The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[DingoGirl]

A spreadsheet?

:lol: gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, a spreadsheet. A Phart Chart, to be more precise. I"ll talk to him about this, maybe we can merge the Phart Chart w/ the makeup statistics and.........anovars? Anovas? What in hell were they? - and this will make for some really riveting conversation and study. Oh, it has also occurred to me that we really should be keeping better track of Yeti - where in hell IS he now? - and perhaps a spreadsheet is in order for that, as well.

<you can see I"m taking phrequent breaks from my heinous task>

[elye]

gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, a spreadsheet. A Phart Chart, to be more precise. I"ll talk to him about this...

You could chart your flatus with his, and see how things measure up. Are firefighters gassy individuals? I should think not....would be quite a hazard in a burning building, methinks. Yes, Susie, I think you should try a date with him. Why not? May be very good for you, and he probably won't know what hit him.

Blunted affect.....don't think I know too many people living with this. Blunted villi, well.......

[jerseyangel]

Don't forget the butt sniffing

Always good advice

DONNA! You're looking more gorgeous in every av!!!!!!!!

I agree

Are firefighters gassy individuals? I should think not....would be quite a hazard in a burning building, methinks.

Gawd

So much Saturday silliness! My intestines have quieted down for now (I know you're all on the edge of your toilet seats wondering about this )--I had mostly mashed potatoes for dinner--quite soothing.

Who said malfeasance? Was it Susie? I love that word

[elye]

So much Saturday silliness! My intestines have quieted down for now...

Good news, Patti. I actually was wondering.....Perhaps not quite on the edge of my seat, but thinking of you..

[DingoGirl]

You could chart your flatus with his, and see how things measure up. Are firefighters gassy individuals? I should think not....would be quite a hazard in a burning building, methinks. Yes, Susie, I think you should try a date with him. Why not? May be very good for you, and he probably won't know what hit him.

:lol:

You are one nutty lady. I think that every time I read your thoughts, just every now and then, I am struck with it anew, and of course, hold deepest admiration for you.

Well, let's see.....is that like astrological compatibility, the phlatus charting? Must one's pharts be in alignment for a successphul relationship? But yes, I do agree - the phirephighter w/ phlatus is a phlagrant hazard for his duty, and surely an annoyance to his phellow crew.

Who said malfeasance? Was it Susie? I love that word

yes, it was I. I, too, love that word......and also malfeaSOR, the one who has conducted the malfeasance.

OMG - you did not see me here. But am happy to report, I am one-third of the way done w/ the vile carpet. Mygawd, some areas I have to go over SIX TIMES. It's been a while, I was waiting for Stinker to go and the rains to cease.

oh I miss kissing my black-nosed girl....... did you guys know I mainly like dogs w/ black noses and pointed ears? a freakish thing. I can't say why, but I nearly kidnapped dog-napped a German Shepherd today.

But I tell ya what, there is NOTHING more boring than shampooing the carpet.....I am a hostage.....I can't watch anything, read anything, listen to anything (though I do have my beloved Ipod on my head)......one is just held captive to this egregious chore, and left to one's Dingo thoughts in one's head.

:lol:

[~alex~]

So much Saturday silliness! My intestines have quieted down for now (I know you're all on the edge of your toilet seats wondering about this )--I had mostly mashed potatoes for dinner--quite soothing.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Mashed potatoes are so nice when you're not feeling well. We used to have a constant supply of mashed potatoes in our fridge to reheat that made up the bulk of most my meals. Not so much any more! Must stop myself from professing how good I'm feeling for health and safety purposes.

Yesterday my brother reminded me of how our mom used to make us "hot jello" when we weren't feeling well. She would make jello but we would drink it hot instead of letting it cool and eating it. She would give it to us for colds, sore throats, stomachaches, dental issues, pretty much anything . . . a veritable panacea if you will. I highly recommend it for whatever ails you but I think it works better if someone else makes it for you instead of having to make it yourself.

[jerseyangel]

Susie--Yeah, I get some of my best thinking done while vaccuming!

Well, you know what they say--well begun is half done Or I guess in your case, a third

[jerseyangel]

Yesterday my brother reminded me of how our mom used to make us "hot jello" when we weren't feeling well. She would make jello but we would drink it hot instead of letting it cool and eating it. She would give it to us for colds, sore throats, stomachaches, dental issues, pretty much anything . . . a veritable panacea if you will. I highly recommend it for whatever ails you and I think it works better if someone else makes it for you instead of having to make it for yourself.

This is so cute--my MIL used to do this for her kids, too. To this day, if I make Jello, and Mark's around, he likes to take a few spoonfuls of it while it's still hot and drink it.

[DingoGirl]

Yesterday my brother reminded me of how our mom used to make us "hot jello" when we weren't feeling well. She would make jello but we would drink it hot instead of letting it cool and eating it. She would give it to us for colds, sore throats, stomachaches, dental issues, pretty much anything . . . a veritable panacea if you will. I highly recommend it for whatever ails you but I think it works better if someone else makes it for you instead of having to make it yourself.

that IS so cute!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps I can get a neighboUr.....maybe Stepford? - to make it for me. Instead of taking me to the Ethiopian restaurant, I"ll request the hot jello.

Susie--Yeah, I get some of my best thinking done while vaccuming!

Well, you know what they say--well begun is half done Or I guess in your case, a third

'Tis now half done!!!!!!!!!!!!

the thinking whilst vacuuming....I just got off the phone w/ a friend, and told her, this is heinous, I am held hostage to my thoughts.......NO ONE would be able to endure this brain and its convoluted thoughts.....no one......hard to walk around and be with it all the time - and act normal :lol: [but truthfully - it's an entirely different place without the opioid peptide contaminating it ]

[Abby Normal? ]

back to heinosity.......and please note what I am doing on a Saturday night, people.

[Green12]

What's happened????....did Amy get to you??? .....have you been.... .... bee-hived????

Just having hair issues, specifically "curly hair" hair issues, I thought I would go to the expert and ask her advice/suggestions.

Sniffing butts, heavy flirting, lots of biffing and chasing, licking, romping......oh, and Annie had a good time, too!!!!!!!!!! :lol: (cracking self up)

This had me bent over with side splitting chuckles, a good 300 calories worth.

Especially the sniffing butts part.

Here's an entry on a dog's New Years Resolution List:

"Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds."

And this Firefighter, you MUST go out with him!!!!!!!! Do it for all of us, do it for me!!!!! You only live once, and life is short, and all those other things that people say Why not? Can't hurt anything, besides he can be another entry in your dating adventures memoir!

I'm sad about my dad....anyone see the thread I started in testing/symptoms? It's so frustrating, my dad not easily able to start the gluten-free diet, due to his living situation....

Emily, very frustrating indeed.

YES, we're waiting for you to come back to the cult for your review of PureLuxe!!!!

Did we chase away Susie from our cult?

My intestines have quieted down for now (I know you're all on the edge of your toilet seats wondering about this )--I had mostly mashed potatoes for dinner--quite soothing.

So sorry Patti about your intestinal woes

I'm glad you are feeling better, mashed potatoes always hit the spot

Yesterday my brother reminded me of how our mom used to make us "hot jello" when we weren't feeling well. She would make jello but we would drink it hot instead of letting it cool and eating it. She would give it to us for colds, sore throats, stomachaches, dental issues, pretty much anything . . . a veritable panacea if you will. I highly recommend it for whatever ails you but I think it works better if someone else makes it for you instead of having to make it yourself.

Hot jello, that brings back memories!

[elye]

Well, let's see.....is that like astrological compatibility, the phlatus charting? Must one's pharts be in alignment for a successphul relationship?

Yes, yes! One could be charting one's phlatus (phlatii?) like the stars. Perhaps we have signs and can get a sense of personal traits through this charting....

Gad, there's no way I'm in alignment with DH.....his chart is way off the charts.

OMG - you did not see me here. But am happy to report, I am one-third of the way done w/ the vile carpet. Mygawd, some areas I have to go over SIX TIMES.

Susie!! Why don't you have hardwood? I cannot imagine life with dogs (or even without) in a home with even a smidgen of carpeting. Carpets are heinous! Wood floors you just sweep and damp-mop once a week.

Ahhhhh...but then, nowhere to scoot along with full anal glands...

oh I miss kissing my black-nosed girl....... did you guys know I mainly like dogs w/ black noses and pointed ears?

When Gus was a pup, he had a BEAUTIFUL, shiny black nose. I just loved it. I then noticed it began to change, gradually getting lighter until it settled on a rather sub-standard brown. I often think I'll try to dye it back to its rich ebony hue.

Well, Susie, it's fine to mainly like dogs with black noses and pointed ears...but this doesn't extend to men.....does it?

Yesterday my brother reminded me of how our mom used to make us "hot jello" when we weren't feeling well. She would make jello but we would drink it hot instead of letting it cool and eating it.

I've never heard of this fascinating concoction. My mom used to slap mustard plasters on our chests when we weren't feeling well. HEINOUS.....

[blueeyedmanda]

Boy I missed some silliness today. We got some errands done and my neighbors baby is very sick below us. SO I spent some time with her, the baby is supposed to spend the night at our place tomorrow night into Monday since she has to work unexpectantly, so we will just bring him with us to the hospital in the morning, his mom works as a nurse 3rd shift and will be getting off at 7:30.

We attempted to go to Outback for dinner tonnight, but the wait was 1 1/2 hrs there was no way I was waiting that long. We ended up at Red Robin in the end.

Such strange weather, we woke up to snow, and it melted during the day. We pulled into the parking lot at Red Robin and it was lightining....Soon it was downpouring... Tomorrow we are getting this artic blast with very very cold air. The wind child will be below zero....BRRRRRR!

Today we did find a duplex with both sides up for sale and a very cheap price! We are all going to look into it further. The monthly mortgage estimate is 400 bucks less than we pay in rent, it has a big yard so her doggies have room and a big driveway for all of us. Cute place too, each has 2 bedrooms and thats all we need right now.

So thats all my news for the day :)

[DingoGirl]

This had me bent over with side splitting chuckles, a good 300 calories worth.

Especially the sniffing butts part.

:lol: I was even cracking myself up over it. Easily amused, here.

and NO!!!!!!!!! you did NOT scare me away from the cult!!!!!!! I will be back, I tell you, I"LL BE BACK!!!!!!!!!! I actually need to read all y'all's reviews, am about to buy some new foundation/powder/minerals cr*p, need to know what to get.

Yes, yes! One could be charting one's phlatus (phlatii?) like the stars. Perhaps we have signs and can get a sense of personal traits through this charting....

Gad, there's no way I'm in alignment with DH.....his chart is way off the charts.

hopefully ameliorated soon by the gluten-free (or is it gluten-lite?) diet.

Hardwood......yes, that is what we want, dearly. It was several thousand dollars, unless I lay it myself. <scary thought as requires mathS and measuring and cutting - gads> This house came w/ carpet, lovely caramel-coloUred carpet, and it has stayed that way. BOLLOCKS!

and yes, how DO they scoot on the hardwood?

Well, Susie, it's fine to mainly like dogs with black noses and pointed ears...but this doesn't extend to men.....does it?

:lol:

not insofar as I know.....but HEY! maybe THAT's THE TICKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mustard plasters? Hot jello? mygawd, my own mother is inept, I guess.

Today we did find a duplex with both sides up for sale and a very cheap price! We are all going to look into it further. The monthly mortgage estimate is 400 bucks less than we pay in rent, it has a big yard so her doggies have room and a big driveway for all of us. Cute place too, each has 2 bedrooms and thats all we need right now.

Amanda! This sounds PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <crossing fingers>

back to heinosity.

where in hell ARE you guys? why am I doing this alone? Even Yeti is not here.

harrumph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[psawyer]

Today we did find a duplex with both sides up for sale and a very cheap price! We are all going to look into it further. The monthly mortgage estimate is 400 bucks less than we pay in rent, it has a big yard so her doggies have room and a big driveway for all of us. Cute place too, each has 2 bedrooms and thats all we need right now.

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity. Less per month, and you are investing in your future. Look into it carefully to be sure there are no hidden land mines, but if this is true, grab it.

[Darn210]

Well, I guess I'm the only nay-sayer. I just don't like the sound of this:

Plus - he told he he gave his other lab to the POUND because it was destroying his yard...........OMG - many points knocked off for that.

Unless you are only using him for meaningless sex, I say stay away . . . the POUND no less, if he had said he had to find the dog a different home, I would have been all right with that, but NOT the POUND.

oh I miss kissing my black-nosed girl....... did you guys know I mainly like dogs w/ black noses and pointed ears? a freakish thing. I can't say why, but I nearly kidnapped dog-napped a German Shepherd today.

I seem to pick out similar dogs also. Several people pointed out that Josie is the same size/shape that my Maggie Dog was . . . just a different coloUr. I go for long noses, long legs, skinny bellies (don't know how to describe that . . . kind of like that greyhound chest/belly profile), about 40 pounds and FEMALE!!!

Today we did find a duplex with both sides up for sale and a very cheap price! We are all going to look into it further. The monthly mortgage estimate is 400 bucks less than we pay in rent, it has a big yard so her doggies have room and a big driveway for all of us. Cute place too, each has 2 bedrooms and thats all we need right now.

So thats all my news for the day :)

WOW AMANDA!!! That's fast!!! Good Luck and my unsolicited advice is to make sure you get a home inspection.

Has anyone else noticed this? When I'm writing emails to other people and I need to use a word such as honoUR, I naturally want to spell it with the capital U. I'm sure the receiver would be wondering WTH I'm doing!!!

[DingoGirl]

Well, I guess I'm the only nay-sayer. I just don't like the sound of this:

Unless you are only using him for meaningless sex, I say stay away . . . the POUND no less, if he had said he had to find the dog a different home, I would have been all right with that, but NOT the POUND.

that was EXACTLY my thought!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And since I'm NOT into meaningless sex (mygawd, is there anything we haven't covered here? ) what in hell's the point? Who would do that.....send their dog to the pound for bad behavior.......unfathomable. Many people would adopt a purebred Lab, digger or no...........and he separated the two siblings......

Has anyone else noticed this? When I'm writing emails to other people and I need to use a word such as honoUR, I naturally want to spell it with the capital U. I'm sure the receiver would be wondering WTH I'm doing!!!

:lol:

I know, must RESIST..........RESIST the urge to not only ADD but capitalize the superfloUs U............

one more room to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It smells FABULOUS here, who wants to come stay??????????????????????????

[Green12]

Today we did find a duplex with both sides up for sale and a very cheap price! We are all going to look into it further. The monthly mortgage estimate is 400 bucks less than we pay in rent, it has a big yard so her doggies have room and a big driveway for all of us. Cute place too, each has 2 bedrooms and thats all we need right now.

This set up sounds ideal for what you are looking for

[Green12]

This maybe have been posted before, it made me giggle

The Top 12 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets

12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.

5. Always scoot before licking.

4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

and the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

[elye]

Today we did find a duplex with both sides up for sale and a very cheap price!

Amanda, this sounds like an interesting opportunity! Like the sounds of this, so far...

Unless you are only using him for meaningless sex, I say stay away . . .

Well.....looking around, brow creased......Of course we're talking about simple, meaningless sex...aren't we? Why on earth would you ever even remotely consider a very attractive child/man with limited intellect, experience and wisdom, unless it were for simple sex? I would say demerit points for: heinous handling of the pup, and being a firefighter (the few I know are maddeningly self-centred and work 24 hour shifts followed by four days off, so it's see-him-non-stop-for-days, then-nothing-for ages). So just sex, then see ya later, or nuttin' at all.

I go for long noses, long legs, skinny bellies (don't know how to describe that . . . kind of like that greyhound chest/belly profile), about 40 pounds....

This is men you're talking about, Janet? Could you throw up a pic of your hubby for a day or two? (Man, gotta see THIS....)

Has anyone else noticed this? When I'm writing emails to other people and I need to use a word such as honoUR, I naturally want to spell it with the capital U. I'm sure the receiver would be wondering WTH I'm doing!!!

OMG, it's so true. I am an active volunteer for DD's sports teams, and I can just imagine the coaches and other players reading my emails, full of HEINOUSes and OMG's....and yes, I capitalize all my Commonwealth U's. I do so miss the emoticons in my regular emails! Makes me realize how often, even in a semi-professional atmosphere, I have need for a , or a , or at times even a ........

[tom]

Hey! I'm up early enough to say "G'Morning Sillies!!"

Busy silly saturday y'all . ..off to catch up. (& the *&^%$# Sunday paper not here yet )

Hope I don't jinx myself Patti-style in saying I feel better than I have in weeks.

So I won't.

I'm KNOT feeling that good. (But I lie)

Played basketball yesterday - I'm talkin' an actual GAME!! Months ahead of schedule!! - I literally stopped play after a bucket to announce it was my 1st in a game in 8yrs!!

(Realized later it might be 6yrs)

Ok .. . .time to catch up on meaningless sex ... . . . . ..... . .. . ..errr .. . . reading about meaningless sex .. . .

P.S. Donna! What a fantastic surprise yesterday's summery day was! :)

[Green12]

Played basketball yesterday - I'm talkin' an actual GAME!! Months ahead of schedule!! - I literally stopped play after a bucket to announce it was my 1st in a game in 8yrs!!

(Realized later it might be 6yrs)

I'd say that's a pretty darn good sign you are feeling better!

That's good news

[nikki-uk]

I am quite sure he does not know these words:

heinous (such an easy one)

egregious

malfeasance

miscreant

perspicacious

odious

and don't forget

sprueziacal eclecticism

Couldn't he learn????....you could be his teacher.......

I figured this would be the case, you and Bev would be screaming the loudest for me to go out with these man-children. Would rather stay home w/ a good book, honestly. But....if you insist.......

The LOUDEST????.......<I must shout for Bev> ............what do YOU mean????????

I am held hostage to my thoughts.......NO ONE would be able to endure this brain and its convoluted thoughts.....no one......hard to walk around and be with it all the time - and act normal

I can only hope you win the lottery & get some hardwood floors toute suite thus saving yourself and others from these convoluted thoughts

......also, fairly sure a firefighter would be able lay said wood

Just having hair issues, specifically "curly hair" hair issues, I thought I would go to the expert and ask her advice/suggestions.

Need a change?? ......a restyle???? (I am thinking of it....but it's quite scary)

Well.....looking around, brow creased......Of course we're talking about simple, meaningless sex...aren't we? Why on earth would you ever even remotely consider a very attractive child/man with limited intellect, experience and wisdom, unless it were for simple sex? I would say demerit points for: heinous handling of the pup, and being a firefighter (the few I know are maddeningly self-centred and work 24 hour shifts followed by four days off, so it's see-him-non-stop-for-days, then-nothing-for ages). So just sex, then see ya later, or nuttin' at all.

GAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

My point EXACTLY EMILY!!!!!!!!!

[dlp252]

oh I miss kissing my black-nosed girl....... did you guys know I mainly like dogs w/ black noses and pointed ears? a freakish thing. I can't say why, but I nearly kidnapped dog-napped a German Shepherd today.

You would have loved both my little westies...big black noses and very pointy ears, lol.

P.S. Donna! What a fantastic surprise yesterday's summery day was! :)

Yes, and today as well...already quite warm outside!

[DingoGirl]

4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

that would be Annie's number one resolution......my little hedonist is all about food, love, food, cuddling, FOOD, playing and romping and going anywhere.....and love and food.

OMG, it's so true. I am an active volunteer for DD's sports teams, and I can just imagine the coaches and other players reading my emails, full of HEINOUSes and OMG's....and yes, I capitalize all my Commonwealth U's. I do so miss the emoticons in my regular emails! Makes me realize how often, even in a semi-professional atmosphere, I have need for a , or a , or at times even a ........

I know. REally need me smileys to convey the proper emotion.

Just be sure you don't use heinosity in your normal emails, must remind my friends it's not a real word.

P.S. Donna! What a fantastic surprise yesterday's summery day was!

I read this as "yesterday's summary" and was completely confused, where WAS this summary? what did I miss? until I saw Donna's comment.

ugh, carpets are nearly completely done, just one more bedroom, and my body and back are one big ache - - dear gawd - - - where is that fireman to finish the task????????????

I can only hope you win the lottery & get some hardwood floors toute suite thus saving yourself and others from these convoluted thoughts

......also, fairly sure a firefighter would be able lay said wood

gah!!!!!!! :lol:

Your mouth to God's ear..............

must finish the task, sillies!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy Sunday!

[Darn210]

1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

- I love when dogs think you've thrown the stick!!

......also, fairly sure a firefighter would be able lay said wood

Nikki does have a point though . . . most of those firefighter have a job on the side and a lot of them do contract/construction type of work. I'm sure you could get one to lay a hardwood floor for you in exchange for sexal favoUrs.

that would be Annie's number one resolution......my little hedonist is all about food, love, food, cuddling, FOOD, playing and romping and going anywhere.....and love and food.

Josie knows how to tell time. If someone (one of the kids) hasn't fed her by 8:00 am (and again by 6:00pm), then she stands in front of them and barks. She also knows when it's time for the school bus to come.