Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

A Joke For Today

IrishHeart

Recommended Posts

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

Ditto that IH.

:lol:

why does this not surprise moi?

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


  • Replies 75
  • Created
  • Last Reply
squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Truth to tell, I probably wouldn't have left well enough alone.laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

IDIOT SIGHTINGS 1-10

I just love these......they make me feel like a Mensa candidate.

IDIOT SIGHTING 1

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

I said "May I have large bills, please?"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor, I explained it to her.

IDIOT SIGHTING 2

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING 3

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING 4

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at Mickey D's.

IDIOT SIGHTING 5

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING 6

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING 7

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

:blink:

IDIOT SIGHTING 8

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

and she was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING 9

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

:blink:

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING 10

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

and she is a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office.

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

pricklypear1971 Community Regular
pricklypear1971
Posted

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

Have you seen the movie Idiocracy?

Yep. That's where it's headed.

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

:lol:

well, that's just too funny-- because those 2 sentences were at the bottom of the email these idiot sightings were in.

Are you reading my email again? :ph34r:

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

:lol:

well, that's just too funny-- because those 2 sentences were at the bottom of the email these idiot sightings were in.

Are you reading my email again? :ph34r:

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

To both you Karen & to Irish laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

The weird thing Karen is that Irish probably does have a friend named Mary & her trash p/u has been moved. Synchronicity happens!

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

To both you Karen & to Irish laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

The weird thing Karen is that Irish probably does have a friend named Mary & her trash p/u has been moved. Synchronicity happens!

I know. I just say that stuff to freak her out! ;)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

Aha! I KNEW IT!! :ph34r:

okay, this is the truth.

Actually, I DO have a friend named Mary (since the first grade)

and our trash pickup, which is normally on Tuesday mornings WILL probably be on Wednesday this week.

:ph34r:

If Mary has a granddaughter, however, that is news to me and now, I am supremely miffed because she did not tell me about it. Well, screw her, then-- I am Never speaking to her again. There goes that 48- year friendship.........

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I know. I just say that stuff to freak her out! ;)

you know it. :ph34r:

remember the time I asked if you were peeking in my windows and you said maybe, and you told me my house was white??

that was creepy :unsure:

:lol:

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

you know it. :ph34r:

remember the time I asked if you were peeking in my windows and you said maybe, and you told me my house was white??

that was creepy :unsure:

:lol:

I think, in your part of the country, the odds are in my favor that your house is white.

Or.... B)

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

You guys are making me laugh. Thanks!

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

You guys are making me laugh. Thanks!

phew! that's what we were going for. :lol:

Good thing, too becuz this thread is called "a joke for today", not "here's your buzz -kill for today."

(we get enough of that elsewhere.)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I think, in your part of the country, the odds are in my favor that your house is white.

Or.... B)

um, what color are they in your part of the country??

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

um, what color are they in your part of the country??

Right now the popular colors are shades of brown and tan.

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Here in Nevada, everything is "desert" something or other :lol:

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I want to live somewhere where my house can be mango or salmon or

goldfinch colored. B)

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

I want to live somewhere where my house can be mango or salmon or

goldfinch colored. B)

And who is stopping you from painting it any color you want?

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

And who is stopping you from painting it any color you want?

:lol: it's siding.

....and I really meant....I want to live in those color houses because that is usually where it is warm....like where YOU live B)

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Okay, I get you. Well, we could house trade for 1/2 the year. But you have to come here in the summer cause it's TOO hot for me.

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

Okay, I get you. Well, we could house trade for 1/2 the year. But you have to come here in the summer cause it's TOO hot for me.

I can't get hubs to go for those hot summers (yet) or I'd live there tomorrow.

There is no such thing as too hot for me. Too cold is not "my thang".

For a true New Englander, that does not make sense, I know.

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

And shroomie, what's up with that anyway? All the browns & tans for homes there in the desert. We watch house hunters & that's all you see. You would think people would want some blues & greens --- cool colors. Is it a law there that you have to match the desert or what?

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

And shroomie, what's up with that anyway? All the browns & tans for homes there in the desert. We watch house hunters & that's all you see. You would think people would want some blues & greens --- cool colors. Is it a law there that you have to match the desert or what?

Where I live it is, but then we are a PUD :D I think the idea is to blend in with the landscape, not be an eyesore :unsure: But I guess everything would blend in with snow, which is what it is doing this morning afternoon. Well, not a lot here but it sure is up on the passes. Glad we came back from SF yesterday :)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

I think the idea is to blend in with the landscape

and maybe that is why the houses in the NE are almost all white....blend in with the snow? or maybe it was that "puritanical thing" :lol:

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,912
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    westman3d
    Newest Member
    westman3d
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Rogol72
      Help I’m cross contaminating myself,

      By Rogol72 · Posted

      @klmgarland, My dermatitis herpetiformis didn't clear up until I became meticulous about cross contamination. I cut out gluten-free oats and all gluten-free foods, dairy and gluten-free rice. Additionally, getting the right amount of protein for my body weight helped significantly in my body's healing process ... along with supplementing with enough of all the vitamins and minerals ... especially Zinc and Magnesium. I went from 70kg to 82kg in a year. Protein with each meal 3 times daily, especially eggs at breakfast made the difference. I'm not sure whether iodine was a problem for me, but I can tolerate iodine no problem now. I'm off Dapsone and feel great. Not a sign of an itch. So there is hope. I'm not advocating for the use of Dapsone, but it can bring a huge amount of relief despite it's effect on red blood cells. The itch is so distracting and debilitating. I tried many times to get off it, it wasn't until I implemented the changes above and was consistent that I got off it. Dermatitis Herpetiformis is horrible, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  
    • klmgarland
      Help I’m cross contaminating myself,

      By klmgarland · Posted

      Thank you so very much Scott.  Just having someone understand my situation is so very helpful.  If I have one more family member ask me how my little itchy skin thing is going and can't you just take a pill and it will go away and just a little bit of gluten can't hurt you!!!! I think I will scream!!
    • Scott Adams
      Help I’m cross contaminating myself,

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      It is difficult to do the detective work of tracking down hidden sources of cross-contamination. The scenarios you described—the kiss, the dish towel, the toaster, the grandbaby's fingers—are all classic ways those with dermatitis herpetiformis might get glutened, and it's a brutal learning curve that the medical world rarely prepares you for. It is difficult to have to deal with such hyper-vigilance. The fact that you have made your entire home environment, from makeup to cleaners, gluten-free is a big achievement, but it's clear the external world and shared spaces remain a minefield. Considering Dapsone is a logical and often necessary step for many with DH to break the cycle of itching and allow the skin to heal while you continue your detective work; it is a powerful tool to give you back your quality of life and sleep. You are not failing; you are fighting an incredibly steep battle. For a more specific direction, connecting with a dedicated celiac support group (online or locally) can be invaluable, as members exchange the most current, real-world tips for avoiding cross-contamination that you simply won't find in a pamphlet. You have already done the hardest part by getting a correct diagnosis. Now, the community can help you navigate the rest. If you have DH you will likely also want to avoid iodine, which is common in seafoods and dairy products, as it can exacerbate symptoms in some people. This article may also be helpful as it offers various ways to relieve the itch:  
    • Scott Adams
      My only proof

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      It's very frustrating to be dismissed by medical professionals, especially when you are the one living with the reality of your condition every day. Having to be your own advocate and "fight" for a doctor who will listen is an exhausting burden that no one should have to carry. While that 1998 brochure is a crucial piece of your personal history, it's infuriating that the medical system often requires more contemporary, formal documentation to take a condition seriously. It's a common and deeply unfair situation for those who were diagnosed decades ago, before current record-keeping and testing were standard. You are not alone in this struggle.
    • Scott Adams
      Methylprednisone treatment for inflammation?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Methylprednisolone is sometimes prescribed for significant inflammation of the stomach and intestines, particularly for conditions like Crohn's disease, certain types of severe colitis, or autoimmune-related gastrointestinal inflammation. As a corticosteroid, it works by powerfully and quickly suppressing the immune system's inflammatory response. For many people, it can be very effective at reducing inflammation and providing rapid relief from symptoms like pain, diarrhea, and bleeding, often serving as a short-term "rescue" treatment to bring a severe flare under control. However, experiences can vary, and its effectiveness depends heavily on the specific cause of the inflammation. It's also important to be aware that while it can work well, it comes with potential side effects, especially with longer-term use, so it's typically used for the shortest duration possible under close medical supervision. It's always best to discuss the potential benefits and risks specific to your situation with your gastroenterologist.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.