The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[DingoGirl]

oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd a bikini?????????? Crikey mates, I have gained FIFTEEN pounds since going gluten-free (um, Saturday was my ONE-YEAR ANNIVESARY!!!!!) and there's no bikini in sight. OF course, my wonderful mom just gave me a check for the ridiculous "initiation fee" at a gym.....please note that I have not gone there yet to enlist. I am so scared to start working out again..........and yet it is CRUCIAL at this point............

someone needs to get over here and bonk me on the head and.......wait, what I need is a border collie (Bev - is Angus available?) to herd me around and keep me on task Just trying to cook a freaking pot of chili, it's taking me hours.............(um, someone also needs to come here and take the computer away from me, too)

[Mtndog]

oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd a bikini?????????? Crikey mates, I have gained FIFTEEN pounds since going gluten-free (um, Saturday was my ONE-YEAR ANNIVESARY!!!!!) and there's no bikini in sight. OF course, my wonderful mom just gave me a check for the ridiculous "initiation fee" at a gym.....please note that I have not gone there yet to enlist. I am so scared to start working out again..........and yet it is CRUCIAL at this point............

someone needs to get over here and bonk me on the head and.......wait, what I need is a border collie (Bev - is Angus available?) to herd me around and keep me on task Just trying to cook a freaking pot of chili, it's taking me hours.............(um, someone also needs to come here and take the computer away from me, too)

Hey happy Anniversary! Mine will be two years on February 5th (I think it's the 5th) Uhmm....I've gained MORE weight than you na na na na na na. I've gained TWO STONE (I'm watching Ab Fab right now) but I was about 1 stone underweight. I almost exploded over the holidays.

I would love to bonk you on the head

Angus would LOVE to chase you around and not let you get anything done. He was trying to sit on my head today during my stretches because I think he thought I was hurt Barking at my ballet shoes. He was freaking out.

It was....Plie

No, Angus off!

Releve, down.

Angus, no bite my nose!

Plie and up,

ANGUS, NO BARK!

Very funny!

I REFUSE TO TAKE AWAY YOUR COMPUTER cuz then I'd never "see" you!

[Mtndog]

This isn't funny so much as cute:

"Dogs Welcome"

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me.

He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:

"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.

And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

[DingoGirl]

Angus would LOVE to chase you around and not let you get anything done. He was trying to sit on my head today during my stretches because I think he thought I was hurt Barking at my ballet shoes. He was freaking out.

It was....Plie

No, Angus off!

Releve, down.

Angus, no bite my nose!

Plie and up,

ANGUS, NO BARK!

Very funny!

I REFUSE TO TAKE AWAY YOUR COMPUTER cuz then I'd never "see" you!

I love Angus, and I've never met him. Sounds like Annie - - when doing situps or pushups or anything involving touching the floor, she licks my face and gets quite playful whilst "helping" me exercise. Very distracting but SO cute.

Miss Annie is getting her stinky teeth cleaned this week. Thank God, she smells like Swamp Thing.

now must get....off.........computer.........and.........work in newly created studio (the piano is gone, I must use the room now for its purpose).........

[nikki-uk]

Must. get. back. into. jeans.

Story of my life!!!

Jeans are so unforgiving!

And a bikini. maybe I'll hang it on the fridge as a deterrent.

ARGGGHHHH!!

There should be a worldwide ban on bikinis!!

Uhmm....I've gained MORE weight than you na na na na na na. I've gained TWO STONE (I'm watching Ab Fab right now) but I was about 1 stone underweight. I almost exploded over the holidays.

Hubby trumps you all...he has put on nearly 4STONE!!! since going gluten-free (2 and half yrs)....but my god did he need it - he looks ''normal'' now !!

It was....Plie

No, Angus off!

Releve, down.

Angus, no bite my nose!

Plie and up,

ANGUS, NO BARK!

I had a dog that did that whenever I layed down to do sit ups!!! (why do they do that) ...and that snorty - snuffly thing in your ear!!! ...so tickly!!!

[Mtndog]

Nikki- Body Pump? that sounds like plastic surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes- Angus was helping me exercise. Last night he helped me take a bath by jumping in it! I'm sorry but I couldn't stop laughing....here I was with my candles and such trying to ease my wary muscles with Angus munching happily on toilet paper. He comes over. Puts his front paws on the tub and then all of a sudden.Plop! He's in and looks at me like "Hi MOM!" I hadto have Kurt help me get him out because I couldn't stop laughing NOTE TO SELF: Next time lock door.

I had to post this. Ii never watch Scrubs but this cracked me up.Open Original Shared Link

[jerseyangel]

Angus in the tub--how cute!!!

[nikki-uk]

Nikki- Body Pump? that sounds like plastic surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNOW!!!!

I need to have a lay down and conserve my energies beforehand

Yes- Angus was helping me exercise. Last night he helped me take a bath by jumping in it! I'm sorry but I couldn't stop laughing....here I was with my candles and such trying to ease my wary muscles with Angus munching happily on toilet paper. He comes over. Puts his front paws on the tub and then all of a sudden.Plop! He's in and looks at me like "Hi MOM!" I hadto have Kurt help me get him out because I couldn't stop laughing NOTE TO SELF: Next time lock door.

Awww, cute little puppy had a bath (but fur in bath water )

I had to post this. Ii never watch Scrubs but this cracked me up.Open Original Shared Link

Love that programme!!!

[DingoGirl]

ha ha.....Guy Love.....Scrubs is SO silly, why don't I watch it any more?

Oh Angus in the tub, that is SO cute! He is such a momma's boy!

Nikki - Body Pump class - heinous -

Well, must leave for work shortly, I can hardly endure these 8-hour days in the store. Abject boredom. Holy Lord I have GOT to come up with some new and important job. One with a computer at my desk.

You guys have fun. I must jump in shower now and get ready for the tedium of the day. Harrumph.

Where is Richard and why is he not playing with us every day?????

[TriticusToxicum]

ARGGGHHHH!!

There should be a worldwide ban on bikinis!! :

Sorry, i cannot, in good conscience, support this ban Banning Speedos for men, now THAT's a movement I can support.

As for my whereabouts, I am still digging out from the mess on my desk, so I can't play as much as i would like. I've also spent some of my "play" time researching a used car purchase....it's official, I'm now a soccer-mom ...that's right I have been stripped of my manhood (JEEP) and now drive an extra-long kiddie-mover-mobile (Grand Caravan - although it is a "Sport" model...small consolation...there's nothing sporty about 3 rows of seats and room for your neighborhood in back.) I'm not sure, but i think I beep when I back up and there might even be one of those "how's my driving" stickers out back...Olivia loves it - she named it "Goldilocks" (it's gold). We bought it Saturday and picked it up last night. I doesn't even fit in my little garage...maybe i could get a bigger garage? More room for me and my tools... ...hmmm....must think this through...

I too have gained many stones since going gluten-free...about 25 lbs of stones in my pockets. I needed about 10-15. The rest is currrently residing just north of my belt buckle

I've sent away for THIS. It doesn't solve the problem, but sure helps my self esteem

[Jestgar]

Hmmm, the minivan. Pretty rough.

You might need to go out for a sports pediicure to restore your manliness.

[CarlaB]

Our garage was built in the 1960's ... I think we could actually put four cars in it, two deep!! Especially since I drive a MINI (Adam wanted to replace our old van, I said save your money I won't like anything that seats 8!! So I got a MINI and still have the crummy old van).

My computer is getting the screen fixed, so I'm on the kids' computer. We always had trouble with this computer, so HP put in a new operating system. My 16 year old son was supposed to download Norton to protect the "new" computer. Well, he didn't do it entirely right and didn't seem to think it was a problem that there was a big red X indicating it wasn't working. So, two months later I find out.

I spent 6 hours working with Norton on this yesterday ... finally we discovered that the computer has 128 viruses!!!! He is soooo grounded from the computer, indefinately!!

Now I get to spend the day on the phone with Norton to clean up the computer, and finally get Norton installed.

There are so many viruses that our home page is written in Chinese, and if we change it, it just changes right back.

So, I'll be too busy to play today.

[TriticusToxicum]

Hmmm, the minivan. Pretty rough.

You might need to go out for a sports pediicure to restore your manliness.

...if that's what soccer moms do...then I guess it's what I need to do

If only they could squeeze a HEMI under the hood...and some nice fat tires...a hood scoop might be a bit much

All false machismo aside, I actually detest Detroit's unwillingness to build eco-friendly cars...I won't get on THAT soapbox...Personally, I'd actually rather have a nice little Jetta TDI...I'm working on (more precisely - dreaming of ) a BioDiesel burning car....alas, NY has banned the sale of new diesels. This makes finding a used one nearly impossible (without driving to PA or CT).

For those of you who don't know about BioDiesel look Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

And you thought I was just funny

I'll save the world...someday...

[Mtndog]

Sorry, i cannot, in good conscience, support this ban Banning Speedos for men, now THAT's a movement I can support.

As for my whereabouts, I am still digging out from the mess on my desk, so I can't play as much as i would like. I've also spent some of my "play" time researching a used car purchase....it's official, I'm now a soccer-mom ...that's right I have been stripped of my manhood (JEEP) and now drive an extra-long kiddie-mover-mobile (Grand Caravan - although it is a "Sport" model...small consolation...there's nothing sporty about 3 rows of seats and room for your neighborhood in back.) I'm not sure, but i think I beep when I back up and there might even be one of those "how's my driving" stickers out back...Olivia loves it - she named it "Goldilocks" (it's gold). We bought it Saturday and picked it up last night. I doesn't even fit in my little garage...maybe i could get a bigger garage? More room for me and my tools... ...hmmm....must think this through...

I too have gained many stones since going gluten-free...about 25 lbs of stones in my pockets. I needed about 10-15. The rest is currrently residing just north of my belt buckle

I've sent away for THIS. It doesn't solve the problem, but sure helps my self esteem

OK soccer mom- you cannot, in good conscience, ban Speedos and wear that thing! Me thinks neither are attractive. As for what's residing north of your belt buckle, I'm sure I speak for most women that they would rather deal with a belly than a frightening undergarment!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P :ph34r:

have you seen the Cooper mini campaign that says, 'It's sad when your garages don't fit; Big cars, we feel your pain. It always cracks me up. AT LEAST IT'S NOT A HUMMER!

I want a car that smells like french fries (gluten-free of course!).

[DingoGirl]

RICHARD Stripped of your JEEP? oh my, you did lose you manhood. I am so sorry. Mojo comes in other forms, though. Just strap that tummy-flattener on your belly adn I'm sure you'll drive your wife wild.

You might need to go out for a sports pediicure to restore your manliness.

There are so many viruses that our home page is written in Chinese, and if we change it, it just changes right back.

Chinese? and 128 viruses? that is HEINOUS!

all right all......I am home from my HEINOUS job.....they are so mean adn so weird in there....all day I was composing my letter to Dear Abby in my head, about how weird they are and how rude.....and the wonderful tips and suggestions we (employees) have to build business (unfortunately that would involve entirely different owners )......may have to write this out.....one day, I swear I'm gonna lose it in there and just blow up at one of the sisters...............

So today I ate homemade chili on my eggs (one of my all-time favorites) and then took said chili for lunch....and ran next door to Trader Joe's and bought my favorite Spicy Soy/Flax Seed tortilla chips......mindlessly ate half a bag at lunch and then afternoon break - - HALF A BAG - - then had to self-intervene and hand them over to co-worker....I can no longer tolerate flax seeds...... and I have found out I REALLY can't tolerate flax seeds and BEANS in the same day.......... once again I"ll say it, good thing I just live with dogs......

over and out.................

[DingoGirl]

p.s. Richard - - OMG - - does this mean you'll be driving around getting all kinds of oil from restaurant owners? there was just a big thing aobut that here in town............I am not able to read your articles now due to stomach distress (must lie in fetal position now).....fill me in..................I think you should do it, drive to one of those other states and gitcher car...............um, oh, BTW, that wasn't a jar of urine in that one photo, was it?

[DingoGirl]

OMG - someone sent this to me today - - this is where Richard can get his "sports" pedicure

(kinda loud, watch out if you're at work)

Open Original Shared Link

...and this is exactly what they do around here

p.s. can someone PLEEEZE once and for all explain how I make a word go over my copy and paste....so say this I mean, after I copy and paste the link, THEN what do I do with the little GLOBE thing and all???????????????? :huh:

[nikki-uk]

I survived Body Pump ....just.

Aerobics with weights!!...HEINIOUSITY indeed.

Dear God my legs are like jelly ...poor, poor muscles are SCREAMING!!!

I am being railroaded into Body Jam on Thursday....

....do not wish to even know what that's about (but it sounds sticky )

If only they could squeeze a HEMI under the hood...and some nice fat tires...a hood scoop might be a bit much

Pimp my gold caravan

For those of you who don't know about BioDiesel look Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

And you thought I was just funny

A tad too scientific for me! ..but great ideas!

I'll save the world...someday...

Well someone has to Richard!!..might as well be you!!

I am a convert to recycling my rubbish (garbage!)

..takes me ages sorting all the different materials out into different bags - but somehow therapeutic Trying to do 'my bit'

all right all......I am home from my HEINOUS job.....they are so mean adn so weird in there....all day I was composing my letter to Dear Abby in my head, about how weird they are and how rude..

Who's Dear Abby? (agony aunt??)

Ugh..sounds torturous...Susie, you MUST find that job where you can play on the computer all day!!

once again I"ll say it, good thing I just live with dogs......

Chilli, egg, and flaxseed!!!!

Dear Lord !! What a combination!

My son is currently banned from eating beans and cabbage in any one day!!

The results are...um...well..GROSS (nose pegs all round )

p.s. can someone PLEEEZE once and for all explain how I make a word go over my copy and paste....so say this I mean, after I copy and paste the link, THEN what do I do with the little GLOBE thing and all???????????????? :huh:

Tricky.

Alas the GLOBEY THING disappeared when the board got updated - it is now a square box thingy with a green plus sign in it ( second on right to 'smiley drop down...when you put your cursor over it - it says 'insert link')

I'll try to explain...

Right click and copy the address

Write your post and highlight the word (e.g click here) by dragging mouse over the words and left click

Click 'inset link' (box with green plus sign)

A box will appear in the top left hand screen where you right click and paste

Voila!!!

Hmmm, clear as mud eh??

[TriticusToxicum]

p.s. Richard - - OMG - - does this mean you'll be driving around getting all kinds of oil from restaurant owners?

...someday

I'd actually rather grow canola on my dad's farm, and process the oil from "the ground up" so to speak. (BIG dreams)

there was just a big thing aobut that here in town............I am not able to read your articles now due to stomach distress (must lie in fetal position now).....fill me in..................I think you should do it, drive to one of those other states and gitcher car...............

alas, it's not in the budget now that we have a mini bus in the stable. The '93 Cherokee (what's left of it) will continue to solidier on until the planets align just right...

um, oh, BTW, that wasn't a jar of urine in that one photo, was it?

Um, not urine, that was the good stuff - real Biodiesel. the dark layer is glycerine that needs to be removed before it can be used. The clearer liquid is the biodiesel - from the fryer!

[CarlaB]

Chinese? and 128 viruses? that is HEINOUS!

It is more than HEINOUS, it's SUPER HEINOUS!!! I talked to four different technicians over the WHOLE day, and they hang up before the viruses were gone. It must be because they're culture is different in India .... I mean, here they would say, let me get someone else, I don't know how to do that! There they just quit. Now it "only" has 30 viruses, and I told my son that he had to deal with them till they were all gone. Two days was enough wasted time for me ... he was the one who destroyed the computer anyway. We'll see how it goes today.

How about a job at Starbucks? I always said if I go back to work, I'll go there ... yeah, that's what I went to college for!! They have health insurance for part-timers, too.

[DingoGirl]

halloooooooo everyone............greetings from a psychotic mommy - - - - oh my gawd, I had to drop my PRECIOUS Annie girl off at the vet today, for her teeth cleaning. She has never had this done before.......I am a total mess........had to leave her IN A CAGE - - - *sniff* - - - couldn't do it - had to make the girl put her in the cage - - walked away as her pleading brown eyes looked at me and her curious, gutteral warbling dingo-whine began ...........oh my gaaaaaaaaaawd.........I had such a bad feeling about it.........don't know why............so I am a wreck today - the Love Dog has never, ever been without one or both of us - we are psychotically and pathologically dependent on one anotehr - she never leaves my side, morning to night when I am home, except to occasionally sun herself on the patio table in nice weather...............help me..........help me...............

So I have nothign silly to add today. Carry on, comrades.......

[DingoGirl]

ha ha, this made me laugh..............

So not to be outdone by

all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California

if:

1. Your

coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You

make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take

a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your

child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You

can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You've

been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You

have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and

you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You

can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A

really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas

costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike

back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses

who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car

insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You

can't remember . . .is pot illegal?

14. It's

barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM

WATCH."

15. You

pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with

their cells or pagers.

16. It's

barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to

avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!!

Is pot illegal????

18. Both

you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The

Terminator is your Governor.

20. If

you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally,

they want to give you one.

[nikki-uk]

Poor sweet Annie! ...but she will be fine...and come back with sweet smelling breath too.

Horrible when they give you that 'look'

I had a dog that not only gave me 'the look', but also upon smelling the vets would spontaniously become doubly incontinent ( at which point I would walk away pretending he wasn't mine )

..but hey,...so worth it when you see that waggy tail when you pick her up

all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California

if:

OMG!!, I would so fit in there...sounds just like London ( but better weather)

[CarlaB]

OMG!!, I would so fit in there...sounds just like London ( but better weather)

LOL

We have an old family Bible and one of my ancestors saved Queen Victoria when her horses for her carriage took off. She knighted him. He then became very rich and owned about 1000 houses in London. He emigrated to the US and when he died, the lawyers took the money. Too bad, I'd have liked to own 1000 houses in London!!!

[Lisa]

Hey Guys:

If you hear from Beverly (if I miss a post or other ) about her mam, please PM me. As you know, she is someone to be fond of.

Thanks, Lisa