Jump to content
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):
  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Struggling To Cope With Boyfriend's Mother


nikky

Recommended Posts

nikky Contributor

I'm slowly getting to the end of my teather with my boyfriend's mother. She shows no respect for my inability to consume anyting with gluten in it and whenever im at the house she tries to feed me bread, pastry, pizzas and gluten containing frozen foods including sausages and burgers that contain wheat flour. She also refuses to let me store food safely and whenever me and my boyfriend are trying to cook she will come into the kitchen and start telling me what I am and arent allowed, constantly giving me gluten containg options and getting agitated when I tell her that I'm unable to eat it because of the coeliac.

Both myself and my boyfriend have spoken to her on several ocasions, explaining to her foods that are/arent safe, why its easier for me to be allowed to look for things to eat and all about cross-contamination, but none of it seems to sink in. I've given her an official list of foods and ingredients that need to be avoided, and have even told her I'm prepared to supply some food myself provided i can store it safely when I'm staying.

Two weeks ago, she and her husband went on holiday,leaving me at the house with my boyfriend. Before she went, she promised to go shopping for food that we could both have. When we later looked, we found the fridge, freezer and cupboards full of sausage rolls, pies, pasties, wheat-flour containing soups, pizza, biscuits etc, and vertually nothing that was gluten - free.

I've also explained that I am not expecting specialist foods to be bought, but that just by changing brand a food can become safe or that life could be easier if i was allowed to sort it myself without interuption.

She has also said before that shes been tempted to 'experiement' with food for me and my boyfriend and last week my boyfriend told me to never leave her with anything I'm going to eat as he over heard her telling her best friend that she wanted to spread bread crumbs in my food. When the friend then raised the point that it would be harmful for me, she said 'I know, I dont care' :(.

I've tried several times to explain the seriousness of the condition, but she has convinced herself that I'll just get a 'bit of a bad stomach'. The last time i had gluten my lips were swelling up and it felt like there were knives in my throat and stomach.

Any advice???

(Just want to add, my boyfriend is completely supportive, and is constantly trying to learn about the condition and get his mum to listen.)


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



Diane-in-FL Explorer

This woman obviously hates you if she wants to deliberately make you sick and tells her friend "I know and I don't care." She is dangerous. You and your boyfriend need to get your own place and never ever go back to her house. Would she feed sugar to someone with diabetes? Or peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? She is mentally ill or something. What is wrong with people like that? It's really quite horrifying. :(

Takala Enthusiast
any suggestions ?

Bring another girlfriend along next time, and introduce her as your new Official Food Taster, since the Mum -in- Law from Hell

kareng Grand Master

Why are you in this evil person's house? If she told her friend she was going to stab you while you are sleeping, would you stay there? Would you even go for an hour visit?

Please do not have children with this guy. He may be OK but his mother isn't. And if she has a husband, he isn't good either. Your children would never be safe around her. Your life would be a constant battle with the kids father as he tries to take them to visit his mother. Or let's them be around her.

The fact is, she doesn't like you and she is a mean person. If it weren't gluten it would be something else. Be glad you found this out before you have her grandchildren or marry her son.

ravenwoodglass Mentor

I wouldn't even be cooking in her kitchen because it is likely a gluten minefield even if the food you are cooking is gluten free. The answer to the problem is to cook for yourself and your boyfreind at your home and to avoid hers like the plague. Eat your meals at home and just bring a wrapped snack with you. Why isn't your boyfreind laying down the law to her? If he isn't standing up firmly for you now for heavens sake don't even think of marrying or having children with him as it will only get worse.

lynnelise Apprentice

No offense but it sounds like this lady really does not like you and this is her passive-aggressive attempt to get rid of you.

I would no go to the woman's house. It's dangerous and you are clearly not welcome. I wouldn't want to be where I wasn't welcome.

Hopefully your boyfriend can come up with a solution to see you outside of his mom's home.

pricklypear1971 Community Regular

I don't think it's so passive.

Geez. Get away from that woman, don't eat at her house, don't stay at her house.

And yes, if you have children with your boyfriend you will be stuck with that wacky woman for life.


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



nikky Contributor

This woman obviously hates you if she wants to deliberately make you sick and tells her friend "I know and I don't care." She is dangerous. You and your boyfriend need to get your own place and never ever go back to her house. Would she feed sugar to someone with diabetes? Or peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? She is mentally ill or something. What is wrong with people like that? It's really quite horrifying. :(

Thanks for your advice, happily we intend to get a place when we are able to afford it, although that may be around another year. Its funny you mention diabetes, she's actually diabetic herself and so should have an understanding of the difficulty these things create.

nikky Contributor

No offense but it sounds like this lady really does not like you and this is her passive-aggressive attempt to get rid of you.

I would no go to the woman's house. It's dangerous and you are clearly not welcome. I wouldn't want to be where I wasn't welcome.

Hopefully your boyfriend can come up with a solution to see you outside of his mom's home.

Yeh its a horrible feeling. He tries his best to come see me here but its not always easy with money. Thankyou for your help :)

pricklypear1971 Community Regular

Oh geez. You LIVE there?

Find second-hand fridge and put it on your room, store your stuff there.

I'd find another way to get out of that house...get a place with roomates???? Even a gluteny slob is better than someone who intends you harm.

nikky Contributor

Why are you in this evil person's house? If she told her friend she was going to stab you while you are sleeping, would you stay there? Would you even go for an hour visit?

Please do not have children with this guy. He may be OK but his mother isn't. And if she has a husband, he isn't good either. Your children would never be safe around her. Your life would be a constant battle with the kids father as he tries to take them to visit his mother. Or let's them be around her.

The fact is, she doesn't like you and she is a mean person. If it weren't gluten it would be something else. Be glad you found this out before you have her grandchildren or marry her son.

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..

nikky Contributor

Oh geez. You LIVE there?

Find second-hand fridge and put it on your room, store your stuff there.

I'd find another way to get out of that house...get a place with roomates???? Even a gluteny slob is better than someone who intends you harm.

no i dont live there... i live with my parents, we dont have a place on our own because we cant afford it at the moment

nikky Contributor

I wouldn't even be cooking in her kitchen because it is likely a gluten minefield even if the food you are cooking is gluten free. The answer to the problem is to cook for yourself and your boyfreind at your home and to avoid hers like the plague. Eat your meals at home and just bring a wrapped snack with you. Why isn't your boyfreind laying down the law to her? If he isn't standing up firmly for you now for heavens sake don't even think of marrying or having children with him as it will only get worse.

Thanks for your advice, yeah, the kitchen is a minefield, i go in and clean like crazy in there. I do want to point out though that he does stand up for me, they've had shouting matches over it, the week we were on our own, he went out and spent all the money he had to get me safe food, he is really good to me.

pricklypear1971 Community Regular

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..

Well, it appears you have it under control since you aren't visiting her house anymore.

You can't fix crazy. And while I wouldn't advise you to divorce your husband, or leave your boyfriend because he has a crazy mother...I can tell you from experience that if y'all have children together you will be bound to this woman and you WILL be forced into situations where she can attack you -with gluten or her new weapon of choice.

You can't fix VINDICTIVE crazy -which is what she is. She isn't eccentric, colorful, or quirky. Wack jobs like her are forever, and she will go after you for the rest of her life.

nikky Contributor

Bring another girlfriend along next time, and introduce her as your new Official Food Taster, since the Mum -in- Law from Hell

ravenwoodglass Mentor

Thanks for your advice, yeah, the kitchen is a minefield, i go in and clean like crazy in there. I do want to point out though that he does stand up for me, they've had shouting matches over it, the week we were on our own, he went out and spent all the money he had to get me safe food, he is really good to me.

Glad to hear he is sticking up for you. This woman may find herself very lonely in her elderly years as if she keeps going like she is she will drive her son away from her forever whether he is with you or someone else.

kareng Grand Master

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..

I think I said it a good thing you haven't married or had kids. Just like everyone else said. It's good you found this out now. You can make an informed decision.

And, if he expected you to visit a person who has said she will hurt you, I would suggest divorce. But sounds like he might be cool with cutting ties with her and keeping you safe. Or at least not letting her near you.

Gluten Free Traveller Newbie

This is ridiculous. Your boyfriend's mother is clearly a horrible person. Personally I would just stay away from here for good. It sounds as though you've done to best to explain things to her and she doesn't care. The solution is obvious...don't visit her. Why would you ever want to be around someone so nasty who is trying to make you sick!

Mango04 Enthusiast

You can just keep your food issues away from your boyfriend's mother. Don't cook at her house or eat with her, and if she tries to bring up the subject of food just tell her you're not comfortable talking about your personal health issue and would rather keep it to yourself. If it's a holiday or something an you have to eat a family dinner with her, bring your own food. I find this whole thing easier to deal with if I don't expect other people to understand or try to accommodate me. You really don't ever need to talk about food with this woman at all. You also don't ever have to eat food that she touches.

srall Contributor

You can just keep your food issues away from your boyfriend's mother. Don't cook at her house or eat with her, and if she tries to bring up the subject of food just tell her you're not comfortable talking about your personal health issue and would rather keep it to yourself. If it's a holiday or something an you have to eat a family dinner with her, bring your own food. I find this whole thing easier to deal with if I don't expect other people to understand or try to accommodate me. You really don't ever need to talk about food with this woman at all. You also don't ever have to eat food that she touches.

TOTALLY agree. I never ever ever rely on anybody else to feed me no matter where I go (I mean at someone else's house). I bring my own food. If it's my parents (mom is gluten free so it's not a big deal there) or my in laws, all I ask is that I can go shopping for my own food as soon as I get there, and can I store it somewhere and can I cook my own food? Or...food for everyone if they'd like to eat yummy gluten free that night. I would NEVER expect someone who wasn't even related to me to accommodate me in any way.

srall Contributor

Oh, and re: spreading bread crumbs in your food? O.M.G. I wouldn't be in the same room with that witch. I'm assuming you are younger (sorry if you're not), but writing as a middle aged woman who has BTDT, I would seriously think about marrying into that family. Marriage and kids is a long and stressful marathon, and bad in-laws can make your life hell. I have several girl friends who are in therapy just because of dealing with terrible in-laws.

Good luck...

AVR1962 Collaborator

Buy her a book abnout Celiac and ask her to read it so she can understand what you are dealing with.

nikky Contributor

TOTALLY agree. I never ever ever rely on anybody else to feed me no matter where I go (I mean at someone else's house). I bring my own food. If it's my parents (mom is gluten free so it's not a big deal there) or my in laws, all I ask is that I can go shopping for my own food as soon as I get there, and can I store it somewhere and can I cook my own food? Or...food for everyone if they'd like to eat yummy gluten free that night. I would NEVER expect someone who wasn't even related to me to accommodate me in any way.

I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.

srall Contributor

I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.

Oh, Nikky, I am sorry. You're younger than I even realized. I know it's hard when everyone is still living with parents. Just be careful (I know you will be) and try and not eat anything she prepares. She sounds just abusive.

ElseB Contributor

My mother in law constantly comments that she truly believes that since my illness came on so suddenly, one day it will just as suddenly go away and I'll be cured. Oh yeah, and did I mention she's a doctor? No wonder we all have such bad experiences with doctors! My husband and I have politely told her on many occasions that it will never go away. But next time I don't think I will be so polite because I'm getting a bit tired of it. Having said this, she does cook gluten free for me when I'm over there.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):





    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):




  • Recent Activity

    1. - knitty kitty replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

    2. - Jane02 replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

    3. - knitty kitty replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

    4. 0

      Penobscot Bay, Maine: Nurturing Gluten-Free Wellness Retreat with expert celiac dietitian, Melinda Dennis

    5. - Scott Adams replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      133,331
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    Kristy2026
    Newest Member
    Kristy2026
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.6k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):
  • Who's Online (See full list)

    • There are no registered users currently online
  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • knitty kitty
      @Jane02, I hear you about the kale and collard greens.  I don't do dairy and must eat green leafies, too, to get sufficient calcium.  I must be very careful because some calcium supplements are made from ground up crustacean shells.  When I was deficient in Vitamin D, I took high doses of Vitamin D to correct the deficiency quickly.  This is safe and nontoxic.  Vitamin D level should be above 70 nmol/L.  Lifeguards and indigenous Pacific Islanders typically have levels between 80-100 nmol/L.   Levels lower than this are based on amount needed to prevent disease like rickets and osteomalacia. We need more thiamine when we're physically ill, emotionally and mentally stressed, and if we exercise like an athlete or laborer.  We need more thiamine if we eat a diet high in simple carbohydrates.  For every 500 kcal of carbohydrates, we need 500-1000 mg more of thiamine to process the carbs into energy.  If there's insufficient thiamine the carbs get stored as fat.  Again, recommended levels set for thiamine are based on minimum amounts needed to prevent disease.  This is often not adequate for optimum health, nor sufficient for people with absorption problems such as Celiac disease.  Gluten free processed foods are not enriched with vitamins like their gluten containing counterparts.  Adding a B Complex and additional thiamine improves health for Celiacs.  Thiamine is safe and nontoxic even in high doses.  Thiamine helps the mitochondria in cells to function.  Thiamine interacts with each of the other B vitamins.  They are all water soluble and easily excreted if not needed. Interesting Reading: Clinical trial: B vitamins improve health in patients with coeliac disease living on a gluten-free diet https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19154566/ Safety and effectiveness of vitamin D mega-dose: A systematic review https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34857184/ High dose dietary vitamin D allocates surplus calories to muscle and growth instead of fat via modulation of myostatin and leptin signaling https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38766160/ Safety of High-Dose Vitamin D Supplementation: Secondary Analysis of a Randomized Controlled Trial https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31746327/ Vitamins and Celiac Disease: Beyond Vitamin D https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11857425/ Investigating the therapeutic potential of tryptophan and vitamin A in modulating immune responses in celiac disease: an experimental study https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40178602/ Investigating the Impact of Vitamin A and Amino Acids on Immune Responses in Celiac Disease Patients https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10814138/
    • Jane02
      Thank you so much @knitty kitty for this insightful information! I would have never considered fractionated coconut oil to be a potential source of GI upset. I will consider all the info you shared. Very interesting about the Thiamine deficiency.  I've tracked daily averages of my intake in a nutrition software. The only nutrient I can't consistently meet from my diet is vitamin D. Calcium is a hit and miss as I rely on vegetables, dark leafy greens as a major source, for my calcium intake. I'm able to meet it when I either eat or juice a bundle of kale or collard greens daily haha. My thiamine intake is roughly 120% of my needs, although I do recognize that I may not be absorbing all of these nutrients consistently with intermittent unintentional exposures to gluten.  My vitamin A intake is roughly 900% (~6400 mcg/d) of my needs as I eat a lot of sweet potato, although since it's plant-derived vitamin A (beta-carotene) apparently it's not likely to cause toxicity.  Thanks again! 
    • knitty kitty
      Hello, @Jane02,  I take Naturewise D 3.  It contains olive oil.   Some Vitamin D supplements, like D Drops, are made with fractionated coconut oil which can cause digestive upsets.  Fractionated coconut oil is not the same as coconut oil used for cooking.  Fractionated coconut oil has been treated for longer shelf life, so it won't go bad in the jar, and thus may be irritating to the digestive system. I avoid supplements made with soy because many people with Celiac Disease also react to soy.  Mixed tocopherols, an ingredient in Thornes Vitamin D, may be sourced from soy oil.  Kirkland's has soy on its ingredient list. I avoid things that might contain or be exposed to crustaceans, like Metagenics says on its label.  I have a crustacean/shellfish/fish allergy.  I like Life Extension Bioactive Complete B Complex.  I take additional Thiamine B 1 in the form Benfotiamine which helps the intestines heal, Life Extension MegaBenfotiamine. Thiamine is needed to activate Vitamin D.   Low thiamine can make one feel like they are getting glutened after a meal containing lots of simple carbohydrates like white rice, or processed gluten free foods like cookies and pasta.   It's rare to have a single vitamin deficiency.  The water soluble B Complex vitamins should be supplemented together with additional Thiamine in the form Benfotiamine and Thiamine TTFD (tetrahydrofurfuryl disulfide) to correct subclinical deficiencies that don't show up on blood tests.  These are subclinical deficiencies within organs and tissues.  Blood is a transportation system.  The body will deplete tissues and organs in order to keep a supply of thiamine in the bloodstream going to the brain and heart.   If you're low in Vitamin D, you may well be low in other fat soluble vitamins like Vitamin A and Vitamin K. Have you seen a dietician?
    • Scott Adams
      I do not know this, but since they are labelled gluten-free, and are not really a product that could easily be contaminated when making them (there would be not flour in the air of such a facility, for example), I don't really see contamination as something to be concerned about for this type of product. 
    • trents
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.