The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[jerseyangel]

My neighbor calls me up to ask what I'm watching on TV. Then she tells me to get bigger TV so she can see it better.

Now that's phunny!!! :lol:

[flourgirl]

I like my neighbors a lot! On one side, there are so many trees we can't often see on another. On the other side, we have opposite schedules Actually I DO like them. All very nice people, we wave in passing. The *tree side* people trade books and mags with us, peer over their fence and openly admire the yard. They also love to garden. Three dogs live with them, all of whom are well behaved (wish I could say the same for all of the dogs in the neighborhood). One of them talks to me regularly (the dog...not the person....well...them, too).

Jshan-nit....good luck wif it all! Your kids are really old enough to help...it just may not turn out to be quite what you are hoping for. Mine did yard work, cleaned, vacuumed and learned to do laundry at a fairly young age. I didn't want him to grow up to be helpless and rush into marriage in order to have some poor young lass take care of him. Poor kid! Maybe I was a bit too harsh with the boy! But he WAS a huge help back then

Psuess! Maybe you want someone (a professional someone) to take a look at yer eye! Psounds Pserious!

Mini-Mommy....have a blast at the ball! Looking forward to a "report"!

[elye]

My neighbor calls me up to ask what I'm watching on TV. Then she tells me to get bigger TV so she can see it better.

My neighboUr calls me up and says, "you would not beliiiieeeeeeve the size o' the bumble bee buzzing around your back patio door....like he's tryin' to get in er something. I can hear it from all the way over here!"

Soooozle! Have a pro look at that messy eye - - ya don't wanna fool around with eye infections!

[Darn210]

Jshan-nit....good luck wif it all! Your kids are really old enough to help...it just may not turn out to be quite what you are hoping for.

Oh they've "helped" before . . . . . . if that's what you want to call it. Skeeter took about 1/4 bottle of cleaner (got one of them natural cleaners for the kids to use) and about a half a roll of paper towels to clean two sinks . . . sort of . . . took about 30 minutes . . .

Jess - tell yer neighbor to get herselph some binoculars . . . will come in handy when she's stalking other neighbors besides yerselph.

[jerseyangel]

Soooozle! Have a pro look at that messy eye - - ya don't wanna fool around with eye infections!

Yes, please Miss Soozle

Hi Jan-it

[DingoGirl]

well good afternoon, sills.......

went to the pharmacy, and there was no polysporin. I asked the pharmacist what else I could put in my eye He said that there's nothing over the counter that you can put in yer eye.

"well, I"m going to FIND something to put in my eye" was my reply.

<----- was how he looked at me, and he told me I needed to get medical care, so, in an hour, I'm going to the stupid eye doctor. Irritated beyond belief.

NOT one bit happy about this, but it really does hurt and looks awful. Wanted to wait until Monday, but Janie was slightly hysterical: "you could lose your eyeball!!!!!!!"

:lol: I did reassure her that I didn't think I could really lose the whole eye in just three days and wanted to wait it out but....appears to be getting worse.

Let's see.....we have stalker bumbles and stalker TV-watching neighbors (is geoss telling da troof?)

Jan-it who has to SEE her neighbors now can nae stand this....here in Stepford....

Tea who LIKES her neighbors!!!!

And.......Our Queen Mimms headin' to some palace tonight? yes - drinks after - then report to us.

Must get ready to go.

BTW, at least 100 degrees here today (103 yesterday ), with 30 percent chance of rain. Really, really super.

[jerseyangel]

Glad you're going, Suz. A couple years ago, I was working on my window boxes through the window and some potting soil blew into my eye.

It started getting ugly rather quickly--a lot like how yours sounds. The doctor gave me some antibiotic drops that fixed it right up.

Good luck at the doctor--you're doing the right thing Let us know.....

[nikki-uk]

GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waaaaaayyyy past me bedtime , I have neglected you ALL but you must all know now that if the sun shines then the Brit is in the garden

SOOZE!!! Yer eyeball's fallin' out???? ....carry a bowl...just in case (to catch it) and GET IT FIXED!!!!

GIAN KNEET's packing (UGH!! ) AND has to look at her neighboUrs?!?!?!

...*chuckling* as we Londoners live ON TOP of one another, can hear each others conversations....every row, EVERYTHING!!!!!

....BUT we've learnt to filter it out and ignore each other

Where's Bevel???? ...I missed her???

Nicola has a red sun kissed back...... and has found that after the second glass, that bottle of Chenin Blanc tastes OK!!!!

Carry on peeps !

[Jestgar]

Also heinously hot here - 75. What's happened to the world???

Yes, Suze, do find something to put your eye in. Hate to lose those things.

[DingoGirl]

Glad you're going, Suz. A couple years ago, I was working on my window boxes through the window and some potting soil blew into my eye.

OUCH!!!

Well sills, I gots the conjunctivitus, not to be confused with St. Vitus Dance, but commonly known as the PINK EYE, but not the STINK eye.

do not know HOW in hell I got it. but glad I got the drops now....will hasten the process.

GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waaaaaayyyy past me bedtime , I have neglected you ALL but you must all know now that if the sun shines then the Brit is in the garden

SOOZE!!! Yer eyeball's fallin' out???? ....carry a bowl...just in case (to catch it) and GET IT FIXED!!!!

GIAN KNEET's packing (UGH!! ) AND has to look at her neighboUrs?!?!?!

...*chuckling* as we Londoners live ON TOP of one another, can hear each others conversations....every row, EVERYTHING!!!!!

....BUT we've learnt to filter it out and ignore each other

Where's Bevel???? ...I missed her???

Nicola has a red sun kissed back...... and has found that after the second glass, that bottle of Chenin Blanc tastes OK!!!!

Carry on peeps !

Loved the whole post, could nae decide what to quote :lol: We ALWAYS know our Nik will go missing when the sun shines there

and yes, DRINK UP!!! all the cheap wines taste better if ya drink more

Also heinously hot here - 75. What's happened to the world???

Yes, Suze, do find something to put your eye in. Hate to lose those things.

75 - HEINOUSLY HOT!!!!!!!!!!!

:lol: dat is phunny!!!

[elye]

I have neglected you ALL but you must all know now that if the sun shines then the Brit is in the garden

GAH! What a stupendous, quotable quote!.. . . .I am certain that this is something Confucious said. . . . ..... .

Well sills, I gots the conjunctivitus, not to be confused with St. Vitus Dance, but commonly known as the PINK EYE, but not the STINK eye.

do not know HOW in hell I got it.

Soooze! I'LL tell you how you got it: The same way I contracted conjunctivitis, the one time it graced my face a few years ago - - from the place where more eye infections are picked up than anywhere else, apparently, in the western world.

You got it from the all sweaty, bacteria-infested surfaces that you touched at YOUR GYM!

[DingoGirl]

Soooze! I'LL tell you how you got it: The same way I contracted conjunctivitis, the one time it graced my face a few years ago - - from the place where more eye infections are picked up than anywhere else, apparently, in the western world.

You got it from the all sweaty, bacteria-infested surfaces that you touched at YOUR GYM!

Yup, I was starting to think that..........I went to the gym ONCE this week, after an absence of.....eight months? and this is what I get.

I think God is really trying to tell me NOT to exercise.

[jerseyangel]

OMG--Souczie!! That's IT--the gym.

Makes poifect sense.

[Jestgar]

Yup, I was starting to think that..........I went to the gym ONCE this week, after an absence of.....eight months? and this is what I get.

I think God is really trying to tell me NOT to exercise.

yes, surely that's the message you were meant to receive.

[DingoGirl]

yes, surely that's the message you were meant to receive.

well, what else can it mean? :lol:

[Jestgar]

well, what else can it mean? :lol:

ummm.....wash your hands more often?

[Darn210]

Youse guys is phunny.

Had a visual that I wanted to share . . . remember when Susie talked about tying a string to something so she wouldn't lose it? . . . it was glasses or a pair of scissors or sumptin . . . I had a vision of Susie tying a string to her eyeball so she wouldn't lose it. Didn't work before . . . will it this time??

I'm successfully avoiding packing . . .

[elye]

Good morning, All Psillies!

Wonder if Jyaghnutt's gonna check in before she makes like a horse turd and hits the road... . . ..... .have a terrific time, J!

What a good idea - - Sooozle could be applying her penchant for affixing things in place with ribbon to her errant eyeball! How is yer eye, Sooooze?

The dogs sit and stare and stare.....and STARE.........at me. .. . ...... ......non-stop, it's been... . ...... . ."When in hell are you taking us out?? We LOOOOVE the rain. The harder it falls and the muddier things become, the better!!"

Bah. Must do this. Two big, wet, stinky, wooly poodles coming. . . . ...

[mimommy]

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.....

If you mean brazenly opening the door wrapped in a towel--nope, didn't do it No table dances, no drinking and driving. Just "wooped" my arse off (and got the strangers I was sitting with to do it, too) when my friend received her diploma. She is 53 years old, a full-time working mother, and went to culinary school full-time, to graduate MAGNA CUM LAUDE. I was so dang proud of her!

Suze . . . I appreciate the thought and all . . . but I'll pass on the acid reflux, big D, bloating, etc . . . I already can't fit in most of my clothes.

Soooo funny!!

No, do not send this to her, Suze

I think if we were capable of sending celiac disease by mail it would be considered a form of terrorism in most countries

My neighbor calls me up to ask what I'm watching on TV. Then she tells me to get bigger TV so she can see it better.

Are you sure you and I don't have the same neihbor?! Mine shows up with a timeline charting my every move of the day..."I was going to come down and see you, but your car left at 9:00. I saw you were home again by 11:00 but then somebody came to your door. You didn't go to work today, did you? I heard your dog barking outside at 3:00, so I knew you were there. Who were those people you were talking to?"

Can you say "STALKER"?????

My neighboUr calls me up and says, "you would not beliiiieeeeeeve the size o' the bumble bee buzzing around your back patio door....like he's tryin' to get in er something. I can hear it from all the way over here!"

X10

Oh they've "helped" before . . . . . . if that's what you want to call it. Skeeter took about 1/4 bottle of cleaner (got one of them natural cleaners for the kids to use) and about a half a roll of paper towels to clean two sinks . . . sort of . . . took about 30 minutes . . .

Seriously, get them each one of those Mystic Maid microfiber cloths--they are nearly indestructable and require no additional cleaners to use on glass and shiny surfaces. You can even machine wash them in hot bleach water over and over. When I nannied I let the kids "help" me clean with these. You just get them wet with hot water, wring em' out, wipe whatever surface and voila--they even leave windows and mirrors crystal clear. Freakin' brilliant invention.

if the sun shines then the Brit is in the garden

as we Londoners live ON TOP of one another, can hear each others conversations....every row, EVERYTHING!!!!!

....BUT we've learnt to filter it out and ignore each other

Nik, that sentence sounds like something out of an old spy movie

It's like an ancient lurking conundrum...

"the door is a jar"

_{But how can the door be a door and a jar????}

"If the foo sheets, wear it"

I am soooo coming to visit you in London one day <<sigh>> I wish!!

Also heinously hot here - 75. What's happened to the world???

Is that considered a blistering heat wave round your parts?

I stayed out really late last night--got home at 2:30am

_{rode my pumpkin back into town...}

Had a nice time with my friend and her peeps. I just can't tell you how happy I am for her--she worked her butt off for this, and landed an internship at a well known Italian family restaurant near her house. I do not know how she does it all I would be

Nuthin' fancy after the ceremony, just went to some local dive they all know. Had some food and a Pepsi and good conversation. Turns out her brother-in-law's friend manages the restaurant right next door to where I work and has rung me up for coffee. He even showed me the gluten free menu once!! Small world I was quite embarrassed to realize I didn't recognise him--I am the type that NEVER forgets a face

[Jestgar]

All around fab post. Didn't figure I needed to take up the space to quote the whole thing.

[elye]

Mygawd.....that's it. .. . .....We must send the Taliban some celiac disease. .......

This would be the beginning of the end of terrorism from the Middle East...... .

I am soooo coming to visit you in London one day <<sigh>> I wish!!

Would you believe that I was in London two summers ago, and we NEVER arranged a rendezvous wif Nikerler?? This will never happen again. In fact, next time we head over we are staying in Nik's li'l greenhouse.

All around fab post. Didn't figure I needed to take up the space to quote the whole thing.

How cool, Jyesss! Dinna know you could even do such a thang. . . ..

Yes, une poste fantastique, Rayechull.....what a special, admirable buddy you have there!

Heading out to a movie (The Soloist) and then dinner with my mom and sister. We have lots to talk about - - my dad and what's to be done if he isn't well enough now to be back in the retirement home ...... . my sis's youngest son's wedding in August ... .....my obsessed bumble bee . . .....

[nikki-uk]

Nik, that sentence sounds like something out of an old spy movie

...another.....When the kettle has boiled....the Brit will have tea

Would you believe that I was in London two summers ago, and we NEVER arranged a rendezvous wif Nikerler?? This will never happen again. In fact, next time we head over we are staying in Nik's li'l greenhouse.

I've got a shed now too!!!!!

Much I'd like to have commented on ( sending the Taliban celiac disease *snort* that'll slow 'em down) BUT the final of Britains got talent is ON!!!!!

Will SUsan BOyle (the press have dubbed her SUBO ) win???

or

Stavros Flately

OR Diversity......a local dance group (of whom 2 live in me road)

ALL WILL be on you tube in about an hr I reckon

Oh......80 DEGREES today...to continue tomorrow apparently .. _{<you KNOW where I'll be>}☼

Peeps ♥

[DingoGirl]

ummm.....wash your hands more often?

I wash them CONSTANTLY, and make it a point to NEVER touch an orifice whilst at the gym, or anywhere else.

It did not work.

eye is MUCH better today though, soozle is pleased, trip to the doctor well worth it.

Had a visual that I wanted to share . . . remember when Susie talked about tying a string to something so she wouldn't lose it? . . . it was glasses or a pair of scissors or sumptin . . . I had a vision of Susie tying a string to her eyeball so she wouldn't lose it. Didn't work before . . . will it this time??

*snackle* eyeball is successfully still intact.

Reading glasses are lost all over the house.

The dogs sit and stare and stare.....and STARE.........at me. .. . ...... ......non-stop, it's been... . ...... . ."When in hell are you taking us out?? We LOOOOVE the rain. The harder it falls and the muddier things become, the better!!"

Bah. Must do this. Two big, wet, stinky, wooly poodles coming. . . . ...

is it rainin' up there???????? *wistful sigh* Hotter than blazes here.

going to walk the Weez in a minute, this will knock her out for the entire day, due to the heat.

No, do not send this to her, Suze

I think if we were capable of sending celiac disease by mail it would be considered a form of terrorism in most countries

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brilliant idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we'll send phlatulence, joint pain, extreme depression and lethargy (wait, that might make them madder so instead, we'll send debilitating, explosive diarrhea that never stops) x 25

Are you sure you and I don't have the same neihbor?! Mine shows up with a timeline charting my every move of the day..."I was going to come down and see you, but your car left at 9:00. I saw you were home again by 11:00 but then somebody came to your door. You didn't go to work today, did you? I heard your dog barking outside at 3:00, so I knew you were there. Who were those people you were talking to?"

Can you say "STALKER"?????

X10

*gasp* this is horrifying!!!!!!!!!

alas, as Gail pointed out to me once, when I thought my paper boy years ago was stalking me.......... "um, he has a right to be there, he's deliverin yer paper"

so we can't technically call your neighbor a stalker.......more like a scary irritant

All around fab post. Didn't figure I needed to take up the space to quote the whole thing.

Heading out to a movie (The Soloist) and then dinner with my mom and sister. We have lots to talk about - - my dad and what's to be done if he isn't well enough now to be back in the retirement home ...... . my sis's youngest son's wedding in August ... .....my obsessed bumble bee . . .....

Oh! I can't wait to see this movie!!! should be superb.

OMG - yesterday a big old laaaaaaaaazy bumble bee flew into my yard I snackled and called out "oh Lloyd, LLOYD, is that you????" but he didn't answer so, I guess it was someone else.

[Jestgar]

OMG - yesterday a big old laaaaaaaaazy bumble bee flew into my yard I snackled and called out "oh Lloyd, LLOYD, is that you????" but he didn't answer so, I guess it was someone else.

:lol:

[mimommy]

Mygawd.....that's it. .. . .....We must send the Taliban some celiac disease. .......

This would be the beginning of the end of terrorism from the Middle East...... .

Would you believe that I was in London two summers ago, and we NEVER arranged a rendezvous wif Nikerler?? This will never happen again. In fact, next time we head over we are staying in Nik's li'l greenhouse.

"This just in--a new wave of counter terrorism is on the rise. There are unconfirmed reports that envelopes have turned up at many medical offices in nations that are believed to be non-celiac friendly. Dozens of unexplained cases of diarhea and severe stomach pain have been linked to these acts and government officials worldwide caution that anyone receiving a letter containing a suspicious brown substance should contact authorities immediately. The anti-gluten group AyeBS has claimed responsibilty for the latest acts. In other news, sales of Immodium Ad, Ibuprofen, and Tums are on the rise. Pharmaceutical stocks have noted wind breaking highs and investors had this to say, "The sh*t hit the fan and stockholders are enjoying the sweet smell of success."

You went to London and neglected Nik??? Heinous

I've got a shed now too!!!!!

Wow, a tool shed! What next? Indoor plumbing? (hee)

I wash them CONSTANTLY, and make it a point to NEVER touch an orifice whilst at the gym, or anywhere else.

OMG - yesterday a big old laaaaaaaaazy bumble bee flew into my yard I snackled and called out "oh Lloyd, LLOYD, is that you????" but he didn't answer so, I guess it was someone else.

Suze, we were meaning to talk to you about that whole "touching yourself in public" thing anyway.

**snicker**

Hope your eye is rapidly improving

I can just hear the bee conversation:

Lloyd: Buzz. Hey, Buzz, listen to this. This woman tried to talk to me today, and I blew her off, dude. She called my name, like 2 or 3 times, but I just floated...on...by. Then I flew in circles, you know, like they taught us, to give her the sign to buzz off. I'm not sure she saw it, though--her eye was pretty messed up.

Buzz: Cold, man, really cold. That'll teach 'er--you're just not that into her. Now go back to Canada and stalk that other honey again. Boy, I'd sure like to propagate her flower. That is one hairy stamen.