New, Guilty, And Overwhelmed!

[LoveMyHoney]

Hi all,

I'm new to all of this. My husband has been placed on a gulten free diet because the doctors suspect Celiacs. I have a general list of what not to feed him and unfortunately it is what I have been feeding him for the entire two years of marriage. I'm feeling horribly guilty because I was causing him to get sicker. I'm feeling overwhelmed because it is a daunting task to read every label and double check every little thing. No, it's not to much work if it will keep my honey safe but I'm just so overwhelmed with it all. To top it off, it breaks my heart when he asks is he can order a pizza or have a sandwich and I have to tell him no. I haven't been able to find gluten-free bread locally so I have ordered some and I've also ordered some gluten-free baking mix so I can make pizzas so hopefully soon that will be rectified. I'm just lost as to where to even begin. There is so much info and I seem to be getting bogged down in the minutia of it all. Good news though, we are on day 3 of his new lifestyle and he is feeling better and he has a lot more energy!

Thanks for listening to my whine.

Jamie

[Mtndog]

Hi all,

I'm new to all of this. My husband has been placed on a gulten free diet because the doctors suspect Celiacs. I have a general list of what not to feed him and unfortunately it is what I have been feeding him for the entire two years of marriage. I'm feeling horribly guilty because I was causing him to get sicker. I'm feeling overwhelmed because it is a daunting task to read every label and double check every little thing. No, it's not to much work if it will keep my honey safe but I'm just so overwhelmed with it all. To top it off, it breaks my heart when he asks is he can order a pizza or have a sandwich and I have to tell him no. I haven't been able to find gluten-free bread locally so I have ordered some and I've also ordered some gluten-free baking mix so I can make pizzas so hopefully soon that will be rectified. I'm just lost as to where to even begin. There is so much info and I seem to be getting bogged down in the minutia of it all. Good news though, we are on day 3 of his new lifestyle and he is feeling better and he has a lot more energy!

Thanks for listening to my whine.

Jamie

Oh jamie- It is VERY hard.

I am the one that is gluten intolerant and my husnabd is in your position.

You DID NOT make him sicker. Celiac made him sicker and you had NO way of knowing. It's not your fault. And the fact that he's feeling better after just three days is great. OK, for starters,

Here;s a list of some of my favorites:

chicken

pork

fish beef

shellfish

cheese

rice

potatoes

veggies

Haagen Daaz vanilla

wine

champagne

vodka

apples

Actually see this link: Open Original Shared Link

[tarnalberry]

You didn't know, so please don't feel guilty.

I would also encourage you not to be his parent when it comes to food. If he's asking you what he can and can't have, and always relying on you for that, he won't be able to manage the diet on his own if he ever needs to (business trip, illness, etc.) Rather, do it together.

[LoveMyHoney]

Thanks for the helpful posts. I actually took DH grocery shopping with me today and let him pick out what he thought would be safe. Then we read the labels together and determined what was and wasn't ok. We were worried about breakfasts because he normally eats oatmeal but we found some breakfast stuff he could eat. Unfortunately though, we got caught out and about for lunchtime and decided to do to Chilis. I thought he had chosen wisely but within about an hour he had explosive diarrea so now I have to figure out what he ate that caused that. Does this get easier?????

Jamie

[kbtoyssni]

Please don't feel guilty. A lot of foods which are advertised as "healthy" contain gluten, and there's no way you could know that these foods were making him sick.

Yes, it does get easier. The first month or two is a steep learning curve, but after that you just know what brands to buy and where to get your gluten-free food. Hang in there and know that eventually it will stop being so stressful.

Try to eat very basic food for now - plain meat, veggies, etc. Then you can gradually research ingredients and add things back in. I think it would be very overwhelming to try to do all the research in a week or two.

If you have a store with gluten-free foods, I suggest Glutino brand pizza. It is excellent!

I love Bread for Life brand bread. I'd also suggest getting The Gluten Free Gourmet cookbook. The bread recipes in there are all amazing and so are the pizza crusts. And the cakes and cookies. And basically I haven't made anything from that cookbook that I haven't loved. It sounds like you might be in an area where it's hard to buy gluten-free food, so a good cookbook will be helpful.

[Guest nini]

please check out my newbie survival kit if you haven't already, simply click on the link in my signature below, scroll to the bottom of my web page and you will find the link for the newbie survival kit.

the learning curve in the beginning is very steep and you will make some mistakes, but it does get easier, and he absolutely has to take a very active role in being responsible for his diet. It's wonderful that you are being so supportive right now, keep up the good work and don't beat yourself up over what you didn't know.

I second the suggestion to get the Gluten Free Gourmet cookbook, there are some recipes in there for pizza that work pretty darn well... one is called "Jill's Quick and Easy Pizza Crust"... this is one of the first things I attempted to make out of that book and it's wonderful!

[CarlaB]

Eating out is VERY difficult, especially because of contamination issues. I stopped eating out for months ... now I only eat at places with the gluten-free menu, and I always ask for the gluten-free menu, even if I know what I'm going to order, so that they KNOW I need it gluten-free. I stress with the server that I'm very sensitive and a crumb will make me ill.

Here are a list of some restaurants with gluten-free menus ... for more, look up the particular restaurant on the internet and see if they do.

Bonefish Grill

Outback

PF Changs

Carrabas

Maggiano's (no menu, but chef comes to table)

Cheeseburger in Paradise

Also, Wendy's chili, potato and Frosties. Chick-fil-a's grilled chicken salad (no croutons, no sunflower seeds, you CAN get the tortillas strips), waffle fries.

I agree with the other members that he needs to know what he can eat, he shouldn't be asking you if pizza is okay. He needs to learn the diet. It's also not your fault he was sick from what you fed him ... you had no way of knowing.

Another suggestion -- no eating what he "thinks" is okay! He has to be positive!! Going hungry for a couple hours is generally more comfortable than a gluten reaction!

[LoveMyHoney]

I live in Houston so I should be able to find some gluten-free stuff at Whole Foods Market, unfortunately the nearest one to me is about 25 miles away! I am definitely going to grab that cookbook. Thanks for the tip.

OMG I love this survival guide. This is going to be uber helpful and has just taken a huge stress off of me. Thank you so much for putting this packet together.

Oh I do have one other question, how do you all handle family gatherings such as Christmas, Easter etc? Do you just bring food that you or loved one can eat or do you politely ask the family members to make gluten-free items or what? I'm coming up on this problem very soon so any help would be very much appreciated.

Jamie

[Guest nini]

for holidays everyone does it different, until you feel that friends and family have a good handle on it (and this takes a while) it's safer and less stressful to just carry food that you know is safe. Carry enough to share if you want or just prepare a meal just for him to eat when everyone else is eating.

[ArtGirl]

Welcome to the forum and to the gluten-free lifestyle. There are several other wives of celiac husbands so you are in good company.

Isn't Nini's survival kit great? Once you get a handle on reading labels and finding foods that you know are safe and your husband enjoys, it gets so much easier.

As far as eating at other people's homes... personally, I'd give their food a pass right now and have your husband bring his own meal. He can enjoy the company without getting sick, and that's a real plus.

I'm going to be going to a party next weekend and will not only take my own meal, but will bring something special for everyone. I like to show them that gluten-free foods can be delicious.

[BFreeman]

Hi all,

I'm new to all of this. My husband has been placed on a gulten free diet because the doctors suspect Celiacs. I have a general list of what not to feed him and unfortunately it is what I have been feeding him for the entire two years of marriage. I'm feeling horribly guilty because I was causing him to get sicker. I'm feeling overwhelmed because it is a daunting task to read every label and double check every little thing. No, it's not to much work if it will keep my honey safe but I'm just so overwhelmed with it all. To top it off, it breaks my heart when he asks is he can order a pizza or have a sandwich and I have to tell him no. I haven't been able to find gluten-free bread locally so I have ordered some and I've also ordered some gluten-free baking mix so I can make pizzas so hopefully soon that will be rectified. I'm just lost as to where to even begin. There is so much info and I seem to be getting bogged down in the minutia of it all. Good news though, we are on day 3 of his new lifestyle and he is feeling better and he has a lot more energy!

Thanks for listening to my whine.

Jamie

Jamie, I was in your shoes a few months ago, and when we realized that the probable reason my husband had broken four or five ribs in the last ten years was because he hadn't been absorbing calcium because of this thing, I felt even worse. (No GI symptoms at all.) However, the diet has become sort of second nature now.

Second, try this pizza crust; it is very good.

1 tablespoon gluten-free dry yeast

2/3 cup bean flour

1/2 cup tapioca starch

2 tablespoons dry milk powder

2 teaspoons xanthan gum

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin powder (Knox in the envelopes)

1 teaspoon Italian herb seasoning

2/3 cup warm water (105 degrees F)

1/2 teaspoon sugar or 1/4 teaspoon honey

1 teaspoon olive oil

1 teaspoon cider vinegar

Cooking spray

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

In medium bowl using regular beaters (not dough hooks), blend the yeast, flours, dry milk powder, xanthan gum, salt, gelatin powder, and Italian herb seasoning on low speed. Add warm water, sugar (or honey), olive oil, and vinegar. Beat on high speed for 3 minutes. (If the mixer bounces around the bowl, the dough is too stiff. Add water if necessary, one tablespoon at a time, until dough does not resist beaters.) The dough will resemble soft bread dough. (You may also mix in bread machine on dough setting.)

Put mixture into 12-inch pizza pan that has been coated with cooking spray. Butter your hands and press dough into pan, building up edges a little. Bake 10 minutes. Remove from oven. Spread pizza crust with your favorite sauce and toppings. Bake for another 20-25 minutes or until top is nicely browned.

(I buy a rotisserie chicken (that I have checked, of course) and debone it; mix the meat with safe barbecue sauce and a little honey, and use that for my meat and sauce; then put cheese on top.)

[LoveMyHoney]

Ohh BFreeman thanks so much for the recipe and the assurances. I'm going to try this recipe this week once I figure out where to buy bean flour and the other non standard ingrediants. Of course I guess they will become standard in my kitchen soon . Gosh it's a good thing I love to cook!

Jamie

[BFreeman]

Ohh BFreeman thanks so much for the recipe and the assurances. I'm going to try this recipe this week once I figure out where to buy bean flour and the other non standard ingrediants. Of course I guess they will become standard in my kitchen soon . Gosh it's a good thing I love to cook!

Jamie

You should be able to get the ingredients in most any health food store. (The only flour I have trouble finding is sorghum flour that is in some of my recipes.) You will cringe at the price of xanthan gum, but it lasts a long time.

BF

[zansu]

You will cringe at the price of xanthan gum, but it lasts a long time.

A word to the wise, if you spill the xanthum gum, get as much up dry as possible. it's nasty slimy when wet. (you don't really want to know.....)

[GFBetsy]

Just wanted to add: If your husband has celiac, his family members (siblings, parents, and any children) have a 1 in 10 chance of having it as well . . . so when it comes to family gatherings (on his side, anyway) you may eventually end up with company on the gluten free diet.

Good luck!

[LoveMyHoney]

Just wanted to add: If your husband has celiac, his family members (siblings, parents, and any children) have a 1 in 10 chance of having it as well . . . so when it comes to family gatherings (on his side, anyway) you may eventually end up with company on the gluten free diet.

Good luck!

His Aunt being DX with it was actually the driving force behind getting tested. His mom had trouble from the time he was born with the DH having the symptoms but was told that since he wasn't native american the likelihood of him having was very slim so she just did what she could raising him. Now doctors seem to know better and I'm glad we finally know what was behind his quality of life. He called me earlier and said he had a bad tummy at work this morning so I need to figure out what he ate and help him remember not to eat it. Although I made his breakfast this morning I know it was safe. I wonder if it could be remnants of the lunch fiasco yesterday? Ok I'm rambling.

Jamie

[arc]

Oh I do have one other question, how do you all handle family gatherings such as Christmas, Easter etc? Do you just bring food that you or loved one can eat or do you politely ask the family members to make gluten-free items or what? I'm coming up on this problem very soon so any help would be very much appreciated.

Jamie

I wouldn't trust family members or friends to fully understand how to safely prepare food. It isn't just the ingredients - the prep is just as important. A couple of months after going gluten-free, I was glutened by deviled eggs that my grandpa made. It was probably from crumbs in the mayo, put there by "double dipping" the knife after making a sandwich. It is safer just to bring your own food.

You also mentioned breakfast cereal. It isn't always obvious when you are first starting out, but malt has gluten (from barley). Malt is buried down the ingredient list on a lot of cereals, even those marked "rice" or "corn". Malt absolutely kills me in any shape or form, so it is something to look for.

[Pink-Bunny]

I agree with everyone that you did NOT make him sick.

For me it'll be 2 weeks that I've been gluten-free. Okay can't actually say that because I cheated with a bite of a cookie (and it wasn't worth the pain)

I found out that I need to stay away from dairy for a while too. I was eating gluten-free chocolate chip cookies and milk...and I got sick. I know people have mentioned staying away from dairy too for a while.

[Luvs to Scrap]

I second the suggestion to get the Gluten Free Gourmet cookbook, there are some recipes in there for pizza that work pretty darn well... one is called "Jill's Quick and Easy Pizza Crust"... this is one of the first things I attempted to make out of that book and it's wonderful!

Amen to the gluten-free Gourmet cookbooks and that pizza crust recipe! Both have been a lifesaver here. I altered the recipe to use buttermilk and melted butter instead of shortening and milk. It makes the dough batter less runny and easier for me to spread. We also bake the crust for 10 minutes before topping it and then another 8 minutes after the sauce and toppings are on. We have it about once a week at our house since DS and DH can't go out for pizza. My daughter actually likes the gluten-free version better. Kendra

[jukie]

Welcome, Jamie!

Just to reiterate what the others have said, this is NOT your fault...and in fact I commend you for taking the initiative to find this forum and the resources to help him heal! The learning curve is very overwhelming at the beginning, but really does get easier as you go along...just take it one meal at a time

This forum, more than anything else, has proven to be the best resource available not only for health questions, but also for info on ingredients, recipes, and just general support. Nini's survival guide provides a great foundation on which to build while you're trying to figure out all the details. Another link that helped me survive those initial trips to the grocery store until I got more creative/adventurous was Hormel's gluten-free product list:

Open Original Shared Link

Your husband's restaurant episode may have been a classic case of cross contamination, but also be aware that it can be normal for symptoms to persist or flareup during the initial stages of healing even if he hasn't had gluten. Just keep reading, researching, and asking questions...everyone here is AWESOME and happy to help!

[emcmaster]

Hi Jamie!

Big props to you for being such a caring wife! I know your husband appreciates it - my husband was as wonderful and understanding as you are when I was diagnosed in April. Having such great support at home makes a huge difference!

One really easy thing I've found: buy as much food as possible at wal-mart and buy their Great Value brand. It's cheaper than national brands and actually says gluten-free on the label (beneath the ingredients) if the product is gluten-free. This takes so much work off my shoulders - I know that when I go to the grocery store, if I need black beans, for example, I can just check to see if the walmart brand is gluten-free and I'm done. No ingredient checking, just check whether it says "gluten-free". Easy!

And I'm sure you've heard this already, but just reading labels at the grocery store isn't good enough. You need to check with the manufacturer or do a google search (I search like this: "campbells gluten free"). Sometimes manufacturers don't list all their ingredients on the label.

Good luck & I'm happy to hear your husband is feeling better!

Elizabeth

[ryebaby0]

I'm also the celiac's wife, and I want to caution the two of you -- stop saying "I need to find out what he ate/drank/did " or "I need to cook him x,y,z..." HE needs to find out what he ate. HE needs to learn to cook some basic gluten-free foods (you know, like rice and chicken). Otherwise, he will be completely dependant on you, which is lousy for you both! We figured this out a little late, and are amending our thoughts now --- so I can go to meetings, so he can travel for work, so I can sleep in, so he can get up and run, etc..... And so once you're out of the headspinning stage (give it 6 -9 months), try thinking as a team. And then go back to treating him as an independant adult...

joanna

[Kibbie]

I felt the same why when I found out my daughter had celiac disease.... I told my mom I had been poisoning her because thats how I felt! we are 4 months into it and I'm finding it super easy!

I have a pantry list on my blog website if you think that will help get you going! Check it out!

[debmidge]

I agree with everyone that you did NOT make him sick.

For me it'll be 2 weeks that I've been gluten-free. Okay can't actually say that because I cheated with a bite of a cookie (and it wasn't worth the pain)

I found out that I need to stay away from dairy for a while too. I was eating gluten-free chocolate chip cookies and milk...and I got sick. I know people have mentioned staying away from dairy too for a while.

Often gluten-free cookies have soy in them and my hubby is sensitive to soy....so they are out.