Jump to content
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):
  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

Recommended Posts

kareng Grand Master

Returning to being psilly (and I hope I don't offend anyone or get kicked out of my dear psilly thread) Clark and I bought Tony some rather disturbing gifts for Christmas (it's the what do you buy the boy who only wants money). We bought him an "Enormex Condem" (he's still a virgin but always talks about how large he is). We've always been open talking about sex so we thought he'd find it phunny. The back of the package says"to ensure maximum protection from conception this product has been rigorously tested on an African bull elephant before being rinsed out and re-rolled and packaged." Novelty item only. He also asked for a Jesus Action Figure. There are at least 6 on Amazon. Better than a Sarah Palin Bobble Head. The Beatles poster and X-box games we bought him are tame.

Hugs from a blushing Loey who better get down to wrapping gifts before my computer goes all whacky n me again.

Loey

My boys would be mortified. Here's a present my son wants. Would be good for college living. He wants some noise eliminating/ canceling head phones to plug into his iPod. Looks like good ones can be had in the $70-80 range up to the Bose ones for $300. I think if it cancells 87% of the background noise for $70 that's pretty good.


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



  • Replies 51k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
mushroom Proficient

Hey! Which one??

This one:

kareng Grand Master

This one:

Muffin-Head, his cat, must have mixed his drinks too strong! :D

Jestgar Rising Star

We bought him an "Enormex Condem" (he's still a virgin but always talks about how large he is). We've always been open talking about sex so we thought he'd find it phunny.

I find this whole concept of openness about sex highly entertaining, coming from a repressed family myself. BE told me last night that his SIL asked him once at a family dinner if he and his previous-long-term-girlfriend had good sex. I just stared at him. "she ASKED you???" In my family we pretend that the whole silly business doesn't exist.

Loey Rising Star

My boys would be mortified. Here's a present my son wants. Would be good for college living. He wants some noise eliminating/ canceling head phones to plug into his iPod. Looks like good ones can be had in the $70-80 range up to the Bose ones for $300. I think if it cancells 87% of the background noise for $70 that's pretty good.

Sounds like a practical gift. He's already in college, right?

Hopefully I didn't mortify you. Tony has always been very open around us. When he was little he asked me if his "pee pee was larger than his dad's" Must be the Spaniard in him.

I just spent two hours wrapping gifts after tutoring my little girl. She's the sweetest thing ever and I really hope I can help her. I'm basically starting her on a kindergarten level for reading even though she would d be in third grade of she wasn't home schooled. I'm getting to use all of the resources I've bought over the last 6 years.

Loey

Loey Rising Star

I find this whole concept of openness about sex highly entertaining, coming from a repressed family myself. BE told me last night that his SIL asked him once at a family dinner if he and his previous-long-term-girlfriend had good sex. I just stared at him. "she ASKED you???" In my family we pretend that the whole silly business doesn't exist.

My mother told me she enjoyed sex. That was when I was in college. She just told me to be safe. Tony has told us on numerous occasions that he could have had sex by now but that's not what he's looking for. He wants something more meaningful. He's never had a girlfriend or been kissed (although he's had girls he liked).

For the past week every night I've had a dream that he has a girlfriend (one took over my kitchen but she cooked gluten-free so I wasn't annoyed in the dream). I wonder if that means anything. His best friend at school is a girl and even though he's done with finals he wants t stay on campus as long as he can. She's from Chicago. I'm going to give him $ for a train ticket to visit his friends in NJ but Chicago is out of the question. She'd be welcome to come up here before the semester starts.

I guess his SIL's family talked openly about sex. Clark gets a little embarrassed but he's the one who found the Enomex Condom. Go Figure!

Loey laugh.giflaugh.gif

elye Community Regular

She's the sweetest thing ever and I really hope I can help her. I'm getting to use all of the resources I've bought over the last 6 years.

Loey

Dear gawd, Low-eee...just don't use that Enormix Condom in any way.. . ..could one use it to help with reading?.. . .Must consider this. . . . . . ...

As a visual aid/puppet of some sort?. . . . .... . . ... . .

:lol:


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



nikki-uk Enthusiast

laugh.gif

Carry on!

Wait...what day is it?

Heavy weekend partying wacko.gif

In my family we pretend that the whole silly business doesn't exist.

We do this in my country wink.gif

elye Community Regular

Heavy weekend partying wacko.gif

YES! In yer much-touted purple glad rags.. . . . . . ....! B)

Loey Rising Star

Dear gawd, Low-eee...just don't use that Enormix Condom in any way.. . ..could one use it to help with reading?.. . .Must consider this. . . . . . ...

As a visual aid/puppet of some sort?. . . . .... . . ... . .

:lol:

It reminded me of a diaphragm when I first saw it. Have I scared our dear Pet-err and GFinDCee away???? I sure hope not! I did pfinish wrapping all of the presents. Then took a looong snooze.

Having Clark's pfriend (recommended the new GI) and wife over for dinner Saturday night. Will be cooking for IBS and Celiac. Thinking of make Chicken Paprikash with either rice or rice noodles. Any other suggestions?

Loey biggrin.gif

Jestgar Rising Star

Having Clark's pfriend (recommended the new GI) and wife over for dinner Saturday night. Will be cooking for IBS and Celiac.

Imagining the dinner conversation. :blink::ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r:

GFinDC Veteran

:lol: :lol:

Gee Eff in Dee Cee is fergettin' hisself over on anuvver thread and being all psillie. Hope he doesn't scare the pholks :o

See, that's what happens when I try to tell the Gosh honest trooth around hair. Da bar wuz thar, but he didn't et us. Happy ending to the story no? I am just too open and honust a pursein for this gruup, it seams. :huh:;):D:P

Muffin-Head, his cat, must have mixed his drinks too strong! :D

Hmm, Muffin-head is a good target to blame, I do agree with that. Psillie meow-hed! She alweez has a lot meows in her. And they leak out a lot.

Oh, I wusn't scaret aweigh, except by the thot of M-Lee's new bruiser boyfriend getting pissed at me for not winning her prized monkey skull photo in the art auction. We did purty good until it got to $200 huneredt dullarz M-Lee, then I dropped out and melted away from the bidding. Sorry! :( I did get some other art though and some great prices too. The auction was well attended by artists, with very few non-artists there to buy things. So it was basically artists bidding against other artists for art. So the prices stayed pretty low, as people were generally not bidding things up. But I got some great deals from it. I got a few pieces from other local artists I know and that always makes them more fun to have. Another artist bought one of my abstract encaustics, so that was nice. Not a bad nite at all. Hey, did yu all know they usually have free wine at these things? hick urp. :D:blink::ph34r:

Hmm, I needs to pick Poeter's brain about gluten free cat treats the Muffin-hed can eat. She is gluten-free except her treats have barley malt in them. And she really, really likes her treats promptly at 5:00 PM every day. Or the Meowing ensues loudly.

And by the weigh, big snooze. I got a new MS keyboard for my puter, so I can type widout making sew many meatsteaks. My uld un the kleys wood stick down sometimes. No gud, nope, no gud.

kareng Grand Master

Hmm, Muffin-head is a good target to blame, I do agree with that. Psillie meow-hed! She alweez has a lot meows in her. And they leak out a lot.

And by the weigh, big snooze. I got a new MS keyboard for my puter, so I can type widout making sew many meatsteaks. My uld un the kleys wood stick down sometimes. No gud, nope, no gud.

So you're blaming the old keyboard, too.

Darn210 Enthusiast

I know Treasure Island! We bought our 10 phoot artificial tree there a bunch of years ago that hasn't phit in any house since. <_< Don't recall seeing penile decorations at the time :unsure: ....shoulda looked harder :P hee! 'harder' B)

Patti larphing at her own jokes . . . makes me giggle.

Mornin' pholks,

I've got a week and a half to get this Christmas thing together . . . I'm in deep doodoo. :ph34r:

So Jess, what was the verdict from BE's daughter . . . inquiring minds want to know.

Jestgar Rising Star

He said she no longer comments on the women he dates and he's not even sure she'd tell him if she thought I was terrible. But I liked her a lot, so I figure that's a good sign.

kareng Grand Master

I've got a week and a half to get this Christmas thing together . . . I'm in deep doodoo. :ph34r:

Me too! The doodoo is pilling up here!

So instead:

A Christmas Gift

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

Loey Rising Star

Imagining the dinner conversation. :blink::ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r:

Thanks Jesee. Right now I've spoken to him and pot roast seems like a fair bet but I need a dessert and appetizer. He can have olive oil. Don't know if chick peas are a legume so I'll have it for m Clark and his wife.

You guys are the best!!!!

Loey wub.gifwub.gif

Loey Rising Star

Dear gawd, Low-eee...just don't use that Enormix Condom in any way.. . ..could one use it to help with reading?.. . .Must consider this. . . . . . ...

As a visual aid/puppet of some sort?. . . . .... . . ... . .

:lol:

It would fit on my entire hand. They're very religious so it definitely wouldn't go over well.

Loey

Loey Rising Star

He said she no longer comments on the women he dates and he's not even sure she'd tell him if she thought I was terrible. But I liked her a lot, so I figure that's a good sign.

I repeat: How can she not love our dear sweet Jesse?

Loey wub.gifwub.gif

Loey Rising Star

Me too! The doodoo is pilling up here!

So instead:

A Christmas Gift

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif Loey

celiac-mommy Collaborator

Is everyone out Christmas shopping? It's very quiet and lonely here today. I'll be offline later as a friends coming over. Tomorrow we're buying our 19 year old toys. Missing my psillies!!!!

I was all day Saturday and yesterday. Done, Done, DONE!!!!! Actually, I was done last week, but my mom, sister, brother, grandma and auntie all went yesteray, so I tagged along :)

Sunday, I baked.....and baked.....and baked! Made ginger spice cookies, PB buckeyes, macadamia nut roca, orange slice cookies (ewwwww!), chocolate crinkles, peppermint choco fudge brownies, nutella filled pillow cookies, and hokey pokey that didn't turn out at all. Everone at work is in a sugar coma right now!

Show went well. BE showed up in my room at 2am. Apparently I'm very welcoming to "strangers" in the middle of the night. :ph34r: :ph34r: I probably should work on that. Anyway. He's coming to the show tonight with his dd. Should be fun. Today I'm going to work on cleaning my house and studying for my stupid final.

I had a dream like this once. Involved someone named 'Edward'...... <sigh> :P

The Skookumchuck is my favorite (to say, I'm not sure I've ever been there).

Phrequently driven over the Skookumchuck on my way to Seattle. Always makes me giggle at such a horrible name!

Yes. You will have to take notes. ;)

:lol:

Returning to being psilly (and I hope I don't offend anyone or get kicked out of my dear psilly thread) Clark and I bought Tony some rather disturbing gifts for Christmas

Hugs from a blushing Loey who better get down to wrapping gifts before my computer goes all whacky on me again for procrastinating .

Loey

:lol::lol: My son has the Jesus action figure 'with gliding motion' It's phabulous!!

We are also very open about sex. Yesterday Max was trying to think of words that started with each letter of the alphabet. He looked at me and smirked, "P is for penis!" He loves his penis :rolleyes::lol::lol:

I repeat: How can she not love our dear sweet Jesse?

Loey wub.gifwub.gif

Exactly! I think I may have scared Miss Jess when I threw my arms around her and hugged her before I said hello.... :P

nikki-uk Enthusiast

I was all day Saturday and yesterday. Done, Done, DONE!!!!!

Jealous, jealous, JEALOUS!!! dry.gif

I'm with Jyianne-eet (in deep doo doo methinks unsure.gif)

Tomorrow eh?

I had a dream like this once. Involved someone named 'Edward'...... <sigh> :P

Oh yeah....I had that dream too cool.gif

Exactly! I think I may have scared Miss Jess when I threw my arms around her and hugged her before I said hello.... :P

SNNAAAP!!!!

To be phair, I think she's getting used to random international psills doing that tho' wink.gif

GADS, yooz peeps sound highly organised.

I am not.

Have a blasted 'parents day' school event for my youngest son tomorrow for 3 HOURS blink.gif- cutting into me shopping BIG TIME rolleyes.gif

Darn210 Enthusiast

Well, I made a little progress today. Kids are pretty much done. It's the adults that don't need anything that I'm having problems with . . . my Dad, my FIL, my step-MIL, and my MIL . . . and since they're "big" kids, if I don't get it done by Christmas, nobody will be crying. So now I guess I'm no longer in deep doodoo . . . perhaps I'm in shallow doodoo.

Darn210 Enthusiast

Have a blasted 'parents day' school event for my youngest son tomorrow for 3 HOURS blink.gif- cutting into me shopping BIG TIME rolleyes.gif

I hear ya, sister!!

celiac-mommy Collaborator

Have a blasted 'parents day' school event for my youngest son tomorrow for 3 HOURS blink.gif- cutting into me shopping BIG TIME rolleyes.gif

The kids' Christmas program is Thursday night. The school thought they'd be 'helpful' this year and break it into 2 programs so people wouldn't have to be there as long. K-2 is from 5-615pm and 3-5th grades are from 645-8pm. I have a kindergartner and 4th grader so we'll be there the whoooooooole time :blink:

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):





    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):




  • Recent Activity

    1. - Wheatwacked replied to Scott Adams's topic in Post Diagnosis, Recovery & Treatment of Celiac Disease
      50

      Supplements for those Diagnosed with Celiac Disease

    2. - knitty kitty replied to catnapt's topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      3

      results from 13 day gluten challenge - does this mean I can't have celiac?

    3. - knitty kitty replied to Scott Adams's topic in Post Diagnosis, Recovery & Treatment of Celiac Disease
      50

      Supplements for those Diagnosed with Celiac Disease

    4. - Florence Lillian replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      11

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

    5. - catnapt replied to catnapt's topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      3

      results from 13 day gluten challenge - does this mean I can't have celiac?

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      133,355
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    Amy Immerman
    Newest Member
    Amy Immerman
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.6k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):
  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Wheatwacked
      Raising you vitamin D will increase absorption of calcium automatically without supplementation of calcium.  A high PTH can be caused by low D causing poor calcium absorption; not insuffient calcium intake.  With low D your body is not absorbing calcium from your food so it steals it from your bones.  Heart has priority over bone. I've been taking 10,000 IU D3 a day since 2015.  My doctor says to continue. To fix my lactose intolerance, lots of lactobacillus from yogurts, and brine fermented pickles and saurkraut and olives.  We lose much of our ability to make lactase endogenosly with maturity but a healthy colony of lactobacillus in our gut excretes lactase in exchange for room and board. The milk protein in grass fed milk does not bother me. It tastes like the milk I grew up on.  If I drink commercial milk I get heartburn at night. Some experts estimate that 90% of us do not eat Adequite Intake of choline.  Beef and eggs are the principle source. Iodine deficiency is a growing concern.  I take 600 mcg a day of Liquid Iodine.  It and NAC have accelerated my healing all over.  Virtually blind in my right eye after starting antihypertensive medication and vision is slowly coming back.  I had to cut out starches because they drove my glucose up into the 200+ range.  I replaced them with Red Bull for the glucose intake with the vitamins, minerals and Taurine needed to process through the mitochodria Krebs Cycle to create ATP.  Went from A1c 13 down to 7.9.  Work in progress. Also take B1,B2,B3,B5,B6. Liquid Iodine, Phosphatidyl Choline, Q10, Selenium, D and DHEA.     Choline supplemented as phosphatidylcholine decreases fasting and postmethionine-loading plasma homocysteine concentrations in healthy men +    
    • knitty kitty
      @catnapt, Wheat germ has very little gluten in it.  Gluten is  the carbohydrate storage protein, what the flour is made from, the fluffy part.  Just like with beans, there's the baby plant that will germinate  ("germ"-inate) if sprouted, and the bean part is the carbohydrate storage protein.   Wheat germ is the baby plant inside a kernel of wheat, and bran is the protective covering of the kernel.   Little to no gluten there.   Large amounts of lectins are in wheat germ and can cause digestive upsets, but not enough Gluten to provoke antibody production in the small intestines. Luckily you still have time to do a proper gluten challenge (10 grams of gluten per day for a minimum of two weeks) before your next appointment when you can be retested.    
    • knitty kitty
      Hello, @asaT, I'm curious to know whether you are taking other B vitamins like Thiamine B1 and Niacin B3.  Malabsorption in Celiac disease affects all the water soluble B vitamins and Vitamin C.  Thiamine and Niacin are required to produce energy for all the homocysteine lowering reactions provided by Folate, Cobalamine and Pyridoxine.   Weight gain with a voracious appetite is something I experienced while malnourished.  It's symptomatic of Thiamine B1 deficiency.   Conversely, some people with thiamine deficiency lose their appetite altogether, and suffer from anorexia.  At different periods on my lifelong journey, I suffered this, too.   When the body doesn't have sufficient thiamine to turn food, especially carbohydrates, into energy (for growth and repair), the body rations what little thiamine it has available, and turns the carbs into fat, and stores it mostly in the abdomen.  Consuming a high carbohydrate diet requires additional thiamine to process the carbs into energy.  Simple carbohydrates (sugar, white rice, etc.) don't contain thiamine, so the body easily depletes its stores of Thiamine processing the carbs into fat.  The digestive system communicates with the brain to keep eating in order to consume more thiamine and other nutrients it's not absorbing.   One can have a subclinical thiamine insufficiency for years.  A twenty percent increase in dietary thiamine causes an eighty percent increase in brain function, so the symptoms can wax and wane mysteriously.  Symptoms of Thiamine insufficiency include stunted growth, chronic fatigue, and Gastrointestinal Beriberi (diarrhea, abdominal pain), heart attack, Alzheimer's, stroke, and cancer.   Thiamine improves bone turnover.  Thiamine insufficiency can also affect the thyroid.  The thyroid is important in bone metabolism.  The thyroid also influences hormones, like estrogen and progesterone, and menopause.  Vitamin D, at optimal levels, can act as a hormone and can influence the thyroid, as well as being important to bone health, and regulating the immune system.  Vitamin A is important to bone health, too, and is necessary for intestinal health, as well.   I don't do dairy because I react to Casein, the protein in dairy that resembles gluten and causes a reaction the same as if I'd been exposed to gluten, including high tTg IgA.  I found adding mineral water containing calcium and other minerals helpful in increasing my calcium intake.   Malabsorption of Celiac affects all the vitamins and minerals.  I do hope you'll talk to your doctor and dietician about supplementing all eight B vitamins and the four fat soluble vitamins because they all work together interconnectedly.  
    • Florence Lillian
      Hi Jane: You may want to try the D3 I now take. I have reactions to fillers and many additives. Sports Research, it is based in the USA and I have had no bad reactions with this brand. The D3 does have coconut oil but it is non GMO, it is Gluten free, Soy free, Soybean free and Safflower oil free.  I have a cupboard full of supplements that did not agree with me -  I just keep trying and have finally settled on Sports Research. I take NAKA Women's Multi full spectrum, and have not felt sick after taking 2 capsules per day -  it is a Canadian company. I buy both from Amazon. I wish you well in your searching, I know how discouraging it all is. Florence.  
    • catnapt
      highly unlikely  NOTHING and I mean NOTHING else has ever caused me these kinds of symptoms I have no problem with dates, they are a large part of my diet In fact, I eat a very high fiber, very high vegetable and bean diet and have for many years now. It's considered a whole foods plant based or plant forward diet (I do now eat some lean ground turkey but not much) I was off dairy for years but recently had to add back plain yogurt to meet calcium needs that I am not allowed to get from supplements (I have not had any problem with the yogurt)   I eat almost no processed foods. I don't eat out. almost everything I eat, I cook myself I am going to keep a food diary but to be honest, I already know that it's wheat products and also barley that are the problem, which is why I gradually stopped eating and buying them. When I was eating them, like back in early 2024, when I was in the middle of moving and ate out (always had bread or toast or rolls or a sub or pizza) I felt terrible but at that time was so busy and exhausted that I never stopped to think it was the food. Once I was in my new place, I continued to have bread from time to time and had such horrible joint pain that I was preparing for 2 total knee replacements as well as one hip! The surgery could not go forward as I was (and still am) actively losing calcium from my bones. That problem has yet to be properly diagnosed and treated   anyway over time I realized that I felt better when I stopped eating bread. Back at least 3 yrs ago I noticed that regular pasta made me sick so I switched to brown rice pasta and even though it costs a lot more, I really like it.   so gradually I just stopped buying and eating foods with gluten. I stopped getting raisin bran when I was constipated because it made me bloated and it didn't help the constipation any more (used to be a sure bet that it would in the past)   I made cookies and brownies using beans and rolled oats and dates and tahini and I LOVE them and have zero issues eating those I eat 1 or more cans of beans per day easily can eat a pound of broccoli - no problem! Brussels sprouts the same thing.   so yeh it's bread and related foods that are clearly the problem  there is zero doubt in my mind    
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.