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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid t o make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

:lol::lol::lol:

Thanks Bev :D

Patti hi!!! :) ..do you mean your hubby looks like Open Original Shared Link??....hot indeed!!! B)

Oh and poor Susan :angry: ..left to drink wine with Dingos :blink: (although, they are probably not bad company :lol: )

HARUMPH!!

Feeble joke today...*sigh* , lacking in inspiration AND sunshine (yes indeed Susan, sunshine IS rare in London :angry: )

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer

The barman asks ''Are you eighteen??''

I'm a frayed knot

Dreadful :rolleyes: ...........

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DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer

The barman asks ''Are you eighteen??''

I'm a frayed knot

Dreadful :rolleyes: ...........

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

....yes but somehow still brought a good guffaw in its silly dreadfulness :P:lol: You are just such a nutty goof, wish we could hang out ;)

BTW what is Nikki's spice name....... (stroking chin madly).......hmmmmmmmmmmm......pondering....

Sassy London Spice! Cheeky Brit spice?

ha ha, we will come up with one. ;)

and no, the dingos are actually lerv-ly company, just, now and then it would be nice to have someone ogle me for something other than FOOD or TREATS.... :blink:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
wow patti- SMOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hang onto that one!

Well, that's just what I did--and now the two of us are 32 years older! Nice how that works :lol:

Patti hi!!! :) ..do you mean your hubby looks like Open Original Shared Link??....hot indeed!!! B)

Hi Nikki--Yes, David McCallum! I totally forgot his name :P

But, he no longer looks like him--although who knows--Mr. McCallum is a lot older, too! :lol:

And, sadly, I'm not a size 3 anymore <_<:oB)

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
and no, the dingos are actually lerv-ly company, just, now and then it would be nice to have someone ogle me for something other than FOOD or TREATS.... :blink:

:lol:

Thought I'd take a break and come over here ... seems others had the same idea. ;)

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Thought I'd take a break and come over here ... seems others had the same idea. ;)

Great minds :D

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
Great minds :D

:lol::lol::P

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
BTW what is Nikki's spice name....... (stroking chin madly).......hmmmmmmmmmmm......pondering....

Sassy London Spice! Cheeky Brit spice?

ha ha, we will come up with one. ;)

Mmmm ,how about ''fat bird spice'' :lol:

and no, the dingos are actually lerv-ly company, just, now and then it would be nice to have someone ogle me for something other than FOOD or TREATS.... :blink:

Ha, HA...well I KNOW that feeling!!!!!....Oops :o I mean, I know I'm SOOO very married an all but sometimes you feel like you're taken for granted??

SO, I'm walking home from the gym (added exersize, more fat burning!) and thinking 'have I still got IT'??

You know what I mean??? It's not that I want attention from men,...but just wondered....

Lost in my thoughts....a bloke (ummm a drunk actually, slumped in the kerb) shouts

''OI DARLIN'!!!.....ARE YOU SINGLE????....I LOVE YOUR TRAINERS!!!!!''

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

HO HUM :rolleyes:

NEW MEANINGS

coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your negligee.

lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

I SEE YOU RICHARD!!!!

-----------------

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jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Lost in my thoughts....a bloke (ummm a drunk actually, slumped in the kerb) shouts

''OI DARLIN'!!!.....ARE YOU SINGLE????....I LOVE YOUR TRAINERS!!!!!''

Well now!!! :o

You still got it, Nikki :D

What's a trainer? :unsure:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Well now!!! :o

You still got it, Nikki :D

What's a trainer? :unsure:

A gym shoe :) ...yes but Patti - he was sooo drunk he couldn't EVEN stand!!!! (let alone SEE me clearly!!) :lol::lol:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
A gym shoe :) ...yes but Patti - he was sooo drunk he couldn't EVEN stand!!!! (let alone SEE me clearly!!) :lol::lol:

:lol::lol::lol:

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
SO, I'm walking home from the gym (added exersize, more fat burning!) and thinking 'have I still got IT'??

You know what I mean??? It's not that I want attention from men,...but just wondered....

Lost in my thoughts....a bloke (ummm a drunk actually, slumped in the kerb) shouts

''OI DARLIN'!!!.....ARE YOU SINGLE????....I LOVE YOUR TRAINERS!!!!!''

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

That's always fun ... especially as you get older. I got hit on in the Lowes (a hardware store) parking lot yesterday. :P

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
That's always fun ... especially as you get older. I got hit on in the Lowes (a hardware store) parking lot yesterday. :P

:ph34r: ..mmm, well yes Carla!!!!...probably shouldn't enjoy it being happily married...but nice to know !!!

Now, wouldn't it be nice if your doctor sang to you from his piano during your consultation??????

Open Original Shared Link

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Now, wouldn't it be nice if your doctor sang to you from his piano during your consultation??????

Open Original Shared Link

That was funny! :P

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Nikki could be Scarlet Spice- with that sense of humor and great red hair!!!!!!!! Or Sassified Spice (sassy and satisfied).

Hmm...must think more but brain is lame today!

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
And, sadly, I'm not a size 3 anymore <_<:oB)

<_< don't you hate that....I enjoyed the emaciation of Celiac, and if I go back on gluten full time, I can be a size 2 again.....hmmmmm........decisions...........mental health? or 15 pounds lighter?

:lol:

Thought I'd take a break and come over here ... seems others had the same idea. ;)

Yay! nice to see you here Carla....things were getting tense in Rachelville....I got scared....hold me.....where are those shirtless cops we had last summer? :rolleyes:

A gym shoe :) ...yes but Patti - he was sooo drunk he couldn't EVEN stand!!!! (let alone SEE me clearly!!) :lol::lol:

:lol::lol: Jsut the kind of man I like....besotted, can't stand up, can't see me, and thinks my TRAINERS (and I) are HOT!!!!!!!! ;)

That's always fun ... especially as you get older. I got hit on in the Lowes (a hardware store) parking lot yesterday. :P

Lots of 70 and 80 year old guys are staring at me now - same thing is happening to my friends the same age..... :huh: Suppose I should just find a really rich one with a bad cough? ;)

Nikki could be Scarlet Spice- with that sense of humor and great red hair!!!!!!!! Or Sassified Spice (sassy and satisfied).

Hmm...must think more but brain is lame today!

Scarlet Spice is good.....what say you Nikki?

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Lots of 70 and 80 year old guys are staring at me now - same thing is happening to my friends the same age..... :huh: Suppose I should just find a really rich one with a bad cough? ;)

Ho ho , he better be rich ;)

Scarlet Spice is good.....what say you Nikki?

I say that's just fine darlings - (but I don't have RED HAIR!! :blink::lol: )

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
I say that's just fine darlings - (but I don't have RED HAIR!! :blink::lol: )

:lol: who cares :lol::lol::lol:

somehow it seems to fit you - glamorous and spunky all at once, with a slight hint of mystery and danger...... :ph34r::P

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
:lol: who cares :lol::lol::lol:

somehow it seems to fit you - glamorous and spunky all at once, with a slight hint of mystery and danger...... :ph34r::P

*SNORT* LOL!! :lol::lol: ...you poor deluded girl......or ARE YOU????? ;)

(I am feeling quite mad tonight!! :lol: )

rinne Apprentice
rinne
Posted
:lol:
AndreaB Contributor
AndreaB
Posted

I had to pop over hear because I didn't think Rinne usually posted here. I don't either. :lol:

I think all is calm on the Rachelville front.........

I really don't want to be here do I.......I can't keep up with another long thread. :ph34r:

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
*SNORT* LOL!! :lol::lol: ...you poor deluded girl......or ARE YOU????? ;)

(I am feeling quite mad tonight!! :lol: )

*GUFFAW* *snigger* I LERVE it when Nikki feels mad! :lol: I am feeling a bit mad myself! Why, I have just realized, it is nearly midnight your time......you ARE mad this evening, aren't you? :lol:

:lol:

RINNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and there she is with a sprinkle of her faerie magic of just the simple :lol: face

Nice to see you! ;)

I had to pop over hear because I didn't think Rinne usually posted here. I don't either. :lol:

I really don't want to be here do I.......I can't keep up with another long thread. :ph34r:

:blink: hardly anything to keep up with - - VERRRRRRY low-stress pure goofball thread - - just pop in and say hallooooooooooo when you feel like it! ;) So nice to see you here!

[but please know this - - we are the naughty children of Celiac.com, banished to be amongst ourselves, rather Lord of the Flies-like, left to our own devices here, alone and largely ignored]

:lol::lol::lol:

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
[but please know this - - we are the naughty children of Celiac.com, banished to be amongst ourselves, rather Lord of the Flies-like, left to our own devices here, alone and largely ignored]

:lol::lol::lol:

Susie- You are killing me tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get Lyme- you'll get skinny! My underwear is getting too big (lost 25 pds since January).

Dearest Nikki- Are you blonde? Strawberry Blonde?

And yes- we are very naughty over here. Luckily it seems to go unnoticed and no one ever reports us MOO HOO AHHH HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Susie- You are killing me tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get Lyme- you'll get skinny! My underwear is getting too big (lost 25 pds since January).

Dearest Nikki- Are you blonde? Strawberry Blonde?

And yes- we are very naughty over here. Luckily it seems to go unnoticed and no one ever reports us MOO HOO AHHH HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:lol::lol::lol: and you are killing ME you silly Lymie.

Yes, no one reports us :lol: I think they read a sentence or two, and cannot get their cursor to get them out of here fast enough.....they don't even want it known that they were ON this thread...

MOO HOOO HOO AHHH HA HA indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lyme Diet.......Susie thinks that is not such a good way to lose weight..... :huh::P

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
somehow it seems to fit you - glamorous and spunky all at once, with a slight hint of mystery and danger...... :ph34r::P

...and can I point out it is YOUR turn for the language faux pas!!..as the noun 'spunk' has QUITE the different meaning here in dear ol' blighty :o:ph34r::lol:

Oh HECK :o:o:o

Open Original Shared Link

EWWWW!!!

[but please know this - - we are the naughty children of Celiac.com, banished to be amongst ourselves, rather Lord of the Flies-like, left to our own devices here, alone and largely ignored]

Bunch of nutters,...best avoided.....

Dearest Nikki- Are you blonde? Strawberry Blonde?

I am a fetching shade of mousy dark blonde <_< ..how dull....so I colour it within an inch of its life!!....(although, it's a close call with the red head thing - one of my boys has red eyelashes :ph34r: )

..Poor you Bev ...having to endure not only Lyme but BAGGY KNICKERS too!! :o ....that will NEVER do.. <_<

Stupid Lyme :angry:

A rare but sunny day here.....must get out in the garden a bare some flesh (EWWW!! :ph34r: ) as it's the only way us Northern Hemisphere peeps can get our Vit D!! :lol: (- yes, mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the Midday sun :rolleyes: )

It's Terry's (hubby) birthday today (43 yrs young) and he has already cracked open a glass of wine....bless him...he will be asleep by 7pm as he can't get his head round the fact that he CANNOT drink everyone under the table like the pre c.d days and NOT absorbing :lol::lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
I really don't want to be here do I......

:lol::lol: ..you made me laugh Andrea!!

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