Christmas Presents. Ugh!

[Juliebove]

If she likes to give to help out animals what about giving her some cash and earmarking it for the pets. Then spend a day going out and loading the car with pet toys, towels, litter and food and delivering it to various shelters and organizations. Some kids enjoy giving more than getting. You could drag out the camera she hasn't used and take her picture at each place and do a scrapbook. Colleges like kids that have voluteered in some way to make the world better for those less fortuate so that scrapbook could help her when it's time to start the college ap process.

There are no shelters around here that I know of. Just some places that keep a few cats from various places that need to be adopted.

I don't have a camera, don't do pictures and don't do scrapbooks.

How could a scrapbook help with college? My mom started one for me and then turned it over to me when I was about her age. I thought it was pefectly silly and never did anything with it. I never even look at it.

[Darn210]

How could a scrapbook help with college?

It would be documentation of her volunteer work. It would also provide a reminder of her work if she had to right some sort of essay (which is not uncommon) for her application.

[Juliebove]

It would be documentation of her volunteer work. It would also provide a reminder of her work if she had to right some sort of essay (which is not uncommon) for her application.

Hmmm... I don't know. I didn't have to do anything like that when I went. I don't know that she will be going to college. At the rate she is going, I don't think she will be able to get in. She is in special ed.

[Jestgar]

Hmmm... I don't know. I didn't have to do anything like that when I went. I don't know that she will be going to college. At the rate she is going, I don't think she will be able to get in. She is in special ed.

Colleges and universities are requiring a lot more than just grades these days. You never know what your daughter may achieve, but if you don't expect it over her, she may never try to achieve something beyond what she she (and you) see as her limits.

It's been my experience that it's difficult to be more than you think you can be, but somehow you can become what someone you love thinks you can be.

[ravenwoodglass]

Hmmm... I don't know. I didn't have to do anything like that when I went. I don't know that she will be going to college. At the rate she is going, I don't think she will be able to get in. She is in special ed.

Just because she is in special ed doesn't mean that she is doomed as far as college goes. Check into community colleges when the time comes, many have programs that may be a good fit for her. Encourage her, help her with homework or see if there are tutoring programs. If you have a local college many times college kids will be willing to tutor and sometimes high school kids will also to get that volunteer credit. Just because she is in special ed now doesn't mean she will always be there. I worked in a special ed room for a while and we had kids in there that would go into mainstream classes for some coursework and be in our room for other stuff. Stay postive about her future so that she can be also.

[Juliebove]

Just because she is in special ed doesn't mean that she is doomed as far as college goes. Check into community colleges when the time comes, many have programs that may be a good fit for her. Encourage her, help her with homework or see if there are tutoring programs. If you have a local college many times college kids will be willing to tutor and sometimes high school kids will also to get that volunteer credit. Just because she is in special ed now doesn't mean she will always be there. I worked in a special ed room for a while and we had kids in there that would go into mainstream classes for some coursework and be in our room for other stuff. Stay postive about her future so that she can be also.

She has a tutor.

I can't help her with her homework for two reasons. When I do, she gets it wrong because I got it wrong. And we don't work well together.

[MelindaLee]

Have you asked her? I would start there. Maybe she would like to "collect" gifts for less fortunate kids. I have seen children do birthday parties where all the toys the get, they give to charity. This age is difficult (mine are 16, 18, 19, and 22, so they have all kinds of "wants" now! )

[Juliebove]

Have you asked her? I would start there. Maybe she would like to "collect" gifts for less fortunate kids. I have seen children do birthday parties where all the toys the get, they give to charity. This age is difficult (mine are 16, 18, 19, and 22, so they have all kinds of "wants" now! )

Currently she can't think of anything she wants. I suggested a rolling bag to take to the dance conventions later in the year. Although she wants one, she doesn't want it as a gift.

When I was a kid, we got tons of gifts. My parents still give us tons of gifts. A lot of them tend to be useful things or things we would need. Like when we were kids we'd get socks, underwear, nightclothes, etc. Apparently these days those things do not go over well with the kids. My nephew who is soon to be 22 used to refer to those things as un-presents.

My daughter believes that a present must have a lot of thought put into it. And I do try to do that. She also seems not to want to get useful things as presents.

We do give to assorted charities. She always buys toys for giving trees and the like. We give to pet places. And we give to the food bank.

One thing we are working on right now is the giant surprise ball. I started doing this years ago, mainly out of boredom and as a way to get rid of a lot of little things I'd accrued that I didn't want or need. Like the prizes you get at various home parties. I also put candy in that ball.

Each year the ball gets a little more elaborate. I try to put at least a couple of things in there specifically that each person could use or might like. We sit at my parent's dining room table and pass the ball around. We unwrap the crepe paper and when we get a prize, we pass the ball to the next person. We keep going until all the prizes are gone. The big prize goes in the center. We also decided that we can swap for other people's prizes. So that way the individual servings of Thousand Island salad dressing can go to my SIL.

I am hoping that between now and Christmas, she will find something that she wants.

[RideAllWays]

Forgive me for this, but she sounds really spoiled.. It shouldn't matter what her "definition" of a present is.. The rolling dance bag sounds fantastic, and she does want one, and it IS thoughtful, and if she can't see that then she might need to learn a lesson. And even if she doesn't believe in Santa this year you could still do the naughty card and get her nothing..maybe that will show that she can't "expect" presents under the tree or demand certain criteria.

Also, even if you aren't religious or don't have tons of family around, Christmas still isn't 100% about the gifts. Maybe you guys could build some decorations together, watch movies together, drink some hot cocoa or whatever..it sounds like you two need some bonding.

[Juliebove]

Forgive me for this, but she sounds really spoiled.. It shouldn't matter what her "definition" of a present is.. The rolling dance bag sounds fantastic, and she does want one, and it IS thoughtful, and if she can't see that then she might need to learn a lesson. And even if she doesn't believe in Santa this year you could still do the naughty card and get her nothing..maybe that will show that she can't "expect" presents under the tree or demand certain criteria.

Also, even if you aren't religious or don't have tons of family around, Christmas still isn't 100% about the gifts. Maybe you guys could build some decorations together, watch movies together, drink some hot cocoa or whatever..it sounds like you two need some bonding.

Bonding is certainly not something we need. Most of the time it is just the two of us here and she is like my shadow. I can not go anywhere without her.

She is spoiled. She's an only child. I don't see anything wrong with being spoiled. I was spoiled and I still am.

As for as expecting presents under the tree, I think that's pretty much a given.

[Jestgar]

She is spoiled. She's an only child. I don't see anything wrong with being spoiled. I was spoiled and I still am.

:lol: Sounds like she is also a caring young lady, so she can't be too badly spoiled - just well cared for.

[celiac-mommy]

As for as expecting presents under the tree, I think that's pretty much a given.

Not in my house, and my kids know it! Maybe I'm a 'mean' mom, but I prefer to spoil my kids without material goods....

[Juliebove]

Not in my house, and my kids know it! Maybe I'm a 'mean' mom, but I prefer to spoil my kids without material goods....

I don't see how you can spoil someone without material goods. We live in a material world. Oh gawd. Now I sound like Madonna.

[celiac-mommy]

I don't see how you can spoil someone without material goods. We live in a material world. Oh gawd. Now I sound like Madonna.

:lol:

I guess my philosophy towards my kids is that "I love you to pieces, you're the most important people in my life, but I don't owe you anything (other than all the basics-food, water, shelter )" The rest, to me, is a bonus, a privilage. Do my kids have a ton of stuff-yes. Do I buy them things or let them go places, do things-yes. I do it because I want to, they appreciate it and are thankful and greatful for it. The minute they get snotty or get that sense of entitlement, I'm done for a while. We start the "Christmas isn't about presents" talk at the beginning of November every year. If they start expecting things, I take them back to the store-and all of our gifts, immediate family and extended family, fit under the tree-no spillage! I take them each shopping for a child their own age who is needing of Christmas gifts and let them pick out something special, explaining why we're doing it and what it means. We fill December with lots of baking, crafts, music, etc because that's what I want them to remember and take with them into their own families.

I think that's what makes life so interesting, everyone is so different-I love learning from others!!

[kareng]

Some ways we "spoil" our kids:

We do things they like even if we would rather do something else

We go to their sports and sit in the freezing rain

We listen to what they want to talk about even if I have to ask questions to stay awake

I fold their laundry or iron a shirt ( all things they are supposed to do)

Put gas in their car

Spend 6 hours searching junk yards for the perfect bumper for his truck

Make them sandwiches even tho they can do this themselves

These are a few examples. Please do not shoot them down. I know they do not all apply to a 12 year old girl. They are meant as something for you to think about.

We can buy our kids new BMWs and $200 Nikes, we don't because they haven't worked for it. Teaching them about budget ($40-70 trainers at Kohl's) and working to make what you have better ( customizing an old truck) is the best gift we can give them for the future. ( We don't want to be paying their bills when they are 30 )

[Juliebove]

Some ways we "spoil" our kids:

We do things they like even if we would rather do something else

We go to their sports and sit in the freezing rain

We listen to what they want to talk about even if I have to ask questions to stay awake

I fold their laundry or iron a shirt ( all things they are supposed to do)

Put gas in their car

Spend 6 hours searching junk yards for the perfect bumper for his truck

Make them sandwiches even tho they can do this themselves

These are a few examples. Please do not shoot them down. I know they do not all apply to a 12 year old girl. They are meant as something for you to think about.

We can buy our kids new BMWs and $200 Nikes, we don't because they haven't worked for it. Teaching them about budget ($40-70 trainers at Kohl's) and working to make what you have better ( customizing an old truck) is the best gift we can give them for the future. ( We don't want to be paying their bills when they are 30 )

I guess I am lucky. Angela doesn't play any sports outside of occasional golf. She is actually quite good at it but hates it so I don't encourage her to do it. Golf is her dad's thing. She does have a friend whose dad works at a golf course and she is good at it too. So husband will take them once in a while. She puts up with it every once in a while.

If I did have kids who played sports, I would go watch them. I wouldn't like it. But I wouldn't consider that to be spoiling at all. I would just consider it to be part of my duty as a parent.

I don't fold laundry. I don't iron things. I won't even buy things that need to be ironed. Daughter doesn't like to put her clothes away. I don't care. If she wants to fish through a laundry basket, then she can do that. Once in a while I will just get too angry about it and want my laundry room back. And then I will put some of the things away but I will make her help.

As for the sandwiches, I will only make them if she has no time to do it. Like last year when I took her straight from dance to school. She needed something to eat because we didn't have dinner until late.

I am not a person who does things for other people. This is partly because I am disabled and have several different medical problems. It is hard enough for me to get through the day and take care of myself.

Angela had to learn how to do things for herself when she was young and also to help me out with things because she had no choice.

I used to volunteer at her school. This was partly because of her food allergies. I felt if I was the one bringing the treats for the parties, she wouldn't feel left out. Alas, this didn't work the way I had expected. The teacher insisted on serving things she couldn't eat. So I not only provided those things, but alternate foods for her as well. I tried to be the writing assistant one year and the reading assistant another year because I am good at those things.

It was all too much for me. Just making the walk to and from the classroom once a week left me exhausted. And I have a lowered immune system. I can not fend off whatever is going around. I know my daughter brings things home from school and I may or may not get them. I got lucky this last time and didn't get the two illnesses she had. She missed 6 days of school and was sick for over a month. I don't know why I didn't get them except that I started taking Cat's Claw.

Anyway... After doing things at the school for several years, I decided I would no longer do that. Instead, I would buy them whatever they needed. I don't care if it's Kleenex, hand sanitizer, cleaners, Post Its, snacks, whatever. This is something I can do. No, I am not wealthy. But I would much rather do that than spend weeks in pain from overdoing it or making several trips to the Dr. because I've gotten myself sick.

As for the car... Nobody ever bought me one. My dad did do things to help me. Like driving me around to look for one. Showing me how to get financing. And how to get insurance in my own name. He also helped me to do some repairs, back in the days when people could do that at home because cars didn't have computers in them yet.

Husband thinks he is going to buy her a car. I think we will have words about that. But... He grew up in a totally different situation. His dad was a mechanic and owned a used car dealership. His brother now owns that same dealership. I know if we lived in that state, her uncle would give her a very good deal on a car. But we don't and in my mind, it would make no sense to transport a car from him to here. They use salt on the roads there and the cars wear out faster then they do here. I am currently having and have had issues with that on my own van. It was an emergency purchase. Transmission went on the van we were driving and we had to get from PA (where BIL is) to WA where we live now. Luckily I had just gotten my disabilty money plus the back money (forget the term for that) so I had enough in the bank to pay for it and we didn't have to bother with financing!

[kareng]

These are a few examples. Please do not shoot them down. I know they do not all apply to a 12 year old girl. They are meant as something for you to think about.

See above.

[Juliebove]

:lol:

I guess my philosophy towards my kids is that "I love you to pieces, you're the most important people in my life, but I don't owe you anything (other than all the basics-food, water, shelter )" The rest, to me, is a bonus, a privilage. Do my kids have a ton of stuff-yes. Do I buy them things or let them go places, do things-yes. I do it because I want to, they appreciate it and are thankful and greatful for it. The minute they get snotty or get that sense of entitlement, I'm done for a while. We start the "Christmas isn't about presents" talk at the beginning of November every year. If they start expecting things, I take them back to the store-and all of our gifts, immediate family and extended family, fit under the tree-no spillage! I take them each shopping for a child their own age who is needing of Christmas gifts and let them pick out something special, explaining why we're doing it and what it means. We fill December with lots of baking, crafts, music, etc because that's what I want them to remember and take with them into their own families.

I think that's what makes life so interesting, everyone is so different-I love learning from others!!

As I said, I only have the one child. I don't think I could handle any more! And because I had a high risk pregnancy and almost died, I don't think I could even if I wanted to.

I was one of those people who never really wanted kids. I just figured if it was meant to be, it would happen. And it did.

I pesonally feel that I do owe plenty to my child. Of course there should be food, clothing and shelter. If I don't provide those things, then I am being a bad parent. But I owe her so much more! I see too many parents who just send their kids off to school or drop them off at the dance studio and do no more. I've seen kids at the dance studio who are wearing a leotard that is ripped or too small or even shoes that are worn out and too small. The parent never comes into the studio and never looks at the kid to see if things are okay. They never observe the class so they don't know if the kid is doing well, might need some private lessons or even enjoys the class! I am not one of those. Yes, I am dropping her off some now, but I still intend to stay there every few weeks to see how things are going.

As for the gifts, they are a big part of our lives. When my daughter was young, we lived away from all family both husband's and mine. Husband is in the military. One way we could feel connected to our relatives who were far away was to buy gifts for them. Or make gifts. We used to do a lot of that. Until it finally dawned on me that people really didn't want those gifts that we made despite other people saying that handmade things are the best. We try to put a lot of thought into gifts to get things that other people would appreciate or like.

I used to bake a lot. I gave that up when I found out I had diabetes. So baking has never been a part of my daughter's life and probably never will be. With all of her food allergies, there isn't much she could bake even if she wanted to. Plus she is overweight so I am trying to get her to understand the difference between needing to eat to stay alive and wanting to eat things one shouldn't eat.

I do try to teach her to cook. She showed more interest in it when she was young. Like 2 or 3. Now she doesn't want to do it. She can wield a knife and a peeler. She can do things in the microwave and she knows how to make a sandwich. So I know she won't starve.

[RideAllWays]

This is a place to vent, and you are welcome to do that, but if you don't want people's suggestions then don't ask..

[GFinDC]

Love is the most important gift she can get, and I think you have that covered judging by your efforts to figure a good gift for her. I was thinking of an art class of some sort, painting or drawing or sculpture, if she likes to work with her hands. Some arts organizations have summer camps for kids to learn various arts, and the ones around here only last a few weeks so it wouldn't be a long term thing for months. Of course I love everything about art so if she doesn't like the art camp she can send me instead, I won't mind.

Oh, how about a cat or a doggie? Cats are easier to take care of though. I know ponies are more traditional but they are a PITA. All that hay everywhere.

If you are in the country a few chickens or a rabbit would be nice. Maybe a hunting hawk? Ride on the space shuttle?

Them are my best ideas, I think. Well, a speedboat or a fishing boat would be ok too.

I guess she's too young for a kegerator.

[Juliebove]

Love is the most important gift she can get, and I think you have that covered judging by your efforts to figure a good gift for her. I was thinking of an art class of some sort, painting or drawing or sculpture, if she likes to work with her hands. Some arts organizations have summer camps for kids to learn various arts, and the ones around here only last a few weeks so it wouldn't be a long term thing for months. Of course I love everything about art so if she doesn't like the art camp she can send me instead, I won't mind.

Oh, how about a cat or a doggie? Cats are easier to take care of though. I know ponies are more traditional but they are a PITA. All that hay everywhere.

If you are in the country a few chickens or a rabbit would be nice. Maybe a hunting hawk? Ride on the space shuttle?

Them are my best ideas, I think. Well, a speedboat or a fishing boat would be ok too.

I guess she's too young for a kegerator.

She's not really interested in arts and crafts. We did a lot of that stuff when she was little, but she doesn't do it now. I can't tell you how many craft supplies and projects we just got rid of because she has no interest. I dd ask her about an art class but she wouldn't do it. Not that she really has time to. Dance takes up four afternoons/nights a week and she goes to the math tutor on the other weeknight.

We already have a cat. I know she wants her own cat, but Maui is 18 and has several health problems. She also feels that she should be the only cat on the face of the earth and I think would like to kill any other cats that come around. Or at least she acts that way. Perhaps once Maui is gone we can get two cats. I told Angela when that time comes we will get two at once. Hopefully we can find two that already like each other.

I like dogs but don't really want one. I am just not up to all the care a dog would require and I know she wouldn't go poop scooping and probably wouldn't want to bathe one either.

Where we live used to be considered country but it is very much built up lately and most of the farms that were once here are no longer. I don't know if it is legal to keep chickens here, but given my egg allergy I don't think that would be a smart thing to do. Plus there again I am not up to caring for them.

I had a rabbit as a child. Horrid little thing. Attacked us whenever we went to feed her. You couldn't touch that rabbit in any way. We finally gave her away to my parent's friends when they bought a different house. Not sure where they moved to. They had guinea pigs as well.

She might like a ride on something. Not sure about the space shuttle. She has always wanted to take a plane ride. I suppose a balloon ride might be an option. There are plenty of places in Woodinville around where the wineries are that do that. Only problem would be that since she is a minor they would probably expect me to come along and that is something I just don't think I could do. My disability would make it hard to get in and out of the basket and I think you have to stand up in there. I can't stand up for long. But maybe I can find something along those lines.

[ravenwoodglass]

She might like a ride on something. Not sure about the space shuttle. She has always wanted to take a plane ride. I suppose a balloon ride might be an option. There are plenty of places in Woodinville around where the wineries are that do that. Only problem would be that since she is a minor they would probably expect me to come along and that is something I just don't think I could do. My disability would make it hard to get in and out of the basket and I think you have to stand up in there. I can't stand up for long. But maybe I can find something along those lines.

Could Dad go with her on the ballon ride? You might also want to see if there are any glider rides around, those are pretty neat and only one person can go. Helicopter rides are also available in some areas.

You have gotten some really great ideas from folks here although it seems there is a reason why anything suggested won't work. I would ask my kids to give me a list of things they would like. I would then get one or two things off that list and fill out the gifts with stuff I thought they would like. That seemed to work okay and sometimes stuff that I really didn't think they would like were the things they liked the best. Like the year when I ordered all the kids gifts and they were stolen off our porch the day they were delivered. All except a huge box with my daughters easel was stolen. I was crushed as we were very poor at the time and I knew I couldn't replace them. Sweet child that she was my daughter offered to share that gift with her brother. I went that year to a thrift store and got my son a jackknife and found a box that locked. He treasured those gifts much more than he likely would have the erector set that was stolen. If I was you I would stop stressing about what to get her. Tell her to make a list then go off of that. Don't give her an option about writing the list just tell her that is the way it is going to be done from now on and that you need the list by a certain date or she will get pajamas and bubble bath. If she whines or refuses follow through then get a nice set of PJs and a couple toiletries and give her a box with a gift card or cash. Then next year you will get that list.

[Juliebove]

Could Dad go with her on the ballon ride? You might also want to see if there are any glider rides around, those are pretty neat and only one person can go. Helicopter rides are also available in some areas.

You have gotten some really great ideas from folks here although it seems there is a reason why anything suggested won't work. I would ask my kids to give me a list of things they would like. I would then get one or two things off that list and fill out the gifts with stuff I thought they would like. That seemed to work okay and sometimes stuff that I really didn't think they would like were the things they liked the best. Like the year when I ordered all the kids gifts and they were stolen off our porch the day they were delivered. All except a huge box with my daughters easel was stolen. I was crushed as we were very poor at the time and I knew I couldn't replace them. Sweet child that she was my daughter offered to share that gift with her brother. I went that year to a thrift store and got my son a jackknife and found a box that locked. He treasured those gifts much more than he likely would have the erector set that was stolen. If I was you I would stop stressing about what to get her. Tell her to make a list then go off of that. Don't give her an option about writing the list just tell her that is the way it is going to be done from now on and that you need the list by a certain date or she will get pajamas and bubble bath. If she whines or refuses follow through then get a nice set of PJs and a couple toiletries and give her a box with a gift card or cash. Then next year you will get that list.

Her dad is currently living in another state. As for getting her things she simply doesn't need like pajamas, that's just not an option. Doesn't need any toiletries either.

Sorry to hear of the theft. SIL's house was robbed last year right before Christmas. Not only did they steal all the presents plus the TV, they destroyed parts of the house.

That's a big problem that we have. People give us tons of presents and we don't need or can't use any of them. So we wind up giving them all away. It is just a huge waste of everyone's money, IMO.

I got no list last year except for one item. She said she really wanted it. It was a Barbie Camper. I felt she was too old for it. It wasn't cheap. I got her that and not much else. And then she didn't like it.

[GFinDC]

Dang, I thot the space shuttle was a winner. Actually a balloon ride sounds like a good time too. I saw where you had got rid of the craft supplies. I was just thinking a class was different than a kit, because she'd have an instructor and the environment/other kids might be stimulating. But if it doesn't work that's fine.

My old work there was a feller that brought his pet rabbit in to wander around the office. Pure white rabbit with big floppy ears. Nice but couldn't sit still. I guess they aren't all friendly though. At least they taste good.

I think Ravenwood had some good ideas. In the interest of random gift ideas to possibly spawn better ideas, here are a few more:

How about a graphite fishing rod and a spincasting reel? Throw in some rubber worms and sinkers and lures, a stringer and off she goes.

Or a folding buck knife complete with a sharpening stone and some honing oil?

Or one of those big bowie knifes?

She is probably too young for her own shotgun. We all had guns as kids though and never shot much of anyone except ourselves. Growing up in the country guns were a normal part of life.

What about a bicycle? They have lots of them at the Goodwill stores and such so they don't have to be expensive. Expensive bikes are more likely to be stolen anyway. Bike riding would be good exercise for her dancing legs.

There's always the old standby lava lamp, or a fruit cake if she has really pissed you off.

Gift certificate to a mall?

I picked up a game called Cranium yesterday at a thrift shop. It looks like fun. cranium has clay and drawing pads in it and the teams take turn drawings things or sculpting things to act as clues. Sort of like charades but with additional media. It is a game played with 4 teams of people or 4 individuals, so it would be a group activity she might like.

Peyote 'shrooms, oops, that's not a good one!

Oh, a window box herb garden?

Chia pet?

Pet rock?

Hmmm, I seem to have run out of good ideas for now. No need to respond, these are not all that serious but might spark an idea is all. or not.

I wonder if Santa would hire me on for the winter season?

[kareng]

I think Ravenwood had some good ideas. In the interest of random gift ideas to possibly spawn better ideas, here are a few more:

How about a graphite fishing rod and a spincasting reel? Throw in some rubber worms and sinkers and lures, a stringer and off she goes.

Or a folding buck knife complete with a sharpening stone and some honing oil?

Or one of those big bowie knifes?

She is probably too young for her own shotgun. We all had guns as kids though and never shot much of anyone except ourselves.

Gee Eff,

Did my 14 year old ask you to post those ideas?