Need To Vent

[K8ling]

Just had to eat downstairs in the basement because the family made FLOUR soft tacos for dinner. I fed my toddler and myself food that I had made, but because the food was eaten with the hands I asked that everyone wash theor hands after they eat before i let my toddler go back upstairs to be around everyone (so *i* don't get sick, mind you. He's fine.)

My mother in law says "Thats stupid, just let him up". WHAT THE ?!$#? I said "I'm glad that you don't have an allergy like this but it has been an uphill battle for me and 9 times out of ten I get sick from my son (cross contamination). Next year I won't come if you don't want me to but I have to look out for MY health NOW. I didn't want to come because I knew how hard it was going to be so if it's THAT hard to wash your hands after you eat something that I am allergic to with your HANDS I guess I will just skip this little shindig next year."

Now I am too ticked off to even go upstairs because I can't be held responsible for what I might say.

4 days to go on this "vacation".

[piglips82]

It's ok to vent! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets annoyed!

[Yup]

Hang in there!

Just had to eat downstairs in the basement because the family made FLOUR soft tacos for dinner. I fed my toddler and myself food that I had made, but because the food was eaten with the hands I asked that everyone wash theor hands after they eat before i let my toddler go back upstairs to be around everyone (so *i* don't get sick, mind you. He's fine.)

My mother in law says "Thats stupid, just let him up". WHAT THE ?!$#? I said "I'm glad that you don't have an allergy like this but it has been an uphill battle for me and 9 times out of ten I get sick from my son (cross contamination). Next year I won't come if you don't want me to but I have to look out for MY health NOW. I didn't want to come because I knew how hard it was going to be so if it's THAT hard to wash your hands after you eat something that I am allergic to with your HANDS I guess I will just skip this little shindig next year."

Now I am too ticked off to even go upstairs because I can't be held responsible for what I might say.

4 days to go on this "vacation".

[Mari]

Too bad that all mLaws are not the caring, respectful people we wish they were. I can imagine a person as sensitive to gluten as you are reacts just being in the place. You were reluctant to go there and no doubt your mLaw picked up on your tension and anxiety as you began to react and became more irritable and sensitive to the people arund you. So she was very rude and it seems your hubby disappointed you by not smoothing the situation and supporting you. This is a terrible fix to be in - I know even tho I don't have a mLaw. I rarely go in other peoples houses - I tried to feed a neighbor's cats while she was away for a month and got sicker and sicker so I had to write her and tell her to hurry back. This was so difficult as she is elderly and was recovering from hip surgery and had shingles. We are given this amazing opportunity to be healed of our gluten related problems but how difficult it is sometimes to deal with others.

[K8ling]

Well, just got glutened...not sure how it happened but I a now balled up in my room w/my laptop. This sucks, I want to go home.

[SGWhiskers]

Well, just got glutened...not sure how it happened but I a now balled up in my room w/my laptop. This sucks, I want to go home.

I'm so sorry you are now sick on top of scared and ticked off. OK, I have a tendancy to be passive aggressive. If direct discussions are not working, let her see how much getting sick affects your life (and thus hers). I hope she wouldn't be so cruel, but this site has had reports of relatives making people sick intentionally to "test" the diagnosis. Make sure that MIL has to go to the store for more toilet paper and that she makes a million trips up and down the stairs bringing the next roll of TP. And that dinner is held up because you are on the pot again. Maybe she needs to spend the next 48 hours caring for your son by herself because you are too ill. If you are like me, you won't be able to keep the pace of other people in group activities. Give in to the urge to slow down physically and let her see that you are not well.

Above all else, let your husband know that he MUST stick up for you. He does not have to be mean or get angry, but he needs to be CLEAR that you are ill now because of someone's carelessness and they need to shape up and follow the written rules. If not, as a family, you will be staying in a hotel next time or having them visit at your house which is gluten free. Family is important. Your MIL wants her son and grandson (and presumably you) around to visit. More than respecting that bond, is your responsibility and your husband's to make sure you remain healthy enough to parent your own son for the next 20 years.

hugs

[mygfworld]

Hope you're feeling better. I take benadryl and Tylenol for reactions. It does NOTHING for the reaction, but it makes me sleep more and feel a little better.

Next time take child and the far and go out to do something fun while they insist on having a gluten fest. It's better than hiding and being miserable.

As for hubby, have a long honest discussion when you feel better and probably at Your home. As for family, some people get itand some people take a long time to realize you are not just being silly. It's not worth your time trying to change their minds.

Hope you feel better!

[VioletBlue]

ROTFLMAO, if you can manage it, go upstairs and vomit on her carpet or sofa. Maybe then she'll get the hint.

I'm sorry you got glutened. People can be so clueless. I say call in sick for the next four days and don't leave the bed.

I'm so sorry you are now sick on top of scared and ticked off. OK, I have a tendancy to be passive aggressive. If direct discussions are not working, let her see how much getting sick affects your life (and thus hers).

[polarbearscooby]

Ugh! That would suck! I'm sorry things turned out like that....I hate getting glutened it sucks more than anything (I got glutened yesterday)

Sometimes family can be a butt, I have one Aunt who every time I see her (which isn't often) she comments on how "expensive" and "spoiled" I am over my food.....I hate it when she does that and it makes me wanna cry....

[K8ling]

Thank you all SOOO MUCH for all the support that I desperately needed!!! I spoke to everyone today about it. I guess seeing me balled up on the floor with my 2 year old patting my head and saying "ok mommy? ok mommy? Daddy???" really drove the point home. I learned today that despite multiple assurances that homemade ice cream was flour free IT WAS NOT which is what got me in addition to cc of plastic silverware. Today I explained to everyone that there is a disease (celiac disease) that causes the body to treat gluten as a toxin resulting in what they saw last night. Also, my MiL had to go to Publix to get TP today hahahaa (Poetic Justice) . But I really appreciate the support here, guys. Everyone was very nice to me today and extremely careful. They were trying ot feed my son meatloaf and he refused it in favor of my gluten-free turkey stroganoff which made me feel good too. My husband did stand up for me (his cousin told me that this morning) and told everyone that if it wasn't at least 100 times better with the CC and respecting our dietary AND parenting issues we won't be participating in this little thing again. It was just a bad situation all around. Add in the fact that m Grandfather passed away yesterday and it was just a vacation fail all the way around.

I just sipped on chicken broth today and had a little turkey stroganoff today and am feeling much better. We leave Saturday morning, so hopefully I can hang on until then (and through the 6 hour drive :o/)

[lynnelise]

I am so sorry about your grandfather! How terrible, especially on top of everything else!

[looking4help]

My sympathy is with you! It must be so horrible! I have yet to really visit the in laws since going gluten free but I will admit that I truly am in fear of it. They live in flour fried hell.

I remember just mentioning turkey instead of beef once as an option to help fight against cholesterol (this was before gluten free days and I had switched my family to turkey because of my high cholesterol). Anyways, you would have thought I was a monster with 3 heads or something the way they all looked at me.

Hang in there and remember that above all you have to be healthy! After a week of noone home except myself and my daughter (guys are away at boy scout camp) I am really seeing a difference in how I feel. I can control what is cooked, how it is cooked, what it's cooked on etc. I have already told hubby that we have some cooking lessons for him when he returns home.

[Almendra]

I wish I knew everywhere the gluten could come from. I just visited my in-laws and was glutened every day, it seems, of the 5 day trip. The sad thing is that they really did try so hard to be accommodating and keep me from getting sick (since my recent diagnosis), but we obviously missed something. On the last day, the culprit seemed to be the hand soap that everyone was using.

I was wondering why strawberries were making me sick - even when I had cleaned them myself. *eye roll* Sometimes this is frickin' IMPOSSIBLE!

I remember the good old days when I was a human garbage disposal - eating the leftovers no one wanted, eating everything anyone offered me with a smile - allowing myself seconds sometimes just because I knew it would make my mom (or some sweet lady) extra proud of her recipe. I was such a nice, easy-going person back in the day, six months ago. I have caught myself a few times getting back into my old ways (refusing to make my medical demands to make those around me more comfortable). I am pretty terrible at this some days!

What happened to you is just what I am SO afraid of: that people will think I'm a diva - and not just a girl DESPERATE not to get sick!

[K8ling]

I wish I knew everywhere the gluten could come from. I just visited my in-laws and was glutened every day, it seems, of the 5 day trip. The sad thing is that they really did try so hard to be accommodating and keep me from getting sick (since my recent diagnosis), but we obviously missed something. On the last day, the culprit seemed to be the hand soap that everyone was using.

I was wondering why strawberries were making me sick - even when I had cleaned them myself. *eye roll* Sometimes this is frickin' IMPOSSIBLE!

I remember the good old days when I was a human garbage disposal - eating the leftovers no one wanted, eating everything anyone offered me with a smile - allowing myself seconds sometimes just because I knew it would make my mom (or some sweet lady) extra proud of her recipe. I was such a nice, easy-going person back in the day, six months ago. I have caught myself a few times getting back into my old ways (refusing to make my medical demands to make those around me more comfortable). I am pretty terrible at this some days!

What happened to you is just what I am SO afraid of: that people will think I'm a diva - and not just a girl DESPERATE not to get sick!

OOOH man I SO understand that. So get this- last night I am prepping my toddlers dinner (leftover turkey stroganoff) and we were going to share a bowl...and my MiL takes HER SPAGHETTI FORK and STICKS IT IN THE BOWL AND MIXES IT UP!! My husband jumped in so I wouldn't start freaking out and told her now neither one of us could eat it. She said "That's stupid, it was a clean fork it just touched fresh pasta!" Husband said (and this is a quote and it made me laugh AND swell with pride) "MOTHER DO YOU NOT LISTEN?! SHE CAN GET SICK EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT! You've been feeding our kid stuff all week that he doesn't normally eat AND IT MADE MY WIFE SICK! If you don't start respecting what WE SAY more we won't come next year. I refuse to go on a so called vacation where you just use my wife as a little science experiment!" I love my husband.

Of course everyone was quiet and awkward...until they started feeding my toddler spaghetti (that he can't even eat because the long noodles gag him) and I had to take him on a walk to keep them from continuing to cover him in spelt. After a good scrub down of course.

Here's MY thing- I gave them all handouts and explained the situation to them. I watched everyone like a hawk and my MOTHER IN LAW is the ONLY ONE who didn't try to be helpful. They also fed me homemade ice cream (after MANY assurances that it was gluten free) and then when I was sick (and crying over my grandfather AND the abdominal cramps) SURPRISE! There was flour in the ice cream!! WTF?!

I can assure you that next year (if there even is one) that 1) if my husband is deployed I will not go because I can't watch everyone all the time 2)I will put my foot down and prep all my food downstairs and 3)they will NOT feed my son things that I explicitly asked them not to like they did theis year. I was too weak and ill feeling to argue but that WILL NOT happen next year.

Thanks for all the support guys, I really really needed it this past week. As I type this I am dealing w/yet another glutening from (who else) his mother who managed to get me right as I was leaving.

OH and I get to go stay at their house for a weekend in 2 weeks for husbands HS reunion... UMMM... that is NOT going to be fun for me. **sigh** ignorant people annoy me.

[ravenwoodglass]

OOOH man I SO understand that. So get this- last night I am prepping my toddlers dinner (leftover turkey stroganoff) and we were going to share a bowl...and my MiL takes HER SPAGHETTI FORK and STICKS IT IN THE BOWL AND MIXES IT UP!! My husband jumped in so I wouldn't start freaking out and told her now neither one of us could eat it. She said "That's stupid, it was a clean fork it just touched fresh pasta!" Husband said (and this is a quote and it made me laugh AND swell with pride) "MOTHER DO YOU NOT LISTEN?! SHE CAN GET SICK EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT! You've been feeding our kid stuff all week that he doesn't normally eat AND IT MADE MY WIFE SICK! If you don't start respecting what WE SAY more we won't come next year. I refuse to go on a so called vacation where you just use my wife as a little science experiment!" I love my husband.

Of course everyone was quiet and awkward...until they started feeding my toddler spaghetti (that he can't even eat because the long noodles gag him) and I had to take him on a walk to keep them from continuing to cover him in spelt. After a good scrub down of course.

Here's MY thing- I gave them all handouts and explained the situation to them. I watched everyone like a hawk and my MOTHER IN LAW is the ONLY ONE who didn't try to be helpful. They also fed me homemade ice cream (after MANY assurances that it was gluten free) and then when I was sick (and crying over my grandfather AND the abdominal cramps) SURPRISE! There was flour in the ice cream!! WTF?!

I can assure you that next year (if there even is one) that 1) if my husband is deployed I will not go because I can't watch everyone all the time 2)I will put my foot down and prep all my food downstairs and 3)they will NOT feed my son things that I explicitly asked them not to like they did theis year. I was too weak and ill feeling to argue but that WILL NOT happen next year.

Thanks for all the support guys, I really really needed it this past week. As I type this I am dealing w/yet another glutening from (who else) his mother who managed to get me right as I was leaving.

OH and I get to go stay at their house for a weekend in 2 weeks for husbands HS reunion... UMMM... that is NOT going to be fun for me. **sigh** ignorant people annoy me.

You have one great husband. Is there any way at all that you can fit a motel stay into the budget for that weekend? If you can please do. You have had enough pain from that woman and to have to deal with it again in so short a time frame must be really tough on you emotionally. Perhaps check on line to see if there might be some inexpensive places close.

[K8ling]

Unfortunately, here's no way we can afford a hotel (not to mention the HUGE rift it would cause) HOWEVER it will just be my inlaws and not 8 other people feeding my offspring food and leaving a trail of wheat crumbs in their wake. I will be cooking all of our food and since the little guy eats earlier than everyone else I can give him a bath while they're eating and keep him out of the dining room.

I am feeling much better today than I was yesterday, and my husband even went out and got me some gluten-free chicken soup and ginger ale last night. *swoon* a man after my own heart.

[Almendra]

So, so, scary! It has to be fun for those sadistic someone's who know that all it takes to hurt someone they don't like is a little wheat! They must get drunk with power.

In restaurants, knowing that my health is in the hands of the server, I do all I can to be kind. If we intend to go back, we make sure tip more than 20%. (On a side note: I do think that if Celiacs get a reputation for being good tippers out there, that service and care for our needs can only get better. Most servers know the populations that are likely to tip well - and go above and beyond with them.)

Families are not always the picture perfect situations. There are often little jealousies and grudges. When all it takes is an invisible portion of wheat to make the object of a grudge hurt - ugh!!

BUT... Paranoia is stressful!

[K8ling]

So, so, scary! It has to be fun for those sadistic someone's who know that all it takes to hurt someone they don't like is a little wheat! They must get drunk with power.

In restaurants, knowing that my health is in the hands of the server, I do all I can to be kind. If we intend to go back, we make sure tip more than 20%. (On a side note: I do think that if Celiacs get a reputation for being good tippers out there, that service and care for our needs can only get better. Most servers know the populations that are likely to tip well - and go above and beyond with them.)

Families are not always the picture perfect situations. There are often little jealousies and grudges. When all it takes is an invisible portion of wheat to make the object of a grudge hurt - ugh!!

BUT... Paranoia is stressful!

We actually went to the Atlantis Grill on Flagler...the chef came out and not only specially cooked something for me, but told me how to make the marinara!! She said she had lots of gluten-free customers and that made me feel great. It was the first real meal I had eaten all week aside from my turkey stroganoff. We tipped EXTREMELY well and will be back for sure.

And you're right, it worries me that all it takes is some wheat in my food and BOOM I am sick. Toss in that we eloped and I think his mom may be searching for some retribution LOL. AHHHH families.

[SGWhiskers]

We actually went to the Atlantis Grill on Flagler...the chef came out and not only specially cooked something for me, but told me how to make the marinara!! She said she had lots of gluten-free customers and that made me feel great. It was the first real meal I had eaten all week aside from my turkey stroganoff. We tipped EXTREMELY well and will be back for sure.

And you're right, it worries me that all it takes is some wheat in my food and BOOM I am sick. Toss in that we eloped and I think his mom may be searching for some retribution LOL. AHHHH families.

May I suggest asking an old HS buddy to put you up. At least the odds are no worse for you getting glutened there and hubby might have a good time hanging with an old friend.

[K8ling]

hahahaha genius. I like it.