The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[nikki-uk]

tYres.

What???...Wait..... ...don't tell me you guys spell tYres different???????.......whatever next!!!!!!!!!!

I would also take the crisp, dry days at -5 that we see most of the winter over a winter of cool dampness and fog. Whoa, that sounds REALLY depressing.

Hey!! It's the silly thread....

*sigh* - yes indeed - crisp , bright, dry appeals. However Englands unrelenting damp grey fog does not.

I can feel it coming too ...just that it affects some of us more than others

But ENOUGH weather talk !!! ...and why is it not even noticable when you are a child???

[DingoGirl]

I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will not have snow on my wedding day.

Yes! And when is it? and is it to that man in your avatar? Tell us everything, we're having a blah day on teh Silly thread.

What???...Wait..... ...don't tell me you guys spell tYres different???????.......whatever next!!!!!!!!!!

But ENOUGH weather talk !!! ...and why is it not even noticable when you are a child???

um hallooooo, it's tIres. Indeed, whatever next? Silly Americans. Foolish rebellion is all it is.

all right, enough weather talk. We have a day here that could not be more perfect.....I must get out and walk the dingos, twice.

um......have I posted this before? I'm sure I have - do not remember..............always makes me chuckle anyway.....

A FEW NEW ONES

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:

"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

[Mtndog]

oh my Lord Emily!! Snow.....I don't think I could manage snow and minus 20..... It's a gorgeous time of year here but still......we are heading into the constant blanket of damp fog for months and months. Causes a tendency of cocoon-ing for Dingy.

Oh gosh- I remember San Francisco winters (which are the same as San Francisco summers for that matter! )

Yes- cocooning is necessary!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE everything from Sept-Dec here but january- April can be long, dark and cold. My solution? candles and chocolate!

Currently watching Braveheart which calls for a Kilt Joke:

Three scotswomen are walking home

at night (they are neighbors) and find

a scotsman passed out partially

under a wagon. His upper body is

under the wagon and they can't see

who he is; however, they would like to

help him get home. The first woman

looks under his kilt and says, "It's not

my husband". The second woman

looks under his kilt and says, It's not

my husband". The third woman looks

under his kilt and says, "Why he's not

even from our village!"

and the distinguished Sir Sean Connery in a kilt

[blueeyedmanda]

Yes! And when is it? and is it to that man in your avatar? Tell us everything, we're having a blah day on teh Silly thread.

My date is November 3rd, Actually that is not my man in my avatar. My man is not really into photos. The man in the avatar is actually the owner of Wegmans, my favorite grocery store. Our new store opened 1 week ago and they all came down from NY and he was real friendly. So we talked about celiac for a bit and I got a picture. It was a very fun day. My coworkers think the man is very good looking.

If you want to see my real man, I will send you my webshots addy in a pm. Let me know.

[Darn210]

Halloooo only slightly silly ladies today . . .

Tis a slow day.

I did enjoy the jokes and have no Scottish jokes to throw in so I'm not even trying to help the silly factor today . . .

My favorite time is fall and spring . . . where the temps during the day are from about 48 to 72. Doesn't seem to depend TOO much on sun as long as it comes out every so often. Much prefer snow to ice (we get both here). And if its going to be cold . . . might as well have some snow to play in as far as I'm concerned. (Although, I'm betting I don't want as much as you get up there, Emily.)

The day didn't start out too good . . . I got stung by a bee at the kid's bus stop this morning. First time since high school. I use to swell up quite a bit whenever that happened. I didn't this time. Don't know if it was because it's been so long or because I immediately took some benedryl. Still stings like the dickens, though. And of course, I had to take a nap about 30 minutes after the benedryl - that's been the highlight of my day so far.

Susie, you may have already told everyone about your dingos before, but I have not read this whole thread. What kind of dingos do you have and what do you call them?

So if it is tyres . . . is it wyres? fyres? hyres?, syres?

Manda (Is it Manda or Amanda?), you were pretty skimpy on your wedding details. Big or Small? In Chocolatetown (I've been there once) or somewhere else? Honeymoon plans? C'mon, spill the beans!

[blueeyedmanda]

I didn't mean to be skimpy...I am at work and sometimes I have to be careful about what I am doing...dumb hospital rules

Not a big-big wedding, about 100 or so invited, mostly his family is big. It is in his church outside of Harrisburg and then at the Auto Museum in Hershey for the reception. My colors are lilac and I am having a beach theme wedding.

My caterer is doing a gluten free dish for me and a friend and my cake lady has a celiac friend so she is making me my own little gluten free cake. :)

[nikki-uk]

. 6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

It is indeed comforting.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

As I say to my hubby everyday ''it gives me thrills to wind you up''.........he accepts this.

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Oh dear GOD !!

Reminds me of a Spanish hol (vacation) we went on many moons ago

Every one recommended walking into the next town via the beach (told us it had 'fantastic views')

OMG - didn't know WHAT to say to the kids (and it weren't pretty !!!!)

Superb Scottish humoUr Bev,.... the celts are good joke fodder

Sir Sean Connery in a kilt

Mmmm, verrry nice. I've alway's had a wee crush on Sean (older man thing) ...and I think we all agree that men in kilts are hot !!! (well maybe not the menfolk....... ......ya never know though.... )

. . . I got stung by a bee at the kid's bus stop this morning. First time since high school. I use to swell up quite a bit whenever that happened. I didn't this time. Don't know if it was because it's been so long or because I immediately took some benedryl. Still stings like the dickens, though. And of course, I had to take a nap about 30 minutes after the benedryl - that's been the highlight of my day so far.

Ouch !!! Sorry about the bite ....and that benadryl's a devil for making you sleepy isn't it???

I think all the bees have gone into hibernation here

So if it is tyres . . . is it wyres? fyres? hyres?, syres?

No just tYres...strange though it is.

I didn't mean to be skimpy...I am at work and sometimes I have to be careful about what I am doing...dumb hospital rules

They make you work ?????

The horror !! Can they do that????

But really, the wedding plans sound great

[blueeyedmanda]

They not only make you work...they want you to smile doing it LOL...no actually I really like my job, I work with cancer patients who are on clinical trials. Right now we are getting ready for an audit so it is crazy around here, and not the good kind of crazy either.

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

Ok, i'm sorry, but I just have to put this up.

The class was having show and tell and the teacher asked for everyone to bring something representing thier religion.

One girl said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a rosary."

Another Boy said, "My name is Benjaman. I'm Jewish and this is the Star of David."

Finally a boy stood up and said, "My name is Tommy. I'm Methodist and this is a casserole."

LOL. I got this a while ago but it's just hilarious.

[blueeyedmanda]

Got this one from the MIL this morning...so cute!

Two second-graders are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

The second kid replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."

[elye]

Good one, Amanda...

My ten year-old son has been begging me nonstop to mention this on the forum, so I've finally been worn down enough that I will do it. Anyone who is on Facebook (especially you, Nikki, as he's looking in particular for a UK audience) can see the event and group my son has started...it is really something, and he's emailed a number of London newspapers in hopes they would feature a story. I mention it here because it is kind of light, (maybe a bit funny, though certainly not to him), and it's nice to see a little kid trying so hard to do something. He wants this to go worldwide... The name of his group is "Where's Randall?" Quite something, in a biased mom's eyes!

[nikki-uk]

My ten year-old son has been begging me nonstop to mention this on the forum, so I've finally been worn down enough that I will do it. Anyone who is on Facebook (especially you, Nikki, as he's looking in particular for a UK audience) can see the event and group my son has started...it is really something, and he's emailed a number of London newspapers in hopes they would feature a story. I mention it here because it is kind of light, (maybe a bit funny, though certainly not to him), and it's nice to see a little kid trying so hard to do something. He wants this to go worldwide... The name of his group is "Where's Randall?" Quite something, in a biased mom's eyes!

Forgive my ignorance (I am old) but how would I access this group??

[blueeyedmanda]

Forgive my ignorance (I am old) but how would I access this group??

Nikki- if you are in London, do you Listen to Virgin Radio Classic Rock? We listen to it off the net in the States, great channel.

[elye]

Forgive my ignorance (I am old) but how would I access this group??

To acces Facebook, just google it. I think you need to be a member to access other members' profiles, groups and events. It's easy to become a member if one is so inclined, as you just click on "join", I think. But you may be able to browse without being a member.

If you mean how does one access the "Where's Randall" group, you just put the group name into the search bar on the upper left.

[nikki-uk]

Nikki- if you are in London, do you Listen to Virgin Radio Classic Rock? We listen to it off the net in the States, great channel.

Sometimes listen to Virgin radio but not Classic Rock - although I wouldn't mind it

[blueeyedmanda]

Sometimes listen to Virgin radio but not Classic Rock - although I wouldn't mind it

When I worked in the lab at night we were on the ground floor in the hospital, so we would use winamp and listen to a variety of channels. Well we came upon Virgin Classic Rock and never turned back. It was a channel we all agreed on. I started to stream it right off their website. We loved it. I always thought it was neat when they were talking about the US and they would say our friends across the pond.

[Darn210]

Finally a boy stood up and said, "My name is Tommy. I'm Methodist and this is a casserole."

Anybody get this in their email besides me? . . . of course, it's from my mom.

Open Original Shared Link

[DingoGirl]

Anybody get this in their email besides me? . . . of course, it's from my mom.

Open Original Shared Link

:lol:

love the site - a place to put all the silly forwards and such.....

well hallloooooOOOOOOOOOOO sillies!

I am busy tackling the mounting squalor and the clothes-bomb that has gone off in my bedroom.

Emily - tried to find "where's Randall" in facebook, alas, dozens of other Randalls - not that one?

here's something you may have all seen, but still amusing - (true or not, do not know - suppose I should Snopes it but who really cares? )

***************

WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child

Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or

putting it another way.... Who's yo Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from

the forms. Be sure to check out #11. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party

if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I

fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's

had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son'conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Yep, you guessed it right - you are all paying taxes to support them.

[elye]

Wow, Susan...urban legends or real? Hilarious. And a bit sad, I guess...

Okay, so here's the link:

Open Original Shared Link

Okay, let's get the world together on this. F@*k global warming, this is something that REALLY matters!

[nikki-uk]

the clothes-bomb that has gone off in my bedroom.

Ha! I have these ALL over the house.... ......they BREED!!!

OMG !! Who's the Daddy

Blimin' EXCELLENT !!!!...but this one really cracked me up !!!!

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party

if this helps.

Okay, so here's the link:

Open Original Shared Link

I have to log in for that link

Do you have to be a member to see it??

[elye]

I have to log in for that link

Do you have to be a member to see it??

Yep, I now suspect so. Ah, well...I tried! (Facebook actually is a lot of good, harmless fun, and easy to join. Mostly big with the university and young'un crowd, but I now seem to have a number of friends on this, so I couldn't resist following along, sheep that I am...)

[blueeyedmanda]

Yep, I now suspect so. Ah, well...I tried! (Facebook actually is a lot of good, harmless fun, and easy to join. Mostly big with the university and young'un crowd, but I now seem to have a number of friends on this, so I couldn't resist following along, sheep that I am...)

I feel the same way with myspace. I only joined to keep in touch with some college buds. I also have some family members on there.

[blueeyedmanda]

BETTY AND CHESTER

Betty and Chester knew each other from childhood

but were in their seventies when they got married.

They had to wait for Betty's mother to pass a way first. Back in those

days

there was no hanky-panky before marriage so Chester and Betty were both

still virgins. Needless to say Chester was pretty excited on their

wedding night, having waited so patiently all these years.

However, Betty was very apprehensive. As she had developed a heart

condition and would have to tell Chester that they could not 'do it.'

Chester is now sitting on the bed wanting Betty to hurry. He detects a

little reluctance on her part.

Thinking that she is shy, he sends her off to the bathroom to get

undressed. When she reappears in her satin nightie, he gets her to sit

next to him on the bed.

Not knowing how to get things started, he pulls the first strap on her

nightie. She blushes just as red as the nightie. She is really concerned

about telling Chester about her heart condition.

In the meantime Chester is looking at the first breast he has seen

up-close

since his own mother's. It is hanging there down to her belly button,

gravity having taken its toll over some sixty years. He realizes her

anxiety but figures she is going to have to be helped a little more, so

he pulls

the second strap and sees the second breast unroll downward before him.

Poor Betty is now beside herself. She is going to have to tell Chester

about her heart. With a quivering voice and mustering up all her

courage, she

says, 'Chester , I have acute angina.'

Chester says, 'I hope so, cause you've sure got ugly boobs.'

[DingoGirl]

Okay, so here's the link:

Open Original Shared Link

Okay, let's get the world together on this. F@*k global warming, this is something that REALLY matters!

oh my gosh, that is SO cute!!!!!! and how sad.....he really lost his raccoon? VERY clever - - and so poignant....I hope they find Randall!

[Yes, Nikki, you have to be a member - easy to sign up, just name, email, etc.]

Ha! I have these ALL over the house.... ......they BREED!!!

I know....and there's only ONE of me here - -

says, 'Chester , I have acute angina.'

Chester says, 'I hope so, cause you've sure got ugly boobs.'

:lol:

OMG PAGES ago I think Janet asked about teh dingos........

You can see a picture of my beauties on my profile. Fabulous, unknown breed, smarty-smart, yellow girls. Tika is almost 14, from SPCA when she was a baby, and Annie was found on teh highway by Walmart in Gilroy, she's about 7. They are FAMOUS and FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[elye]

That one is actually quite an old joke, like from the fifties. But a CLASSIC...