Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Thanksgiving Update And Families

torontosue

By torontosue
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

torontosue Rookie
torontosue
Posted

Well, I posted in the Thanksgiving thread that I was just gonna bring my own food and try not to make a production about it, make sure I was first served so there would be no cross contamination.....well....

let's just say my mother didn't agree with me, and made sure to make a HUGE production out of it, rant about how hurt she was that I didn't trust her turkey (that was stuffed with bread stuffing but she assured me if I just ate the meat I'd be fine).

I was ready to just walk out of there like I did on Canada Day when there was nothing safe for me to eat but the lettuce and potato chips, but my siblings told me to just enjoy my meal and let Mom be, obviously I couldn't please her. Last family gathering she got upset I wouldn't eat, this time I bring food to ensure I could eat along with everyone else and she still flipped.

Ah well, now I only have to wait til Christmas to have another mom ordeal!

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

I'm sorry she wasn't more understanding. I think you were right to just stay and stick with your own food, and not to give in. Hopefully someday she will realize that this isn't about her, it's about your health and she'll be understanding and supportive. My mom always said "Kill them with kindness and remember, you can't control what someone else says or does, you can only control yourself." The killing with kindness works all too well-especially if someone is looking for an argument and a spectacle--you don't get involved, there's no fuel for their fire :)

*lee-lee* Enthusiast
*lee-lee*
Posted
didn't trust her turkey (that was stuffed with bread stuffing but she assured me if I just ate the meat I'd be fine).

ugh, i know what you mean.. my grandmother (who has celiac herself, mind you) made a face at me when i mentioned i couldn't eat the turkey because of the stuffing. she doesn't follow the rules hardly at all unless it's convenient for her and thinks i'm overreacting because i don't do things exactly as she does!

i'm beginning to dread Thanksgiving (i'm in the US so i've got another month or so to dwell on the situation!) i think i may skip it all together and just stay home with all my safe foods!

torontosue Rookie
torontosue
Posted
  • Author
i'm beginning to dread Thanksgiving (i'm in the US so i've got another month or so to dwell on the situation!) i think i may skip it all together and just stay home with all my safe foods!

I suggested cooking at my place and having my family all come here, but I'm in a 2 bedroom apartment as opposed to my parent's house with a huge yard (and the weather was nice). I was also told theat they wouldn't want to eat me 'weird foods'.

Ah well, I plan on doing the same thing at Christmas. Maybe if I do it often enough she'll realize I'm serious about it. After all, I'm the one who is going to end up suffering and in pain, so I don't see why it should have anything to do with my mother's happiness. I told her I was there to spend TIME with them, not to eat their food.

ang1e0251 Contributor
ang1e0251
Posted

Do you think your relatives would be willing to come on this forum and read some of the threads? There are plenty in the section that is for relatives of celiacs. It could help them put it into perspective. Plus reading all of our rants about being made sick by tiny amounts of gluten might bring it home to them how your really feel.

melmak5 Contributor
melmak5
Posted

I am really sorry. This suck, a lot. I went through something rather similarly last year (my first gluten-free Thanksgiving).

I might have mentioned it in the other thread... but it ended with my mother saying I was "too difficult" which lead to a rather large fight, lots of crying between many different family members and me not attending Thanksgiving at their house.

I was really hurt because my dad and sister are diabetics and thought that my mom would "get it" in terms of dietary restrictions, but she totally did not.

I ended up hanging out with friends who ate at my place on my terms and it was a lovely meal, not do sound corny, but something I was truly thankful for.

It is hard, you cannot educate everyone and it hurts deeply when loved ones cannot be there for you. You have to do what is right for you... if that means making food and bringing it along, great! If it means eating before or after - not as awesome, but at least you can have family time.

I don't know if going the day before and cooking with your mom is an option, but it could be a way to teach her and feel safe about the meal.

Best of luck!

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
i'm beginning to dread Thanksgiving (i'm in the US so i've got another month or so to dwell on the situation!) i think i may skip it all together and just stay home with all my safe foods!

Last year I missed the holidays because of work, so I had Thanksgiving at the end of March. Made my own gluten/soy/dairy free meal and invited all my friends and family. Everyone loved it. The food was great, and everyone was in the mood for a celebration by then. I skipped all the stress of the normal holidays and had a great time making a huge, allergy free meal.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


MollyBeth Contributor
MollyBeth
Posted
Last year I missed the holidays because of work, so I had Thanksgiving at the end of March. Made my own gluten/soy/dairy free meal and invited all my friends and family. Everyone loved it. The food was great, and everyone was in the mood for a celebration by then. I skipped all the stress of the normal holidays and had a great time making a huge, allergy free meal.

I have a job that makes me miss out on holidays a lot and I just wanted to thank you for a great idea!!! I'm moving back closer to home (right now i live about 1000 miles from home) in the spring and this would be the perfect way for me to get everyone together on my food terms!

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

cooking for other people - especially parents cooking for kids (regardless of your age - more so when you're an adult, it seems) isn't about the food. it's about the connection. whether she's saying it or not, she's reacting from a place of "my offering, my love, isn't good enough for her". it's not rational, it's instinctual. if she can't separate the symbol of her offering (the food) from the offering, she's not going to get over it. I'm certainly not saying you should eat the food, but rather saying you guys should discuss the underlying issues, open and forthrightly. (yeah, I know, totally weird conversation... but helpful, and the weirdness makes it all the riper for diffusing the situation with jokes. ;) )

we, in general, have so many emotions wrapped up in food - all the more so in families - that I don't think it's all that bad of an idea to use a professional counselor to help navigate the interpersonal issues that are at the root of the conflict over the stuffing in the turkey if the rosemary really gets to flying. (doesn't that just sound silly? :) doesn't make it less true... but life has lots of silliness in it.)

CeliacMom2008 Enthusiast
CeliacMom2008
Posted

This isn't a quick solution, but you could invite your family over for smaller meals several times (just parents one time, siblings another, whoever is a problem) and make them some of your "weird" food. I think people only believe it is "weird" until they eat it. I mean a turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberries...most Thanksgiving foods are gluten-free anyway - it's just the preparation/CC that's an issue. Maybe if they realized it was good they'd relax a bit and let you provide some of the dishes or even host the holidays someday.

It's so sad that a time that is supposed to be so joyful, loving, and happy can turn yucky over something so dumb as food! I'm so sorry your family isn't getting it.

On the flip side - I got some great news this past weekend regarding the holidays... My sister-in-law and I always split the holiday hosting. Well this past weekend we were talking about this year's parties. We were talking about how I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the holidays for my son and I made a joke about wishing everyone could just come to our house for holidays forever. And you know what she said? "That's great! I'll hold you to it. I hate entertaining!" :D It's awesome for us! My hubby and I are very big homebodies. Years of stomach issues started us on the path to being most comfortable in our own home. Then it just became the place we were most comfortable. So I'm going to enjoy this as long as I can! I've been collecting bread leftovers (you know after they aren't very soft and yummy anymore) and freezing them to attempt gluten-free stuffing. Since I've never made anything other than Stovetop, this should be interesting!

Good luck finding your happy holidays! Everyone deserves to enjoy the season...not just the gluten eaters.

Ooooo, (this is the evil side of me coming out) how about if you make some really AWESOME food. The better smelling and looking the better. Then when it comes time to eat put a sign on it that says "For Celiacs ONLY". :o OK, that was truly evil and very gracious at all, but it might show them what it's like to not be able to eat something you want. Sorry. Go back to the good side...and find a nicer way to make your point!

debmidge Rising Star
debmidge
Posted

For my husband's family it's not "reject my gluten food, you are rejecting me."

It's more of an inability to grasp the concept of 'No wheat' or not really care or

deliberately harm someone just for your "jollies" .

For example, we are to eat over husband's family and his sister is peeling and

quartering potatoes to make mashed potatoes and at the same time she's ripping

off pieces of Italian bread by hand, which is next to the peeled potatoes and

wheat bread crumbs are falling all over the potatoes she is quartering. She cannot

take any criticism of any sort from anyone,

so I carefully say to her: "We have to get those crumbs off of the

potatoes before we cook them." "No reason to do that," She replies. "They'll

rinse off when I rinse the potatoes."

She had no thought, care or hesitation that

perhaps there really was a problem with the crumbs getting into the

mix....She was very passive-aggressive about it (her basic personality is

passive/aggressive anyway). She just shrugged it off as if we were

getting all excited over nothing. It was almost like a 'test' to see

what we would do.....maybe she really didn't want to cook

Thanksgiving dinner after all and this was her way of eliminating

holiday cooking without disappointing her mother - to make it so

that we don't want to come over anymore and it's all OUR fault and

ergo WE are disappointing their mother. Now that's "passive/aggressive" -

just something she would do - the means justifies the end. Did I ever tell you that

their family is related to the Borgia's ?

Believe me, this was the last time we ate over my in-laws (both mIL and sil - they live

together).

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):



    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):



  • Recent Activity

    1. Scott Adams
      0

      Celiac Disease Beyond the Western World: Hidden Populations, Changing Diets, and Growing Awareness

    2. Wheatwacked
      - Wheatwacked replied to Scott Adams's topic in Post Diagnosis, Recovery & Treatment of Celiac Disease
      50

      Supplements for those Diagnosed with Celiac Disease

      Raising you vitamin D will increase absorption of calcium automatically without supplementation of calcium. A high PTH can be caused by low D causing poor calcium absorption; not insuffient calcium intake. With low D your body is not absorbing calcium from your food so it steals it from your bones. Heart has priority over bone. I've been taking 1...
    3. knitty kitty
      - knitty kitty replied to catnapt's topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      3

      results from 13 day gluten challenge - does this mean I can't have celiac?

      @catnapt, Wheat germ has very little gluten in it. Gluten is the carbohydrate storage protein, what the flour is made from, the fluffy part. Just like with beans, there's the baby plant that will germinate ("germ"-inate) if sprouted, and the bean part is the carbohydrate storage protein. Wheat germ is the baby plant inside a kernel of wheat...
    4. knitty kitty
      - knitty kitty replied to Scott Adams's topic in Post Diagnosis, Recovery & Treatment of Celiac Disease
      50

      Supplements for those Diagnosed with Celiac Disease

      Hello, @asaT, I'm curious to know whether you are taking other B vitamins like Thiamine B1 and Niacin B3. Malabsorption in Celiac disease affects all the water soluble B vitamins and Vitamin C. Thiamine and Niacin are required to produce energy for all the homocysteine lowering reactions provided by Folate, Cobalamine and Pyridoxine. Weight...
    5. Florence Lillian
      - Florence Lillian replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      11

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      Hi Jane: You may want to try the D3 I now take. I have reactions to fillers and many additives. Sports Research, it is based in the USA and I have had no bad reactions with this brand. The D3 does have coconut oil but it is non GMO, it is Gluten free, Soy free, Soybean free and Safflower oil free. I have a cupboard full of supplements that did not agree...
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      133,356
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    JAGAPG
    Newest Member
    JAGAPG
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.6k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):

  • Who's Online (See full list)

  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Wheatwacked
      Supplements for those Diagnosed with Celiac Disease

      By Wheatwacked · Posted

      Raising you vitamin D will increase absorption of calcium automatically without supplementation of calcium.  A high PTH can be caused by low D causing poor calcium absorption; not insuffient calcium intake.  With low D your body is not absorbing calcium from your food so it steals it from your bones.  Heart has priority over bone. I've been taking 10,000 IU D3 a day since 2015.  My doctor says to continue. To fix my lactose intolerance, lots of lactobacillus from yogurts, and brine fermented pickles and saurkraut and olives.  We lose much of our ability to make lactase endogenosly with maturity but a healthy colony of lactobacillus in our gut excretes lactase in exchange for room and board. The milk protein in grass fed milk does not bother me. It tastes like the milk I grew up on.  If I drink commercial milk I get heartburn at night. Some experts estimate that 90% of us do not eat Adequite Intake of choline.  Beef and eggs are the principle source. Iodine deficiency is a growing concern.  I take 600 mcg a day of Liquid Iodine.  It and NAC have accelerated my healing all over.  Virtually blind in my right eye after starting antihypertensive medication and vision is slowly coming back.  I had to cut out starches because they drove my glucose up into the 200+ range.  I replaced them with Red Bull for the glucose intake with the vitamins, minerals and Taurine needed to process through the mitochodria Krebs Cycle to create ATP.  Went from A1c 13 down to 7.9.  Work in progress. Also take B1,B2,B3,B5,B6. Liquid Iodine, Phosphatidyl Choline, Q10, Selenium, D and DHEA.     Choline supplemented as phosphatidylcholine decreases fasting and postmethionine-loading plasma homocysteine concentrations in healthy men +    
    • knitty kitty
      results from 13 day gluten challenge - does this mean I can't have celiac?

      By knitty kitty · Posted

      @catnapt, Wheat germ has very little gluten in it.  Gluten is  the carbohydrate storage protein, what the flour is made from, the fluffy part.  Just like with beans, there's the baby plant that will germinate  ("germ"-inate) if sprouted, and the bean part is the carbohydrate storage protein.   Wheat germ is the baby plant inside a kernel of wheat, and bran is the protective covering of the kernel.   Little to no gluten there.   Large amounts of lectins are in wheat germ and can cause digestive upsets, but not enough Gluten to provoke antibody production in the small intestines. Luckily you still have time to do a proper gluten challenge (10 grams of gluten per day for a minimum of two weeks) before your next appointment when you can be retested.    
    • knitty kitty
      Supplements for those Diagnosed with Celiac Disease

      By knitty kitty · Posted

      Hello, @asaT, I'm curious to know whether you are taking other B vitamins like Thiamine B1 and Niacin B3.  Malabsorption in Celiac disease affects all the water soluble B vitamins and Vitamin C.  Thiamine and Niacin are required to produce energy for all the homocysteine lowering reactions provided by Folate, Cobalamine and Pyridoxine.   Weight gain with a voracious appetite is something I experienced while malnourished.  It's symptomatic of Thiamine B1 deficiency.   Conversely, some people with thiamine deficiency lose their appetite altogether, and suffer from anorexia.  At different periods on my lifelong journey, I suffered this, too.   When the body doesn't have sufficient thiamine to turn food, especially carbohydrates, into energy (for growth and repair), the body rations what little thiamine it has available, and turns the carbs into fat, and stores it mostly in the abdomen.  Consuming a high carbohydrate diet requires additional thiamine to process the carbs into energy.  Simple carbohydrates (sugar, white rice, etc.) don't contain thiamine, so the body easily depletes its stores of Thiamine processing the carbs into fat.  The digestive system communicates with the brain to keep eating in order to consume more thiamine and other nutrients it's not absorbing.   One can have a subclinical thiamine insufficiency for years.  A twenty percent increase in dietary thiamine causes an eighty percent increase in brain function, so the symptoms can wax and wane mysteriously.  Symptoms of Thiamine insufficiency include stunted growth, chronic fatigue, and Gastrointestinal Beriberi (diarrhea, abdominal pain), heart attack, Alzheimer's, stroke, and cancer.   Thiamine improves bone turnover.  Thiamine insufficiency can also affect the thyroid.  The thyroid is important in bone metabolism.  The thyroid also influences hormones, like estrogen and progesterone, and menopause.  Vitamin D, at optimal levels, can act as a hormone and can influence the thyroid, as well as being important to bone health, and regulating the immune system.  Vitamin A is important to bone health, too, and is necessary for intestinal health, as well.   I don't do dairy because I react to Casein, the protein in dairy that resembles gluten and causes a reaction the same as if I'd been exposed to gluten, including high tTg IgA.  I found adding mineral water containing calcium and other minerals helpful in increasing my calcium intake.   Malabsorption of Celiac affects all the vitamins and minerals.  I do hope you'll talk to your doctor and dietician about supplementing all eight B vitamins and the four fat soluble vitamins because they all work together interconnectedly.  
    • Florence Lillian
      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      By Florence Lillian · Posted

      Hi Jane: You may want to try the D3 I now take. I have reactions to fillers and many additives. Sports Research, it is based in the USA and I have had no bad reactions with this brand. The D3 does have coconut oil but it is non GMO, it is Gluten free, Soy free, Soybean free and Safflower oil free.  I have a cupboard full of supplements that did not agree with me -  I just keep trying and have finally settled on Sports Research. I take NAKA Women's Multi full spectrum, and have not felt sick after taking 2 capsules per day -  it is a Canadian company. I buy both from Amazon. I wish you well in your searching, I know how discouraging it all is. Florence.  
    • catnapt
      results from 13 day gluten challenge - does this mean I can't have celiac?

      By catnapt · Posted

      highly unlikely  NOTHING and I mean NOTHING else has ever caused me these kinds of symptoms I have no problem with dates, they are a large part of my diet In fact, I eat a very high fiber, very high vegetable and bean diet and have for many years now. It's considered a whole foods plant based or plant forward diet (I do now eat some lean ground turkey but not much) I was off dairy for years but recently had to add back plain yogurt to meet calcium needs that I am not allowed to get from supplements (I have not had any problem with the yogurt)   I eat almost no processed foods. I don't eat out. almost everything I eat, I cook myself I am going to keep a food diary but to be honest, I already know that it's wheat products and also barley that are the problem, which is why I gradually stopped eating and buying them. When I was eating them, like back in early 2024, when I was in the middle of moving and ate out (always had bread or toast or rolls or a sub or pizza) I felt terrible but at that time was so busy and exhausted that I never stopped to think it was the food. Once I was in my new place, I continued to have bread from time to time and had such horrible joint pain that I was preparing for 2 total knee replacements as well as one hip! The surgery could not go forward as I was (and still am) actively losing calcium from my bones. That problem has yet to be properly diagnosed and treated   anyway over time I realized that I felt better when I stopped eating bread. Back at least 3 yrs ago I noticed that regular pasta made me sick so I switched to brown rice pasta and even though it costs a lot more, I really like it.   so gradually I just stopped buying and eating foods with gluten. I stopped getting raisin bran when I was constipated because it made me bloated and it didn't help the constipation any more (used to be a sure bet that it would in the past)   I made cookies and brownies using beans and rolled oats and dates and tahini and I LOVE them and have zero issues eating those I eat 1 or more cans of beans per day easily can eat a pound of broccoli - no problem! Brussels sprouts the same thing.   so yeh it's bread and related foods that are clearly the problem  there is zero doubt in my mind    
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.