folks:

FRANK

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He

got into the taxi, and the Cabbie said, "perfect timing. You're

just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all

the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things

happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could

have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros.

He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and

you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more ... He had a memory like a computer. He

remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which

foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix

anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street

blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid

traffic jams. Not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them.

But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to trea

t a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back

even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always

immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He

never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank

Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married

his f**king widow."

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

Doctors' Opinion of Financial Bail-Out Package:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the

Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the

Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the

Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. The

Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body!' while the

Pediatricians said, 'Oh, grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the

Radiologists could see right through it, and the

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the

Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the

Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the

Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the

Proctologists left the decision up to some a$$holes in Washington

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Brass monkey balls .. . . . .. :lol:

Hmm....a Burundian brass monkey?

Beaverly Snackle South Tower.... . :lol:

Jack did leave with a li'l suitcase, containing what, I just dunno, as he insisted on packing it himself. Mehopes Will had a peek inside it before they left, as I have a growing suspicion that The Ripper would have prioritized the following:

Four pairs running shoes

One T shirt

One pair underwear

Twelve pairs sports socks

Three baseball caps

And the final thing: his yo yo.

Yep, that's probably the entire contents of that li'l suitcase. . .....I'm starting to feel a bit pleased that I'm not there . . .. . . :rolleyes:

Leeesa missed Michael Bolton! Well.......um.....I would have been somewhat relieved to have missed him, I'm afraid... . . . .. :ph34r: .... . . he don't do nuttin' fer me . .. . ..

He ain't no Frank.......!

But then, no one else is. . . ..

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
That is enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey, as they say. :ph34r:

He died and I married

his f**king widow."

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas

:lol::lol:

Gettin the phunny on tonight! :P

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

Waitin' for Suze to finish her novel.

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Soooozie, last night you went shopping for Weezie-proof doors, didn't you? :rolleyes:

no, not possible :lol:

He was fascinated and said he might pop in. Well, he never did

Michael Bolton? I have to ponder this......I would not be sad if I'd missed seeing Michael Bolton

:ph34r::lol:

But - David Hasselhoff - would be very disappointed to miss that one :lol:

Does it have something to do with hair?

NO! it does not! but good guess

**Oh Christmas Twa, Oh Christmas Twa ..**

*snackle* :lol:

That's FAR too broad. Em started us at "unexpected ho' tub flotsam"!!!!!! :wacko:

HINTS pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!!!!

OK, one guess - shaved your head?

nope, did not shave me head.

well, all right, it's not that exciting, I"ll just tell you all.

Gail came over around 3 for frothy screwdrivers. Oh my, they were delish. Well, we ran out of vodka early on, and we realized we were not feeling quite as silly as we thought we should be feeling, so we drove to Trader Joe's and got some Patron A

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DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married

his f**king widow."

*snort*

no projectiles were baked, good guess though ;)

Beaverly Snackle South Tower :lol: :lol: Very satisfying to say

In the end, the

Proctologists left the decision up to some a$$holes in Washington

:lol: excellent - yup, bringin' the Sunday night Psilly

And the final thing: his yo yo.

Yep, that's probably the entire contents of that li'l suitcase. . .....I'm starting to feel a bit pleased that I'm not there . . .. . . :rolleyes:

:unsure: is Will going to buy him some warm things, if this is the case? I'm soooooo cold just thinking about it :lol:

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted

Patti - meant to say how ADORABLE Allo looks, snuggling by the fire :wub:

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
Patti - meant to say how ADORABLE Allo looks, snuggling by the fire :wub:

Yes. I find myself being jealous of your cat :ph34r:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Oh Gawd Suz....barphed :(

The chocolate stain was kinda phunny, though :ph34r:

psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted
:lol: he manages to talk about the weenis topics phrequently, doesn't he?
Okay, I guess I have to deal with all this interest in my tool.

I possess a wonderful tool. It is 9-1/2 inches long and is steel-hard. It is rounded at the end with a hole in it. It works best with a repeated motion, and it can be operated with only one hand.

Click here to see it. :ph34r:

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his f**king widow." :lol::D:lol:

A$$holes in Washington. :lol:B)

Patti, luv the av.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Okay, I guess I have to deal with all this interest in my tool.

PeOter said "tool" again :lol: Crackes me up every time :P

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Patti - meant to say how ADORABLE Allo looks, snuggling by the fire :wub:

I took that tonight about 5 minutes before I posted it. Usually when he sees the camera, he immediately gets up and walks towards it :rolleyes: I got lucky this time and got several good shots.

Green12 Enthusiast
Green12
Posted

Jack's lil suitcase is so cute!!!!!!

Lisa, bummed about Michael Bolton?!?! :huh::lol:

**Oh Christmas Twa, Oh Christmas Twa ..**

Cackle and Gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emily, no snow expected here, but it is bloody cold--expected to hit -15 overnight. Brrrr. That is enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey, as they say. :ph34r:

Cracking me up Peter! Phorgot to say happy anniversary on the store :D

Gail came over around 3 for frothy screwdrivers. Oh my, they were delish. Well, we ran out of vodka early on, and we realized we were not feeling quite as silly as we thought we should be feeling, so we drove to Trader Joe's and got some Patron A
Green12 Enthusiast
Green12
Posted
I took that tonight about 5 minutes before I posted it. Usually when he sees the camera, he immediately gets up and walks towards it :rolleyes: I got lucky this time and got several good shots.

Very sweet, Patti :)

Excellent sillies Jess :lol::lol:

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Mornin', Snackly Psillies!

Oh, Patti! Allo is beautiful. . . .....what a dear one, sitting by yer fire. Is that your pellet stove, then? Not sure what these things look like ...it appears more stove-like, wif li'l feet, than a fireplace. . . . . .

Soooozie chocolate-barphed!

And POeter's handy tool... . . Well. :lol::lol:

not nearly as riveting as Em's crutch tip in the ho'tub (say, that can be used instead of

"....and a partridge in a pear tree" in the Twelve Days of Christmas!! ♫ ♫ )

Gah!! YES, It fits poifectly! This is excellent.. .. .

Is Will going to buy him some warm things, if this is the case? I'm soooooo cold just thinking about it :lol:

Well, his feet will be okay, with twelve pairs o' thermal socks. Four baseball caps should do it for his head, as well.

His trunk? Arms and legs? Yes, I think it's grand that I'm not there. . .. . . ... <_<:lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

Afternoony psillies!!!

<I'm not here...I'm putting up the tree ;) >

My!, POeter's tool is very impressive!!!!!!!,....of which many a man would covet ......

Bevel's snackle south tower :lol:

Allo by the fire ...awww .....mygawd, I must get on to Tel about opening our fireplace....looks divine wiv a cat in front :wub:

Spr

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Hey! Just got an email from The Ripper. Nikerler, if you don't know the accuracy of this "fact" that Jack has told me, please check it out, as I must know if it is true:

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

:huh:

:lol:

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
.....♫ and a crutch tip in a ho' tub ♫

♫On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me

2 squoze anal glands

and a crutch tip in a ho' tub♫

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

WELL....

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeeeeeeee....... . .♪ ♫

Three ba-aaalll - cocks,

Two anal glands,

And a crutch ti-ip in a ho' tuuuub... ♪ ♪ ♫

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me......♫

Four rigid to-ols,

Three ba-aaalll - cocks,

Two anal glands,

And a crutch ti-ip in a ho' tuuuub... ♪ ♪ ♫

blueeyedmanda Community Regular
blueeyedmanda
Posted

My you guys are very festive today :)

tom Contributor
tom
Posted

Oops double!

tom Contributor
tom
Posted

Oops triple!!!

Aargh when I try to use the musical notes, it posts up to that point only :(

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