The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[jerseyangel]

The Blind Man

[DingoGirl]

Lol that's hilarious...

Its actually even funnier if you speak Norwegian cos the Danish translation isn't exactly word for word... which tickles my peculiar funny bone because of cultural differences from Norway and Denmark...

They actually add quite a few thank-yopu's etc. not in the Norwegian .. but I guess this might only be funny for someone who lived amongst them.... still I'm easily amused.

well I am nearly half Norwegian and could tell they were speaking same....um, not as much of a smarty-smart as you, though.....but how hilarious was THAT???

The translation of what? QUID THIS! QUID THAT! Or harumph and heinous!

BEV - must have been your drunken state and all the yelling - - - you MUST go back and watch "Introducing the Book" at ONCE!!!!!!!!!!

yeah, the blind joke

[Mtndog]

BEV - must have been your drunken state and all the yelling - - - you MUST go back and watch "Introducing the Book" at ONCE!!!!!!!!!!

yeah, the blind joke

Yes- I missed that. Hubby will love it as he gets computer questions like this all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love YouTube even if it is an evil time-sucking vortex

[nikki-uk]

Anyway... I got two spare monitors neither of which is much good but servicable for checking here... If you can think of anyway to get them to you from either Lancs (will be there next week) or Paris you're more than welcome... but you could probably pick a cheapo one up from ebay for 20 quid...

Aw thanks Steve but not planning any trips to Paris or Lancs ....must check out ebay - although I reckon the postage will be alot. More than a score do you reckon??? (ha ha L'American's know not of what I speak )

Bev...have you been drunkenly shouting????...damn..missed it...

[jerseyangel]

Nikki!

I keep missing you! Are you back, or still having computer problems?

Anyway, glad you checked in

[DingoGirl]

Aw thanks Steve but not planning any trips to Paris or Lancs ....must check out ebay - although I reckon the postage will be alot. More than a score do you reckon??? (ha ha L'American's know not of what I speak )

squids and scores yes, Les Americaines - - - we are such a pedestrian lot, aren't we?

oh and how our friends over the pond toy with us with your cryptic olde worlde patois....and yet, do I not recall, Nikki does not in fact know what that very American item - the CROCK POT - is?

Yes, oh yes, Bev was just drunkenly shouting, caused quite a ruckus, despite what she says, I am certain there were cosmos and trampolines, I believe she was politely asked to leave , but she put up a fight, dingos were summoned........we had to assuage her with many, many hours of YouTube.... Lost her to the evil time-sucking vortex and then she was calmed.......

Nikki, anywho you MUST come back more often! And speaking of rare sightings,

WHERE IS RICHARD????????????????

[gfp]

Aw thanks Steve but not planning any trips to Paris or Lancs ....must check out ebay - although I reckon the postage will be alot. More than a score do you reckon??? (ha ha L'American's know not of what I speak )

Bev...have you been drunkenly shouting????...damn..missed it...

Yep but just find one in Lodon you can collect or try one of the "bankrupt stock" places like Morgans

[Lisa]

Snow, did someone mention snow....?

What does sex and a snow storm have in common?

You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it's going to last.

[DingoGirl]

Snow, did someone mention snow....?

What does sex and a snow storm have in common?

You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it's going to last.

no, I don't believe anyone did mention snow....but

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! ha ha dat was funny!!!!!!!

[blueeyedmanda]

Snow and Sex.....too funny!

[Mtndog]

Yes, oh yes, Bev was just drunkenly shouting, caused quite a ruckus, despite what she says, I am certain there were cosmos and trampolines, I believe she was politely asked to leave , but she put up a fight, dingos were summoned........we had to assuage her with many, many hours of YouTube.... Lost her to the evil time-sucking vortex and then she was calmed.......

Nikki, anywho you MUST come back more often! And speaking of rare sightings,

WHERE IS RICHARD????????????????

Not true! Not true! I plead innocent! At least to the shouting part. I WASN'T SHOUTING! I just talk loudly and more often when having adult beverages. This time it was margaritas and an IMAX theater but the dingos and YouTube have returned me to my former catatonic state.

Must watch more YouTube

MommaGoose- Snow and Sex!!!!! :lol:

[nikki-uk]

Nikki!

I keep missing you! Are you back, or still having computer problems?

Anyway, glad you checked in

Hi Patti!!...yes I am still without a monitor screen so only get to use my son's computer when he goes out (which isn't often! )

squids and scores yes, Les Americaines - - - we are such a pedestrian lot, aren't we?

oh and how our friends over the pond toy with us with your cryptic olde worlde patois....and yet, do I not recall, Nikki does not in fact know what that very American item - the CROCK POT - is?

Hee hee

A score = 20 quid

Now I have googled the all American crockpot and it sounds suspiciously like the slow cooker I covet, Is there a hidden complexity to this device?? Should I be scared??? :unsure:

Snow, did someone mention snow....?

What does sex and a snow storm have in common?

You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it's going to last.

:lol:

Naughty!!!

[jerseyangel]

Now I have googled the all American crockpot and it sounds suspiciously like the slow cooker I covet, Is there a hidden complexity to this device?? Should I be scared??? :unsure:

Nikki, there's nothing to be scared about! I've had my crockpot for about 5 years--and it's so convenient.

Meats cooks up so juicy--the best part is you can assemble everything in the morning, and let it go all by itself until dinner time.

Some here call it a slow cooker, too

[Mtndog]

I think I'm a slow cooker too.

You guys have to see this: Open Original Shared Link

Apparently they are not the gentle creatures we thought.

[CarlaB]

Nikki, get one of those great English Aga's and there's no need for an American Crock Pot!!

[nikki-uk]

Nikki, get one of those great English Aga's and there's no need for an American Crock Pot!!

Ha,ha an Aga indeed Carla - yes I would love one!!...but you need a huge farmhouse kitchen,( with huge farmhouse)

*I* on the other hand live in a small surburban terraced house!!

YES!!! I AM BACK!!!!

I have a monitor (yep, sold my soul to the devil no less and bought it on finance )

Everything in the world is right - and the birds were even singing this morning

MUST check the hideous amount of spam email I have before getting sucked into the evil vortex called you tube

[Mtndog]

Ha,ha an Aga indeed Carla - yes I would love one!!...but you need a huge farmhouse kitchen,( with huge farmhouse)

*I* on the other hand live in a small surburban terraced house!!

YES!!! I AM BACK!!!!

I have a monitor (yep, sold my soul to the devil no less and bought it on finance )

Everything in the world is right - and the birds were even singing this morning

MUST check the hideous amount of spam email I have before getting sucked into the evil vortex called you tube

YIPPEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nikki's back!

[jerseyangel]

Welcome back Nikki!!! I've missed you

I currently can't access my emails--since Saturday The internet provider (Verizon) says that it's their fault and the problem is in their system

They're working on it, but it could take the rest of the week--

At least I can get on here

[TriticusToxicum]

squids and scores yes, Les Americaines - - - we are such a pedestrian lot, aren't we?

oh and how our friends over the pond toy with us with your cryptic olde worlde patois....and yet, do I not recall, Nikki does not in fact know what that very American item - the CROCK POT - is?

Yes, oh yes, Bev was just drunkenly shouting, caused quite a ruckus, despite what she says, I am certain there were cosmos and trampolines, I believe she was politely asked to leave , but she put up a fight, dingos were summoned........we had to assuage her with many, many hours of YouTube.... Lost her to the evil time-sucking vortex and then she was calmed.......

Nikki, anywho you MUST come back more often! And speaking of rare sightings,

WHERE IS RICHARD????????????????

My crock pot is presently cooking beef-stew for dinner...a hearty meal to put some meat back on my bones. you see, I've been a "slave to the snow bank" for the last few days. Only yesterday did i find my mailbox (or what's left of it ). We got nailed with that near blizzard last week (30+ inches), and the wind has just been blowing it around since... I move the snow from A to B, the wind redeposits it to point C, I move it from C to A and realize the snow bank is too high to throw the snow over and walk the snow to point D and heave it on/over the pile. This scenario has been reapeat too much for my aching back to recant. Not do mention the saga of the snowplow and the end of the driveway ... I swear they wait until you shovel out the driveway and then purposefully plow you back in (once you've gone inside to thaw). My driveway looks like an oversized snow-fort, with 6-8' piles on all sides

Sorry nothing funny to say, I think I strained my funny bone

I guess it could be worse, I could live in Open Original Shared Link

More Cosmo's and trampolines!

Viva les slow cooker!

[DingoGirl]

well now THERE is Nikki, back wtih us and in a slightly Faustian transaction now has a monitor, HOO-RAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! More silliness from you please! We've missed you..... and you are ordered to visit every day now, and please, we've not had a report lately on all your friends in the closet/cupboard and what they are up to....

And then there's RICHARD, caught in the heinous and Sisyphean (sp?) feat of relocating snow...... ouch! so sorry.....but so happy you at least popped in wtih a report. [sorry, can't conceive of un-shoveling myself from snow here in Central CA - - - but feelign mighty sorry for all of you back there....and of course our time of heinosity comes in the summer - - - sweltering and miserable for up to four months - UGH)

I got nothin' else presently as have to ready myself for work...........

carry on, sillies!!

[Mtndog]

My crock pot is presently cooking beef-stew for dinner...a hearty meal to put some meat back on my bones. you see, I've been a "slave to the snow bank" for the last few days. Only yesterday did i find my mailbox (or what's left of it ). We got nailed with that near blizzard last week (30+ inches), and the wind has just been blowing it around since... I move the snow from A to B, the wind redeposits it to point C, I move it from C to A and realize the snow bank is too high to throw the snow over and walk the snow to point D and heave it on/over the pile. This scenario has been reapeat too much for my aching back to recant. Not do mention the saga of the snowplow and the end of the driveway ... I swear they wait until you shovel out the driveway and then purposefully plow you back in (once you've gone inside to thaw). My driveway looks like an oversized snow-fort, with 6-8' piles on all sides

Sorry nothing funny to say, I think I strained my funny bone

I guess it could be worse, I could live in Open Original Shared Link

More Cosmo's and trampolines!

Viva les slow cooker!

You must rest your funny bone, alternate treating it with heat and ice. No surgery is necessary. In the meantime, take this test for dementia:

TEST FOR DEMENTIA Exercise of the brain is important. As we grow older - past 30 - it is important that we keep mentally alert. Use it or lose it particularly applies to the brain. So here is a way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the following test and determine ! if you are "losing it" or if you are still "with it."

Relax. Clear your mind.

Begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

ANSWER:Bread.

If you said "toast"...then give up now and go do something else.

Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said "bread"...Go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times.

Now spell "silk."

What do cows drink?

ANSWER:

Cows drink water.

If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question.

Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.

It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World.

If you said "water"...

Go to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks

and a blue house is made from blue bricks

and a pink house is made from pink bricks

and a black house is made from black bricks,

what is a green house made from?

ANSWER:

Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said" green bricks,"

what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?????

If you said "glass"...

Go on to Question 4.

4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.

If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.

Anyway...during the flight, TWO of the engines fail.

The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.

Unfortunately that engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "No man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.

Where would you bury the survivors?

East Germany! or West Germany or in "No man's land"?

ANSWER:

You don't...of course...bury survivors.

If you said ANYTHING else...you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash.

Your efforts would not be appreciated.

If you said, "Don't bury the survivors"...

Go to the next question.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

ANSWER:

One degree

If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far,but you are obviously out of your league.

If you messed up, Turn your pencil in and exit the room.

Everyone else proceed to the final question.

6. Do not use a calculator.

You are driving a bus from London to Miford Haven in Wales.

In London, seventeen people get on the bus.

In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.

In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get in.

In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.

In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on.

You then arrive at Milford Haven.

What was the name of the bus driver?

ANSWER:

Oh...for crying out loud!

Don't you remember?

It was YOU!!

[TriticusToxicum]

Ok here's one from the vault. @ days after i started work one of my co-workers came up to me with this question. She had been absent the day of my "group interview" with most of the office. I'm glad - VERY GLAD she didn't get a chance to ask this of me!

Job interview - the "killer question"

Yuo are driving aloong in your car, on a wild and stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see 3 people waiting for the bus.

1. an old lady who looks as if she is about to die

2. An old friend who once saved your life

3. The perfect woman (or man) you have been dreaming about

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading....

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved you and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back (a lift for a life? not exactly Even-Steven in my book, but not my question!)

However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again...

What would you do???

[CarlaB]

Ok here's one from the vault. @ days after i started work one of my co-workers came up to me with this question. She had been absent the day of my "group interview" with most of the office. I'm glad - VERY GLAD she didn't get a chance to ask this of me!

Job interview - the "killer question"

Yuo are driving aloong in your car, on a wild and stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see 3 people waiting for the bus.

1. an old lady who looks as if she is about to die

2. An old friend who once saved your life

3. The perfect woman (or man) you have been dreaming about

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading....

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved you and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back (a lift for a life? not exactly Even-Steven in my book, but not my question!)

However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again...

What would you do???

Give the car to your friend, let your friend drive the old lady, then stay at the bus stop with the perfect partner.

[DingoGirl]

well now I've been on more job interviews than anyone, gah-rahn-teed, and that is the MOST heinous question ever...

but think, how can you KNOW it's your dream man/woman - - - becasue what I would ask, is, do we know for a FACT that this is the dream person - other than just by taking a cursory look? because, some of the best-looking and dreamiest-seeming men are utter psychos, I have found.....

so we need that clarifying info before we can go any further. Harrumph. and with that, I am off to my menial job.

[TriticusToxicum]

Give the car to your friend, let your friend drive the old lady, then stay at the bus stop with the perfect partner.

Carla gets the job!

"The candidate that was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with the answer. He simply answered : " I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the old lady to the hospital. i would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of may dreams".

I bet your buddy is pretty pissed about having been volunteered for THAT job

One could of couse dial 911 and get an ambulance for the old lady, Give your friend the car keya and ask him to drive McDreamy home - this way you earn points with both. Your buddy sees an opportunity (but nothing will happen because she is so in to you), Ms. McDreamy sees how chivalrous and selfless you are...Or you get stuck at the bus stop with a corpse while your buddy makes time with Ms. Right...Stupid question anyway you look at it.