The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[curlyfries]

Whew!!!!!

Jyan-gnut.....that was close. We were on our motorcycle a good part of the day for a 9/11 benefit ride (quite awesome and emotional, btw) and only got a few drops. Thanks for waiting

Shroomie....is everything ok on your end? Em?...Karreign?

Was it on tv Jan-knit? I was the one in the light blue helmet

[kareng]

Well, something water related just happened. Hub washed all the pans & cutters from our Chicken Pizza Extravaganza!

We had a motorcycle ride yesterday. 3000 motorcycles of all types. And 95% of them were wearing helmets!

[Darn210]

I think I'll wait until I get my laundry finished before I post again . . . now, I would LOVE and new washer and dryer . . . how can I get that without doing major water damage to my house?

Jess!!! What a racket!!! How's the local news? Any up-n-coming news achor needing to make a name for themselves? The news here did a piece not too long ago about predatory towing.

[curlyfries]

We had a motorcycle ride yesterday. 3000 motorcycles of all types. And 95% of them were wearing helmets!

Sounds a lot like ours. But I think the main reason most wore their helmets was because of the threat of rain

[elye]

Under-counter pipes dismantled.

Large clump of gunk (gag) retrieved and disposed of.

Plumbing re-assembled.

...NO deluge. It's been about an hour.. . . ....

Okay, Jyaghnutt.....post away!

[kareng]

Just took Jeff's suit, shirt, tie, belt & shoes filled with socks to the UPS store. She didn't seem surprised to ship suits to college boys.

[Jestgar]

I found the forest service handbook on line.

Five days notice? no

Removal of obstruction to more suitable place? hmm, if "unattainable" is considered suitable. And only allowed if the vehicle is "...an impediment or hazard to the safety, convenience, or comfort of other users, or is left in such a manner that it impairs access or use of any area of the National Forest System or other lands under Forest Service control." so no on this one too.

Now I'm really mad. Even if I had been parked improperly, he had no justification for towing my truck.

[elye]

Now I'm really mad. Even if I had been parked improperly, he had no justification for towing my truck.

Go, Jyessss, GO! YOU can fight city hall!

[celiac-mommy]

I found the forest service handbook on line.

Five days notice? no

Removal of obstruction to more suitable place? hmm, if "unattainable" is considered suitable. And only allowed if the vehicle is "...an impediment or hazard to the safety, convenience, or comfort of other users, or is left in such a manner that it impairs access or use of any area of the National Forest System or other lands under Forest Service control." so no on this one too.

Now I'm really mad. Even if I had been parked improperly, he had no justification for towing my truck.

Sounds like a scam to get $$

[celiac-mommy]

I need help. I have to give a wedding toast in 3 weeks and I can't, for the life of me, think of anything to say. Mostly because I adore one and can't stand the other. But, it's my resposibility as maid of honor to do it. I've written and rewritten the damn thing and it sounds snarky every time. Any suggestions??

[kareng]

I need help. I have to give a wedding toast in 3 weeks and I can't, for the life of me, think of anything to say. Mostly because I adore one and can't stand the other. But, it's my resposibility as maid of honor to do it. I've written and rewritten the damn thing and it sounds snarky every time. Any suggestions??

To my friend,Suzy,.. may you have a wonderful life - with or without this Bozo!

To Suzy and Bill, May you grow old together in a happy and full life and the little gold-digger not poison you for the insurance policy!

This is hard!

What about just some generic best wishes and a happy life thing? Don't need to say how wonderfull he is.

[mushroom]

Give what you've done to hub and have him edit out the snarkiness - presumably he knows the parties involved - then you edit out the stuff you don't like that he put in and then he edits out whatever snarkiness crept back in, and .....

[kareng]

Use this, just don't mention that she hasn't found the prince yet.

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Lucy Van Pelt, in Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!

Look up wedding toasts, maybe get some ideas.

[Jestgar]

Can we read it?

The FS officer called me, said he saw my email and disagreed with it. That he didn't leave me 'alone in the forest', that it's a very busy place, and he drives up and down the roads all day and would have kept an eye out for me. Then he said he didn't understand why I was so upset at being "alone" since I was hiking alone. After a very long silence on my part, I said that even if my truck wasn't running, I would have had a safe place to be.

He did give me the number of his supervisor, who sounds reasonable. When I mentioned that he wasn't concerned about my safety because the National Park was just a mile away, she said, 'that's not relevant, this is the forest service, you weren't in the park'.

How the hell would I know where the national park is? These two organizations do not cross reference each other. It turns out that the NP is further down the road that the FS says is closed. :blink:

[celiac-mommy]

Ok, this is what's left of the pages and pages of crossed out stuff. The least snarky of them... Edit away!!!

Hello Everyone!

I'm Rachelle, Tracy's sister. I just wanted to say that you are such an amazing person and I am so thankful to have you in my life. You are the most beautiful bride and I am so happy for you and Dan on this special day. I wish for the two of you a blessed and prosperous life together with all the happiness you deserve and that your love grows each moment so much that you look back on this day many years from now and remember this as the day you loved each other the least.

Lift your glasses and let's toast to the happy couple!

-then maybe I can bust out some Love Actually moves and start a rendition of "All You Need is Love"

it's all a lie

[kareng]

Ok, this is what's left of the pages and pages of crossed out stuff. The least snarky of them... Edit away!!!

Hello Everyone!

I'm Rachelle, Tracy's sister. I just wanted to say that you are such an amazing person and I am so thankful to have you in my life. You are the most beautiful bride and I am so happy for you and Dan on this special day. I wish for the two of you a blessed and prosperous life together with all the happiness you deserve and that your love grows each moment so much that you look back on this day many years from now and remember this as the day you loved each other the least.

Lift your glasses and let's toast to the happy couple!

-then maybe I can bust out some Love Actually moves and start a rendition of "All You Need is Love"

it's all a lie

Some parts are true. right?

- You are her sister.

-Is she an amazing person (remember she could be amzazingly mean or nice)?

-She probably is a beautiful bride unless she's dressed like Elvis.

- It is a special day - not everyday you get to dress up & wear a bridesmaid dress! Thank God!

_ You really do wish all that stuff even if its less likely than winning the Lotto jackpot.

- Toast- you really need a drink after that!

So you see, most of its true. The rest you just have to suck it up to keep the peace and not look like a B#$%h.

[curlyfries]

I need help. I have to give a wedding toast in 3 weeks and I can't, for the life of me, think of anything to say. Mostly because I adore one and can't stand the other. But, it's my resposibility as maid of honor to do it. I've written and rewritten the damn thing and it sounds snarky every time. Any suggestions??

My husband had to give a toast once, so he went to a greeting card store and found some Irish proverb. It was a big hit. Hmmmmm.....I saw that paper he wrote it on recently but canna remember where

with something like that, you avoid having to get personal.....less likelihood of having to say something through clenched teeth

[celiac-mommy]

Some parts are true. right?

- You are her sister.

-Is she an amazing person (remember she could be amzazingly mean or nice)?

-She probably is a beautiful bride unless she's dressed like Elvis.

- It is a special day - not everyday you get to dress up & wear a bridesmaid dress! Thank God!

_ You really do wish all that stuff even if its less likely than winning the Lotto jackpot.

- Toast- you really need a drink after that!

So you see, most of its true. The rest you just have to suck it up to keep the peace and not look like a B#$%h.

Yes, all that is true for sure! She's one of the most important women in my life!! That's what makes this so hard! And I really DO wish her the best... And I actually love my bridesmaid dress bc I got to pick out whatever I wanted

Does it sound too cheeseball or anything?

[kareng]

Yes, all that is true for sure! She's one of the most important women in my life!! That's what makes this so hard! And I really DO wish her the best... And I actually love my bridesmaid dress bc I got to pick out whatever I wanted

Does it sound too cheeseball or anything?

Maybe you can add a joke or something? Or something funny from childhood? Like - her first love was her cat - she said she was going to marry her. I used to say I wasn't going to have kids, I was going to have Kittens.

[curlyfries]

Maybe you can add a joke or something? Or something funny from childhood? Like - her first love was her cat - she said she was going to marry her. I used to say I wasn't going to have kids, I was going to have Kittens.

yes....a joke for sure. How about one about Dan, too? One that makes fun of him but sounds sincere? I'm not good at that, but Karrreign.......? What do you think?

[GlutenFreeManna]

Ok, this is what's left of the pages and pages of crossed out stuff. The least snarky of them... Edit away!!!

Hello Everyone!

I'm Rachelle, Tracy's sister. I just wanted to say that you are such an amazing person and I am so thankful to have you in my life. You are the most beautiful bride and I am so happy for you and Dan on this special day. I wish for the two of you a blessed and prosperous life together with all the happiness you deserve and that your love grows each moment so much that you look back on this day many years from now and remember this as the day you loved each other the least.

Lift your glasses and let's toast to the happy couple!

-then maybe I can bust out some Love Actually moves and start a rendition of "All You Need is Love"

it's all a lie

I would edit the following line: "I wish for the two of you a blessed and prosperous life together with all the happiness you deserve and that your love grows each moment so much that you look back on this day many years from now and remember this as the day you loved each other the least."

And make it MUCH shorter. Even if all that stuff were true the sentence is so long you are likely to slip up trying to say it correctly. And the more fake compliments you add in the more obvious it will be that you are BSing them. One short lie is easier to pull off than a string of lies.

Here are some ideas:

"I wish you both so much happiness in your new life together."

"Here's to the start of you new life together, may it be filled with much joy"

"May your love for one another never die."

"May your love grow deeper each day of your married life together"

"May you have many years of blessing together."

[elye]

Maybe you can add a joke or something? Or something funny from childhood? Like - her first love was her cat - she said she was going to marry her. I used to say I wasn't going to have kids, I was going to have Kittens.

My dad used to say something like, "Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked"....

Annnnnnd..... . .lemme think....."Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children?"

Just, y'know, throw a couple o' those kinds of things in... . . ...being funny hides all sorts of feelings.....

[celiac-mommy]

yes....a joke for sure. How about one about Dan, too? One that makes fun of him but sounds sincere? I'm not good at that, but Karrreign.......? What do you think?

How about... "Remember that time Dan, lol, it was sooo funny, when I heard my son screaming bloody murder and when I ran to see what was going on, there you were on top of his 40# little body-knee in his back, forarm across his neck, screaming at him to be quiet...? Good times"

I would edit the following line: "I wish for the two of you a blessed and prosperous life together with all the happiness you deserve and that your love grows each moment so much that you look back on this day many years from now and remember this as the day you loved each other the least."

Thanks, it's true, total BS line...

[mushroom]

Thanks, it's true, total BS line...

Not necessarily. All the love you deserve could be taken other ways...... although it is your sister after all and I suppose if she's married to him you would want him to love her... at least a little bit ....

[kareng]

Henny Youngman said,

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."

Hope you find the secret!

Short & a bit funny.