Living With A Gluten Addict

[revenant]

Hi everybody.

My mom and I are both gluten intolerant. She discovered it on her own through literature 20 years ago, really impressed by that! She has a really bad reaction to gluten mentally, depression, sometimes suicidal, anxious, paranoid, and most of all angry. She LOVES to fight, she will follow you all day long for a made up reason screaming at you and then kick you out of the house, just to get the anger out of her body. She acts irrationally and says things she doesn't mean. it makes her extremely difficult to live with, and because my two sisters do not understand that this is not her, they take it personally and unfairly accuse and hate her for it. She glutened herself before mother's day and screamed at us for booking her a meal at a restaurant, screamed on the way there, and refused to eat and walked out on us, then continued to have a small panic attack, things like that. When she does not eat gluten she is not like this, she's such a loving person. I wish I could show her how beautiful life can be, but she is beginning to re-believe that the way she feels is 'just her'.

She's going through a tough time in her life and she is beginning to eat gluten purposely on a consistent basis, i'd say right now it's weekly, but the frequency of it is going up every month. I don't think she remembers what it feels like to be gluten free, although I admit she never did stay gluten free completely for that long (She was really trying for 6ish months at least) It feels like I'm living with a drug addict, because when she consumes gluten she completely changes for the next 4 days into this vile person I only remember from childhood, not to mention she drinks more and starts to chain smoke. I'm also very concerned about what this could be doing to her body and her brain...

I'm worried for her own mental health as this IS an addiction in the end. I guess i'm afraid that this is soon going to become an every-day thing, as she is depressed and turns to food-drugs... Is there nothing I can do? If not, this is a good rant. Thanks for your time.

[cyberprof]

Hi everybody.

My mom and I are both gluten intolerant. She discovered it on her own through literature 20 years ago, really impressed by that! She has a really bad reaction to gluten mentally, depression, sometimes suicidal, anxious, paranoid, and most of all angry. She LOVES to fight, she will follow you all day long for a made up reason screaming at you and then kick you out of the house, just to get the anger out of her body. She acts irrationally and says things she doesn't mean. it makes her extremely difficult to live with, and because my two sisters do not understand that this is not her, they take it personally and unfairly accuse and hate her for it. She glutened herself before mother's day and screamed at us for booking her a meal at a restaurant, screamed on the way there, and refused to eat and walked out on us, then continued to have a small panic attack, things like that. When she does not eat gluten she is not like this, she's such a loving person. I wish I could show her how beautiful life can be, but she is beginning to re-believe that the way she feels is 'just her'.

She's going through a tough time in her life and she is beginning to eat gluten purposely on a consistent basis, i'd say right now it's weekly, but the frequency of it is going up every month. I don't think she remembers what it feels like to be gluten free, although I admit she never did stay gluten free completely for that long (She was really trying for 6ish months at least) It feels like I'm living with a drug addict, because when she consumes gluten she completely changes for the next 4 days into this vile person I only remember from childhood, not to mention she drinks more and starts to chain smoke. I'm also very concerned about what this could be doing to her body and her brain...

I'm worried for her own mental health as this IS an addiction in the end. I guess i'm afraid that this is soon going to become an every-day thing, as she is depressed and turns to food-drugs... Is there nothing I can do? If not, this is a good rant. Thanks for your time.

That's a lot to deal with. The drinking and the addiction and the anger and the depression is an awful combination. You didn't say how old you are or how old your sisters are. I think some intervention would be good, as your mom needs some help. Are there other family members that are close to your mom? If you are still in school, talk to your counselor. I'd also suggest Al-Anon, which should help you learn to deal with both of her addictions. Best of luck to you.

[lovegrov]

It sounds like your mother has some addiction and psychological issues. There's probably little you can do other than help her see that she needs professional help.

richard

[dilettantesteph]

I feel for you. I have been through similar experiences. Protect your own mental health. That way you will be better able to help when she is ready.

[cyberprof]

Revenant, I hope you write back and let us know that you're ok.

[Jenniferxgfx]

Please look out for yourself! You're sweet for sticking by your mom, but please take good care of yourself.

Gluten sure can be evil.

[revenant]

Hello

Sorry it took me so long to write back

I really appreciate all of the replies... So much! Thank you . I am on the journey towards healing my own mental health... I think that once the anger, depression, and my own problems are out of me it will affect me less if I recognize it less within myself. I don't fight back, I try to be as kind as possible when she tries to pick a fight with me, but she does this thing where she will tell you what you are doing, whether i'm trying to trick her, or whether i'm lying, or i'm stalking her... She just projects all of her defenses onto you and tries to make you believe you're doing something. So that's really a problem right now

My mom has been eating gluten on a now daily basis. She picked up these "gluten defense" pills for "accidental" glutenings and has used it as an excuse to indulge. I can honestly say that it feels like she is gone except for rare moments when her true personality comes through for an hour or two. It's hard to believe a food can do that to a person, It can change a person as much as hard drugs. She has been picking verbal fights with me and my siblings all week.

I wouldn't say that she's an alchoholic, she doesn't get drunk all day, she doesn't get drunk to the point of not being able to walk. She just wakes up at 10amish, does her afternoon chores, and then 5pm and the bottle of wine comes out with the cigarettes, but she technically is drinking for about 7 hours because she drinks, binge eats and smokes for those 7 hours. It worries me still because the more she eats gluten the more she drinks and smokes. She has been drinking more for sure.

I guess you are all right in that these are her psychological demons and really not much to do with gluten, other than it being one possible addiction route. I do wish I could host an intervention on all of her addictions (gluten being a really important one because it really starts the other ones) but you can't get through to her, she's just not there and she will get angry at anything not to hear a person. Thanks for being so supportive

[Februaryrich]

Your story is so good, Steven Spielberg would make a very good movie out of it. I'm not even kidding. It would give us a chance to be heard! Anyways, I have learned a lot before going gluten-free, I was anxious, crazy, I rarely was the bubbly person I once was. Things changed but I have learned a lot. Just like you, I try to be kind and let go of things when people pick fight. I let that selfish person I used to be away. I used to be spiteful, not anymore.

[Marilyn R]

My mom was a teetotaler (didn't drink alcohol at all) but could not be compliant with the gluten-free diet. I had people tell me that they saw my mother drunk on her a... downtown, staggering: it was gait ataxia from the gluten. It also affected her mood. All of us children decided that it just wasn't worth it to try to make her happy, because you just could not make her happy! I understand it now. My (non-celiac disease) brother understood that years before I did.

If you're willing to step up to the plate and cook for her, evem grocery shop for her, we can help with suggestions. If you're looking for approval from Mom, which you need, the gluten diet won't let her give it to you. I hope that makes sense...she'll be perpetually depressed and fighting with intestinal issues, and she won't be her true self. The worse thing is that she doesn't want a child of hers giving advice. She still wants to be Mom. I really feel for you. But again, we can give you cooking advice to get her on the straight and narrow if you want to start cooking and planning for her and your family.

Wish you well,

Marilyn