Very Angry W/ Husband

[jswog]

Last week, we'd had some crockpot BBQ chicken and I had been planning to make dinner for tonight using the leftovers, which I had already told him. Well, last night he asked how many chicken breasts were left. I told him two and he did't say anything, but came in with a bowl full of the leftover veggies from a roast the night before. I didn't think too much of it and made a comment to the extent that I was surprised to see him with nothing but cheesy veggies (he'd put some cheese on top before he warmed it) to which he commented, it's not just veggies, I put in one of the chicken breasts. GRRR... So tonight I (admittedly) got a little pissy with him when he asked what was for dinner. He immediately went in to the other room and ordered a pizza just to be mean to me. He has always before only ordered pizza on nights that I've been working, specifially to not have it around me. This was out of pure spite and so I left the house so that I wouldn't have to see it. I seriously just want to take his leftovers straight out to the dumpster and not even have them in the fridge. He's usually so considerate and has always been my biggest cheerleader in this, but right now I'm just so pissed. I left the house for a few hours before he went to get his pizza and we haven't spoken a word to each other in the hour now that I've been back.

[mushroom]

Leftovers are always a contentious issue in our house too You plan things out so that you have this left over for a meal on that night, and when that night rolls around, durned if you aren't cooking again because half the dinner has become someone's lunch (or whatever). Or, as in your case, you end up being tormented with pizza Now, when you plan lunch leftovers that's different, but if he specifically knows it's dinner and goes ahead and eats it anyway, Grrrrrr. I feel your anger.

[AVR1962]

My reaction would have ben the same as yours. When we finally find something we can actually eat and someone else then eats it, it is disheartening to find it gone.

[Juliebove]

When my daughter was first diagnosed, I had to get her a little fridge just for her special food. She was only 6 then. And not so good at reading labels. Wore yet, her dad and my parents could not seem to figure out what she could and could not eat. Not that my parents babysat for her much. But just in case that were to happen.

Well she's 13 now. She knows what she can and can not eat. My husband (her dad) is in the military and does not currently live here but he does come home every few weeks for a week or so. Things are fine when he is gone. We no longer have to use the little fridge for her food. So we put our drinks in there. My husband is too...I don't know what...lazy, stupid, who knows...to look in that fridge. So anything we put in there is safe. So if it is a leftover that I want for another meal I will put it in there. Failing that, I will try to hide the food in the big fridge. This is not so hard to do because he tends to look only in the front of the fridge. I will also tape a note on it that says "Do not eat!" I have also done this with ingredients I buy for certain recipes that I fear he might otherwise eat. He has actually told me to do this. It is not good enough to tell him not to eat something. He will say he doesn't remember.

As for the pizza this is something he always wants. I have never liked pizza very much and our daughter doesn't either. So his eating it doesn't bother us at all, except that he likes to get the really huge pizzas and two at a time. We have a side by side fridge and those large boxes don't fit in there very well. So that is very much an annoyance.

Thankfully there are a few of grocery stores around here that sell pizza by the slice. So we will often get him two slices when he is home. Yes he will get annoyed that there are no leftovers for later. But... He also has a weight problem and being in the military that's not a good thing. So he gets his pizza and we don't have to deal with a fridge full of the leftovers.

[kwylee]

He's usually so considerate and has always been my biggest cheerleader in this, but right now I'm just so pissed. I left the house for a few hours before he went to get his pizza and we haven't spoken a word to each other in the hour now that I've been back.

OK, I'm going to go against the "grain" - pardon the offensive term...I don't want you to forget that your husband is usually so considerate and has always been your biggest cheerleader in this. I know narratives sometimes lose their details, so there may have been good reason and back story for you to feel anger because he was hungry and wanted to eat the chicken breast even though you had different plans for when he should eat it. And yes, he certainly did know which button to push with the pizza to make you feel badly. My husband is also very understanding but he has bad days. Could it be that your husband just needed to vent?

[sariesue]

I have a slightly different opinion. When you husband asked how much of the chicken was left did you remind him that you were going to use it to make dinner last night? Or did you assume he remembered that you told him days in advance about dinner plans for Sunday night? Because you can't assume that people remember everything you tell them especially if it is a relatively minor thing at the time. So if you are dead set about only eating your leftover chicken as dinner on a specific night and someone asks about the chicken you need to speak up that while there is some left it is not available to be eaten. I can understand being so upset about him eating the leftovers if he didn't ask about the chicken and just ate it. However, he did ask it was you who did not mention your plans for the chicken or ask why he wanted to know about the chicken. Perhaps the situation could have been avoided if you had spoken up about your plans for the chicken when he asked about it. Of course, he might have still insisted on having the chicken then.

I learned that with my husband telling him days in advance what is for dinner does not work because food is not a priority in his life so it's often forgotten about. So if I want to do something with the leftovers I have to remind him sometimes repeatedly. I will tell him when I have the idea, I will remind him on any night he is responsible for getting his own dinner(I work evenings so he is on his own a few nights a week), and the day that I plan on making it. Yes it is a lot of reminders and sometimes they aren't needed but, it prevents conflict most of the time. In the event that he does eat what was supposed to be dinner I ask that he plan dinner for that night or get the missing ingredients to what I wanted to make.

[KikiUSA]

My reaction would have ben the same as yours. When we finally find something we can actually eat and someone else then eats it, it is disheartening to find it gone.

I so agree with you AVR1962! This has unfortunatly happened to me a few times and I try so hard not to get upset so I mostly will just sulk, lol, I get tired of cooking every single meal so when there is left overs I look forward to just heating it up and relaxing after

Husbands do forget though as mine has, have to have my sulk time and then make up

Hope things are better for you both.

[Bubba's Mom]

My hubby and son still eat gluten. Like you, sometimes I make extra meat or have an ingredient set aside for another meal. More than once I've gone to get the item from the fridge and it's gone!

I've come to learn that they don't think about food like we do. They don't have to plan things days ahead like we do. They don't seem to realize that we are limited in what we can eat, and if our "safe food" is gone..it really puts us in a bind. We get upset, and they think we're over reacting. We feel like they don't care about us. I mean, why would they take our food when they can eat ANYTHING?

I've gone into a panic when they've taken something I'd planned for a meal and have no back up plan. Your reaction to your hubby taking the chicken was probably seen as an over-reaction by your hubby, so he retaliated by ordering the pizza. That was insensative of him..but maybe you pushed his buttons and he wanted to push back? Our families are having to adjust to all of this gluten-free stuff too and it's hard on them. All of a sudden they have to change the way they do everything. He may have been having a bad day? If he's usually pretty good and supportive, let's hope this can be one more "learning experience" and move on?

We've had a few of these situations here. I got some inexpensive colored painter's tape. I put it on "off limits foods". I have a carton of cottage cheese right now with tape on it. Once I take out what I need for my recipe I'll remove the tape and the guys will know they can have it. Maybe you could find a way to mark things too? It would save a lot of trouble and hurt feelings.

[notme]

my husband never *ever* hears a word i say. he is so good at it, he can even reply (in context of the conversation) and forget simultaneously! i keep him around because he's so durn cute...

[Tira]

I sure can understand why you'd be upset. It's hard when your best cheerleader fails you. Hope you get the air cleared up soon, cuz you both need each other to be happy, and to maintain peace of mind and a happy home.

Just throwing this out there cuz I just discovered it myself, UNO's Pizza has a wonderful gluten-free menu, and makes a delish pizza too. If ya have one near you, I urge you to try them, cuz then you don't have to go pizza free.

[Skylark]

It sounds like a big communication problem, and some classic fight escalation. Fight escalation is always extremely painful for everyone involved.

It always takes two people to escalate a fight. Like most fights, this started with a simple miscommunication. You assumed he remembered that you were saving the chicken; he probably forgot. You think you only got "a little pissy" the next night but whatever you said must have caused him some real pain to provoke such a strong reaction from your "best cheerleader." You need to understand why he felt so angry and hurt that he decided to hurt you in return with pizza. You won't know for sure what happened until you ask, and it may be a bit of a surprise. He also needs to understand how extremely painful his response was to you.

If him forgetting which leftovers to eat is an ongoing problem, I'd suggest labeling the containers with masking tape and a sharpie when you put them in the refrigerator. Mom used to do that with two hungry teenagers in the house. "Save for dinner Tuesday" or "Eat me!" Put the "Eat me" containers right in front and push the "save" containers to the back too.