Suicidal Sister Needs Help.

[revenant]

I am pretty sure my sister has problems with gluten as I do. She has a multitude of symptoms that would take a while to list. The ones that worry me right now: She is very suicidal and self harming and has been even through childhood but now it is extreme, sick and heavy stomach has lead her to confiding in me that she is seriously considering bulimia, she is depressed and because of it has gotten into hard drugs. She is only 15

Mom has severe problems with gluten. Dad's side of the family shows symptoms.

This situation worries me. She is growing more and more suicidal as she ages. She is verging on bulimia. But it is mostly the self harm and suicidal part that is bothering me. She herself has admitted to thinking she might have problems with gluten, and that she finds gluten to be very addictive so that she cannot get off of it. The problem is that she still does not believe that she will feel any better without it, and because she is unstable emotionally she refuses to give up gluten. All she seems to eat is pasta, bread and icecream. The other problem is that I am living off of rice and she does not want to do that as I am. Her/my mother buys her tons of bread, milkshakes, mcdonalds when she is depressed and it hurts me to see this kind of reinforcing. My mother refuses to buy anything gluten free unless my sister were to request it (Quite frankly my mom resents me and so is pretty much only supplying me with rice). Because she is so suicidal and impulsive, I want to get her on the diet ASAP. But as I mentioned, she is reluctant because she believes the extreme depression/bipolar/ADD/aggression/"psychosis"/stomach problems/digestive problems/daily headaches/more is "who she is".

Mother will not take her to get tested. She is not taking her to get tested as a means of trying to teach ME a lesson. (?? Keep in mind my mom is not off of gluten/lactose even though she knows she is gluten intolerant, and is very unstable, paranoid and defensive. I am a good kid, do not push her buttons or fight her.)Sister seems to refuse to go without her, but won't request it directly. The closest it has come is her giving me permission to ask my mom to take her, but because it comes from me my mom refuses. Even so, she already thinks she has gluten problems but admits that it's too addictive to get off. (of course with the constant supply of junk food, and plain rice on the other side of the decision, it seems impossible) I am unsure as to whether or not a diagnosis would persuade her to go on the diet. I have asked her if she would like to go with me to get tested but she is always way "too tired".

I'm just looking for general advice. I am very worried that this cannot wait much longer, as she is slowly getting into hard drugs, eating disorders, and is contemplating suicide because of her depression. Months ago I accidentally pushed this on her when I first realized that she showed symptoms, putting her in a defensive position. I have eased off and learned now how bad of an idea that was.

I read this over and it seems like there should be a way. She is half way there by acknowledging that she might have this. But I cannot find a way. Maybe you can?

[kareng]

Does your mom know about the drugs and the suicidal thoughts? Where is your father? If your mother and father refuse to help a minor child who is suicidal, you will need to take action. Call or go to your sisters school counselor and tell them about the drugs and the suicidal thoughts. They are legally mandated to deal with this. If they don't, you will need to call your Department of Family Services. You will also need to make arrangements for a place to live because your mom will not be too pleased. What's important is to get your sister the emergency help she needs.

[revenant]

My mom does know about it all, she is seeing therapists and a suicide counselor. My father isn't in the picture. She is very shy about her suicidal thoughts and it is hard to know when they are worse, but generally lately the thoughts of self harm have been.

Edit: having reread your post, I didn't supply enough information. My mom does not know about the drugs. I do not know about the drugs too well. She has admitted that she has gotten into something very heavy that she is way too ashamed to tell anybody about.

[curlyfries]

Does your mom know about the drugs and the suicidal thoughts? Where is your father? If your mother and father refuse to help a minor child who is suicidal, you will need to take action. Call or go to your sisters school counselor and tell them about the drugs and the suicidal thoughts. They are legally mandated to deal with this. If they don't, you will need to call your Department of Family Services. You will also need to make arrangements for a place to live because your mom will not be too pleased. What's important is to get your sister the emergency help she needs.

And you need to be on a better diet, also. Not providing you with nutritious food you can eat, not to mention not taking your sister to the doctor, is child neglect.

[kareng]

I forgot that you live in Canada but I think the child laws would be similar. If your sis or mom has a counselor, I would call them. They aren't allowed to talk about the patient specifically but do want info from the sister. When you call use the magic words "suicidal" and "drugs". I know this is a lot to put on a young person but unfortunately, this has fallen to you.

Do you have any other adults around that your mom might listen to?

[revenant]

I forgot that you live in Canada but I think the child laws would be similar. If your sis or mom has a counselor, I would call them. They aren't allowed to talk about the patient specifically but do want info from the sister. When you call use the magic words "suicidal" and "drugs". I know this is a lot to put on a young person but unfortunately, this has fallen to you.

Do you have any other adults around that your mom might listen to?

Good idea, I hadn't thought about contacting the therapist. I see the same therapist, so I know her well. i'm supposed to see her in the next few days, I don't think that would be waiting too long.

[Emilushka]

Can you get your sister into therapy at all? She needs a good therapist and probably some antidepressant or mood stabilizing medication. Depression is serious and dangerous and while I agree that Celiac could definitely be contributing, without getting her the mental health support she needs I don't think the Celiac is going to be something she can tackle right now. It sounds like she has some much bigger issues on her plate.

Do you know the numbers for the suicide hotlines? Make sure your sister has access to them at all times. Make sure you have access to them at all times. Let that be a resource for both of you. The suicide hotlines aren't perfect, but they can be helpful. They're staffed by trained volunteers who want to help.

800-273-8255 is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Open Original Shared Link.

For your information: a person who is suicidal can be involuntarily admitted to the hospital for observation for 24 hours. This is really where it helps the most to have her in therapy with a psychiatrist because they can facilitate the admission and take care of her safety in times of crisis.

Finally, realize that there is only so much you can do. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself first and foremost. You have to stay healthy. With a situation like this, it sounds like maybe a therapist for you as well would be a good thing. You deserve some help dealing with all of this stress. It's a lot for one person alone, and you don't have to be alone with this.

There is a sad rule about suicidal people: if they really want to kill themselves, you cannot stop them. This is the reason why people who are loved and cared for still succeed. If, in the worst possible case scenario, she attempts suicide and is successful, please do not let this be something you carry around as your fault in any way because you didn't get her on the diet/into therapy/on medication/WHATEVER.

My hope is that she will get clean and heal, and that you both will recover from the way your mom has treated you (since she sounds ... difficult). I wish you all the best in the world, and please keep in touch with us on the forum.

[ravenwoodglass]

Good idea, I hadn't thought about contacting the therapist. I see the same therapist, so I know her well. i'm supposed to see her in the next few days, I don't think that would be waiting too long.

I think bringing this up with the therapist is a good idea. As a celiac who fought the life altering effects of gluten including the suicidal aspect of it I know it can be really difficult. I committed suicide at age 11 due to this overwhelming depression. Thankfully I was found in time and revived at the hospital although I was in a coma for days. Off gluten my depression lifted for the first time in my life. It was like all of a sudden the world was a much better place to be. Do be aware that with celiacs the mechanism that causes depression can be different and we don't always respond to antidepressants. What we do respond to is the diet. My children and myself also thought that being depressed was just the way we were but being gluten free showed that was not the case. There is a happy person under there somewhere but the antibodies are standing in the way of that person striding forth.

If you and your sister can perhaps even go to an appointment or two together to discuss this with the therapist it might help her. Sometimes when we get suicidal knowing how much we will hurt those around us can help keep us from acting. Not always though. If you think she is going to act on this impulse do get help for her immediately. That can be hard to do, I had to do it with my daughter when she had a bad reaction to an antidepressant that she had been give, but taking her to a hospital is an option. Do call the suicide help lines yourself if she refuses. They can give you some support and guide you on what you can do to help. If she should act on the impulses know that it is not your fault. The fact she is talking to you about these impulses is a good thing and shows she really wants help. Hopefully you will both be able to get that help.

As was mentioned you do need more to eat than just rice. Fruits and veggies, meats, potatos etc are all naturally gluten free. If your mother is refusing to help you with the food you need another thing you may be able to do is to get emacipated. Check with a social worker locally and see what your options are. If you are a diagnosed celiac your Mom is not only being neglectful by not providing you with safe food she is also guilty of child abuse. There is help out there for both of you. Seek it out. It may be scary to be on your own in your teens or to be in the 'system' but you need to take care of your health.

I wish you the best and hope this situation can be resolved soon.

[Jestgar]

I would print out Raven's first paragraph and bring it to your sister. Maybe knowing that this happens to other people too would help her.

[cassP]

this is all so frustrating- im worried about u and your sister! i hope that you can find the help that you two need! and i hope that both of you realize this whole situation is truly only temporary, and that life will get a lot better

i understand total depression & anxiety, and i KNOW gluten can contribute greatly to those conditions. i think a lot of us have "self-medicated" thru the years, trying to balance ourselves.. ive used coffee, ciggarettes, food, and tried many many drugs- i think just to fix the fatigue and depression and anxiety.

i really hope you two can get out of this situation soon- and i hope your sister will find out soon that she does not have to feel like this.