"you Might Be A Celiac If....."

[Guest ajlauer]

**LOL** These are great! Think of all those poor non-celiacs out there that are missing out on this terrific humor!!

KarenCM: You might be onto something with the "fart spring fresh" thing. If we really could invent something like that, it would sell faster than bottled water! I've got a few family members I wouldn't mind testing it out on!

[debmidge]

You are constantly wiping down the kitchen table and counters in an effort to rid the place of inadvertently strewn gluten crumbs from the non-celiacs' foods in the home.

You get tears in your eyes when you notice that a manufacturer changed the formula and now makes their product gluten-free.

While in the kitchen, you have physically restrained someone from putting the nonGF gravy spoon in the gluten-free food.

In the supermarket, the Deli clerks run when they see you as you insist that they clean the slicer's blade before they cut gluten-free lunch meat for you.

You have an understanding now of people of other religions who keep a Kosher kitchen keep everything straight.

[Ruth]

What number is this?

Your four year old (not celiac) can list all the things at Wendy's and McDonald's that are gluten free.

[Fonda]

These are too funny!! I love it.

Here are a couple...

You know you are Celiac if...

You cheer when you go to the grocery store and they have started carrying gluten-free items! I live in a small town and to find gluten-free stuff in this town-tough!!

Your friends and family just tell you to stop eating bread, pizza and pasta and you'll feel better..........get a clue!

Fonda

[Rikki Tikki]

How about you know your a celiac when you are sitting home on a Saturday night posting on the celiac site instead of out to dinner with your friends!

[dbuhl79]

You might be a Celiac if...

You have anxiety attacks when dinner party invitations are extended.

Only have to give your spouse "the look" and they know its a marathon dash to find the closest restroom.

You've taken account for every public rest stop on each commuting route to and from work.

Given up hopes of enjoying a real meal outside of your home.

Uttered every known curse word after realizing you've ingested gluten.

This has been terribly amusing. My fiance thought they were hilarous!

[celiac3270]

Updated April 17. Yay!! We're well over 100 now!

You might be celiac if...

1. The centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine.

2. Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play Doh.

3. Your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.

4. The only way you will eat your bread is toasted.

5. You've paid over $5 for a loaf of bread.

6. You make your own pizza

7. You visit a health food store at least twice a week.

8. You buy most of your food on the Internet.

9. One of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies" (and/or Cheerios)

10. There are Garage Sale stickers on all your kitchen food containers.

11. You have argued about and read articles about distilled vinegar and oats.

12. You've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.

13. You've ever been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.

14. At Christmas, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

15. You are a strictly brand name shopper

16. You've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

17. You weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

18. You weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

19. You've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner party.

20. You have written "contaminated" on jars of peanut butter.

21. You have become friends with the customer service representatives at every company.

22. The customer service representatives at every company recognize your voice.

23. You know the difference between an allergy and an intolerance...and you care.

24. You have two of everything in your kitchen (pots, pans, wooden spoons, etc.).

25. You are afraid of spices and in restaurants, ask for your food "naked."

26. You are afraid of and have nightmares about bagels, pizza, and cake.

27. You make many phone calls from the supermarket.

28. You know what disodium phosphate, tartaric acid, and quinoa are...and care.

29. You know who Danna Korn, Peter Green, and Anne Lee are.

30. You bring many, many lists with you to the supermarket.

31. The first thing you do, upon reaching an unfamiliar location, is pinpoint the location of the nearest bathroom.

32. You have ever tried to explain to a waiter that "it is necessary to use clean pans for you food" and he stares back at you in disbelief.

33. You ordered a salad with no croutons and the entire time its being made you wish you could go back to the kitchen and watch them prepapre it but were afraid to ask.

34. You have taken a poop at all of your friends and relatives houses, even if you just met them...

35. You have explained to people the difference/similarities between Modified Food Starch and Modified Corn Starch at least 50 times (or you know what disodium phosphate is -- celiac3270)

36. You ask Asian restaurants if they have baked or mashed potatoes

37. You ask every restaurant if they have baked/mashed potatoes

38. You've kissed someone who just drank beer and wonder if you will get sick

39. You've kissed someone who just drank a beer and you really wanted their beer instead of your vodka/tonic, wine, spritzer, ......

40. You've responded to someone's post on a website about bowel problems and were brutally honest about your own "issues with bowels"

41. You read this post and laughed because you've "been there"

42. People think you're on the Atkins diet

43. You've asked for a bunless burger...and been looked at as if you have three heads.

44. You've asked about the ingredients of shampoo

45. You post on this board...that's not funny, though

46. You've washed your telephone after your child/spouse has answered it while eating.

47. You've checked all cups in a coffee shop for crumb residue.

48. You can say Kinnikinnick 10 times fast without making a mistake

49. With just one quick whiff, you can pinpoint the brand name and fragrance of every air freshener on the market!

50. You have had to leave the room because someone else was eating Pizza Hut's breadsticks and they smelled TOOOOOOO good!

51. Someone else complains of IBS, and you tell them to quit eating gluten!

52. Or you know someone that was dx with diverticulitis and you tell them to stop eating gluten!!!

53. You don't know what a "normal" bowel movement is.

54. You thought of (or started) a topic called "you might be a celiac if...."

55. Eating out is a "death sentence" not an enjoyable event!

56. All you eat at the church pot luck dinner is jello

57. Your tears compete with your drool when you pass a Krispy Kreme!!!

58. Carry some type of medication with 24/7 (ie Immodium)

59. At least once a day smile and say, "Sorry, I can't have that"

60. Have been lectured on your crazy dieting and told to just forget about your weight

61. Have survived for some period of time solely on rice or peanut butter

62. Physically flinch at the feel of bread or similar product

63. Feel nauseous at the sight of some gluten filled food

64. Have mastered the art of passing gas in public

65. You read this list to your SO (who doesn't have celiac) and they laughed right along with you.

66. You have ever thought you might explode from holding in a fart too long while in public

67. You have ever had nightmares about being trapped in the bread aisle in the grocery store

68. You have ever had a meltdown from actually BEING trapped in the bread aisle in the grocery store.

69. You call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake a NIGHTMARE!!

70. You read a topic called Cheating and you just KNOW it's not about her husband and her best friend!!

71. Your answer to this joke: "Why did the lion spit out the clown?" is something like... "Because the lion had celiac and as his fangs began to clench down he saw out of the corner of his eye that the clown's hand was holding a slice of pizza ?" When the real answer is: "Because the clown tasted funny!"

72. You pay $1.59 for a 12 oz bottle of rootbeer!

73. You

[watkinson]

these are so funny, some bring tears to my eyes.

You might be a celiac if... You drive past a huge, incredibly gorgeous, bright green, lush field wheat and say, "oh look, hundreds of acres of poison!"

Wendy

[VegasCeliacBuckeye]

"91. A family member has sprayed the air freshener directly on you hoping that will help and you will fart Spring Fresh.

92. You eat before you go out to eat."

So true...so damn true...

[mytummyhurts]

You're starting to wonder if your co-workers are noticing how much time you spend in the restroom.

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

Hello Tammy,

yep, i'm back. Wihiee! My team and I actually attended one of the big world tournaments of the NASKA association (www.naska.com) in Rhode Island 8th to 10th of April. We had a blast. Two celiacs and 4 non-celiacs on the road. What a chaos . There was Chuck Norris, too. Didn't get to talk to him. But we were passing him, when we left the hall. I can tell, he probably had a face lifting... . He looks much too good for about 70. And he moves like a 20 year old. Amazing!!! Well, as I said, it was awesome. Next big one for us is the U.S. Open 1st and 2nd of July in Florida. Get this, it's in the middle of Disneyland (or is it called Disneyworld?). We are soooo excited. And for the PA guys around Harrisburg. We plan to make a big show at the summer fair street parade in Carlisle. If the parade is judged we plan to get the first place price for our travel team school fund. Cross your fingers for us. And I opened my shop "Asian Dreams and More" 1st of April. That was also one of the reasons I wasn't here for a while. The "and More"-part of this shop will be embroidered celiac-awareness clothes among different other things. But it's still in the planning phasis. I'm also planning to put some good "You might be a celiac..."-clothes on the market. With 10% of the profit you'll sponsor our travel team. Well, I'll keep you posted. Please be patient. Ooooh, I'm so excited.

Stef

[Canadian Karen]

Oh Stef,

My mom just absolutely adores Chuck Norris! She has seen every Chuck Norris film, every Walker, Texas Ranger, everything he has been in!

Karen

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

Wow, she's even better than I am. I just watch it, if I don't have anything else to do. Which isn't very often. But when I have time to watch TV and Texas Ranger Walker is running, I always watch this.

Stef

[Guest ~wAvE WeT sAnD~]

Hahahaha---back on topic:

You know you're a Celiac if:

1. Buffets terrify and infuriate you at the same time.

2. Your friends are jealous of you, because your food looks tastier than theirs.

4. If the people who work with you for your diet only talk to you about your disease and nothing else.

5. If people come to you who have your symptoms (diarrhea, etc.) and think that they automatically have celiac disease, even though they have the flu.

6. If people walk up to you and ask you how your "glucose" problem is.

[KaitiUSA]

6. If people walk up to you and ask you how your "glucose" problem is.

haha I like that one....I get that alot actually

[ianm]

Glucose problem, somebody actually asked me that today! I politely corrected them and explained to them what gluten is. After a blank stare they offered me a donut and assured me it was gluten, or whatever you call it, free.

Sometimes you just have to wonder how they get their socks on in the morning.

[Guest nini]

yeah, just how DO they put their socks on in the morning???

[KaitiUSA]

Glucose problem, somebody actually asked me that today! I politely corrected them and explained to them what gluten is. After a blank stare they offered me a donut and assured me it was gluten, or whatever you call it, free.

Sometimes you just have to wonder how they get their socks on in the morning.

people are so dense sometimes...

[celiac3270]

Ha! I get the glucose thing every now and then, as well.

I do wonder, though, how I would be if I had never heard of Celiac and someone tried to explain it to me.

[sweetie101282]

just a couple:

You've ever stunk yourself out of your own bedroom

Your roommates give you a dirty look every time you leave the bathroom

All your family has a supply of gluten free flour in their cupboard

Your little sister starts to yell at people for "double dipping" into the mayo jar

[Guest ~wAvE WeT sAnD~]

1. If your older, non-Celiac brother knows what Soy Crisps are.

Conversation-

Brother's friend: Who eats this crap?

My brother: My sister.

2. If you're ever said that wheat is a product of satan.

4. If you insist on having WHAT YOU WANT no matter what.

5. If you've ever gotten tired of eating the same food multiple times.

6. If you love cheese.

7. If you CRAVE Pacific Brand Roasted Red Pepper soup, and become depressed if there's none left in the pantry.

[flagbabyds]

I can't think of any new now but I will. I love this topic SOOOO much. One of my non-celiac frieds actually thought that it was funny! I was amazed!

[ianm]

I need to make a typo correction. That person didn't say "gluten, or whatever you call it" They said "globulin" after I probably said "gluten" 20 times. Now I am REALLY wondering how they got their socks on this morning. Not only are they dumb but deaf too!

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

You might be a celiac,...

if you know what a food diary is and you know how to use it.

if you know all the health food stores in your area and can tell the shortest/fastest way how to get there.

[Guest Viola]

You must be a Celiac if you find immodium packed away in every bag.

We are leaving for a holiday and I'm packing, I've even found immodium in my dogs bag! Must have been there since the last show.