10 Year Old Daughter Cheating On Her Diet?!?!?

[Guest SherrieD]

Hi there...looking for some advice!

My daughter has had very inconsistent stomach aches and other bowel issues for 5 years now. I thought maybe she was lactose intolerant. I brought it to the attention of her doctor. It wasn't severe but it was always there. All her symptoms and my research led me to learn a little bit about Celiac Disease.

Well wouldn't you know it...but June 2006, I was diagnosed with Celiac!! Go figure. No one ( at this point anyway) in my family seems to have it.

I immediately got my daughter tested via blood test which came back negative. I decided to look for a dietary response. January 1 this year, she went gluten free and the stomach aches all but disappeared!!!!

Problem is she is a 10 year old girl with friends that can eat whatever they want. She has cravings and gives in to them. I cook her pasta, cakes, brownies.... I tried to explain the severity of the disease and keep lots of gluten free food at home. It's when we are running low on her favorites and I'm not home...she'll eat something she knows she isn't suppose to. She doesn't get a bad reaction, so I think psychologically she thinks it ok.

It doesn't help that my husband doesn't believe she has it since the "Blood test" was negative. She is afraid of the endoscopy and doesn't want to have it done.

Any help out there would be greatly appreciated!!! I'm not sure what else to do to keep her healthy :-)

Thanks a bunch!

Sherrie

[Ursa Major]

Are you able to afford testing with Open Original Shared Link? If that comes back positive, you'd have something tangible for her and your husband to see. I had to do that for my youngest daughter, who refused to try the diet, even though she had a ton of symptoms.

She told me that unless I could prove to her that she had a problem with gluten, she wouldn't stop eating it. When she saw that the Enterolab test was positive, and that she had a high malabsorption score, she was convinced and hasn't cheated since (at least not to my knowledge).

She hasn't complained about severe cramps with her period any more, or stomach aches, diarrhea or constipation or vomiting since going on the gluten-free diet in December. Plus, suddenly she is passing her courses with excellent marks in high school instead of failing every class (which happened for more than a year)!

[Dyan]

My daughter is 11 and she hasn't cheated yet. I told my husband that one day she will just give in and eat KFC. She's too young to understand the severity, she needs to see "I eat this, I get sick"

Don't have anything in the house she can't eat. I only have wheat bread for my boys, nothing else has gluten in it.

[cyberprof]

SherrieD,

We had a variation on your problem. My son wanted a true reason to go gluten free, but my hubby refused to let him do an endoscopy. My son also didn't have noticeable symptoms. We tested through enterolab and agreed with my son beforehand that if it was positive (even just for the celiac gene) that he would go gluten free. It was and he did. Of course, our wrinkle is that he wants to grow and is not growing now, so he did his research and decided it would be a good thing to try gluten-free/CF.

Your daughter is going through a rough age(10-18), but the combination of a formal test and a serious talk about the damage gluten could do (diabetes, lupus, cancer) might work as she gets older and more mature.

Good luck.

~Laura

[Guest SherrieD]

Thanks for the advice!!

I guess I"m a little ignorant as far as the "Enterolab" goes. I'm certainly going to look into that option!

It is a tough age. It was her idea to go on the diet. She now can see that her symptoms for the past 5 years are not normal!! However because she doesn't get instant symptoms when she cheats, I think she feels it's ok. I've tried to have serious talks with her. I give her great alternatives so she doesn't feel like she is missing out....

I guess I'll look into the enterolab. At least that way, my husband will be working WITH me on this.

Do you know how long she would need to eat gluten before the having enterolab?

Thanks again!!

Not too sure what I'd do w/out this board!

:-) Sherrie

[kbtoyssni]

Enterolab is accurate for up to a year after going gluten-free. That's why it's such a great diagnosis tool for people who have already gone gluten-free but now want some medical proof.

[2kids4me]

There is a huge emotional component to this disease. Kids have it tough enough without feeling different than their peers. My son has a double whammy with being diabetic as well. Children don't usually respond to the: You may get diabetes if you cheat...plus some get diabetes even if they are strict gluten free because it is autoimmune and there are other triggers than gluten.

My children both cheated at first - my daughter did it once at church when she snuck a sandwich but paid for it later with migraine and stomach ache...She cried and said "they looked so good!". [This was before I found a good recipe for bread.]

My son tried once as well and wet the bed that night - that was enough of a reminder for him.

After both occasions, this is what I told them:

Yes, it sucks that you can't have the same foods as your friends and even though I make cookies and brownies, donuts etc.....it will always be a temptation when you're outside the home. Mom can't always be there to support you and give you strength so you will be making the right choices. If you choose to knowingly eat gluten - you will pay the price with not feeling well. You may not think you feel too bad, but if you get sick, it will interfere with any fun activities in the days that follow. If you make a conscious decision to avoid gluten,then you won't miss out on as much. You are choosing to help yourself.

Basically kids need to know the power is theirs....they struggle with independence issues and wanting to fit in. It is far better for them to say " I dont want any, thanks anyway" (making it THEIR choice) vs: : "My mom says I can't have that"... which is usually followed by friends saying " C'mon, your mom will never know...".

Kids need help finding the right words to decline something so they are less likely to get coaxed into it. They also need validation that its okay to be annoyed or feel sad sometimes, that they can say that to you without being told how bad gluten is.... because they DO know, they just need a hug. If my kids have one of those days - I hug them and say - well you know what, I have no ideas for supper, what would you like tonight? This empowers them, and focuses on them choosing an appealing meal.

Hope this helps

[Lukalovescats]

I've had similar issues with my girls. Neither one is happy with the diet and one daughter has been positively diagnosed with gluten intolerance through enterolab. They are following the diet when they are with me and claim they don't see a difference. The one has had stomach aches daily for years and severe constipation while the other has a rash that just won't go away. Since following the diet BMs are much more normal. However their father (my ex) doesn't believe in the diet and keeps saying a little gluten won't hurt them. I've shown him the test results and keep reminding him how sick I got and that it will happen to them if they continue to eat gluten. He doesn't listen and blames things on the diet, saying I should be more understanding-they are just kids and should eat cupcakes when they want. Gets me so frustrated.

[Kibbie]

My 3 year old ate a friends Macaroni and cheese after I told her not to and I made things as miserable for her as I could when she was sick. If she wanted to be held, I wouldn't, if she wanted to watch tv, I didn't let her, and I always said "No I wont let you do that because you ate gluten after mommy told you not to and it made you sick you can't do _________ if you eat gluten" I know its harsh but she learned her lesson, she will ask everyone if their food has gluten in and and tell everyone "I can't have any it will make my tummy hurt and I will barf and I don't like it"

If I were in your shoes I would simply tell my daughter that if she cheats again on her diet she WILL (no ifs ands or butts about it) get the endoscopy. I simply don;t mess around with this issue... you either stay healthy or I will make you because its my job as a mom.

But you know your daughter better than I do... my daughter responds well to this stuff, some kids don't

[2kids4me]

Any approach that works is the best one. As said in another post - you know your daughter best. Age has to be considered - a toddler will usually do as mom says better than tween or a teenager. The developmental stage of children has to be considered when approaching this subject - teens are naturally rebellious and they are out of our care at school or with friends - so they need to be empowered, and feel that it is their choice not something they are being told to do "or else". Its the typical teen who likes to do the opposite of what parents or authority figures tell them to do.

Find an approach that will work for your child at whatever age they are at .... and it will have to be addressed as they change and grow. Each time they make choice of asking the right questions (does it have gluten?) or turning down a atasty treat because ingredients are unknown - give the child a "high five" or "good job" or " smart question!"

Rewarding good choices / behaviors is more effective than lectures or punishment.

Sandy

[Guest SherrieD]

THANK YOU!!

One day at a time I guess. Yesterday we were at a birthday party with loads of gluten infested goodies....she went right to the fruit bowl! I was so proud of her. Of course she also knew I was there watching :-)

I will certainly try some suggestions mentioned and see what seems to work best with her. I do try to remind her that SHE can control this disease. We will do it together and be healthy!!

Thanks for the help....so very much appreciated!!

Sherrie