Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Gluten-free Food Humor

lpellegr

By lpellegr
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

lpellegr Collaborator
lpellegr
Posted

As I made gluten-free pie crust for Thanksgiving and wonder whether my in-laws' brand of turkey will gluten me, I was thinking over some actually funny moments courtesy of gluten-free food. Like the first time I tried to make gluten-free cookies and had to eat it as handfuls of crumbs from the pan where I vainly attempted to make bar cookies of the remaining batter after the drop cookies melted into a sheet; or last year's horrible attempt at pie crust which had us all reaching for new synonyms for "gritty"; or the Enjoy Life cookies that were devoid of every allergen known to man (we called them the "shellfish-free" cookies) and also devoid of any possibility of enjoyment (good lord, those were disgusting); or the mouse that nibbled food from everyone's stash at work except my gluten-free stuff (my coworker said why should mice like gluten-free food if humans don't?). Let's hear your funny gluten-free stories!

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


taweavmo3 Enthusiast
taweavmo3
Posted

Well for me, it was my husband's response after hearing that I was attempting homemade pizza dough. He poured me a very large glass of wine, and told the kids to get out of the kitchen. I now stick with Kinnikinnick ready made,

Guest Viola
Guest Viola
Posted
:lol::lol: I love that mouse :lol: I had a crow that wouldn't eat some gluten free bread before :rolleyes: and I thought he was picky.
Guest nini
Guest nini
Posted

I have a dog that refuses to eat my gluten free bread crumbs when they fall on the floor. She turns her nose up at them and IGNORES THEM!!!

Guest Viola
Guest Viola
Posted

Do you think maybe these animals know something and we should be worried?? :lol::rolleyes:

chad from fla Newbie
chad from fla
Posted

Cute dog, Viola!

I am having all of these problems with my downstairs neighbor. Noise. Leaky pipes. He needs access sometimes to my apartment in order to fix his cable etc. We just don't get along and there are these things that come up in my building that make it a necessity to deal with him and it's all so difficult and frustrating.

So the other day, I was talking to another neighbor who informed me that my downstairs neighbor is a bread baker. I thought to myself, is this the true reason we don't get along? He works with flour all day...and my body considers flour a poison. I was thinking, there's got to be a joke here somewhere: a celiac and a breadbaker walk into a bar....

Oh, and there's a really funny "gluten-free" Open Original Shared Linkthat I read sometimes. He did this rant last month about Paul Newman having HFCS in his salad dressings that cracked me up for days!

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

We've even got a cartoon:

Open Original Shared Link

Gluten Free cheat loaf!

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


Rusla Enthusiast
Rusla
Posted

My first taste of gluten-free bread was rice bread. First I put it in the toaster, then I had to take the toaster apart to get all the burnt crumbs out. Then I tried to butter it, well that piece of bread disintegrated as I spread it on it, so I melted it and poured it on. When I tried to eat it, it fell apart and all down the inside of my shirt into my bra.

I can honestly say that gluten free bread is the only bread that I don't have to worry about Thor (cat) trying to eat. I bring it in, he sniffs it and then looks at me like I am nuts.

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

Rusla- That is a GREAT story! I can't believe you had to take your toaster apart to get the burnt crumbs out and you ended up with it down your bra! B

Guest Viola
Guest Viola
Posted

Love the gluten free Cartoon :lol: I saw another one that had a see through man with a farris wheel type gadget. the food went into his mouth and the little buckets carried it straight out the butt :lol: I thought that was the best way to discribe us Celiacs with the big D problem.

celiachap Apprentice
celiachap
Posted

A co-worker approached me today about attending a company-sponsored “hands-on” course in CPR-Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation, the Heimlich Maneuver, and (even better!): Artificial Respiration, the “Kiss of Life”! I thought to myself, “Wow, this is going to be great!” When it comes to something like this most guys, Celiac or not, would be willing to take some risks.

But, just to be sure that it’s worth it, I said to her, “Before I sign up, I’d like to know what the girls look like”.

She replied, rather abruptly, “Come on, Celiachap, they're DUMMIES!”

I shot back, “I don’t care how SMART they are, I just want to know what they LOOK like!”

B)

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

Celiacchapp- That is a RIOT!

lonewolf Collaborator
lonewolf
Posted

My sister bought me a package of gluten-free biscuit mix, thinking that it would be a treat. I don't usually buy much prepackaged stuff, but I thought I'd try. It's from a big-name company, but I don't think they make this anymore. Anyway, I made up a batch of "biscuits" and the kitchen started smelling really funny while they were baking. My kids started in with the comments about gluten-free experiments going bad again. When they came out they looked okay, but still smelled funny and had a slightly disturbing yellow tinge. I took one bite and spit it out. We decided to let the dog try them, since he actually looked excited. He gulped one down in about 2 seconds and then THREW IT UP! So now, whenever I try a new experiment, the kids will say something like, "at least it's not bad as the stuff that made Spotty throw up."

Liz

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

OK- this is not for the faint of heart, but I have a very adolescent sense of humor. Consider yourself warned. Last Thursday, my sister went into labor with her second baby so I, 'Auntie Bev" took over care of her 2 year old, Olivia. Now granted, my sister tries but there was NOTHING gluten-free to eat in the house, I was exhausted, stressed, etc. So after two days of watching my niece, I was pretty hungry.

So, I'm driving to take her to see the reindeer at this Christmas tree farm to keep her entertained and I haven't had any breakfast. All the gluten-free stuff was gone so I figured, I'll get a small shake at McDonald's- they're gluten-free right? I've been better with lactose lately so I took my obligatory Lactaid pills and drank my shake.

Half an hour later I'm driving and I thought, "Uh oh, I'm going to vomit." So I leaned forward to grab a cup from my trash (I'm on I 95 here!) but it couldn't wait. I ended up projectile vomiting all over my dashboard! And I mean PROJECTILE. I pulled up at the Christmas tree farm and all my in-laws were there and I rolled down the window and said, 'You guys, I need help" My father-in-law comes over and sees the vomit all over the place and says, "Uh oh, Olivia, did you have an accident?" My 2 year old niece looks at him and sayd "No, my Bev sick." I burst out laughing.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Oh Bev--you poor thing! What a thing to have happen. Thank God you and your niece weren't hurt--how you kept that car under control while vomiting is amazing. Hope you're feeling better now :) --Patti

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

Oh I'm fine- it's my reputation that will never be the same again! :o

NYCisTHEplaceTObe Rookie
NYCisTHEplaceTObe
Posted

wow i give you credit! that is one of my worst fears whiel driving!

aaascr Apprentice
aaascr
Posted

You know you're getting closer to perfection when,

your son's cat steals your

gluten-soy-bean-corn-nut-dairy-egg-FREE

homemade veggie burger and actually eats it!

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

Whoa- I want the recipe on that one as long as it doesn't have lactose! :P

ianm Apprentice
ianm
Posted
I have a very adolescent sense of humor.

Is there any other kind that is better? :)

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

Not in my book! That's why I love working with 7th and 8th graders. Now they would LOVE that story!

aaascr Apprentice
aaascr
Posted

Whoa- I want the recipe on that one as long as it doesn't have lactose!

cooked Quinoa

Quinoa flour

flax meal

rice bran

sunflower seeds- pulverized

tapioca flour

ener g egg replacement

fresh mushrooms

fresh ginger

fresh garlic

fresh onion

cilantro

balsamic vinegar

agave nectar

sea salt

black pepper

Olive oil

I don't really measure things but

it should have the consistency of

ground meat - I cook mine on the

foreman grill - sticks a bit

jenvan Collaborator
jenvan
Posted

wow on that veggie burger. i was trying to picture what was in it! very creative alicia! :D

Guest BERNESES
Guest BERNESES
Posted

Yum! That sounds awesome! Thank you so much!

Guest gfinnebraska
Guest gfinnebraska
Posted

I have a funny story that happened to my sister and her husband. They just moved to the Kansas City area and went to this restaurant that is on the top floor of a high building and spins so you have an awesome view while you eat. Anyway, they are looking over the menu when my bil says: "Look! They have a glutton free menu!" HE is thinking he can eat all he wants without being called a glutton... meanwhile my sister is rolling out of her chair with laughter and calling me on her cell phone! She replies back to her husband: "It is a gluten free menu!!! Not glutton free!!!" Ever since that happened we now refer to all gluten free items as glutton free!! Hahahahaha!! :P

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,899
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    dcarter1682
    Newest Member
    dcarter1682
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • trents
      New (possible) celiac diagnosis

      By trents · Posted

      Welcome to the forum, @Judy M! Yes, he definitely needs to continue eating gluten until the day of the endoscopy. Not sure why the GI doc advised otherwise but it was a bum steer.  Celiac disease has a genetic component but also an "epigenetic" component. Let me explain. There are two main genes that have been identified as providing the "potential" to develop "active" celiac disease. We know them as HLA-DQ 2.5 (aka, HLA-DQ 2) and HLA-DQ8. Without one or both of these genes it is highly unlikely that a person will develop celiac disease at some point in their life. About 40% of the general population carry one or both of these two genes but only about 1% of the population develops active celiac disease. Thus, possessing the genetic potential for celiac disease is far less than deterministic. Most who have the potential never develop the disease. In order for the potential to develop celiac disease to turn into active celiac disease, some triggering stress event or events must "turn on" the latent genes. This triggering stress event can be a viral infection, some other medical event, or even prolonged psychological/emotional trauma. This part of the equation is difficult to quantify but this is the epigenetic dimension of the disease. Epigenetics has to do with the influence that environmental factors and things not coded into the DNA itself have to do in "turning on" susceptible genes. And this is why celiac disease can develop at any stage of life. Celiac disease is an autoimmune condition (not a food allergy) that causes inflammation in the lining of the small bowel. The ingestion of gluten causes the body to attack the cells of this lining which, over time, damages and destroys them, impairing the body's ability to absorb nutrients since this is the part of the intestinal track responsible for nutrient absorption and also causing numerous other food sensitivities such as dairy/lactose intolerance. There is another gluten-related disorder known as NCGS (Non Celiac Gluten Sensitivity or just, "gluten sensitivity") that is not autoimmune in nature and which does not damage the small bowel lining. However, NCGS shares many of the same symptoms with celiac disease such as gas, bloating, and diarrhea. It is also much more common than celiac disease. There is no test for NCGS so, because they share common symptoms, celiac disease must first be ruled out through formal testing for celiac disease. This is where your husband is right now. It should also be said that some experts believe NCGS can transition into celiac disease. I hope this helps.
    • Judy M
      New (possible) celiac diagnosis

      By Judy M · Posted

      My husband has had lactose intolerance for his entire life (he's 68 yo).  So, he's used to gastro issues. But for the past year he's been experiencing bouts of diarrhea that last for hours.  He finally went to his gastroenterologist ... several blood tests ruled out other maladies, but his celiac results are suspect.  He is scheduled for an endoscopy and colonoscopy in 2 weeks.  He was told to eat "gluten free" until the tests!!!  I, and he know nothing about this "diet" much less how to navigate his in daily life!! The more I read, the more my head is spinning.  So I guess I have 2 questions.  First, I read on this website that prior to testing, eat gluten so as not to compromise the testing!  Is that true? His primary care doctor told him to eat gluten free prior to testing!  I'm so confused.  Second, I read that celiac disease is genetic or caused by other ways such as surgery.  No family history but Gall bladder removal 7 years ago, maybe?  But how in God's name does something like this crop up and now is so awful he can't go a day without worrying.  He still works in Manhattan and considers himself lucky if he gets there without incident!  Advice from those who know would be appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • Scott Adams
      Patiently Waiting to See Results

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      You've done an excellent job of meticulously tracking the rash's unpredictable behavior, from its symmetrical spread and stubborn scabbing to the potential triggers you've identified, like the asthma medication and dietary changes. It's particularly telling that the rash seems to flare with wheat consumption, even though your initial blood test was negative—as you've noted, being off wheat before a test can sometimes lead to a false negative, and your description of the other symptoms—joint pain, brain fog, stomach issues—is very compelling. The symmetry of the rash is a crucial detail that often points toward an internal cause, such as an autoimmune response or a systemic reaction, rather than just an external irritant like a plant or mites. I hope your doctor tomorrow takes the time to listen carefully to all of this evidence you've gathered and works with you to find some real answers and effective relief. Don't be discouraged if the rash fluctuates; your detailed history is the most valuable tool you have for getting an accurate diagnosis.
    • Scott Adams
      Gluten free beer ?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      In this case the beer is excellent, but for those who are super sensitive it is likely better to go the full gluten-free beer route. Lakefront Brewery (another sponsor!) has good gluten-free beer made without any gluten ingredients.
    • trents
      Patiently Waiting to See Results

      By trents · Posted

      Welcome to the forum, @catsrlife! Celiac disease can be diagnosed without committing to a full-blown "gluten challenge" if you get a skin biopsy done during an active outbreak of dermatitis herpetiformis, assuming that is what is causing the rash. There is no other known cause for dermatitis herpetiformis so it is definitive for celiac disease. You would need to find a dermatologist who is familiar with doing the biopsy correctly, however. The samples need to be taken next to the pustules, not on them . . . a mistake many dermatologists make when biopsying for dermatitis herpetiformis. 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.