I Cannot Take It Anymore!

[kaki-clam]

I feel like I am completely falling apart. I have been gluten free for 10 months...I am tired of cooking everything I put into my mouth. I am tired of reading the labels of everything I eat. I am tired of not being able to eat at the Olive Garden. I am tired of spending a week cooking so I can go visit my nieces for two days and not have to worry about being cross contaminated. I am tired of the director at my office harassing me and intimidating me due to my illness and my being sick. I am tired of the union, whom I pay to represent me, not representing me and not returning my phone calls or my emails. I am tired of being single and every time I meet someone he fades out after realizing what my life with Celiac is. I am tired of picking up the dog poop in my yard.

Even though I read this forum every day, and I know that a lot of you are going through the same things I am, I am tired of feeling alone. I am tired of the cramps, the stress, the pain, the heartache. I am tired of feeling like I should be feeling better by now and not feeling better. I am tired of my friends on Facebook.

I need to make a change. I need to do something to make me feel normal again. I've tried twice to do that and both times it seemed like it was too much on my body and I was sick. I spent a freakin' day at the beach with an old girlfriend!!! It made me sick!

Am I making my life worse because of the stress I put on myself? Is that why I STILL am not feeling better?

Thanks to all who read this...it's depressing...sorry

[K8ling]

I feel like I am completely falling apart. I have been gluten free for 10 months...I am tired of cooking everything I put into my mouth. I am tired of reading the labels of everything I eat. I am tired of not being able to eat at the Olive Garden. I am tired of spending a week cooking so I can go visit my nieces for two days and not have to worry about being cross contaminated. I am tired of the director at my office harassing me and intimidating me due to my illness and my being sick. I am tired of the union, whom I pay to represent me, not representing me and not returning my phone calls or my emails. I am tired of being single and every time I meet someone he fades out after realizing what my life with Celiac is. I am tired of picking up the dog poop in my yard.

Even though I read this forum every day, and I know that a lot of you are going through the same things I am, I am tired of feeling alone. I am tired of the cramps, the stress, the pain, the heartache. I am tired of feeling like I should be feeling better by now and not feeling better. I am tired of my friends on Facebook.

I need to make a change. I need to do something to make me feel normal again. I've tried twice to do that and both times it seemed like it was too much on my body and I was sick. I spent a freakin' day at the beach with an old girlfriend!!! It made me sick!

Am I making my life worse because of the stress I put on myself? Is that why I STILL am not feeling better?

Thanks to all who read this...it's depressing...sorry

I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone. I can relate with the cooking thing, I am SO SICK of having to cook EVERYTHING that I eat. I also wish I would go to the beach and not worry about cooking/eating. I want to just taste what people are cooking. I want to not have pain killers in my purse ALL the time, or anti nausea, or a heating pad within reach. I am sick of my husbands family treating me like I am faking this, and testing my gluten limits like I am some sort of messed up science project. But the fact is, I am going to have to make my own food for both my son AND me. I am going to have to pack my own lunch, and travel with Larabars. It sucks but it is my real life. And to me, personally, I feel good enough when I am away from Gluten to make it worth it. My hair was falling out, I didn't have enough strength to lift my baby out of his crib. It was scary. So to ME, when I get depressed about the prep and organization my life now requires, I think of the hair falling in the sink. I am 23, and that was almost scarier to me than the fact that i couldn't pick up my son.

Hang in there. Maybe ask about an anti depressant? Or just come here and vent we are here to listen.

[chasbari]

No better place than here to vent. Many here understand this to some degree. I could cut and paste a lot of what you just wrote. So hard to come up with the energy to be constantly preparing food when lack of food has made me so tired I can barely stand.. always try to prep enough in advance.. it's never enough. The loneliness is just as real when you are the only one in a houseful of gluten eaters and you feel like the whole place is a danger zone and you are one big inconvenience if you ask for others to be more careful when they think they are already doing enough.. no one will ever see the world like we have to unless they have lived with the consequences.. it is brutally hard at the interface with the rest of the world. You are going through some tough times right now but think about the possibility of finally meeting someone who will embrace who you are .. that's who you will eventually meet and then you will understand the blessing of those who aren't up to the reasonable expectation of seeing beyond themselves not sticking around. Easy for me to say.. doesn't make your present circumstances any easier but here's hoping you have a better day tomorrow.. but vent some more tomorrow if you need to .. and the next day.. until you get it figured out. I know the good people on this board have sustained me many times... You are going through major challenges but keep up the good fight.

[VioletBlue]

Ughhhh, you're not alone. I feel that way too. Been having a major pity party lately. And yeah, I pick up all the dog poop and clean the litter box and take out the trash and cook every meal and it just gets old. The idea of doing this for the rest of my life is not appealing. I know, I know, my ancestors didn't have take-out and restaurants and they had cow and horse poop to deal with on top of that. But knowing that never helps. Being told I'm lucky to know what's wrong with me never helps. It just sucks being different. It sucks that the rest of the world can't accomidate us. It just sucks.

So I understand. You're not alone. But that still doesn't get the dog poop picked up or magically put a meal you didn't cook on the table. I have no answers, no solutions, but for what it's worth I understand.

[Skylark]

Sorry you're having such a rough time. All the cooking does get old sometimes.

You know how guys work. You'll decide you're perfectly happy alone and then the right guy will suddenly appear when and where you least expect it.

What's "normal"? My stress escape is an afternoon mall-crawling. I'll go hunting for something new to wear, a pair of strappy summer shoes, maybe some new makeup. Another thing I like to do if I'm sick is dive into a knitting project. There's something comforting about the click of knitting needles and fine wool in my hands.

[sickchick]

Sending love

You know what, Sweetie? I am still having issues- all you can do is vent. There will always be someone who undertands (here)

ps- I am not on Facebook. lol

xoxo

[lucia]

It's so not your fault!!! You're not feeling better yet because you have a physical condition that has had serious consequences for your poor body. Your body has suffered through years of having to process gluten-filled foods when it's just not equipped for that. I'm amazed at the stories of kids who are diagnosed with Celiac at young ages. They'll have the bloated stomachs of kids who are starving because of the malnutrition Celiac is causing. Yes, your body has been under stress, but not stress from you - stress from gluten!

I have to say these things to myself too. It's helped to see an acupuncturist, because Chinese Medicine, being holistic in outlook, recognizes the stress poor digestion can place on the body. I'm being treated for stomach issues, but also for issues with spleen, liver, and kidney. In Chinese Medicine terms, I'm a mess! That's why I feel like one!

I felt better for a few days, and met some friends and did some walking. I was sick for days afterwards. My acupuncturist told me that, yes, I overdid it. My body is weak. I'm really frustrated too. I thought I'd stop eating gluten, and be back riding my bike and doing yoga in a few weeks. That hasn't happened. And yesterday, I got glutened and feel like I'm back at square one with stomach cramps, neuropathic pain, and depressive feelings.

It sucks. It's difficult to have to be so responsible all the time, and still be sick. It's hard to look normal, but still be sick. It's hard to not be able to ever goof off the diet, without facing serious consequences.

But you know all this. I did have a very wise woman in my life who used to say when I got frustrated: The one thing you can count on is change. She never specified whether it'd be good change or bad change, and I found that she was always right. Even our feelings change. Not being in a relationship definitely changes. : )

One more thing: if you haven't already, you may want to make sure you've looked for secondary intolerances and vitamin deficiencies, especially B12 deficiency.

[Kelly&Mom]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down about having celiac disease. My daughter and I both were diagnosed in the last year and there are times when I feel really guilty for having passed it on to her..... Eating out is definitely not as pleasurable as it used to be but we're figuring out what restaurants are OK. Doesn't your Olive Garden have a gluten-free menu?? I really like to cook/bake and luckily my husband has gotten into making food that is gluten-free for us too. Being alone would definitely be harder. I'm so busy with work, 3 kids, etc. that I don't have a lot of time to think about the downside but I must not be as sick as you. Still trying to get my daughter feeling better and she was recently diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome so we are cutting out further foods, the only time she's ever said "It's not fair..... " The right partner is out there for you, someone who will love you for you and not what you can eat! Keep working on getting healthy, you can do it! My mom died of a celiac related cancer, wasn't ever tested/diagnosed with celiac at the age of 56 and this inspires me to eat well so I don't end up like her. Is there any way you can see a counselor just to have someone to talk to? Hang in there.

[rdunbar]

No, really, thanks for posting this thread

it makes me actually feel better knowing I'm not the only one who is sick of everything surrounding what I'm doing ,

ironically enough, to get better. Feeling alone just seems inevitable with this. Am I wrong??

I mean, even to the rare person who actually comes along and sincerely asks about what you are going through,or what symptoms I have I just tell them half joking "do you have three hours to sit down and listen?" because what do you tell them , where do you start? There is nobody who I have ever really told the whole picture of what my experience has been with discovering how gluten ( and casien, and now add iodine this month, weeeeee!!) has been effecting my body and my life

it seems like it never ends and I'm really only 4 months into beginning to sort it out, how to do what I need to, to get better.

my step-mother who has been so great, definatly has listened the most of anyone and been the most understanding and supportive of anyone in my life, and there is tons I haven't shared with her, just because it seems like too much. I value her so much because I have so little real heart felt moral support from anyone, because as you know most people can be crazily defensive about their precious gluten that they seem to worship, and are simply not available to be supprtive or even believe you for that matter

I feel like if I tell her the whole truth I might put her off, even though she does care, I mean she's gone out off her way to research celiac and inform herself and has taken it seriously .it's just scary to tell it,

because it sounds perposterous, the truth. you really can't almost blame them for not believing you.I'm so sick of people with that "I think you are out off your mind" look that you can read on their faces when you try your hardest to find a way to make them understand

sick of people telling you that you don't look sick when...

I'm down @25 lbs after being a buck fifty my entire adult life, can't seem to shake my DH which although better now, is still a nightmare of suffering, it's like it's just another level of hell; not quite as bad. Like being tortured every waking minute. Who wants to hear about it?

The ataxia, which I only learned the name for recently, is another great example, it's just so wierd that you are afraid to talk about it,I geuss I always tried to just put it out of my mind,episodes of stumbling around and unable to focus my eyes , the loss of balance, the "I have a vice tightening on my scull "feeling, brain fog, irritability,

all the problems related to mood disorders and behavior problems are just several volumes just by themselves, it's like you could exclude everything else and still be overwhelmed, and yet people want to act like it's all in your head, you are making it up obv

I could just go on and on , fibromyalgia on my right side, stiffness and tension in my arm, shoulder

achy hip joint and knees, inflammed gums, gas, diarrea, bloating, churning gut, twitch in the eye, it's like it's impossible to include eveything because there's always something else, then there's all the stuff you have to do to try to get better in the face of nothing but adversity, and those just seem like endless topics in themselves

so I know I'm rambling, but what I'm really trying to say is that this thread has really reminded me how valuable this board has been to me, I read it all the time, and I never want to take for granted anyone who has participated here, everyone of us is so valuable i realize, it's just amazing, thanks so much to everyone,

Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore, that I'm so ready to just get better and have a normal life like other people seem to have , but then I remember, I never will, because I will always have to take a zillion precautions to avoid getting sick

that I will have to cut people out of my life who are insensitive and don't respect the fact that I've been so sick my whole life quietly, it's just maddening, and makes me want to withdraw even more into my shell, and not take any risks with someone being another loose cannon, ready to uncaringly sabotage me,or break my heart again, it's like it's so hard to trust people , or even meet new people for me because of the outrageuos BS I've had thrown in my face, getting laughed at when I'm in nothing but pain, and have never known anything but not feeling comfortable in my own skin, like being on edge at best all the time. I'm so sick of people treating you like your in the twightlight zone, because quite frankly, you are in the twightlight zone, like I am borderline autistic , without havng the excuse of being autistic , because I'm not, just gluten "sensitive", which is something people want to block out for some reason,

all this stuff I'm sick off , of course is eclipsed by how sick I am of being sick, especially the DH, which apparantly can take 2 years gluten/ everything else free, to go away. So when I think that if I get accidentaly glutened , CCed, that I have to start the clock over again, ok, after months of work I have to start over because someone washed out the dogfood bowl in the kithen sink or whatever, and all the tons of work I've done is going to be undone because of one careless person, all the label reading, question asking, phone calls , meal planning, cooking and cooking, and caution with touching things out in public, ect... All for nothing. It's enough to drive me nuts

I just want to not hurt anymore, why does it have to be so damn hard????

Sorry about the length and stream of conciousness delivery, and thanks for letting me vent too

[Skylark]

You all are reminding me of the nightmare that drove me to try an elimination diet because the doctors were so useless. Chronic diarrhea, "IBS", gastritis, chronic fatigue, bipolar illness, half my hair falling out from Depokote and my shrink saying "I've never seen anyone your age with enough nutritional deficiencies to have hair fall out before", bouts of seriously considering driving my car off an overpass. A year off school on medical leave.

My struggle didn't end with gluten. That stopped the GI issues but not the mental illness. I had to go onto a powerful, expensive vitamin/mineral supplement, go through Effexor withdrawals, struggle with "candidiasis" which I didn't even half believe but the Candida Cleanse helped, eat protein shakes to get my body to tolerate the vitamins, eat granular lecithin, fish oil, and choline capsules by the handful to heal my poor brain and nervous system. I did all this with my doctors shaking their head and humoring me, telling me I would be back on lithium inside a year. They were dead wrong.

It gets better. Slowly but surely, it will get better and your body will heal. Put a sign on your mirror in the morning that says "DON'T LISTEN". You can't let the naysayers, the people who think a crumb can't hurt you, the people who can't fathom what you've been through get you down.

[Ahorsesoul]

Are you sure you are not getting glutened from somewhere? My feelings get like this when I get glutened.

[lynnelise]

90% of the time I am cool with being gluten free and just accept it. Every once in awhile (seems to be hormonal in my case) I freak out. I only crave gluten foods, I don't want to cook, everytime someone eats a cookie I feel like they've slapped me in the face, ect. I just get really depressed and throw quite the pity party! So I don't really have any groundbreaking advice, but I do know where you are at right now!

[i-geek]

You all are reminding me of the nightmare that drove me to try an elimination diet because the doctors were so useless. Chronic diarrhea, "IBS", gastritis, chronic fatigue, bipolar illness, half my hair falling out from Depokote and my shrink saying "I've never seen anyone your age with enough nutritional deficiencies to have hair fall out before", bouts of seriously considering driving my car off an overpass. A year off school on medical leave.

No kidding. Fall semester of last year was hell for me. I had on/off problems for 15 years, nothing serious enough for a doctor to take me seriously, but last September everything went to hell in a handbasket. And again, the doctor went on and on about how rare celiac disease is, and how I was probably just so stressed out as a grad student that i was making myself sick (you'd think candidacy exams would do that, if it was stress-based, and I'd done those nearly two years earlier with no health problems). And then she went on to insist that I needed to eat dairy for calcium even though I'd just finished explaining that I had completely lost the ability to digest any dairy, even with several lactase pills, along with several other foods that had never given me problems (which I now know to be a symptom of villi damage). If I hadn't diagnosed myself I would have ended up taking a leave from school because it was getting to be almost too much to get up in the morning, especially since i was going to bed sick every night from dinner. I remember not wanting to outright kill myself, but wanting to fade out of existence because I was so miserable. I still lapse into that when I'm accidentally glutened.

Yeah, it's a pain to have to cook every night and not to be able to trust food that is prepared by other people, and I actually love to cook. I can only imagine how big of a pain it is for someone who doesn't. It's also a big pain that I can't eat any of the free food provided to us grad students on a regular basis, and it's a huge pain to have to make sure that I don't touch a surface that a pizza-eater has touched (which they all do, since none of them think about it), and then touch my own food. I'm also a Catholic. I can't receive the Eucharistic bread, only the wine (and then I have to worry that the rim of the cup wasn't wiped well and there might be crumbs). People are nosy, so I have to explain that I'm not some big lush just going to Mass for the alcohol. But I can't destroy my health any more for convenience. We've been dealing with infertility for six years now. Who knows if I'll ever heal enough to conceive and not miscarry a child? I'm also in the home stretch of my PhD. I can't risk debilitating physical illness or gluten ataxia again.

As for Olive Garden- you can eat there. They have a gluten-free menu. It is limited, but I had an absolutely lovely meal there with my family. I ordered the Mixed Grill plate and it came with extra veggies instead of potatoes. The waiter brought the salad with croutons on the side for everyone else. My drink was a glass of good red wine. Honestly, I think it was the best meal I'd had at an Olive Garden and I felt normal while I ate it.

[kaki-clam]

I am still not feeling better today. It started off with cramps for no reason. I over slept. I wanted to call out sick, but knew I couldn't. I found out I was over booked on my vacation time and I am going on a cruise and need the days I have scheduled..how the hell am I going to get out of that??? A girl got fired, and being chief steward, it fell to me to clean out her desk, normally I don't mind doing it, but seriously, you would have thought she lived there! It took me two hours and 3 large boxes to get it all taken care of. The call center director (remember him?) announced today that he will be buying us all pizza on Tuesday...I CAN'T HAVE ANY!!!

I baked all night for my weekend visit only to find out that I can't go see my nieces this weekend since my sister in laws parents are coming as well and they have two show dogs. I can't trust my dog to be good around them since he is over protective of me and a pit bull...The Kennel I normally use for him is booked..so when I called they said they could take him, and then called back later to say they couldn't. There are no other kennels around that will take a pit bull.

Bleak day! Tomorrow can only get better.

[polarbearscooby]

I was just fixing to start a topic along these same lines when I came across yours. Here's my little vent....

I am so freaking sick of having to cook every single freaking thing I EAT!! I'm 19 freaking years old I (hopefully) have many more years of life left and I don't wanna have to do this forever. But I know I'm gonna have too!

I'm so sick and tired of no one getting it! I'm so sick and tired of no one listening to me! I hate that I go places and do things and I'm the one in the corner all by myself while everyone is enjoying foods that I used to LOVE! I hate it! Certain members of my family try, they really do, but they don't get it. They still continue to eat the foods they love. And my Mom is constantly asking me to cook foods that I used to LOVE and now I can't eat them. It hurts inside every single time. And more than anything I HATE BEING GLUTENED!! AND HOW EVERYONE BRUSHES IT OFF AND EXPECTS ME TO FEEL BETTER IN 10 MINS!!!! I FEEL LIKE POOP AND THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!!!

I feel so alone....

end of rant

[sandsurfgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

What I'm wondering is why are you cooking everything you eat? There are so many chain restaurants now that are aware of gluten free. Many offer a gluten free menu or at least a few items. The smaller ones, if you are nice to the owner or manager they will often work with you.

Celiac awareness is becoming more common. Just today I went back to an old fave restaurant for the first time. When I talked the manager about it, it turned out that her mother was celiac so she put something together for me and it was great.

Take the time to find out which restaurants will accomodate you. Go into local places when it's not busy and talk nicely to the owner or manager so you can have one or two menu items to order every time.

Also, when you take your own food, don't pack meals, pack foods. I generally take some sort of meat, some fruits, some veggies and a carb like potato chips, gluten-free pretzels, gluten-free cookies, etc. If I tried to make "meals" all the time it would make me nuts. Oh yeah, I always have a bag of nuts with me. LOL And an apple is always in my purse.

Don't let this disease run your life. You have to take baby steps and figure out ways to live a normal life. And honestly only close friends are going to want to hear all the details about your illness and even that will only go so far. I don't go into details with people, especially in situations where I'm eating a group. I say I have food allergies and leave it at that.

When I approach someone at a restaurant I use the word allergy because it gets their ears perked up. I say "I have gluten allergy, have you heard of it or seen gluten free stuff around?" Then they either say yes or no. Despite the answer I explain "It means I can't have wheat, barley or rye. Can you help me figure out what I can eat safely at this restaurant because it's hidden in things, even meats." I have never had anyone refuse me or be difficult (yet).

It can and will get better. And we all go through this grieving and difficult time. HUGS

[sandsurfgirl]

I wanted to add that I have been gluten free for 7 months and have only started feeling well for the past month. I'm still not 100% but I'm about 95% most days.

I can't eat tapioca starch so that really limits me on gluten free stuff. If you are 10 months gluten free and still sick you need to look at some other food ingredients as the culprit.

[kareng]

Having to fix food is frustrating. But a meal can be simple- pre- made hummus, pre-cut carrots & pretzels; sandwich &fruit. Make extras when you do cook : grill extra meat, make extra chili, shred extra cheese, etc.

I'm too tired right now, or I'ld rant some, too.

[sandsurfgirl]

Well I just can't stop replying to this thread!

I'm really wondering why you are still sick after 10 months.

Have you gone gluten free with soaps, shampoos and make up? I had a huge improvement when I did this. You just can't keep it out of your mouth with any reliability.

Matrix Biolage has some nice shampoo and conditioners that are gluten free. Enjoy has some good ones too. Bare Minerals make up. Mac and Smashbox also have many options. Bath and Body Works haven't had gluten that I've found but I always read a new scent that I buy. H2O Plus, which I swear by is gluten free nearly all their products.

Now make up companies will NOT say they are gluten free because of lawsuits but the ones I use do not contain anything that has gluten, put it that way.

[detritus]

Oooh, now I'm worried- I just kept thinking-make it to the 6 month mark-everything will get better. It's SO up and down; I've never had that in my life. I've always been very even keel. But sometimes it's ok; I feel good; everything is great! And then suddenly I feel worse again. Now at 4 months I feel like my stomach is ok (knock on wood) but my rheumatoid arthritis which was almost gone has kicked into high gear, and every morning is so full of pain....I've been cutting out different foods left and right (maybe it's this, maybe it's that) I see myself getting skinnier and skinnier, plus I seem to be getting skin issues I never had before. And then I smell the toast that someone just made at work, and it smells so good, and I think "they have no idea what a simple piece of toast means".

I'm sorry you feel rough; and I hope for you, as I hope for me, that eventually we see our way to the other side completely. I have to believe, that what we endure now will create a stronger body in the future, and that it is all worth every difficult step. I think this is the most religious I have ever felt about anything; and the strongest act of faith I have ever brought to my life.

I hope it helps, to know we hear, and understand, and empathize deeply.

[VioletBlue]

Different people have different problems challenges intolerances and allergies. I've been gluten free since December 06. But guess what, I'm still rooting out allergies and intolerances and new ones pop up periodically and I could go on about that for pages but I won't.

As for restaurants, well that depends on where you live. Not everyone lives in a big city or even a marginally large city. We have two grocery chain stores here and the only organic store went out of business last year because of the economy. About all we've go in the way of chain restaurants are fast food places, not an Outback or Olive Garden in sight. So yeah, I cook every meal rather than trust Jo Schmo at the italian restaurant/pizza parlor to understand what gluten is.

What I'm trying to say is that you cannot judge another person's life or experience by your own experiences.

[sandsurfgirl]

I've found the best bread mix that has seriously changed my life. I don't eat lots of bread type carbs. I find that all heavy carbs make me feel not so great. But when I want bread this one is amazing. It makes a nice big loaf. Doesn't fall apart when you make a sandwich. Has simple ingredients, not a bunch of weird stuff or chemicals. Makes wonderful french toast.

Gluten Free Pantry Basic White Bread Mix. You can order on that mail order place that starts with an A that we can't type. It comes out to about $4 per loaf for a regular bread size big loaf. All you add is water, oil and an egg. Simple.

I feed it to gluten eaters and they love it. Just gave it to a friend with honey butter on it yesterday and he thought it was great.

Gluten Free Pantry also has a french bread and pizza mix that makes wonderful pizza crust. My gluten loving family devours it.

[sandsurfgirl]

Different people have different problems challenges intolerances and allergies. I've been gluten free since December 06. But guess what, I'm still rooting out allergies and intolerances and new ones pop up periodically and I could go on about that for pages but I won't.

As for restaurants, well that depends on where you live. Not everyone lives in a big city or even a marginally large city. We have two grocery chain stores here and the only organic store went out of business last year because of the economy. About all we've go in the way of chain restaurants are fast food places, not an Outback or Olive Garden in sight. So yeah, I cook every meal rather than trust Jo Schmo at the italian restaurant/pizza parlor to understand what gluten is.

What I'm trying to say is that you cannot judge another person's life or experience by your own experiences.

Nobody is judging anyone. I have much better things to do with my time than spend half an hour posting to someone's thread. BUT... as a fellow celiac sufferer who has gone through some serious hell being sick for 40 years, I am going to spend my time to help a person in need because we all have to pull together to deal with this.

You can let this disease destroy you, or you can make your way in life with it. It's your choice. It doesn't matter where you live. I've lived in tiny towns and big cities and I know that even in a small town I could find one restaurant that would accomodate me. Or drive half an hour or hour to find one that will. In small towns you might have better luck because odds are if you go to the restaurant often enough the owners and wait staff know you. When I lived in small towns that was my experience.

I don't live in a small town by any means, but in the restaurants I frequent they know me and my family. I make it my business to get to know them so they will want to take care of me and they do.

Can I go in and order whatever I want? No I can't. In my fave Mexican place I have a choice of about 3 items. I generally get the same thing every time. In my coffee shop I have a choice of a couple of items I'm certain are 100% safe. But I get to go out to eat, enjoy the company and I don't go hungry.

As a celiac it's just not about the food anymore. I grieved that and cried my eyes out. Italian girl, pasta lover, foodie. It's not that often I get a real "meal" these days. Complicated foods and heavy carbs make me feel crappy. But I'm not hungry and I'm healthier. So I changed my focus.

[kaki-clam]

I think I just need to chalk this up to a bad week! I do know what you are saying Sand Surf about the fact that I should feel better after 10 months of being gluten free, and honestly for the most part I do. As far as this week is concerned, my doctor seems to think it is the stress I am under...or maybe I should say the stress that I create myself...(a little of both?) The director of my call center works out of another call center, but he is in my office once per month. He was here this week. He antagonizes me. I first thought it was personal, then I thought I was taking it personally when it wasn't. Now I am back to this being personal again. He accused me of falsifying my FMLA, he sends someone to drive by my house when I am out sick to make sure that I am home and not out doing something else. He doesn't do this with anyone else. When he provides the office with lunch, he meets the needs of those who are diabetic and those who are dieting, but not me.

I staid home sick today (2nd time this week) and he is leaving today. I really appreciate all the people who posted on here. Being single and living in a gluten free home with a gluten free dog gets hard sometimes. When my ex left me, he said that Celiac's is a disease that I have, it is not who I am, and I replied that right now, in my life, it is who I am (i had only been diagnosed for and gluten free for a month at this time). I have moved so far away from that in the past 9 months (not completely away, but a good distance) and I guess when the director is in my call center, it brings me back...like starting over.

Even though I can't go visit my nieces this weekend, I still have a fun weekend planned visiting my mom, sitting by her pool and playing with my doggie in the dog park at her apartment complex. We will cook extravagant gluten free meals, Chinese, Indian, order pizza from the place with the gluten free crust (she lives in the biggest city in Maine and there are more places for me to choose from then where I live). We will knit, watch movies, walk down to see the fireworks and enjoy each others company.

[i-geek]

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

What I'm wondering is why are you cooking everything you eat? There are so many chain restaurants now that are aware of gluten free. Many offer a gluten free menu or at least a few items. The smaller ones, if you are nice to the owner or manager they will often work with you.

True. But IMO every time I eat something that I haven't prepared, I take a risk. I've been glutened at a PF Chang's when ordering off of the gluten-free menu. I've been glutened at my parents' house even when my mom thought she was cooking a gluten-free meal. Some of us don't wish to take the risk very often, hence the home-cooking.