My Heart Is Broken....

[upwitht21]

We found out a few weeks ago that after years of trying and 10 rounds of fertility meds we conceived entirely on our own. I was diagnosed with celiacs back in November and have been gluten free every since.

Sadly our miracle baby didn't make it and I'm left with a sad heart. We saw a heart beat on Monday and this morning I miscarried. I'm scared to try again. I'm worried we will have to deal with miscarriage after miscarriage like so many others have and I don't know that my heart can handle that. I have had a dramatic change since going gluten free from less gray in my hair to my bones not hurting. I feel amazing. I run, lift weights, and eat very healthy and well balanced. So hard to understand why god makes the decisions he does sometimes.

My doctor said if my hormone levels continue to drop at the rate they are going she sees no reason why we can't try again after my next period. I've already passed the baby and all that is left is lining (thank goodness for that) it happened very naturally. A few word of encouragement would be great right now. I really don't feel like my celiacs effected anything (I'm super careful and dedicated to the diet). My doctor did say they will check my progesterone levels next time just to be sure they weren't the cause.

What a long, miserable day.

Jess

[love2travel]

  On 2/23/2012 at 2:21 AM, upwitht21 said:

We found out a few weeks ago that after years of trying and 10 rounds of fertility meds we conceived entirely on our own. I was diagnosed with celiacs back in November and have been gluten free every since.

Sadly our miracle baby didn't make it and I'm left with a sad heart. We saw a heart beat on Monday and this morning I miscarried. I'm scared to try again. I'm worried we will have to deal with miscarriage after miscarriage like so many others have and I don't know that my heart can handle that. I have had a dramatic change since going gluten free from less gray in my hair to my bones not hurting. I feel amazing. I run, lift weights, and eat very healthy and well balanced. So hard to understand why god makes the decisions he does sometimes.

My doctor said if my hormone levels continue to drop at the rate they are going she sees no reason why we can't try again after my next period. I've already passed the baby and all that is left is lining (thank goodness for that) it happened very naturally. A few word of encouragement would be great right now. I really don't feel like my celiacs effected anything (I'm super careful and dedicated to the diet). My doctor did say they will check my progesterone levels next time just to be sure they weren't the cause.

What a long, miserable day.

Jess

Oh, Jess. I am SO very sorry. My heart aches for you. Miscarriages are so devastating. I've been there and understand, though mine happened before my celiac diagnosis. It made me so furious when people would tell me there wasn't enough for a bond and that it was probably for the best, anyway. Well, that was crap. Don't listen to people who mean well but, well, are cruel. Surround yourself with only positive things including your husband. Concentrate on you during this time.

Freely grieve as long as you need to. It must be extra difficult as you have been so diligent on the diet.

Though cliche, take one hour, then one day at a time. You will undoubtedly go through a range of emotions - let them happen naturally. Please take care of yourself, ok? I will be praying for you, as many others will as well.

[luvs2eat]

I am so terribly sorry. I have no answers, but please know that you are in my prayers!

[alex11602]

I am so sorry (((hugs))) I know that it is very difficult, but you just start by taking it one day at a time and you will always have that bond to your unborn baby, but in time it will be not as difficult to think of the baby. I wish you ease of the pain this has caused and best of luck to you.

[Lisa]

Jess, I have been in your shoes as has my adult daughter. I told her, not to very long ago, that the reason may not be clear right now, but someday it will be.

Hugs to you and a good cry is required. xxxooo

[rosetapper23]

I am brokenhearted FOR you! This is the ultimate sadness....

Before I knew I had celiac, I miscarried three times...and I also had to take fertility medications. I know it is extremely difficult for you now, but I promise you--the grief DOES dissipate over time. It could be that your body still has not entirely healed from years of eating gluten, and you may be somewhat deficient in either vitamins or minerals that would have been necessary to help your baby grow. If you're currently underweight, please add healthy saturated fats to your diet (avocados, nuts, olives, organic butter, etc.). This will help your body absorb your fat-soluble vitamins...and having a bit more weight on your bones may help your hormones. Once my sister and I gained a bit of weight, we were both able to conceive and carry our babies to term. As you know, though, it was NOT your fault whatsoever that you lost your beloved baby. Some things cannot be explained...or understood.

In a few months, you'll see--your joy will return when you conceive again. In the meantime, my heart goes out to you....

[lucia]

Your loss is so sad, and I'm sorry. It sounds like your pregnancy may have been possible though because of the changes in your body from a gluten-free diet. That's hopeful if or when you decide to try again.

[Skylark]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Miscarriages are awful to endure, but it does not mean you cannot have a baby. You probably conceived because the gluten is out of your system. I bet you will conceive again if you can get up the heart to try. Just stick to the diet super-carefully and get very well-nourished to be sure things go well.

[abaker521]

I am so so sorry Jess. I know words won't do much good now but just know that when things happen that are out of your control there's always a reason. Nature is smart. I know everything will work out for you soon and you'll have the baby you've been trying for. As you know I'm sort of in the same boat.. I want to have a baby very soon but I feel like my body just isn't healing as fast as I'd like. These things take time unfortunately and can be so very frustrating. My heart goes out to you.

[kareng]

I'm so sorry. This may help or you may just send the guys in the white coats for me. I really haven't said this to anyone but my hub.

I had 2 early miscarriages that I knew of. The kind where you say " oh! I'm pregnant. Let me stop the caffiene.". When I miscarried, it was just a strong period. But each time I felt it was a boy and the same person. When I finally was pregnant with my oldest, I felt he was those babies. I don't have a belief in reincarnation. I'm just sure he was trying to be born to me. So.... Maybe that body wasn't quite perfect, but in a few months, he or she will be able to grow in a new, better body.

The other good thing is, the doctor's are now on notice. Some don't get too concerned until its the next pregnancy. This gives them something to go on.

[rosetapper23]

kareng,

I can so relate! With my first miscarriage, I strongly imagined a little girl who resembled my mother. With my next pregnancy, I gave birth to a little girl who was the image of my mother. I, too, believed that she simply needed to be born. I've never spoken of this to anyone....and it amazes me that someone else felt this, too!

[ravenwoodglass]

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[upwitht21]

If you saw me you would never think I was sick with anything I'm 5ft 4in and weigh 121 pounds with 22% body fat. I'm very fit and healthy. All of my vitamin levels are in the normal range and I feel great. I'm completely at a loss for words with the whole situations. Im very strict with the diet. We have a completely gluten free home and lifestyle, both of my children also have celiacs so we are extra careful with it.

I know in my heart that now wasn't the right time but I just want to throw a temper tantrum about it. I just don't understand why we had to try so hard to get pregnant for it to happen so easily when it did just to lose the baby in the end. I really don't see the whole point in that. I know god has a plan but is it to much to ask for him to send me a text to just clue me in a little.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent my hurt and frustrations.

Jess

[Bubba's Mom]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do things that nurture you. Listen to music, read a good book, watch a silly movie. Continue on your healing path, and when the time is right, your baby will come.

Don't put pressure on yourself to "start over" right away. Feel your feelings.

(((hugs)))

[researchmomma]

  On 2/23/2012 at 2:55 PM, upwitht21 said:

If you saw me you would never think I was sick with anything I'm 5ft 4in and weigh 121 pounds with 22% body fat. I'm very fit and healthy. All of my vitamin levels are in the normal range and I feel great. I'm completely at a loss for words with the whole situations. Im very strict with the diet. We have a completely gluten free home and lifestyle, both of my children also have celiacs so we are extra careful with it.

I know in my heart that now wasn't the right time but I just want to throw a temper tantrum about it. I just don't understand why we had to try so hard to get pregnant for it to happen so easily when it did just to lose the baby in the end. I really don't see the whole point in that. I know god has a plan but is it to much to ask for him to send me a text to just clue me in a little.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent my hurt and frustrations.

Jess

I have had five miscarriages due to endometriosis and the pain was all consuming.

Loves2travel has it right in my opinion....well meaning people say the dumbest things. Just ignore them and heal.

I finally conceived my son and I will tell you that I can't imagine having a different child. I know that is just talk to make myself feel better but I really can't picture it.

I am very sorry you are going through this. Big Hugs. Be good to yourself.

[bartfull]

I am so sorry. A big ((((HUG)))) to you, and know that you will be in the thoughts and prayers of so many of us.

[jswog]

I can't really offer you anything but big cyber hugs, but I do know that there is a board on the forums at babycenter.com just for grieving mothers after miscariages. I've not been there, but I've heard it's a great community of support. I know there were several here who've also 'been there done that' who've offered you support, but if you feel like you want to talk to others going through this at the same time, I would encourage you to check it out. Big hugs!