So Hard To Cope With Thanksgiving

[terri]

Once again we are going to relatives who have an incredible menu for Thanksgiving. Once again I am so depressed because I can't eat any of it. Last year they opened a bag of flour and made appetizers then handed me their kids full of gluten to hold. Even though I brought my own food I was sick for 3 days. Oh? Are those your rice crackers? Better not eat any, my kids have been in them. Now we have to go again and they don't want my desserts. They don't like anything gluten free. I'm sorry to vent. I've been gluten free for over 6 years but once in a while it is so frakkin hard! All I want is to have a real Thanksgiving.

[kareng]

Once again we are going to relatives who have an incredible menu for Thanksgiving. Once again I am so depressed because I can't eat any of it. Last year they opened a bag of flour and made appetizers then handed me their kids full of gluten to hold. Even though I brought my own food I was sick for 3 days. Oh? Are those your rice crackers? Better not eat any, my kids have been in them. Now we have to go again and they don't want my desserts. They don't like anything gluten free. I'm sorry to vent. I've been gluten free for over 6 years but once in a while it is so frakkin hard! All I want is to have a real Thanksgiving.

Stay home. Why go somewhere that is dangerous to you? You probably wouldn't go visit someone in a war zone. This is dangerous to your health. And it sounds like they have no respect for you or your food. We can't pick our relatives but we can choose whether want to associate with them.

[terri]

Stay home. Why go somewhere that is dangerous to you? You probably wouldn't go visit someone in a war zone. This is dangerous to your health. And it sounds like they have no respect for you or your food. We can't pick our relatives but we can choose whether want to associate with them.

You are right but she just lost her husband and had 2 heart surgeries so I can't not go. That would be insensitive. But I am still dreading it. Where do we draw the line?

[Takala]

Make your own Thanksgiving if your relatives won't cooperate.

If anybody tried telling me not to bring my own (safe) food that's the last they'd hear from me. They don't have to eat it, but they had better not be messing with what I've set aside, either.

You should have heard my (eats gluten-free at home ) spouse the other night when I was describing some of these dreadful scenarios. He said, "what is WRONG with those people? It's supposed to be a holiday for sharing the company of others, not forcing people to eat things."

[Roda]

Since you feel obligated to go, take your own meal in a cooler and leave it in there until it is time to heat it up. I wouldn't leave it out of your sight (or in your car) until it's time, so nobody messes with it. I'm so glad we are staying home. This will be my third gluten free Thanksgiving (first one was a learning curve). We are never able to travel out of town for the holidays because of our jobs. In a way it's good because we don't have to worry especially now since I put my youngest son gluten free. Relatives love to feed kids!

[kareng]

Sounds like a lot of people there are pretty insensitive.

Bring your own food and keep it away from unsupervised or ignored kids. I didn't catch how far this is from your home. Could you stop by earlier to say hi to the aunt and go home? Or arrange to come on a day she doesn't have so many others around ( when she might be more lonely).

[cap6]

if I take my own stuff i have a cute little cooler that I use and leave it sitting next to my purse. I don't take my stuff out till the last minute. It's all so much easier said than done though...

[WheatChef]

I can't not go. That would be insensitive.

Where do we draw the line?

Before any of one of the following:

Once again I am so depressed because I can't eat any of it.

or

Last year they opened a bag of flour and made appetizers then handed me their kids full of gluten to hold. Even though I brought my own food I was sick for 3 days.

or

Now we have to go again and they don't want my desserts.

or

All I want is to have a real Thanksgiving.

Sometimes we try so hard to not hurt others we care about that we don't take the time to let them know when they are hurting us. Thanksgiving is a time of sharing, not a time to stand around suffering so as to not make people feel guilty for not at least trying to accommodate you. Backing out now would be severely awkward I'm sure for you so don't but don't think for a moment that you bringing plenty of dishes that are safe for you to eat would be rude. Bring those safe deserts, bring some safe appetizers and hell maybe even a safe side dish (depending on how much you feel like cooking ). And whatever you do, don't let anyone try and guilt you for taking steps to not poison yourself. If you show them that you take your condition seriously then they will either have to come to the same understanding or be exposed as being childish.

The last big family get together I had was quite rough with CC flying left and right in the shared kitchen, there were plenty of dishes I had started that I had to inform (not yell, but just make sure they knew) others that I would no longer be able to eat the finished product because for instance they decided to make biscuits on the same surface as I had some of the ingredients on. If you're upfront and honest about what it takes to not make you physically (and if you're anything like most of us, mentally) ill then you'll either end up being personally reassured of how much your family cares about you and your health, or at the very least you'll know which relatives you can skimp on with holiday greeting cards and not feel guilty.

[Kimbalou]

Once again we are going to relatives who have an incredible menu for Thanksgiving. Once again I am so depressed because I can't eat any of it. Last year they opened a bag of flour and made appetizers then handed me their kids full of gluten to hold. Even though I brought my own food I was sick for 3 days. Oh? Are those your rice crackers? Better not eat any, my kids have been in them. Now we have to go again and they don't want my desserts. They don't like anything gluten free. I'm sorry to vent. I've been gluten free for over 6 years but once in a while it is so frakkin hard! All I want is to have a real Thanksgiving.

You can't eat turkey and plain mashed potatoes? I'm new to this, but I think you could eat something! What about salad and bring your own dressing?

[Roda]

I think, by the the posters description, that there is a lot of cross contamination, thus nothing is safe.

[ravenwoodglass]

You can't eat turkey and plain mashed potatoes? I'm new to this, but I think you could eat something! What about salad and bring your own dressing?

If the turkey was cooked with the stuffing in then no we can't eat it. Also if lots of flour is floating around from biscuits or desserts then it will cross contaminate all the other food. We can bring our own food with us but it is always dangerous for us to eat food prepared in others homes unless strict precautions are taken to eliminate the CC risk.

[terri]

Thank you everyone for your support. I will bring a cooler with my dinner and hope for the best. I agree that having it in your home is the best but not an option due to the surgery factor. I cooked up a mess of eggs last night to bring deviled eggs, and will make cranberry sauce and those little individual cheesecakes from Carol Fenester's cookbook and I don't care if they eat them or not. I will take my portions out and secure them first though! Even a simple thing like grabbing an egg after they've had crackers and dropped crumbs can make us sick.

[terri]

You can't eat turkey and plain mashed potatoes? I'm new to this, but I think you could eat something! What about salad and bring your own dressing?

No eating turkey that has been cooked with stuffing is a definite no no. As for the potatoes, cross contamination is a possibility. It is better to be safe than sorry. I will make a turkey cutlet and a sweet potatoe to bring with me instead.

[tarnalberry]

Don't look at it as going for Thanksgiving dinner. Look at it as a social visit. I mean, they probably have lots of stuff that looks wonderful - books, games, whatever - but you don't envy that stuff like you do the food. Try to reframe what the food is to you in this situation, a lovely table decoration. Oh, and eat before hand and don't let your food out of your hands!

[jenngolightly]

Don't look at it as going for Thanksgiving dinner. Look at it as a social visit. I mean, they probably have lots of stuff that looks wonderful - books, games, whatever - but you don't envy that stuff like you do the food. Try to reframe what the food is to you in this situation, a lovely table decoration. Oh, and eat before hand and don't let your food out of your hands!

I could never do this. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because I LOVE the food and seeing my family. It's just like Christmas but without the pressure of gifts. :-)

We always go to my sister's house and she's careful about the Turkey. It has a special place in the kitchen away from all other food. I have learned to take care of my own food for sides, appetizers, and desserts. I'm tired of being on the look out for cross-contamination of everything. I want to relax on Thanksgiving - and not go hungry. I don't want to be the person who doesn't have enough good stuff to eat (been there, done that), so I bring enough for everyone, and she does the traditional things that I can't eat. I have more intolerances than just gluten, so my food is pretty obscure and non-Thanksgiving-y. I don't care if people don't eat it, but I don't want to be "different" and pull out my little dishes from a cooler. I want to join in the festivities. This year it's avocado dip with veggies (they can supply chips or crackers and get their own bowl), fennel salad, no sugar/soy/corn/grain/dairy pumpkin pie, no sugar/soy/corn/grain/dairy peanut butter brownies (I love desserts!), deviled eggs, and squash and apple casserole. I'll have lots to eat and they can share, or not. Left overs are great.

I hope everything goes well for you all.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

[Kimbalou]

No eating turkey that has been cooked with stuffing is a definite no no. As for the potatoes, cross contamination is a possibility. It is better to be safe than sorry. I will make a turkey cutlet and a sweet potatoe to bring with me instead.

My family doesn't eat turkey with stuffing cooked in it, we smoke our turkeys separately, so I can eat ours. Also, I'm just starting the gluten-free diet as of last Friday and I'm not so sure I need to worry this much about CC. Why is it possible to have CC with potatoes? If they are boiled potatoes and cooked by themselves, they should be fine. I'm eating the potatoes!

[tarnalberry]

My family doesn't eat turkey with stuffing cooked in it, we smoke our turkeys separately, so I can eat ours. Also, I'm just starting the gluten-free diet as of last Friday and I'm not so sure I need to worry this much about CC. Why is it possible to have CC with potatoes? If they are boiled potatoes and cooked by themselves, they should be fine. I'm eating the potatoes!

I went to a family friend's house for Thanksgiving once. Everyone thought for sure the mashed potatoes would be ok. She even got dairy free margarine to use since I'm dairy free too. But many people use some variety of liquid in their potatoes when making mashed potatoes, and the Swanson's Organic Chicken Broth had gluten clearly listed on the label. It would be possible to stir the potatoes with the same spoon as used to cook something with gluten, which would also contaminate them.

Some things may be fine, but you won't know until you get there. If you don't feel safe, don't make yourself sick just for the sake of appearances. If you do feel safe, partake in what feels safe to you.

[Loey]

It's very sweet and thoughtful that you are sensitive to her issues but she is not being sensitive to yours. I agree wholeheartedly with Kareng- don't go somewhere that you know will cause you to be sick for days afterwards. If she is a friend she'll understand. I f you do go then make sure your food is kept in safe containers and touched until you heat it or dinner.

I hope you're able to have a happy and HEALTHY Thanksgiving !!

Loey

[YoloGx]

Unfortunately most turkey stuffing has wheat etc. in it. And even if not, as I discovered last year too late, they often inject turkeys with "natural flavors" and thus the whole turkey has gluten in it when you buy it. Its possible to get one without it, but you have to work at it.

As far as eating someone else's home cooked turkey, did they run the self cleaning cycle on their oven and bake-ware before-hand? Probably not, eh? Its yet another source of CC I am afraid...

This year I am having Thanksgiving with my boyfriend who has celiac. We may go see another friend who is also gluten intolerant. I have found it just isn't wise or fun to go to a big dinner where most of the food is poisonous to me--not to speak of dealing with a family in denial.

By the way, this time I am taking it easy on preparing the food too--just having salmon instead of turkey.

Am thinking of putting my extra cooking effort into making a pumpkin pie with ground pumpkin seeds made into a crust, sweetened with stevia...

Bea

[terri]

It's done. I'm home. Only ate my food and must admit my deviled eggs and cheesecakes were awesome! On the way home my son asked, "Are we still having Thanksgiving on Sunday?" I said yes we were and he said " Good! Because their food just didn't taste good at all. There was something wrong with the turkey ( they had injected it themselves and marinated it) and something wrong with the potatoes ( not mom's!) and he wouldn't even take anything home for his wife but a piece on pumpkin bread! See, my gluten free cooking CAN taste better than the glutenous! So on Sunday I will cook for my husband, son and his wife and we'll have turkey and potatoes and green bean casserole and pumpkin muffins and cranberry sauce. Oh, and carrots and parsnips too. Should be lovely.

Thank you again for your support. It helped me through today tremendously!!

[Fire Fairy]

If the turkey was cooked with the stuffing in then no we can't eat it. Also if lots of flour is floating around from biscuits or desserts then it will cross contaminate all the other food. We can bring our own food with us but it is always dangerous for us to eat food prepared in others homes unless strict precautions are taken to eliminate the CC risk.

So yet another explanation as to how I got gluten today. I never thought about the stuffing being inside the Turkey. This is my 1st Gluten Free Thanksgiving. (I've been gluten free 3 weeks)I've learned for all future family dinners to bring my food in a cooler! Today was great as far as family but the food situation was a total nightmare. My family is 1) Clueless about what gluten is despite my efforts to educate them. 2) certain it's not a "real" problem. They kept telling me I was being too picky.

[Fire Fairy]

It's done. I'm home. Only ate my food and must admit my deviled eggs and cheesecakes were awesome! On the way home my son asked, "Are we still having Thanksgiving on Sunday?" I said yes we were and he said " Good! Because their food just didn't taste good at all. There was something wrong with the turkey ( they had injected it themselves and marinated it) and something wrong with the potatoes ( not mom's!) and he wouldn't even take anything home for his wife but a piece on pumpkin bread! See, my gluten free cooking CAN taste better than the glutenous! So on Sunday I will cook for my husband, son and his wife and we'll have turkey and potatoes and green bean casserole and pumpkin muffins and cranberry sauce. Oh, and carrots and parsnips too. Should be lovely.

Thank you again for your support. It helped me through today tremendously!!

Good for you! Reading your story has made me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing.

I'm just learning about gluten free cooking. I enjoy my cooking but my mom says it's bland maybe eating healthier food is making my taste buds more sensitive.

[T.H.]

For potatoes, there's a few ways it could get CC, really. One likely one would be the butter, if you're making mashed potatoes. If the butter wasn't a new stick of butter, and someone had, say, used a knife on their bread AND the butter before it was used with potatoes, that could be an issue. Or if someone was making biscuits or rolls near the potatoes, flour poofs in the air and a small amount settles on the potatoes - again, CC funtime. Or if the pot hasn't been scoured completely after anything with gluten was cooked in it, like chicken and dumplings or pasta, then it still has gluten enough to contaminate the potatoes with.

But really, how much you have to worry about CC with gluten depends somewhat on how sensitive you are to the gluten in the first place. There are four celiacs in my family, and we have three different levels of sensitivity. Two have to avoid gluten ingredients and the really major CC, but they usually don't worry more than just a quick 'does this have gluten' moment. One is much more sensitive and reacts to about 1/4 the amount of gluten that is usually in gluten-free products. And the last one in our family (sigh, that'd be me), well, I react to even less than that.

So...hopefully, you'll end up less sensitive and you can just relax and enjoy thanksgiving. :-)

[terri]

For potatoes, there's a few ways it could get CC, really. One likely one would be the butter, if you're making mashed potatoes. If the butter wasn't a new stick of butter, and someone had, say, used a knife on their bread AND the butter before it was used with potatoes, that could be an issue. Or if someone was making biscuits or rolls near the potatoes, flour poofs in the air and a small amount settles on the potatoes - again, CC funtime. Or if the pot hasn't been scoured completely after anything with gluten was cooked in it, like chicken and dumplings or pasta, then it still has gluten enough to contaminate the potatoes with.

But really, how much you have to worry about CC with gluten depends somewhat on how sensitive you are to the gluten in the first place. There are four celiacs in my family, and we have three different levels of sensitivity. Two have to avoid gluten ingredients and the really major CC, but they usually don't worry more than just a quick 'does this have gluten' moment. One is much more sensitive and reacts to about 1/4 the amount of gluten that is usually in gluten-free products. And the last one in our family (sigh, that'd be me), well, I react to even less than that.

So...hopefully, you'll end up less sensitive and you can just relax and enjoy thanksgiving. :-)

[terri]

No matter if you are very sensitive or show no symptoms at all it is NOT related to the damage done to your villi. The damage remains the same. There is no license to "relax" if your symptoms are mild. There is Celiac and Celiac. Not "mild" or "strong". Everyone's symptoms are different. My biopsy proven cousin has NO symtoms, me, I am super senisitive. But it does not mean she doesn't have to be just as careful. In some ways I have it easier as I know right away when I've been glutened and know the offending matter, but she doesn't/ So please, don't think that you can ever "relax" with this disease. You must always be on your guard against gluten.