The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[Jestgar]

ow

[Mtndog]

TRI-TIP? DID SOMEONE SAY TRI-TIP?????????? MMmmmmmmmmmmmm......tri-tip! No one here knows what it is!!!!!! Except the phine pholks at trader Joe's. Where's the licking-my-lips emoticon?

Aw Emily--Elsie is beautiful! She looks so at home...it really sounds like she was meant to be with you guys.

She is indeed gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wub: So glad she's YOURS!!!!!!!

Should have jammed a big stick in that wine bottle.....one mega-dreamsicle.....

Elsie does indeed look like a baby deer. All legs, in every direction.

She does! When my in-laws get their sheep dog groomed (when she was younger) she would leap around the backyard like a baby lamb....I called her Leaping lamb Chops. Her name is Gracie and she is a bull in a china shop.....I just call her Graceless!!!!!!!!!!!

Susie- I gotta say- that AV is WAY TOO CUTE!!!

Oh....all is so GOOD in Sillyville! Julie's gotten onto her treadmill, Patti and Jess are responding positively to their Ednas, Susie's got some chips, Ptaoughmn's haircut no longer finds him hiding under the dining room table.....all good.

It would be PERFECT if King Peter can tell us that he finished all of his parking lot line-painting...

Ahhh...King Peter's reign! Is this Camelot? Are we the Goobers of the Round table?

The census by species:

Humans: 2

Cats: 6

Fish (Betta): 1

And, yes, you can be sure that Tuppence is watching.

:lol: We have been outnumbered:

Humans: 2

Animals: 3 (2 cats and 1 puppy!)

Susie, love your new av! But just wait until I get mine up.....THEN we'll see who really is the cutest ( unfortunately, I have to wait til my DD can show me how---I'm not too computer literate

Oooh...can't wait! more cuteness!

pap smear.

Why is this still a tortuous, archaic task with medieval instruments? Do you have the answer, King Oracle Peter? Do you even want to think about it?

OBVIOUSLY a medieval torture form somehow incorporated into modern medicine by a man!!!!!! Emily- Did you use sparkles?

[DingoGirl]

sillies....................I am a mess.............

:(

the barbecue chips???? well - - I didn't even read the label and ate half the bag......some INSANE craving took over and a pure recklessness I can't even explain.

So - I did sleep pretty well but awoke in a complete fog/haze/coma and am gradually jackknifing in pain. So today - I read the ingredients on the bag of chips - - and it has BARLEY MALT FLOUR..............

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is there a bigger eejit than I?????????????????

Kissey's coming for lunch at noon and boy, is he gonna see what happens.......

<stupid stupid stupid STUPID!!!!!!!!!>

[tom]

Don't worry, Tom. ANYtime you make a comment like that, I always imagine it in a Homer Simpson voice!

Hehe good but Homer's open-mouth drool sound signifies a magnitude of foodlust far exceeding the "mmmmmmmmm".

Tri-tip deserves THAT!

Canadian Bacon mmmmmmmmmm

(Sorry but it's no tri-tip)

Good luck Emily Ugh--definitely no fun though.....close your eyes and pretend you are at the ski lodge sipping wine by the fire--mind over matter

ABSINTHE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally the truth comes out:

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

. . . "you liked all those things that Janet cooked, I thought you might want to learn how to do it, too."

:lol:

Emily- Did you use sparkles?

:lol:

<wish I'd thought of that!! Tip-of-the-Hat to Boehv!!>

[Mtndog]

OH SIOUXIE!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

You POOR POOR Thing......really....I had the same thing happen about a month ago- had a sore throat and asked Kurt to bring home fudgsicles ASSUMING they'd be OK and ate like 4. MALT!!!!!!!!! I hope it's not too bad for you.

[tom]

So today - I read the ingredients on the bag of chips - - and it has BARLEY MALT FLOUR..............

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OMG so sorry Soozle!! Hope it's not too bad? :appropriatesympathyworriedface:

[Darn210]

Susie - Sorry to hear the chips are biten' back.

Bev with the Sparkles . . . . . . yes, I'm wishin' I would have thought of that!!!!

[Darn210]

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OMG so sorry Soozle!!

Soozle?? That makes her sound like a Dr. Seuss character . . . Soozle, go take a snoozle . . . or have a bit of boozle . . . till you're no longer confoozle . . d.

[jerseyangel]

Oh Susie So sorry 'bout the chips. Stupid malt

Yeah--the glitter! Shoulda remembered that meself

[nikki-uk]

Evening my sillies!!!!!

SUSIE!!!!!! (crap!..why must they put barley MALT in the most innocuous foods??? )

I am a little sad as the phine weather is fading

I had to put a jacket on this morning....and frankly my feet are cold in flip-flops.

Rain expected by Thursday, temps back down to 58F

.....must move....PRONTO (before Thurs)

Elsie had one accident sometime last night - - peed right by Gus's bed (significant?), so I'll keep an eye on her. May have to monitor/ration her water somewhat at first.....

Aw...you've got to expect a few accidents

Elsie is BEAUTIMOUS!!!!!!!.....I want to cuddle and hug her!!! (but then Gus would get jealous! )

.....she's going to look EVEN better once she fills out a bit

Never heard of Tri-tip! Want some.....

How do you guys feel about Canadian (or peameal) Bacon? Mmmmmmmmmm......

Yes....Tri-tip????...sounds good

CANADIAN BACON???????

Mygawd!!!!! <HMMMMMMMMMMMM >

Also big fan of Canadian cheddar

In fact,come to think of it, there's not many foods that I don't like

pap smear.

Why is this still a tortuous, archaic task with medieval instruments? Do you have the answer, King Oracle Peter? Do you even want to think about it?

Truly instruments of torture....especially when they turn the screw thing

We only have them every 5 yrs here and NEVER have medicals

I like to chat about bizarre things. One time the doc told me all about how to clean a dog's anal glands (swear to god). That's the only part of the day I remember.

Em may need to brush up those skills with 2 canine butts!!!

One time (after I had assumed the position) my doc said "Now let your knees fall naturally apart". And my response was "On this day, they don't do that!!"

I mean!!.....how CAN you?!?!

I had my yearly physical yesterday morning, and the doctor and I were discussing this as we prepared for the male-specific unpleasant event: digital rectal prostate examination.

She said that she thought it (the rectal probe) was not as bad as a pap smear. I think this is one of those great questions in life that will never be properly answered. I mean, it's not like we can find a panel of subjects who have had both experiences.

Well, well, it's good to know that there are humiliating tests out there for the chaps as well

[DingoGirl]

You POOR POOR Thing......really....I had the same thing happen about a month ago- had a sore throat and asked Kurt to bring home fudgsicles ASSUMING they'd be OK and ate like 4. MALT!!!!!!!!! I hope it's not too bad for you.

Heinous, Bev.............mygawd.............why MUST there be barley malt in everything?????

and thank you my silly friends......I am NOT expecting any sympathy as it was just completely stoopid...... I gave a cursory thought to reading ingredients BUT NO................ so - - I'm going to take Janet's advice - - -

Soozle?? That makes her sound like a Dr. Seuss character . . . Soozle, go take a snoozle . . . or have a bit of boozle . . . till you're no longer confoozle . . d.

and maybe just drink the gluten haze into another type of haze? :huh

<haven't the fortitude to muster a laughing face>

[nikki-uk]

Absinthe for Soozle ....IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some weird facts to ponder on......

13 people each year are killed by Vending Machine's falling on them.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Each card in a deck represents a king from history: Spades- King David, Hearts- Charlemagne, Clubs-Alexander the Great, Diamonds- Julius Caesar

There are about 75 million horses in the world.

Halloween was created to scare away the bad spirits and demons that could possess people. People would go out at night and cause havok in the streets.

If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.

The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can grow undisturbed on its fur!

Attila the Hun died in 453 on the night of his marriage to Ilidico, he is thought to have been poisoned.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant "plenty of excrement."

By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. (useful )

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.

Queen Victoria eased the discomfort of her menstrual cramps by having her doctor supply her with marijuana. ( niiiiice)

Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. ( I'm a lefty!)

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. ( I'm a lefty!)

Most People use over 16,000 gallons of water in their lifetimes, or 2.5 quarts per day.

The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was Fred.

Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds.

The Titanic had only 20 life boats.

A peanut isn't a nut it is a legume. A peanut is a member of the pea family.

The average person has a vocabulary of 5000-6000 words.

The umbrella originated in Mesopotamia in 1400 B.C. It was used for shade. The word umbrella is derived from the Latin word for a shade, umbra.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.

The only product to be promoted by Elvis Presley was donuts. The commercial was for Southern Made Donuts and aired in 1954.

In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.

Florida is larger than England. (Whaaaat!!! )

A Giraffe is about 6 feet tall at birth and weights about 150 pounds.

The first TV was demonstrated in 1928 and it the screen was 3 inches by 4 inches.

In Czechoslovakia, there is a church that has a chandelier made out of human bones.

The collecting of beer mats (coasters) is called tegestology.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

Like fingerprints,everyone's tongue print is different.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

[elye]

Wow, what a superb pap smear!! As paps go, it was among the top five for me. I'm sure you've been all waiting with bated breath for a report:

My Doc is relatively new to me, but not to the businesss...I'd say he's sixty, anyway. As I allowed my legs to fall naturally apart (man, I've been doin' this so long, it happens quite easily now) my fine doc told a bad joke about an old Scotish gynecologist....quite unfunny, as I don't really even remember it all. Man, was he expecting me to burst out laughing at such a time? Or even chortle?

So, I asked him which footwear he would choose - - metal cleats or the cups. I swear, the metal contraption that is screwed open, the collection of cells, all done in less than ten seconds. He didn`t even have time to answer my question! I was so impressed, as I have quite a retroverted uterus....difficult to access.

I wonder if that would have made an effective pick-up line back in the day? 'Hey....I`ve got one of the most retroverted uteruses (uteri?) around, big boy'.....

Perhaps I could put it on my resume......

I had my yearly physical yesterday morning, and the doctor and I were discussing this as we prepared for the male-specific unpleasant event: digital rectal prostate examination.

Absolutely NO contest - - I would take the digital any day, any time. It`s a finger - -not a piece of cold steel that snaps open to about eight inches across...and there`s no (((shudder)))) scraping......

Well gang--I just finished painting my stool We have a cute old one that I painted gloss black....I plan to put it on the front porch with a plant on it.

Mygawd.....I must have missed you talking about this before, Patti - - I thought you were referring to another kind of stool, the kind that seems to be discussed here with more regularity than a step stool....

I thought, `painted her stool? Why on earth? Do we really care what coloUr it is, and if it doesn`t go with stuff?`

[Ridgewalker]

The kids are playing outside. Lucas just came in a few minutes ago, and said something that sounded rather odd, but I'm beginning to expect such escapades where his brother is concerned...

Lucas: Mom? I need the scissors.

Me: Uh, no. Why?

Lucas: Because Ezra's hair is stuck in the birdseed feeder wire thing.

Me:

So I went outside, and sure enough-- Ezra is standing under the tree, pitiful look on his face, head stuck to the bird feeder.

I did manage to get him unstuck without the aid of scissors, though.

[DingoGirl]

.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

Was perusing the list and chortling to self in a very simple-minded, cretin-esque way, and Elaine on Seinfeld popped to mind.......do y'all remember the episode when George abstained from sex and became smarter, Elaine participated and got increasingly dumber..........so - -she's standing in front of this - what in hell was it? - rotating helix-type shape - maybe in front of a tire store er sumfin'? and it's going round and round......and she's standing in front of it, her head going round and round, mimicking the motion of the thing-y, with a huge, dopey grin on her face.......and she's laughing like a simpleton and clapping her hands with glee...................

so that's what I was doing.

Em, congrats on yer pap and your convoluted cervix. I have the same. (v. painful paps as quite hard to access )

Patti - gloss-black stool to go w/ yer chairs. Yes, since WHEN have we been painting our stools?

[DingoGirl]

Lucas: Mom? I need the scissors.

Me: Uh, no. Why?

Lucas: Because Ezra's hair is stuck in the birdseed feeder wire thing.

Me:

:lol: love the antics of all y'alls chillens

[jerseyangel]

Wow, what a superb pap smear!!

Glad you enjoyed it, Em Nothin like a good pap

So I went outside, and sure enough-- Ezra is standing under the tree, pitiful look on his face, head stuck to the bird feeder.

Gawd! The things kids get themselves into!

[jerseyangel]

since WHEN have we been painting our stools?

Since this morning

[curlyfries]

Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. ( I'm a lefty!)

Yep.....that'll be me! I have a totally dyslexic brain when it comes to right handed gadgets I didn't figure out until I was 18 why my shoes never stayed tied I was tying them 1/2 left handed and 1/2 right handed!

[curlyfries]

The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was Fred.

Actually, I'll bet the fish died looooong before that, but the parents of the child that owned him didn't have the heart to tell her, so they replaced Fred with another goldfish, and another, and another......

[Green12]

Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. ( I'm a lefty!)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. ( I'm a lefty!)

By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. (useful )

Nikki, very interesting facts here.......I am a lefty too! We are the curly haired lefty twins !!

I had a thought about the quicksand one, you know you don't hear so much about quicksand anymore. It used to be in a movie or two, and several tv shows...oh, it's the dreaded quicksand, however will they get out....... but no, not so much anymore.

Wow, what a superb pap smear!! As paps go, it was among the top five for me.

As I allowed my legs to fall naturally apart (man, I've been doin' this so long, it happens quite easily now)

Glad it was a five star pap for you Emily!

I have to weigh in on the pap thing, I think I would rather go with a pap than the rectal exam.

Lucas: Mom? I need the scissors.

Me: Uh, no. Why?

Lucas: Because Ezra's hair is stuck in the birdseed feeder wire thing.

Me:

I did manage to get him unstuck without the aid of scissors, though.

Sarah

Glad you were able to get your son untangled from the birdfeeder.

Was perusing the list and chortling to self in a very simple-minded, cretin-esque way, and Elaine on Seinfeld popped to mind.......do y'all remember the episode when George abstained from sex and became smarter, Elaine participated and got increasingly dumber..........so - -she's standing in front of this - what in hell was it? - rotating helix-type shape - maybe in front of a tire store er sumfin'? and it's going round and round......and she's standing in front of it, her head going round and round, mimicking the motion of the thing-y, with a huge, dopey grin on her face.......and she's laughing like a simpleton and clapping her hands with glee...................

so that's what I was doing.

I wish I remembered this episode. I used to watch Seinfeld all the time, but I have so little recall of it...don't know what that is all about I can remember so many other things from other shows, but not Seinfeld

I do remember a few classic things like the Puffy Shirt, or the Man Bra, the Soup Nazi......

[curlyfries]

Nikki, very interesting facts here.......I am a lefty too! We are the curly haired lefty twins !!

Better make that triplets Why do you think I'm called curlyfries? (and I'm sooo left handed!)

[CarlaB]

I'm a lefty, too ... and have curly hair.

[DingoGirl]

OMG. Also left-handed here..........w/ curly hair (well - more frizzy now than curly )

what does it mean?????

ok but wait - - I only eat and write left-handed. Everything else is strong right - tennis, batting, etc. etc. and kick w/ right foot.......

[Darn210]

Did anyone else put together that this fact

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. ( I'm a lefty!)

May be the direct result of this fact?????

Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. ( I'm a lefty!)